Free mental health consultation and medication
*This article is mainly intended for Filipino readers.*
Taking care of one's mental health is an expensive thing. From initial consultation to therapies to medications, for sure it is easy to fall prey into the belief that having mental illness is only for the rich.
Honestly, I was like that too. Money is the main reason why I did not seek help year ago. I was a minor struggling with mental health with no other sources of income aside from my daily allowance and the meager stipend I received as a science high school student.
When I finally earned a bit of extra money for myself, I found myself caught in different choices. One choice leans into ignoring my mental health problems and just spending my money on impulse buying. The other choice is the more responsible one but also very expensive which is what I took and that is availing mental health services to get the help I need.
As I shared in the past, this made me spend a lot of my 1BCH hodl as the savings I had were not enough for the treatment plan.
Moreover, I was a bit overconfident about money back then. I thought I have an endless supply of money (I blame the mania for that) and instead of taking advantage of free services, I kept spending money for private services.
These expenses added up, and I almost stopped getting help. Until I experienced a major depressive episode which made me realize I need to be wiser in my decisions.
Free is best for me
For a student like me, free services are best in making my budget stretch out. Instead of using my savings for therapy, psychiatric consultation, and medication, I could eliminate much expenses if I just take advantage of free mental health services.
First one that I now appreciate is the free e-consultation/ teleconsult/ face to face consultation offered by NCMH. If you are interested in this service, let me know so I can share a bit more about how to register, and what to expect as well as how to follow up on your next appointment.
The only downside of this is that the consultation lasts only for about 10 minutes since there are many patients. You would really need to have a lot of patience when availing this service as it is free so you better make sure you make the most out of it.
After the consultation, they would give prescription if you need one to handle your symtoms.
This prescription is needed to get free medications from the Malasakit Center. Although you can still use non-NCMH prescriptions if you want to buy cheaper meds from NCMH pharmacy. You could just not use it to get free meds.
What you need to prepare
Free medications sound great, right? Now we just have to discuss what you need for this service.
First thing you need is an NCMH prescription. You can get this via e-consultation (for new patients) / teleconsult/ face toface consultation.
If you attend an e-consultation or teleconsult, you will receive an e-prescription. You would need to print three (3) copies of it. If you are from a face to face consultation, I saw that they just give 3 copies of the prescription.
Next thing you need is a photocopy of your valid ID. This is easy enough to get, right?
The last requirement to avail this free meds is Certificate of Indigency from your Barangay. I think that I got mine for free. The reason I put in the certificate was for medical assistance.
Now you are ready to get your free medications. But if you are going to ask a family member to get the medications for you, you would need an authorization letter as well as a photocopy of their valid ID.
What's next
Now go to the NCMH in Mandaluyong City, and they will be able to assist you there. You would need to ask the guard where the Malasakit Center is. There are forms to be filled so make sure to bring your own ballpen.
The whole process from getting to the NCMH and claiming my free medications only took about an hour. So in my opinion it is definitely worth takin advantage of.
Closing words
If you need help with mental health, I highly suggest looking for free services in the country. I am lucky to be close enough to the NCMH so I was able to enjoy the free services. May you also have some free resources available to you.
Now, I would only need to focus on spending money for psychotherapy, and a private consultaion with my main psychiatrist (only when needed instead of in bi-weekly meetings) to discuss how to proceed with the treatment.
If you are a college student, I suggest talking to the Guidance Counselpr about your problems, usually they do free counselling but if your problems are beyond their abilities then they would refer you to mental health professionals. Or if you feel uncomfortable reaching out to authority figures, you may look for the Peers Facilitators organization in your University. They are mental health advocates who are there to listen and to help you get the help you need if your prpblems are beyond their scope.
Hopefully, this article could be of help to someone.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**May 2022 Articles Summary**
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
You are not broken
Society has a way of singling out people who are not fit to its expectations. For some, it starts in childhood where even their own family makes them feel they do not belong.
For others, they never had insecurities when they were at home and only developed mountains of things to be insecure about when they started meeting other people outside their family. Like in school, where kids are mean to others who look a bit different.
May it be in physical terms or just in actions, there are an abundant of people who would pick on these singled out individuals.
As we celebrate Pride Month, I want to take this opportunity to highlight that everyone is unique and brings their own colors in the world. The differences we may have- in sexuality or other things - are not reasons to think that you are broken.
My psychologist told me in one of our psychotherapy session, "You are not broken. You are a person who needs help."
This statement comes after my admission about wanting to find out what is wrong with me. I wanted to know the reason why I am not like the people I am surrounded with. I wanted to understand why I can not process my moods and emotions as well as others.
Basically, I was sharing this internalization I have of society's expectations. Specifically the expectation to always be on top of everything, especially emotions.
I thought I was broken, and that I was beyond help.
I heard stories
Growing up, I soaked up the same judgement that my family has on other people. I listened to their prejudiced warnings and followed them without a second thought.
I discriminated against people too because I thought that was how the world work. I am on one side and then there is the other side. And the other side is all the bad things combined.
One judgement I had when growing up was that I was supposed to stay away from people who are into people of the same sex.
I grew out of it when I was in high school, and started to meet all kinds of people. And I was also surrounded with oen minded people so I lived in this bubble of thinking that we are past the time when we would judge people based on who they love.
However, the is this one relevant moment when my parents found out that I was friends with a lesbian coworker. They were thinking malicious thoughts with no basis whatsoever.
For the background, I volunteered to help this coworker look for a place to rent at since they were from a far place and was workin in the city.
I knew a place where another friend's parent is the caretaker. So I told them that I will accompany them so they can ask about the bedspace for rent.
Unfortunately, when we got there we were denied immediately after learning that my friend is a lesbian. The reason that was said was that they did not want to make the girls uncomfortable.
I felt angry on behalf of my friend but I can tell that they were used to it. Still I apologized repeatedly because I did not expect that kind of treatment.
When I got home, I told my parents what happened. And they were in shock, not because of the treatment my friend received, but because I was friends with a lesbian.
I told them that they should not judge people just based on that and they just told me that I was young and I would understand their concerns when I grew older.
I am not older and I still never understood why. The best people I meet are people I would not have otherwise talked to had I listen to my parents.
You do not need a treatment
There are multiple instances when I felt offended because of other people's words.
One such instance is hearing people who claimed that religion made them straight again. These people act as if they did sinful things for being their own selves, and have found great salvation now that they believe themselves to be straight again.
I will not judge them for that is their belief but I hope they stop acting as if the other members of the LGBTQ+ community are just confused or are sinful because they did not turn out like them who "healed" themselves of homosexuality.
Other judgements I heard was that being part of the LGBTQ+ community is a manifestation of mental illness. They argue that it is against human nature.
Some even went as far as to say that homosexuality did not exist in the past and is only a trend for modern people. Yet there are various people from the past who had lovers of the same sex.
The point is
Society may tell you that you are broken and needs some fixing. But you are not broken for being you. There is nothin wrong with being honest with who you are.
I only hope that there will come a day when everyone can happily be their true selves without feeling the need to hide from society.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**May 2022 Articles Summary**
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
Stand with Pride
June is a month that is bound to be full of colors. It is the month where we commemorate the struggles that LGBTQ+ community endured in pursuit of equal rights. It is also a month where the accomplishment of LGBTQ+ members are celebrated.
For this month, I decided to dedicate some crochet items for the celebration. It shows my support for the community as well as my promise to stand by them as they fight to break the gender mold of society.
Unfortunately, my time preparing for this month has been difficult due to the relapse of depression. But I have done a few items that I want to share for now. I plan to retake these pictures, add watermarks and post them on my crochet page soon.
Rainbows everywhere
I really love the rainbow vibes of Pride. I think it really captures how fun and beautiful it is to welcome one's true self and to wholeheartedly embrace it.
So for this month, my monthly lead image is this one:
This is my favorite lead image so far. What do you guys think about this lead image?
I also plan to change my page's display picture that shows my support to Pride Month.
This is the design I came up with. It incorporated my shop's logo into the rainbow flag of the LGBTQ+ community. I am quite satisfied with it.
If you are interested in my crochet projects, feel free to show your support by following my shop on **Facebook**, **Instagram**, and Shopee. As of now, these pages are not yet updated but I plan to start uploading content again after I do a photoshoot with my products, and put watermarks on the pictures. https://www.facebook.com/zehrasky.yarns https://www.instagram.com/zehrasky.yarns https://shopee.ph/zehrasky.yarns
Rainbow items
As I mentioned earlier, I made some rainbow items in preparation for Pride Month. Sadly, I was not able to make the most out of my reparation time but I still managed to make some good items.
This is my first batch of trials. These items are mostly made to see how well the shades of yarns I have mstch with each other.
You can see that I started preparing for Pride Month with not a lot of colors on hand. But doing this gave me the drive to continue with my plan because I got so excited for rainbow colored items.
I decided to go for something that I am already familiar with- crochet headset covers. As of now, this item made me the most sales since I started selling crochet items. Well in terms of number of sales, but for the income, the crochet dog dresses I made are still in the lead.
Next is something that I have alrways wanted to try making but I always had excuses then. But now, I finally managed to make a crochet bandana. This us perfect for when you go out and want a burst of colors in your outfit.
I decided to try something that I also wanted to make before. It is making a crochet donut. These two here are what I called Pride donuts. I plan to make these into keychains. Or I could also give one for the kittens to play with.
I realky enjoyed making this one but I think selling this item would be difficult. I try to sell my items at an incredibly low price but the effort needed for this project would demand compensation so yeah, I am on the fence about putting these items for sale.
I enjoyed making the bandana so I decided to make another one by tweaking the pattern a bit.
I am still in the process of completing it as I fell asleep last night. But you can already see how pretty the end product would be.
What to look forward for?
You can look forward to my updates in my online shop. My focus would probably be selling crochet headset covers, and crochet hair bandanas. I am not quite sure yet if there are items that I might enjoy making more of. Well, I have some ideas but I do not want to spoil them yet.
Don't worry though, I will be writing an update about the crochet shop when I finally relaunched it.
For now, I will be busy with preparation as I am the only one managing the small business and I am not really good at it. So I need a lot of time.
Anyway, I appreciate the time you took in reading this article. Have a great month ahead!
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**May 2022 Articles Summary**
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
May 2022 Articles Summary
May is the month when I celebrated my 1 year stay at this platform. In that year, I have experienced many things, of which you are aware of. May 2022 is a rollercoaster ride. From fighting a manic episode to faceplanting into a depressive episode, I am beat. I am tired.
Yet, I have to keep going. Not just for me but for my family, and the people who love me. I have to get up each day no matter how difficult it is. I have to live because I am the one who is taking care of our three pets. What would happen to them if I falter?
Even just a day of being a lost cause locked in my room, the pets are in chaos, what more if it was just not for one day?
Anyway, May is tiring. I know that it is not just for me but for everyone, from the dip to the unexpected situation on noise.cash last time, I know that many of us also experienced such mixed emotions this month.
Still, congratulations to us, we did our best! And now we are entering a joyful month. Are you excited for all the rainbow themed stuff? Because I definitely am!
As we look back into the articles I have written this month, I hope that we all realize that we deserve to rest once in a while. There is nothing wrong with doing nothing even if it is just for a day.
My articles
I really wanted to write everyday for this month since May started with manic energy. At the middle of the month though, the depressive episode became too much for me. So I had a lot of absences that I tried to make up for by writing 2 articles in a day sometimes. But I know that I missed too much days to make it.
Anyway, no matter how much articles I have written, I am still proud of myself that I am still here despite what is happening in my mind.
**End of Month Budol** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/end-of-month-budol-df66db87
**What I learned from my first psychotherapy session** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/what-i-learned-from-my-first-psychotherapy-session-5a9ab3ac
**I need a friend** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/i-need-a-friend-a72acc71
**Accepting my Diagnosis: Bipolar Disorder** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/accepting-my-diagnosis-bipolar-disorder-924ecbcc
**Here we go again: 5.5 Sale Budol** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/here-we-go-again-55-sale-budol-7d3be45f
**5.5 Sale Budol: Random Items** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/55-sale-budol-random-items-b7b85fd2
**5.5 Sale Budol: Personal Items ft. Pets' food** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/55-sale-budol-personal-items-ft-pets-food-a6e98fc4
**A shade of hope** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/a-shade-of-hope-1295d17f
**Celebrating a year on read.cash** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/celebrating-a-year-on-readcash-2eef0e2b
**I want to stop (1/2)** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/i-want-to-stop-12-ca3c5112
**I want to stop (2/2)** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/i-want-to-stop-22-e1911d50
**I did not want to write today** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/i-did-not-want-to-write-today-a03e3cd8
**To believe in love (over and over)** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/to-believe-in-love-over-and-over-7ae98024
**Ocean Park Date (Part 1)** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/ocean-park-date-part-1-bce13c87
**Back from the dead** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/back-from-the-dead-f7d382e0
**Ocean Park Date (Part 2)** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/ocean-park-date-part-2-9edfefd5
**Prepare to travel with pets** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/prepare-to-travel-with-pets-c1563a68
**First Vet Visit** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/first-vet-visit-8c5a3baf
**Pawsome catventure I** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/pawsome-catventure-i-e42fd516
**Pawsome Catventure II** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/pawsome-catventure-ii-b6f3e62b
**Special Meryenda aka Father's Birthday** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/special-meryenda-aka-fathers-birthday-b9acdf96
**Messiah Cafeteria** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/messiah-cafeteria-8519c256
**The void gets darker** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/the-void-gets-darker-75135c88
**If only it were that easy** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/if-only-it-were-that-easy-99162e0f
**Visiting the vet again** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/visiting-the-vet-again-80a0b771
25 articles out of 31 days- that is definitely a bigger number than I expected. Wow. Good job, self. I actually have a lot of topics that I want to write about, it is just that my mood is all over the place. And of course, there are days when resting is my priority instead of grinding.
Still, I am happy with my May 2022 summary.
Closing words
I honestly would not know what to do with myself without the pets in my life. They are the major reasons why I have to crawl out of bed no matter how tired and drained I was.
Tomorrow, a new month will begin which will open up more opportunities for us. I pray that all of us will receive things that we need and want for June 2022.
For me, June 2022 will be full of celebration, 2 of my sisters' birthdays will happen on June only a week apart. The wise decision would be to spend it on a single day, but we are not that wise in handling our money.
I am hoping that my stipend will come this week though so that I can look for presents to give them when my partner and I are out on a date.
This is all that I want to share tonight. I hope that everyone had a fruitful May 2022.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
Visiting the vet again
In a previous article, I shared the kittens' first vet visit last May 15. It was a fun experience since Moshi and Beau were there. I had fun watching their dynamics at the vet. https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/first-vet-visit-8c5a3baf
Beau is the calm one who cries easily especially when his owner acts like she was leaving him behind.
Moshi is the protective one. She would position herself between her owners and the other and watch the other people carefully. She also watched over the kittens patiently.
The kittens are the relaxed ones, they are just chilling and sleeping inside their carrier as we wait for our turn at the vet.
The follow up
After two weeks, we had to go back there again. By we, I mean me and the kittens. Good thing is that my sister, and her bestfriend volunteered to join us.
Last May 29, the kittens had their second de-worm. And I had the chance to do what I was not able to do last vet visit which is to take pictures of them.
Let us take a look back to what the kittens look like first.
This is a blurred image but you can still see how thin they look back then. They were also a bit dirty. Not much, but they are dirty and very hungry.
This is them now
We went to vet after lunch time but when we arrived, the vet was not there yet. We were told that the vet is iut on an errand and to return after an hour. Because of this, we went to stay at my sister's bestfriend's place. She gave us soft drinks and food to eat while we wait.
After an hour we went to the clinic again but the vet was still not there. We told the groomer there that we will just wait for the vet there. Ate C (my sister's bestfriend) kept joking that maybe the groomer knows how to deworm then they can just do so. The groomer denies it so we just kept quiet.
After many minutes of waiting, the groomer asked us if we want them to do the deworm. They said that they know how but they will not be able to give a signature on the vaccination booklet of the kittens.
We agreed to just let the vet sign the booklet on our next visit since we want to go home already.
But the kittens have to be weighed first. This is an exciting part for me.
Look at Oreo, I disrupted her nap to put her on the weighing scale. Her fur does not look as white as usual but that is probably due to the dim lighting.
Oreo now weighs 1.1kg. Last time she was only 0.80kg. She grew up so fast.
This is Presto wondering where I took her this time. She was also interrupted in her nap time because we needed to measure her weight.
She now weighs 1kg. Last time, she weighed 0.75kg. We were surprised at how big she suddenly became.
After weighing them, it is now time for deworm. At first they were supoosed to be given a tablet but they just kept pushing it out of their mouths so they were given liquid deworm.
Oreo went first. It was a struggle since she did not want ti swallow the deworming liquid. But in the end, she managed to finish it all.
Presto was next. She is a good kitten. She immediately swallow the liquid deworm. The only struggle I had was putting her back into the carrier. I received her love scratches for my effort to gently put her inside.
After that, we paid for the service and bought some wet food for both Moshi, and the kittens.
Before going back home
I wanted to treat Ate C for accompanying us to the vet. The first plan was milk tea but as we were walking towards the shop, we saw a stall sellin mango graham shake. I decided that I like that one better.
This is what my order looked like. It costed me P55. We bought three so each of us can taste it.
I really enjoyed the macapuno they have at the bottom. I think it added a good twist to the usual mango graham. I definitely think that it is worth the price.
After this, we just bought some cooked viand for Moshi's dinner and we went home.
Closing words
We were due to go back there again on Independence Day which is on June 12. Moshi and Beau will be joining us even though it is earlier than scheduled.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
If only it were that easy
I told them that the depression haunts me. It keeps me awake yet almost never lets me out of bed.
I wish I could get up and just be normal. I wish I could brush it off like before. But the symptoms got worse.
I feel bad but a part of me hates them for making me stop my medication. Their voices telling me that I look okay and that I do not need medication never leaves my mind.
The fact that they told me I should tell them my concerns then try to invalidate my concerns is the last straw that made me lose all trust in them.
I love them.
But I would never trust them again.
They said I will get over it. They said that I just have to keep myself busy.
However if they see me doing things that make me happy but they view as useless, they would tell me I am wasting my time.
There used to be a time when I was quick to defend myself. A time when I used to be so passionate and full of belief that they will understand.
But years of trying to explain I need help has worn me down.
I am tired of trying to explain that I am doing my best to control my mood. That I also feel worthless and full of guilt after raising my voice at them for seemingly small things.
I am tired of them telling me to fix my attitude yet being so against me seeking treatment.
I am tired of trying to help myself when everyone around me tells me I am normal and that there is nothing wrong with me.
If there is nothing wrong with me then why do I hurt myself? Why do I hear voices and noises they can not hear? Why can't I seem to control my mood and impulses no matter how hard I try?
Why did taking medications helped me feel stable for the first time in my life?
If there is truly nothing wrong with me, why do they look at me with such worry when I told them I started cutting again?
They tell me I am okay and normal, yet they do not even know half the things I went through.
They do not know that I still wake up from dreams of the past and scratch myself trying to take off my skin.
They do not know that when I look at the mirror, my reflection does not feel like it looks like me. I can not recognize myself.
I am so tired of tryin to explain why I think something is wrong with me. Only for them to tell me that I just need to sleep.
They stopoed me from using my phone so convinced that it was the cause of my symptoms. Yet the only thing it succeded in doing is make my symptoms worse. With no phone to distract, the nights where I can not sleep is spent in hurting myself or imagining countless ways how to hurt myself more.
Reading this, you might think I should seek a professional's help. I already did.
I was already feeling hopeful of the future before that hope was cruelly taken from me again.
I hate that all I want is to get better but they kept telling me I do not need help. But when I am now reverting back to myself before medication, they tell me to fix my attitude and to calm myself.
I hate them.
I hate this.
I hate myself.
If only there is a switch I could turn off that will magically make these irregularities disappear. If only it were as easy as they make it seem. If only I am not struggling.
It sickens me that they are more concerned about whether I would continue studying instead of whether I would kill myself in my sleep anytime now.
It sickens me that they are more worried that the medication might affect my so-called talented brain than thinking abiut how this brain is literally destroying me from the inside.
It sickens me that I am hating them like this when I understand where their concerns are coming from.
They try to support me but their prejudice against mentally ill people shows. Their discrimination shows. The stigma is something they carry so bad.
The only support I asked of them was that they do not try to stop me from taking medication. Yet they could not even give me that.
I hate them and I feel bad about this feeling.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
The void gets darker
The only thing I wanted in life was happiness. Not the happiness that I have known- fragile. But a happiness that will last. A happiness not surrounded by sadness.
I wish happiness is as easy as happy people make it seem. Just to be happy, they said.
But I have been choosing to be happy every day for years now and yet, here I am. I am still stuck in a void.
The poet that I was once was no more. I got so lost that a big part of is already laid to rest.
I feel like an empty shell. I feel like who am I was already buried with the selves I had long forgotten how to be.
I am just a container with no soul.
I tried my best. I am still trying. I am now reaching out for help.
And yet the void just gets darker each day.
My psychologist told me I am not broken. But I never told her that I think of that.
I am not broken. I am just empty. There is not a drop left of who I had thought I could be or even the person that people thought I am right now.
I am just existing.
I wish I could live up to the image I created online. To be the person who is creative and has lot if energy to make something during her free time.
I wish I could be anyone but myself. Or maybe, I just wish I stop feeling this pain.
I am tired of living with the weight of my past dragging me down. I am tired of shedding tears when I remember a chapter of my life that no one knew about until I started psychotherapy.
My psychologist told me that what I want to achieve is not gonna happen overnight. I can not ivercome my trauma and build better coping mechanism in just 24 hours.
But I wish I could.
I wish there is something that can be done to make me instantly better.
How unfair the world is that someone who suffered are told to forgive the one who caused them pain, all the while the victim has to relive their memories everyday?
I wish I could forget. I wish I never experienced it. I wish I made a different choice.
So many wishes but can be simplified into, I wish I could turn back time. But I know I can not do that.
Here I am. The void in me gets darker and larger. It slowly devours any sense of self I have left.
I am no longer afraid.
I am just so tired.
No emotions shown. I have been told that before. My face do not show much emotions, unless they are anger or frustration.
I have been so used internalizin my struggles that even when I begged people to believe I need help, they look at me and tell me I look "okay".
If I am okay, then why does it feel like I am being ripped apart from the inside everyday? Why do I feel like there is a hole where my heart should be? Why do I hear noises no one else can hear?
I wish that I could snap my finger and just disappear. Disappearing is more preferable than living in this state.
I am just so tired. I tried so hard. But I am done. I did my best. It should have been enough, but it was not.
But I had enough. I am tired already. I do not want to do this anymore.
I will not even care about hearing that it gets better. I am tired of waiting for it ti get better for a while then the situation becomes worse that it was before.
Maybe I need to change my mindset. I am doing that already. I have changed the way I think for years and years and yet the void stays.
The only time I forgot about it was when I was taking medication. So even if my parents are against it, I want to get more medications.
I do not care abiut the side effects, J just want to have stable moods. I do not want to be angry or sad all the time. I do not want this embarassing happiness of thinking everyrhing is funny even when it is not.
I am tired of myself. Tired of my moods. Tired of who I am.
I just want to be able to appreciate what I have without thinking that I do not deserve it.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
Messiah Cafeteria
If you are in Batangas and you are looking for a new food establishment to try, you might be interested in this place I tried last May 21.
It was about 20 minutes away from Camastilisan (the place we were staying at) but my cousin, and her kid are fond if this place. So they invited us to eat there as well.
The place is called Messiah Cafeteria. Unfortunately, I can not quite remember where exactly it is located. Hopefully, they have a page or something that you can visit. I did not try to look for one though. If you are already in Batangas, I am sure you will do better than me in searching for this place.
I am not sure about why they call their place that though. But basing from the designs inside, I would assume that it is something that has a religious implication.
Getting there
It was a bit difficult to get there, in my opinion. The place itself is kind of hidden but my cousin told us that many people go there. We were just luck that we got there so early so there were not much people.
We got there using a car but my cousin aslo showed us that we can get there by riding a tricycle.
This is the view that greeted us when we arrived. I like the plants on the fence, as well as the stones. Maybe it is because I do not see much of those here in the city. I appreciate how cozy it looks for me. I also like the wooden aesthetic they have going on.
I also adore this big tree with wooden signages. There is a wooden swing as well but it was not included in the picture here.
I did not try sitting on the swing because there were big red ants on the tree and some might have found their way on to the swing. I did not want to risk having ant bites just to swing for a few seconds.
Here you can see the menu of the place. I was surprised at the price since it is cheaper than the price I am used to at the city. It is like P500 there can feed many people but herein the city, 4 people (my sisters and I) usually spent around P600 up for our midnight snacks.
Here is another picture of the empty tables there. I was glad that there were no other customers yet since I was able to be comfortable in taking pictures.
These spots look the coziest to me. When I saw those tables, I imagine bringin my partner with me to eat at that place.
My cousin said that the place looks more beautiful at night. There were lights and that made the ambience warm and romantic.
The people
The people who got our orders, and served our orders are nice. I can not say this is a surprise since I notice that many people from Batangas are nice. They always seem approachable.
Moreover, they are very sensitive to our needs. They provided the things we need to eat as well as gave us privacy as we talk amongst each other.
The food
The food is amazing and definitely worth the price. I would even go as far as to sy that they ought to increase the price since the food is yummy. However, I know that I am probably just used to overpriced things here in the city.
This is the fries that we ordered. I really like the dip of this fries. And guess what? Asking for refills is free as far as I remember. The dip reminded me of the sauce in unli wings. Hmm, now I am craving wings.
I ordered a chao fan with siomai and egg. This was the cheapest in the rice menu. I chose this since my sister is treating us and I do not want to buy the highest priced food.
The portion is enough to make me full. I was surprised at how big the serving was. Definitely worth its price.
Unfortunately, I did not have the pictures of the other orders. I was too shy to ask them to take a picture of their food before eating because I know they were all hungry.
Closing words
If you are familiar with this place and have yet to pay them a visit, I highly recommend that you do. I definitely enjoyed going there, and J can not wait to go back to Batangas to eat there again.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
Special Meryenda aka Father's Birthday
My father has since told us that he no longer has a birthday. He says that his religion asks him not to celebrate anymore. As what makes a birthday more special? According to him, it is just another day closer to death.
Sounds morbid, right?
Although when we are joking around about monetary gifts, he jokingly mentioned that he has a birthdy if money is involved. We laughed about it. But for us, it seems like he does want to be appreciated too.
This might make me a bad duaghter but I actually did not realize immediately that it was my father's birthday. I set a reminder on my phone but it was set at 10AM, and I woke up by 6AM. Good thing that my mother brought it up.
I got P500 from my remaining cash and gave it to my father as a gift. I told him that it was so he can treat himself some snacks. I did not say that it was for his birthday as a way to respect his choice.
He was confused at first until he remembered that it was May 25. Then he was smiling.
The special snacks
We decided to keep it simple. Just like what we would eat on days where our cravings are strong. So we can pass it off as just a random meryenda cravings instead of a birthday celebration.
The first one is of course a cake. You can see that it is written on the dedication cake- meryenda lang (snacks only). This is just so my father won't tell us that he no longer celebrates his birthday. After all, we were not celebrating, we were just eating some special snacks.
Next is cheese pizza from Angel's Pizza. My sisters liked their pizza very much and I can understand why. It tastes so good, and the crust is perfect for me.
Then there is a shrimp pizza. This is so delicious. I almost preferred this one over the shrimp pizza of S&R but the S&R has more shrimp so I like that one a bit more than this.
Then we have chicken wings. We were craving it so we ordered 2 sauces. I actually forgot what those 2 sauces were.
My partner is a guest
He planned to go yesterday at our place since I expressed some concerns last Tuesday. The concerns I had was about the expiration dates of the food I brough for him from Batangas. I told him that if we could not see each other again until June then the food may go to waste. So he tolda me he would go after his work tomorrow (May 25).
Since I forgot that it was my father's birthday I was not able to tell him. Then when I remembered, I got busy with so many things. The most pressing matter was that I took a final examination. So my mind is not so focused on the fact that it was my father's birthday.
When he arrived, exactly after I finished taking my test, I greeted him and casually mentioned that it was my father's birthday that day.
I only mentioned that because I want him to join us as we eat the snacks we ordered aside from the Buko Pie that I had planned to let him eat.
When my mother saw him, she mentioned that I should let him eat some cake. I corrected it to buko pie since I thought that is what she meant. I did not know at the time that my father already has cake in our refrigerator.
My partner asks me to show him where the Landbank near our place is at. I mentioned to him before that the atm card we used for our monthly stipend is Landbank, same as with their work.
Unfortunately, he said that the nearest Landbank near them was about 20-30 minutes away. Unlike here, the Landbank can be a walking distance if you like walking, or if you are not a fan of walking, it is just one jeepney away.
So I changed my clothes since I just greeted him and let him inside our house just wearing my house clothes. Then we went to the nearest Landbank.
After withdrawing some money, he said that we can look for a gift for my father. I did not expect him to say that as I only wanted him to stay until we eat. But it seems rude to deny his generosity.
We decided to buy a mango roll from Red Ribbon. It is because I did not know that there is already a cake at our house.
Anyway, it was my first time tasting this cake and I loved it. It was light and not too sweet but sweet enough to satisfy my tastebuds.
Random lutang moment
I was feeling a bit out of it yesterday since I woke up earlier than I want to. So yeah, embarassing moment is bound to occur.
This one happened in front of my partner. He was holding his crust and he was facing me so the crust was also leaning towards me.
My body automatically moved on its own and took the crust from his hands. I do not know why I thought he was giving it to me because he was full or something. Then he looks at me kind of laughing. And I realized that maybe he was not giving it to me. It was so embarassing but he just laughed it off.
Then there was also a surprising moment of my father telling my partner to join us next year in our trip to Batangas. I laughed because my father invited my partner before I even invited my partner.
Closing words
This special meryenda is made more special because it was shared between the important people in my life. It is for sure a memory that I would treasure.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
Pawsome Catventure II
This is a continuation of an article I posted before. You can read the first part here. https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/pawsome-catventure-i-e42fd516
I realized that in the first part I did not explain what my title means. Pawsome refers to awesome with dogs. While catventure is adventure with the kittens.
It is pretty witty, don't you think? My sister is the one who thought of the title and I borrowed her idea.
Anyway, in this article, I will share some of the moments I captured when the pets are enjoying our vacation. I did not include much pictures since my sisters have more and they have yet to send it.
A walk to remember
Beau and Moshi enjoys walking around the area. In the city, they do not have much space to run around but in Batangas, they are free to roam from places to places.
They are on a leash to ensure that they will not chase goats or ruin plants.
They also encountered the sea for the first time. As you can see, Beau did not like the sea very much. He kept pulling his owner to go back to the sand and just watch the waves.
Moshi also did not like to swim but she likes to put her paws in the water. But she does not want to go to the deeper part of the sea.
The sea in this picture is close to the place we are staying. It is not as clean as it was years ago. Back then I am not hesitant to just dive in the moment I see the sea but now, I just dip my feet in the water. Only the younger ones like to swim there anymore.
This picture is taken when we were at a beach resort at Calatagan. I think they do not have a name yet as the place is new but many people are already there.
This is a nice place to be since there is a boat ride that could take us to little Boracay even if we have not rented a balsa. I do not know what they are called in English but balsa is like a floating cottage in the middle of the sea.
Here is Moshi being curious about the water. She seems to like the feeling of water on her paws but she does not enjoy swimming unlike other dogs.
Kurakol
We timed our vacation to make sure that we will be ble to attend the fiesta there. One of my favorite childhood memories include us joining the kurakol.
Kurakol is basically when many boats roam around the sea following a bugher biat which leads the parade.
We brought our pets along so they can enjoy the ride as well.
This is Beau watching the waves with his owner. I am at the back holding the kittens in their carrier. When we are at the place where we are staying, I let them run ariund but when we are moving I out them in a carrier. I think it is a safer option since I might accidentally let go of them if they scratched me. I do not want them to fall into the sea.
This is Moshi enjoying the view. I was worried that she will not be happy to see the sea since she tried to drown me in the swimming pool a year ago because she was scared.
But it seems like she likes looking at the water more than being in the water. She is very calm as we enjoy the view and the wind.
This is Moshi after she finished checking up on the kittens. She is very protective of them. She makes sure that they are safe and comfortable.
Closing words
There are still many pictures and videos that I did not share. Mainly because they are taken by my sisters so I have no copy of them.
Moshi and Beau joined us in our island hopping. They also swam with us at little Boracay. I wish I could share the video but I will not share it since I am in the video. I do not want to share my face here after all.
The kittens mostly stays at the hut or the cottage when we went to the beach at Calatagan. They eat, drink, and sleep all day. They would also run around and play with each other sometimes. But during the day they mostly sleep. They are more active at night which is expected since they are kittens.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
Pawsome catventure I
My vacation happened during finals week. But my requirements will not stop me from having a good time. Speaking of good time, I can think of 4 animals who had one last May 20-23.
As pet owners, it is difficult to travel because we can not help but worry what to do with the pets. Should they be left behind to a trusted person or should you include them in your travel plans.
For the three of us, we decided to bring our pets along our stay in the province. First is me alon with Oreo, and Presto. Then there is my older sister and Moshi. Last one is Ate C (my sister's bestfriend) along with her dog, Beau.
I knew that it would be difficult to enjoy when I have to worry about the pets but it is still fun. And I like to think that our pets had a great time too.
On the way
We rented a vehicle since we did not want to go through the trouble of commuting with pets. It is a great decision since we were able to have the space we needed.
Here is Moshi, Oreo, and Presto. Moshi is not inside a carrier since when she was a puppy, we tried that and she vomitted throughout the ride. She gets dizzy easily so we let her sit with us and be comfortable. The kittens are in a carrier since I am unable to hold them both at the same time. Moreover, I needed to attend a class on the way to Batangas so I can not keep my attention on the kittens to make sure that they are going through various places and disturbing the other passengers.
Moshi likes looking at the view as we travel. It calms her when she can see outside as compared if we just let her sit on the floor. She also likes it when she is cuddled. She does not care even if my sister's legs go numb.
And after mny hours stuck in traffic, we finally got close to our destination. After we enter this arch, we only needed to travel for 20-30 minutes to reach the place where we were staying. It was nice sight to see since our legs are all aching and going numb already.
Arriving at our destination
Once we arrived at our destination, we of course needed to get our things out of the vehicle. I left the kittens outside first since many people will be moving out and about to settle their things.
I opened their carrier and let them watch the view outside. They did not want to leave their carrier at first. Probably because they are still new to the place.
So I set their food bowl near their carrier so they can eat when they want. They did not eat it immediately. But still after a few minutes they started eating. Once they are done, they became curious about the new environment.
I carried them to the kubo (hut) so we can relax there. They made claimed that soot as theirs. They slept there the whole day when we arrived. They only wake up to yell at me to say that they are hungry.
Moshi and Beau looks like they are guarding the place. It is funny to see. They are curious about the place. Beau liked the grass and he kept playing with the goats. Moshi on the other hand, enjoys the space to run around.
This is the kittens' version of the picture above. I was a bit late in taking a picture of it because I was laughing a lot so Oreo was already on the move.
Closing words
I still have some more pictures of the pets that I want to share. I will save it for next time though. For now, I just want to share what they looked like when they arrived at Batangas.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
First Vet Visit
Ever since I got the kittens, I knew that I would have to ensure the visit a vet. The best time would have been the moment I got them but I waited until Moshi's next vet visit so it is less hassle on my part. My sister also paid for the kittens' first visit so that is a plus.
I prepared for this moment since I knew the day would come. The first thing that I have to prepare is to get a carrier for the kittens.
At first, I was hesitant to use one since they might get too unhappy with the carrier. So I tried to carry them at the same time. After all, my sister carry Moshi to the vet wihout any carrier.
Let us just say that it did not work for the kittens. And their scatches on me are the proof and reminder to never try that again.
The carrier I found
I was on my impulsive mood so I had biught a lot of things before I even bought a carrier. At first, I was planning to buy an expensive one. But not the backpack type as I do not like how cats look so uncomfortable inside those carrier types.
But as I was scrolling, I found a similar looking carrier but for considerably lesser price. I decided to get that carrier as it had great reviews. Some even said that it is big enough for two puppies so I know that it will be enough for the kittens.
This is how the carrier looks. Forgive the bad quality of picture. I am not good at taking pictures.
I used this for their vet visit and I can see that it still has a lot of space even though the two kittens are moving around.
Look at them curiously looking at the vet. We were waiting outside as the clinic is just small and there were already people ahead of us.
We did not have to wait long though. We got in after a few minutes.
This is Moshi and Beau while waiting outsjde with us. They look like angels here but when they come inside, they are immediately playing around.
Moshi went first for their regular deworming. My sister gave her the deworm tablet as Moshi is acting defensively to the vet.
Beau is also given the deworm tablet by his owner. He is being skittish around the vet amd refuses to open his mouth.
The vet laughed because the dogs are afraid of their owners.
Kittens experience
I first had to fill out paper works for the kittens since they have no records at the clinic yet. After the paper works, I was given a booklet that will contain their stamps proving that they got their deworm and vaccinations.
The vet estimated that the kittens are around 2 months old based on their weight. I forgot to take a picture of the kittens on the weighing scale though. So you will not see how cute they looked.
Oreo weighed around 0.80kg while Presto weighed around 0.75kg. When asked about their sex, I told the vet that I assumed they are females, but now I am doubting that assessment. I will have to ask him to verify it next time.
After weighing them, it is time for deworming. They are to be fed with deworming liquid. Oreo went first and she is a good kitten. She drank all the liquid without mich fuzz.
Presto went next and I had scratches from her struggle to get away from the blue deworming liquid.
After this, I bought vitamins for the kittens. The vitamins given by the vet is LC-VIT+ since kittens needed Taurine according to him.
Then we walked Beau to his home, and my sister's bestfriend's mother saw the kittens and the carrier. She said she has one that have clear color so that the kittens can see the place more clearly. She gave it to the kittens for free.
This is the carrier I used when I brought the kittens to Batangas.
Next visit
The vet instructed me to bring the kittens back after 2 weeks. Moshi and Beau will get their next anti-rabies shot on June.
I will be waiting for May 29 for the kittens next visit. We plan to buy milktea afterwards before going home.
Closing words
I am planning to list some of the questions I have so that I can ask the vet about it on the kittens' next visit.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
Prepare to travel with pets
Pets bring a lot of happiness in my life. They can be a source of stress sometimes but their cuteness make the inconvenience worth it.
Last May 20, my family and I decided to go to the province. Well, we did not decide it on that day since it was planned a month ahead.
As we were planning these things, I was worried about the kittens since I just got them back then and they were so tiny. I thiught my parents would tell me to just leave them in the care of someone. I was not fond of this idea since the kittens had to be handfed back then. But as they grow more and started to eat by themselves, I thought that it might be okay to ask my youngest sister's cat lover friend to look after the kittens for 3 days. Of course, I will give payment for that and provide all the materials needed for the kittens. What I did not like about this plan of mine is that I do not want to be away from the kittens for that many days.
Fortunately, my parents allowed me to take the kittens along. The only condition is that I have to look after them.
I was also worried for Moshi but not because of the idea that she might get left behind. I was worried since in her last travels she vomitted during the ride. It was probably due to motion sickness. We do not have our own car so we did not manage to let Moshi get used to travelling in far places
The preparation I made for our travels included mostly of mking sure that Oreo, Presto, and Moshi will be comfortable. They will be staying at an unfamiliar place after all so I wanted to help them as much as I can.
I made a bit of a checklist to ensure that I will not forget anything for them.
For Oreo, and Presto
**Wet food**
I included this since I do not want the kittens to just eat dry food with no wet food mixed in. I read that it is better if they would eat more wet food than dry food as dry food can make them overweight. Wet food also helps in ensurin that they get enough liquids during the day.
**Dry food**
I am not rich enough to put the kittens on a pure wet food diet so I included dry food in their things.
**Food bowls**
I brought 2 bowls for them. This ensures that if they start fighting each other when sharing food, I can have an extra bowl on hand. If they eat in only one bowl then the other can be used for water.
**Portable water container**
This one is something that I actually ordered for Moshi but I still included it here since the also drink water there.
**Litter box, and plastic bags**
I wish I could leave the litter box as it takes up a lot of space but I included it in the list since it is better to ensure that the kittens will not have accidents. I needed plastic bags for when I scoop out their poops.
**Pet wet wipes**
Since they are still young (and they are kittens), they have yet to take a bath. I use et wet wipes to make sure that I can help in keeping them clean.
**Carrier with their bed**
I brough a carrier given to me by my sister's bestfriend's mother. It had enough space for the kittens. I also put their bed on it so they are surrounded by a familiar scent.
For Moshi
**Dry food**
Moshi ran out of dry food. She finished eating her 3kg of dry food and I could not be any prouder of her. So I asked my sister to buy Moshi dry food since it is her dog after all.
**Wet food**
I also packed some wet food that I bought for Moshi so it can be mixed with her dry food.
**Food bowl**
She needs somewhere to eat so I brought her food bowl. I only brought one since she has a portable water container. And she also drinks frpm her food bowl if needed.
**Portable water container**
I originally bought this one for our daily walks but my sister got a new schedule and we could not keep doing our daily walks. But the portable water container is still useful for travel.
**Poop shovel, and plastic bags**
I brought this along so that when Moshi does her business, it will not be left all over the pkace to be step on.
**Pet wet wipes**
This is useful in keeping Moshi's paws clean. It is also helpful in wiping away her saliva during the ride.
**Leash (2)**
My sister bought Moshi a super lon leash that she wanter Moshi to use when Moshi swims. I brought the leash that Moshi use for her walks.
**Clothes**
I brought clothes for Moshi since she is such a spoiled princess so she needs to look like one.
**Towel**
My sister packed a towel for Moshi since we planned to let Moshi swim.
**Anti-motion sickness tablet**
This is the most impirtant thing in this checklist for Moshi. Good thing that my elder sister brought one for Moshi. It was useful in making sure that Moshi will not struggle so much in the travel.
Before we travelled, my sister bathe Moshi so she will smell nice.
Closing words
Preparing to travel with pets is a lot of work. But it is enjoyable to see their reactions when they reach a new place so the tiredness from the preparation is worth it.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
Ocean Park Date (Part 2)
This article is published a few days later than intended. But I figured that it would be a waste to not post this so I will be sharing the continuation of our ocean park date. https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/ocean-park-date-part-1-bce13c87
Bird Show and Sea Lion Show
After we visited the attraction with a lot of bugs and snakes, my partner and I decided to visit the shows available in the Ocean Park.
The first was the bird show. It started at 12:30PM so by 12:00PM, my partner invited me to line up so that we can choose our seats. Good thing that we did since we were able to choose the ones we wanted. Additionally, my partner was able to buy food and drinks for us without waiting for too long.
The birds were amazing. Especially the ones who flew majesticay, the sound effects on that part of the show was amazing. It was one of my partner's favorites.
The next show was the sea lion show. This was already back to back to the bird show so we did not need to leave our seats and fall in lone again after the bird show. It was a great highlight for me that day so I forgot to take any pictures. I was immersed with what was happening that I forgot to take out my phone.
I really enjoyed the dance that the sea lions prepared. I was amazed with the the trainers as the tricks the sea lion could do probably took a lot of patient to teach them.
Jellyfish
After the sea lion show, we decided to start visiting more attractions. We stumbled upon the jellyfish one. Forgive me, I forgot the name of the attraction.
This is one of the first view that greeted us. I like how the jellufish looked with the lights.
And here is a blurry picture of me and my partner. As you can see, our height difference is noticeable. I was even on my tiptoes here haha.
Here are more jellyfish. I heard from the other visitors' conversations that before the pandemic, there were large jellyfish on the attraction. But now most of the jellyfish are small.
My partner and I did not stay at this attraction for a long time as we got dizzy woth the lights and mirrors.
Toys, games, and comics
This a fun attraction and if you like taking pictures, you will definitely enjoy visiting this place.
This is my partner checking out the payphone replica they have there. I could have sworn that I took a picture of him smiling inside but my phone must have acted up and did not save it.
This is another picture of us together. I think we took more oictures here than all of our previous dates combined.
I like this place a lot since it is both dark and bright. But we also just took quick pictures here then left.
There were more attractions here. There was even a collection of Super Man items as well as other comics. I do not want to share the pictures we have there though. You can just go visit the place and see it for yourself.
Oceanarium
This is a great attraction. There were all konds of fish there and I was mesmerized by how beautiful they all look.
Allow me to share some pictures that made me say "woah" to my partner when we saw them.
I do not quite remember what these fish are. But they look amazing, don't they?
I sent this to the group chat I am in with my bestfriends with the caption, "finding nemo and finding dory". My bestfriend said that they can not see dory, only nemo. See if you can spot dory here.
This picture could not capture how wonderful this one looked. Let me share the reason why I took this picture though, it was because of their color. These fish look like an ube-keso (yam and cheese) and that is my favorite ice cream so I wad ecstatic when I saw them.
Eating time
After such an eventful day, my partner then treated me his favorite order combination at Jollibee.
This is what her ordered for the two of us. I can say that I definitely felt full after that.
Closing words
I have so many topics to write about but time is not really on my side this time. So I will just let it pass first.
Hopefully, you guys are still able to tell how hapoy I was when we went on this trip last May 14.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
Back from the dead
It has been a while since I last published an article here. Four days to be exact. I had so many topics I want to write about but then, poof, I suddenly disappeared.
I did not disappear just because I wanted to. I needed to take a mental health break and the academic works I have provided me a convenient excuse to just ignore social media for a while.
The truth is
The discontinuation symptoms I had from stopping the medication for depression, and bipolar disorder were not as mild as I wished they would be.
They were so bad to the point that I had broken a promise to myself. But I will not share what promise I had broken.
The point is that my body was fighting a battle as well as having a war with my mind. It felt like I was being torn apart in every direction.
It felt as if there were needles stuck all over my body, and there were times when it felt as if a big needle was sudfenly plunged into me. And I would have to stifle my gasp so as not to concern my parents.
They do not know that their doubts in my diagnosis is not putting my in more harm from myself. They do not see the things I hide.
And sometimes, it felt like maybe I was just the only one who will ever know my suffering.
I needed a break
I needed to stop grinding as I was losing sight what I was grinding for. I needed to recalbrate my thinking as my mind was a mess.
I can not say 100% with certainty that I am okay now. I know that I still have a long way to go before I even feel "okay". But I am managing.
I know that distractions are not so good especially when I use them to not face my emptions but right now, distractions are all I have.
The distractions I have right now are my academic works. This may seem like agood thing but I know it is a mask that I use to hide how badly I am doing on the inside.
If someone would just ask me if I am truly okay during these times, I would most likely say yes but I will remember those who saw the shift in me.
But I guess this is one perk of my impulsivity. I mostly end my relationships without second thoughts. So most likely the people eho are with me are those that I started to trust wholeheartedly.
From the outside looking in
You will never know that inside, I am a messy pile of who I was before.
I do well enough in academics. I seem to have it together. My life seems great. I have a family who tried their best to support me. I have friends who will always be there. I hve a partner who always went beyond my expectations to strengthen our relationship.
But inside of me is a void that I have never managed to fill. No matter how many hobbies I tried. No matter how may cute things I hoarded. No matter how many people I flirted. The void stays like a blackhole- sucking the life out of everything.
I hate that I am like this. My sisters are getting annoyed too, I can tell by their reactions. They are starting to think that the mental illness that I was diagmosed with is just me being dramatic.
They badly want me to act "normally". They want me to handle situations in a "normal" way.
Honestly, there is nothing in the world I want more than not having a mental illness. But I have to start accepting my reality if I want to live life to the fullest.
I might never be fit in the normal standards of society. But I could work on myself to ensure that my moods are stable most of the times.
Closing words
This is just a bit of a filler article. I will try to catch up on the days I did not publish an article. I just wanted to share some reasons why I went MIA in case anyone was wondering.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
Ocean Park Date (Part 1)
Yesterday (May 14, 2022), my partner and I went on a date in Manila Ocean Park. There is an ongoing promo so my partner invited me and of course I agreed to go with him.
Unfortunately, I set an appointment with an endocrinologist at this date supposedly at 5PM but the doctor moved me to a 10AM appointment. So instead of our original plan of going there early, we only managed to meet at around 11AM.
Well, he went to our house to pick me up. Like I said in the past, I am very spoiled in this relationship.
An interruption
When we were on our way to Ocean Park, we got stuck for a while at this area since there was a motorcade for the presumptive president and vice-president of our country.
I was only telling this as there is a funny thing that happened. People kept sending peace signs in our specific direction and not in every direction and I was wondering about that.
And then my partner pointed out that i must be because of the color combination of my outfit which is mostly red.
It wad funny now but when it was happening I was frustrated since we got stuck in traffic in direct heat. My feet were burning since my shoes do not cover my whole feet.
On to the exciting part
At around 11:40AM, we finally arrived at our destination.
This is the thing that greeted us. My partner got shock that a vaccination card is needed and I got worried that we might need to go back. But good thing that he has a picture of his vaccination card so no problems occured.
As we were in the line to buy our tickets, my partner suggested that we just buy from the Ocean Park's website to avail their promo.
So instead of paying P750 each, it was reduced to P680 each. Aside from this reduction in price, we also did not have to stay in line as we already have our tickets on my partner's phone.
First stop
Once we got inside, my partner asked about when the bird show and sea lion show will start as that is what we went there for. We were told it would start at 12:30PM so we have a bit of time to explore first.
Good thing that there was no line in the world of the creepy crawlies so we went there immediately.
Let me share some of the pictures I have from our walk there.
This is a picture that makes me laugh as my partner and I were so busy looking for the frog and we did not notice where it was at first. My partner was the one who noticed where it was.
Here is the close up of the frog. See if you can find it in the picture above.
This is another find the thing game. This one is find the stick insect. I'll just let you guess where it is.
Look at this big snake there. While looking at it, I felt scared even though it is contained. Look at how big it is.
And another one. Such big snakes scared me and I felt creeped out while lookong at them. I could just inagine how they would feel if I coud touch them.
I thought the snakes would be the worst that would scare me in there but I was wrong.
At the end of the attraction, there were cockroaches. There were a lot a of them but I could bear to look at the for so long.
However, I felt bad since I noticed that no one was taking a picture of them so I snapped this ugly picture.
You could barely see them here and I think that those who are also afraid of cockroaches will thank me for it.
Closing words
Let me end this article here for now as I still have many pictures to share and it might get too long.
I enjoyed this date a lot and I feel incredibly thankful to my partner as I did not spend a single cent on our date. He really spoiled me a lot.
I am excited to share more of our Ocean Park date with you soon. I was unable to post here yesterday since I was tired.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
To believe in love (over and over)
Since childhood, my perception of love is not really as magical as one might imagine. All around me, I see adults cry and suffer, then tell that it is because of love. Love for family, for children, for the time together. I never could figure that one out.
I brought this pessimistic view of love. Or maybe, I brought this perception so sure that it was the only true love. The concept of being in love and happy was not something that I could understand.
I thought that in time, all those in love will get tired of each other and hurt each other but never leave. Then call it love.
I never imagined I will find a true love
The first love that I found is in my friends. A love so strong that even during our darkest days, we were there for each other. A love so pure that even the part we did not share to the world is accepted instead of being hidden. A love so true that when we fall into lies and deceit, we call each other out on it instead of staying silent to keep the peace.
In my friends, I found strength to stand for myself and for my beliefs. In them, I learned that it is okay to just be non-apologetically me instead of trying to hide parts of myself just so I could fit in.
In them, I learned how to be honest with my beliefs. I used to hold my tongue and never say a word when someone says something wrong to keep the peace. But now, I know that I can correct them and instead of getting offended, they will appreciate the discussion.
Of course, when I called them first love, it is because it look me a bit of time for me to realize that familial love exists. Not because my family were unloving but because I was not appreciative as a child.
In my family, I learned that love comes in different forms. In them, I found that love could exist in actions when words fail us.
In my family, I found unconditional love. No matter the differences in opinion or beliefs, the love is stronger.
I may not agree with some of their beliefs, but I trust them to always have my back.
Then I found a magical love
This is a love that I never thought I would find in my lifetime. It is a love that keeps me up at night with bright hopes for the future.
The love I feel for my partner is something I never felt before. It is silent yet supportive. It is calm and understanding. It is the haven instead of being part of the chaos.
A story I wanted to share tonight is how my partner always make sure to be there for me even when we are physically apart.
Remember that back in May 7, I had a rollercoaster of emotions due to my psychiatric appointment?
Well, I kept most of my emotions back then to myself.
But on Sunday, I finally broke down and told my partner about it. I told him about my doubts, and my decision to stop taking the medication. I told him a lot of things that I can not share here.
All I needed from him was to be there and to listen to me.
Yet he always exceeds my expectations. He invited me on a virtual date. He let me chose the movie, and I chose another animated movie. It was a Studio Ghibli film that I always wanted to watch but never found the time to do so. We watched Spirited Away.
Not only that, but he also sent food to me, my sisters, and Moshi. I was embarrassed that he included Moshi but I was also grateful and touched. He knows how much I value Moshi, and that we always include her when we order food. So when he ordered food for us, he also did not forget about Moshi.
The truth is I used to love looking at sunflowers because they reminded me of the sun. And in the past, I needed a sun to help me get out of the dark place I was in.
In the past, I loved painting sunflowers in hopes that the will shed some shine on my life. But now, I do not find myself needing it anymore.
My partner is now the sun in my life. But that is not all, he also made me realize that I carry my own shine too, and that I am a sun in my life as well.
The love I learn from my partner is a love that makes me better. It is a love full of acceptance, and challenge. Not challenges that break our relationship, but challenges that build us and our individual character outside of the relationship.
Closing words
I have so many things I want to share about the types of love that I found. I actually did not mention the love I found in the kindness of humanity. But that may be a story for another time.
For now, I hope that I managed to convey that love exists in many places. If you feel unloved, then do not be afraid to look for the love within.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
I did not want to write today
The title basically explains it all. I did not want to write today but I do not want to be absent too. So here I am basically trying to come up with a topic as I write.
To be honest, topic is not a problem for me. I have so many things I want to write about, the problem is that I am not quite sure it is the right time for them yet. So I let them stay in my mind and of course, most of the times I forget about them.
No worries though, I just tell myself that since I forgot about them then they must not have been that great of a topic anyway.
I did not want to write today but I do not want to miss a day again. The reason for this is I am now on a depressive episode again, or maybe it is a mixed one. Or maybe I am just experiencing the discontinuation effects from my decision to stop taking the prescribed medication for bipolar disorder.
In just a few days, I will be meeting an endocrinologist to discuss the interpretation of the laboratory tests I got last time. Until now, I am unsure what I want to hear.
Maybe what I want to hear is the truth.
Speaking of the truth
Now that this word is mentioned, I remember a topic that I want to talk about. It is about my plans during this bear market. It is disappointing for me since I had high hopes that we will reach the price of BCH last year at around this time, but no worries.
In my year-long stay in read.cash and noise.cash, I like to believe that I have learned a thing or two about making decisions during these times.
I am planning to buy some BCH. But not right away, the reason for this is that I can not see the end of the dip yet, and I do not want to enter only for the price to get lower. So I am waiting for the first signs of market recovery before I enter.
As of now, I have already converted some BCH to fiat a few days ago. Not because I do not believe in BCH, but because I want to buy back at a lower price. Also, I do want to have some fiat just in case of emergencies.
I am after all feeling a bit restless with what is happening right now, so better be prepared than sorry. If I am only thinking about myself, then I would not have bothered in preparing for emergencies.
After all, I honestly do not care whether or not I live to see another day. But I have my parents, sisters, and pets to think of. So I need to prepare for emergencies for them.
Closing words
Today is a tiring day for me. I think I did a lot of academic related tasks. Plus the discontinuation symptoms are getting to me.
Moreover, my bedroom has been in disarray for a few weeks now. I am just too tired to think of even cleaning my room. Well, I can think of cleaning my room but I do not have much energy to put it into action.
If a stranger would see the state of my room right now, I would probably die of embarrassment.
Anyway, I am just trying to think of more things to share in this article.
But I am having a difficult time. I just do not have much energy. No motivation to get up. No hope for the future. No energy in reminiscing.
I am just existing right now, and hurting. My whole body hurts and I feel like I want to go back to old patterns but I really want to get better.
I am just so tired of doing the same kind of thing over and over.
Maybe, I actually just need a hug from a loved one (my preferred one would be from my partner *ehem ehem*). I am not sure if he still has time to read my random articles here haha after all he is busy with work, and his thesis right now. He gives me lots of bebe time when I want it so I am spoiled, but I never get tired of wanting to be with him. I know that many of you can relate to this feeling.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
I want to stop (2/2)
Yesterday, I published the first part of this topic which talks about the reasons why I decided to stop taking the prescribed medication for bipolar disorder. In this article, I just continued citing these reasons. https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/i-want-to-stop-12-ca3c5112
**The psychiatrist wants me to go back to seeking a free consultation service to get prescription**
She wants me to have consultation with NCMH despite the difficulties of setting a follow up appointment. That was the reason why I even went to a private clinic to look for a psychiatrist.
Her decision to have me go back to a free service made me feel like I was being abandoned. So now I just want to stop seeing a psychiatrist.
**The psychiatrist wants to end our meeting at around 30 minutes mark even though I paid for a 45 minutes consultation**
This one is a hard pill to swallow. I was literally paying someone to care for me and I could not even have that. The psychiatrist acted like she could not have cared less that my impulsivity made me eat for more than 2 hours straight past the point when I should have stopped. I was literally feeling so full that my stomach hurt and I wanted to puke my guts out, but the psychiatrist dismissed my concern because I seem "okay".
I hated that I already felt like maybe I was just being dramatic, and for the doctor I am seeing to act that way just made me feel worse. It really solidified my decision to just focus on psychotherapy instead of continuing my medication.
If my doctor could not have cared less about my condition, then I will just go back to mostly helping myself but this time following a psychologist's assistance and guidance.
**The psychiatrist forgot about my assignment**
This is the last straw for me. I did the homework during my free time for the last two weeks and for her to not even bring it up, just made me realize that I am just a random person on her work. She does not care what happens to me as long as I keep paying to see her.
I even told her that I wanted to stop getting help in the past two weeks but she did not care since I was there and I paid for the session already.
Closing words
As tempting as it is to just forget that I ever tried to seek professionals' help, I know I could not just go back to pretending that I am okay. I now have some clues as to what may be wrong with me so I will follow these clues and try to get the best treatment.
But for now, I am sure that taking the medication route might do me more harm than good. After all, the psychiatrist was willing to prescribe me some medications despite not ruling out the physical conditions first. I do not want to take medication for years and then figure out that I have been taking the wrong medication for my condition just because I have a psychiatrist that could not be paid to listen to my concerns.
It is especially concerning for me as the drugs I am prescribed literally alter brain chemicals or composition and the psychiatrist just gave it to me without a second thought.
Call me paranoid, but I refuse to continue takin my medication anymore now that I saw how my psychiatrist acted to my concerns.
Tapering off my medication on my own has its risks but I am willing to suck it up.
My plan is to visit an endocrinologist next week to figure out if something is really wrong with my thyroid. This will help me out a lot if it indeed turns out that I have hypothyroidism as the symptoms can mimic mental illness such as depression and anxiety. So if I do have this condition, it could mean that I do not have bipolar disorder but rather a physical condition concerning my thyroid.
Then in the week after that, I plan to enjoy myself. My family will go to Batangas at that time and I plan to make the most out of it.
After that, I already have an appointment book with my psychologist for our psychotherapy session. I can not wait to tell her how much happened within the span of time we did not see each other. I also want to tell her how helpful her anxiety tips helped me out.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
I want to stop (1/2)
Yesterday was a difficult time for me. The day started with my irritable mood. The reason was because my family forgot to wake me up. You might be wondering why I did not set an alarm, well I have a curfew on my phone so I could not hear it since my parents have my phone.
Anyway, because of this I was in an irritable mood so early in the morning. But I still attended the event of our organization. The event encountered some technical difficulties but it still is a great event, in my opinion.
I feel proud of the PowerPoint presentation we made. And the students were very participative in our event. I was glad because it means that the students are enjoying the event we prepared.
I have to say that it was thanks to our fellow officers who are full of energy when they are hosting. I guess their energy is contagious which makes the students more active in participating.
I have to leave
Unfortunately, I could stay for the whole event since I had to attend a psychiatric consultation. I was honestly looking forward to this consultation for the few weeks.
Why?
Because I have been too impulsive lately and I wanted to know if it was normal since I just started taking a new medication or if I should be worried.
I also wanted to know what my laboratory tests results mean and how it will impact our treatment plan.
Moreover, I was excited to talk about the assignment she gave me for the two weeks. The assignment was to make an autobiography which includes how I feel and what I was doing at certain age.
It did not went as expected
In the past consultations, I left the meeting feeling hopeful and heard. I thought that the doctor understood me which makes me want to trust them in turn.
However, this did not happen in my last psychiatric consultation. I left the meeting feeling as if my concerns were set aside and that the money I spent was not worth it.
The reasons for my feeling
**The psychiatrist kept referring to me in a different nickname**
This might be a small thing for some people but it leaves a weird taste in my mouth. After all, I corrected this multiple times during our last conversation, the least she could have done was take note of my nickname.
Moreover, the first batch of prescriptions I received from her was misspelled. So it was not her first time to get my name right. I believe that if I have to pay for such an expensive consultation, the least I could expect is for the doctor to get my name right. After all, she has all my files and I know for sure that my name is typed correctly in those documents.
**The psychiatrist are not sure how to interpret the results of my laboratory tests**
This is understandable since it is a different expertise but I still hated how the psychiatrist handled it. She was unable to set proper expectations so I was not able to prepare myself for the possibilities.
At our last consultation, she said that the tests are done to rule out physical conditions as well as to check whether the dosage of the medication I am taking should be decreased or increased.
In yesterday's consultation, my lab results are mostly normal except for two tests. The first is the VLDL and she said that it wad okay that I have a lower result since VLDL is a test for bad cholesterol. The next test where I got a lower result than normal is for the FT3 test.
This test is one of the three thyroid tests that I paid for. I must say that it was expensive since each test costs P500. So for the three thyroid tests, I spent P1500 already. That is not including the other tests.
In total, I spent P3390 for the laboratory tests I got done. So imagine what I felt when the psychiatrist told me that I have to get the FT3 test redone again. Or I have to spend money to get the lab results interpreted by an endocrinologist.
Logically, I know that I have to do this. But hearing that wanting to unalive myself for the past 6 years could *just* be because of thyroid issue is a slap to my face. After all, I am spending a lot of money for the medication I am taking right now and to be told that maybe I do not have my diagnosis feels like deception.
I ask myself, why did they not require these tests before putting me on medication? Why are they putting more expenses on me?
This also made me want to stop my medication. I know the risks and dangers involve in stopping my medication without following doctor's prescription but at this point, I just don't care at all.
I will just consult an endocrinologist to know if I do have thyroid problems and get treatment for that. But for the mental illness part, I think I will just stick with psychotherapy after all.
Closing words
This article is supposed to be published last May 8, a day after my psychiatric appointment. It was supposed to be an 8- minute long article which was why I was hesitant to publish it at first. Now I decided that it would be better to divide the article into two parts to keep the words at a minimum.
As of today, I only have 1/2 escitalopram to take in the morning, and 1/4 quetiapine to take in the evening. I have actually started experiencing the side effects of my decision but I am mostly "fine" so I will see how long it takes me to regret my decision.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
Celebrating a year on read.cash
I never thought that I will get to write this article. This is the reason why I was a bit late in celebrating this wonderul occassion.
How amazing is it to think that a year could change my life so much? How awesome is it that finding this site could open up so many opportunities?
Let's go back to the beginning
A year ago, I was a student bored with the same old routine. I wanted something new but something worthwhile. And of course, by worth while I meant something that could give me a bit of money.
At this point, I was happy receiving P60 every two weeks by reading articles and clicking on ads. So as you can imagine, my expectations are not high.
Anything that could potentionally give me P50 per day is a heaven sent already. After all, a year ago, my sister was still at her old job which pays double what she earns now. So there were barely any financial strain on our family.
I just wanted to save some extra money as I was missing that from the face to face classes. I used to have a daily allowance then but since switchin to online classes, I received no allowance except for my undoubtedly large stipend from my scholarships.
So when I discovered this site, I was more intent on making it as my diary of some sort. A place where I could let out my thoughts, and maybe have a bit of money.
However, my past self was in for a shock. Let me share the things that read.cash gave me throughout my one year stay.
Gaining BCH
One of the most memorable thing discovering read.cash gave me is the oplortunity to learn more about the cryptoverse. More specifically, about BCH.
Granted, I am still mostly a noob but I have already learnt a lot from just a year of stay here on read.cash.
Moreover, the financial help of BCH is undeniably a great help during times of needs.
A year ago, I would not have needed to worry about bills as my sister earns a lot more than she earns now, and my mother was also working then. But now situations changed. The account where my sister worked was closed due to the pandemic so she was forced to find a new job. And the company where my mother worked had to let her go due to the losses they experienced during the COVID pandemic.
It was an unimaginable scenario a year ago. We were super comfortable and we barely felt the pandemic. I recognize how privileged we were back then.
But as the pandemic continues on, we started to feel its effects. And BCH helped up more times than I can count.
It is with BCH that I was able to sleep well at night as I have a clear belief that if a problem arises tomorrow, BCH will be able to help me out.
So far it has not fail me. And I know it won't.
Finding myself
This is the main reason why I started my journey here. I was feeling lost, and I wanted to find something that will mke me feel like myself again.
In read.cash, I found a safe haven. Here, I found various people who each shares interesting stories. And in their examples, I learned that my life is also something worth sharing.
Well maybe not all the mundane stuff, but you know. I learned a lot from every articles I read. And every time I write an article, I try to keep that in mind. I try to provide a bit more in the lives of the readers of my articles too.
I may not be knowledgeable about crypto, but I have stories to share too. In my pursuit to tell my stories, I found myself. And that is the best thing I never knew I needed.
Closing words
A year on read.cash seems so long and short at the same time. So many things happened to me and yet at my core, I know that there are more adventures to come.
I hope that I will be able to share those adventures here on read.cash for more time to come.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
A shade of hope
I never remembered being overly political. Growing up, my parents were not queit vocal about politics. They vote every time but we would never hear much of them talk about the reasons why they will vote the people or we would not even know who they would vote.
So as a child, I never understood the importance of it. I know the textbook definition. I know that voting is the rights of the citizens as part of a democratic country.
When I entered a science high school, my worldview started to change. The stories that I just swallowed from my elementary teachers were challenged. We were taught how to be critical thinkers but never what to think.
How does that work?
It means that we were given the necessary tools we need so that wr can always find the right information, but we were never told what to believe. We were encouraged to think for ourselves based on our research supoorted by facts and evidences from reputable sources.
With these tools, I started to unlearn some harmful things that my elmentary teachers made me believe. I started to think for myself. I started to question things.
And in it, I found my truth.
The truth
The truth I found might not necessarily reflect the truth that others believe. As much as it is easy to judge them, I instead choose to be open minded.
There are people who were never given the knowledge how to equip the tools that some are given. Some may say that we live in an age where internet exists, facts are literally one click away. And while that might be true, disinformation is also just one click away and often, it is deceptively often viewed as facts.
Not everyone is able to distinguish fake news from legitimate news. And in the perfect world, this would not be the case. But in a perfect world, there would be no need for voting as everyone would agree on everything, right?
So the most important truth I learned was that everyone has different truths that they stand by. And sometimes, what these so-called educating would instead look like an attack to themselves so they refuse to listen as they are already defensive.
So while it might not be the best way to live, I learned to just let people believe in what they want.
It is too tiring to take on the weight of the world, trying to stand for those who can not, trying to be a voice for everyone. Maybe some people are made for that way of life. But I am more aligned to just letting people believe with what they want to believe while doing what I think is right.
There is no point wasting time trying to make someone see the truth that you believe in if they are not willing to see other perspectives.
Anyway, I got off topic
The point is that Election Day is happenin right now. Tomorrow, we would know what the country decided as a majority.
It is a historic moment as we stood at a crossroad where the rest of the world have their eyes on us.
I pray for an honest and clean election. I voted the candidates that I believe in. Beyond that, it is a game of trust.
Trust that others also stood for the same truth that I stand for. Trust that the next six years will not be years to be filled with endless debts.
Trust that the Philippines will be in good hands.
Just a shade
My vote might not be enough to change the country alone, but I know that when it is counted together with those who believe the same things as me, my vote becomes a part of a hope.
A hope for change. A hope for a better country. A hope for improvement.
Closing words
As you might have noticed, I have not been vocal about who I voted nor who I endorsed for. Well, not in my own posts but I support those who seems to believe in the same things I stand for. I do leave subtle clues that I doubt many can see.
Anyway, it was done intentionally as I have the belief that each of us are voting with the same hope. I doubt that anyone would vote with the belief that they are dooming the country. I know that all of us just want a government that will change the country for the better.
So whatever the results may be, I pray that we, regular Filipinos, will not suffer for it.
May we have a safe, honest, and clean elections, Philippines! A shade of hope, para sa bayan!
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
5.5 Sale Budol: Personal Items ft. Pets' food
I was unable to publish an article yesterday due to reasons that I will share on tomorrow's article. I do plan on publishing another article this day to make up for the lost day.
Today's article is about another one of my budol from 5.5 Sale. I also included a budol from 5.6 because I have such a picky dog.
Personal Items
These items are for my personal use. I bought these in preapration for future dates with my partner as well as for when my family go to the province.
In the first shop, I decided to buy a cheap pajama. I wanted to have a comfy clothes to wear when we are at the province since I know how difficult it is for me to sleep at a different house. I get homesick quite easily as I am such a homebody.
I also bought a cheap bag so that I will have a matching bag for the outfit I have on my mind. It is my first time owning a red bag and I was quite happy when I received it.
I did not check the dimensions though so I was surprised to see that it was small. But that was a mistake on my part and I still adore the bag I received.
Then lastly, I ordered a square pants. Ever since my mother gave me one square pants, I realized that I like how they look on me. Plus I feel comfortable wearing square pants. So I started to buy more of these pants as one of my most used outfit combination.
In this shop, I decided to buy some items that I will need for when we go to the province.
The first one is a waterproof case for phones. I bought two of these as my youngest sister requested one as well.
Next is a foldable luggage bag. Honestly, I did not need to buy this as I already have a bag but I still bought one just in case I need an extra bag since we might bring all the pets with us. Bringing pets along means lots of bulky items too.
Then I bought toothbrushes. You know this is one of the items that we usually forget to buy. After all, we can just buy one at the province. But I want to be orepared this time around so I bought a pack of toothbrushes.
Lastly, I bought a soap mesh foaming bag. This is just an impulse buy since I like forming foams with my soap.
Pets'
I placed an order for this last May 6 since Moshi was being so picky with her food. She was refusing to eat what I gave her so I panicked and place orders for other types of foods.
I really hope that a day will come when I find a brand of dog food that Moshi likes to eat.
I saw an advertisement of this on Facebook, and I decided that I want to try it out as well. I bought 400 grams of each dry kitten food, and dry dog food.
I am not sure how well the pets will like this yet. But it is already out for delivery so I can know it soon enough.
Next is some Smartheart dog wet food. Moshi liked the one I bought last time so I decided to buy more and try out new variety of flavors.
I was thinking that Moshi did not enjoy Pedigree wet food anymore after she tasted Smartheart as she refers the taste of Smartheart wet food.
As you can see, I bought a variety of flavor. I mostly just bought one of each ad I learned my lesson. Moshi is a picky eater and I do not want my money to go to waste just because I keep trying to spoil her with different kinds of foods.
Hopefully, she will like all flavors so that she can have more variety in her food.
Closing words
As you can see, I already received my orders from 3 shops. Today, I am expecting to receive more items from another 3 shops.
I hope that the other items will get here within this week.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
5.5 Sale Budol: Random Items
In my article yesterday, I shared about the items I got for my pets- Oreo, Presto, and Moshi. I could not manage to let the day end without buying them anything. https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/here-we-go-again-55-sale-budol-bb9cf44e
However, as I had been buying them a lot of items recently, I finally decided that the 5.5 sale will be the perfect time to treat myself. After all, my partner and I are planning to meet within this month. Moreover, my family is planning to go to the province this month as well to celebrate Fiesta with our family in Batangas. I also bought some random things that caught my attention.
For this article, I plan to share the random items that I checked out from my cart. I bought these items for no particular reason other than I wanted to and I have the money to buy them.
Random Buys
These are just some items that I thought looked cute or woud be nice to have. No concrete reasons other than my groggy mind could come up with when I was checking out these items.
The first one is an alarm clock.
Now you might be wondering, why an alarm clock? Can't you just use your phone as your alarm?
I hear you, and I agree with you.
However, if you must know, I now have a curfew for using my phone. My parents think that I have bipolar disorder because of using my phone so I am entertaining their request for me to give them my phone at 10PM every night.
That is the reason why I started publishing my article at an earlier time, well I still publish at night time just not so late anymore.
Anyway, we are veering off topic. I bought this alarm since I do not like to wake up naturally in the morning. If I am given the chance, I will never eave my bed so I am used to hearing an alarm as a signal to get up even if I do not want to.
I actually do not know how aarm clocks like these work. I know, I am so dependent on technology. But I am trying and I think that deserves a brownie point.
And who am I even kidding, I bought this aalrm clock for its ✨aesthetic ✨, that's it. That's the real reason.
Next is very random. It is a small stickers pack. It is also very cheap which is the reason why it found its way onto my checked out items.
I am not actually sure what stickers will arrive. Plus I did not know that the P5 is only enough for 3-4 pieces of stickers. Yeah, I did not read the description before buying it.
I would like to sy that I am not usually like that, but I have been like that these past few months. So I have no excuse.
Hopefully, the stickers will look cute.
Next is a great buy for sure. I have bought a lot of stickers from this shope before and they never disappoint me. This one is just some cats stickers.
I can not wait to receive them. I am not sure where I will use these stickers along with the hundreds of stickers I already have, but I will worry about that some day else.
Okay, don't roll your eyes at me now.
I just can't help but buy some cheap stickers. Plus these stickers look so cute. Even if I can not think of where to put them yet. I am sure that I will find a great place to use them soon.
Next is something that I thought I might need. After all, we will be going to the province. And I know that we will be swimming somewhere so my skin will be burnt.
It does not matter if I put a lot of sunscreen on my skin, I will still be some shades darker compared to when I first arrive at the province.
I do not want to be super light, I actually like the shade of my screen since I feel like it looks pretty. I just do not want to look like a burnt pandesal when I came back to the city.
The next is Celeteque exfoliating wash. It has been a few months since I forego doing some skincare and I can tell because I look tired all the damn time.
Well, I am tired all the time but I did not look like it in the past, so I just want to look like I am stress-free on the outside even though on the inside I already have 5 mental breakdowns by the time class starts.
Hopefully, cleansing, exfoliating and moisurizing will do some magic on my face. I am not asking for too much since I know I am not that good at consistently doing skin care, I just want to look like a human who is stressed all the time.
Closing words
Yes, I bought a lot of stickers. Yes, I have a hoard of stickers in my room. Yes, I do not know where to use them.
And yes, I will keep on buying them. The only reason I can think of is that stickers are cute. I don't even like putting stickers on my notebooks so yeah.
Stickers are most probably just a waste of money, but they make me happy so there.
Amyway, with this article I have now shown 8/10 shops where I bought the 5.5 budol I have.
The next two shops are where I bought more items so I plan to write about them in a separate article. Those items are personal items for when I go out on a date with my partner as well as for when our family go to the province.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
Here we go again: 5.5 Sale Budol
I will not even bother thinking of excuses this time around. I have none. I literally did not have to spend this much money in today's sale but my impulsivity is up through the roofs today. I just can not seem to stop no matter how much I tell myself that I need to control myself.
Well, I did have some sort of success today in exerting some control on my shopping spree. Instead of going all out and buying P2, 500 worth of items in my cart, I ended up spending **only** P1, 200 for the items I checked out today.
It is not something that I can honestly be proud of but I remind myself to be kind to me. It is something that we discussed in therapy since it was noticeable how much I hated myself. My psychologist told me that I have to be kinder to myself especially now that I am trying to heal.
It is difficult to do but I try my best. No matter how unappealing my best looks like at that given day.
Anyway, enough about this sad stuff. Let us just get to the exciting part!
Pet Stuff
Of course, the sale will not end without me buying anything for my pets.
The first two items I bought are from Pedigree and Whiskas Shopee Mall. These are all wet kitten food for Oreo and Presto.
I have yet to give the kittens some Whiskas wet food so I am a bit nervous about this. Hopefully the kittens will like the taste sinceI already bought a lot. It would be a shame for the food to go to waste.
I bought some Sheba wet food for more variety for the kittens.
Last time I already bought 12 pieces of Pedigree wetfood for Moshi so I did not buy her any for this sale. I will buy more once the wet food runs out.
Next is the only thing that I should have bought for this sale. It is a pet carrier for the kittens. I placed an order for this to prepare for the kittens' first vet visit on the 12th.
It might also be used when we go to the province this month if I can manage to persuade my mother to let me bring the kittens along instead of finding someone to cat-sit for us.
Hopefully this arrives at the right time since I am a bit worried that it will take a while to arrive. I do not want to bring the kittens to the vet enclosed in a box, they are starting to be spoiled so they will for sure cry loudly if I attempt to put them in a box.
Imagine if I bought the kittens that way, the vet might think I am not spoiling them despite their big tummies. Although, I am now learning how to better control their diets. I do not want them to become overweight after all. So no matter how much they beg when they saw me eating, I would only give them a little instead of giving them a lot haha. That was probably not what you expected but I just do not have the strength to resist their charms completely yet. Maybe someday I will get there.
The last two items I ordered for my pets are pet deodorant and another bowl.
If you have a sharp memory, you mihht remember that I already bought a liquid pet deodorant and a sprayer. I can say that it smells nice but I am not quite satisfied by how long it works. So I am trying to see if activated charcoal will work better.
However, I am still trying to think of ways how to include this into the litter box. I do not want the kittens to accidentally ingest any of the beads after all. I think that they now know that the sand in the litter box is not food. I do not want to risk it too much though.
The bowl will be for Moshi when we travel to the province this month.
Closing words
I still have more items to share from my 5.5 Sale budol.
I have covered only 3/10 shops from my total 5.5 sale orders.
I will end my article here now since I am supposed to be listening to class instead of grinding.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
Accepting my Diagnosis: Bipolar Disorder
For years, I have been in denial. I tell myself that what I experience is normal. Everyone has mood swings, right? So why would I be different?
I am just a normal person experiencing normal mood swings. The highs and lows I experience are part of life, and nothing to worry about.
Everyone struggles sometimes, so being unable to get out of bed or wanting to die is the norm. It is not a cause for concern.
I tell these things to myself over and over for the past six years, thinking that it will be the truth. Wishing desperately that it was the case.
The turning point
I finally had to face that I have problems when I had the sudden urge to ghost the three people who know me best- my two bestfriends, and my partner. I knew then that I needed help if I do not want to destroy the few bridges I have left.
Until now, I feel glad that I did.
Ever since undergoing that first consultation, an air of optimism seems to follow me around. I feel happy that I am getting the help I need.
It was surprising
The first diagnosis I received was major depressive disorder which I expected somehow. After all, I have the symptoms for years now. It would have been weird if I did not suspect that I might have this disorder.
Depression sure explains the moment where I feel so drained that even getting out of bed is a chore. Sometimes, brushing my teeth would even feel like an achievement. However, depression alone does not explain the mood changes I experienced as well as the impulsivity I have.
So while I accepted the diagnosis quite easily, the moment I started taking the antidepressant, I knew that there is something more to it. Escitalopram (antidepressant) triggered what I know now as hypomanic episode.
If you know someone with bipolar disorder, you might notice it the moment I started posting my impulse buys for Oreo, Presto, and Moshi. Sure, the items I bought made me seem like a loving fur-parent, but rationally, the money I spent then would have been better used for other more important things such as for medication and therapy.
So when the follow up consultation comes around, I made sure to mention this surprising symptoms. At first, I really thought that I am getting better immediately. It felt nice. I felt like I was at the top of the world.
However, as I started relying the symptoms I experienced since taking the medication, the new psychiatrist informed me that her diagnosis to my condition is bipolar affective disorder.
I honestly can not remember how I reacted. I think I disassociated for the rest of the consultation when I heard that. The psychiatrist explained what this condition means while continuing to ask me if I relate to what she was saying.
The more she says, the more I understand. Yet a part of me does not want to understand.
Depression is one thing but bipolar disorder? The stigma surrounding this mental illness is something that I did not want to deal with.
But I have to
I have to face the reality despite the part of myself that just wants to pretend this never happened. I wish I could just go back to pretending that what I experience is just how rational humans act. But I can not do that.
If left untreated, bipolar disorder will cause more harm not only to me, but also to the people around me.
I have to come to terms with the fact that this diagnosis does not have to become a label that I carry all the time. I am not my disorder, I have a disorder that I am undergoing treatment for. This thought along with a great support system keeps me going through the treatment plan.
Closing words
Hearing the phrase bipolar affective disorder came out of the psychiatrist's mouth almost sent me into a state of in-denial. I wanted to tell her that I am just depressed and sometimes I would feel normal.
But now I realized that the productive days I celebrated so much actually harms me too. Someday, I might tell more about what living with bipolar disorder looks like, but today I want to end this article here with my acceptance.
If you are also affected by bipolar disorder, I hope that you find a treatment plan that works for you, and I hope that you are also surrounded with an amazing support system who will be there for you during difficult times.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
I need a friend
In difficult times, a friend is someone who can be counted to have your back. They offer their shoulders to cry on or their ears to listen to you venting.
In all honesty, I have awesome friends but I know they are busy with their lives. I do not want to make them worried about me and my condition.
However, this does not erase the fact that I need someone to talk to. Sure, I always have my partner to talk to but like I said,I do not want to dump all of my ramblings to one person only.
Plus I really miss learning new things about someone. I miss the excitement associated to getting to know an interesting person.
The problem
The main reason why I have yet to find new friends is myself. I now have rusty social skills so I do not know how to keep a conversation going with a stranger.
I am okay with people that I know for a while since I have some sort of foundation with them, but with strangers, it is difficult.
For one, I do not know where to start. I have forgotten how to build friendships that last for more than a couple of days. I am not sure how to make myself look approachable nor do I know how to approach others without coming across as FC (feeling close).
Next is that I am not in the mood to reply most of the times. Sometimes, I would forget to reply for days because I haven't been opening my messages. This of course makes for a boring conversation.
I can not seem to remember a time when I talked with a stranger where the conversation just kept going and going. I guess it was probably one of those times where I was still flirting with multiple people at the same time, before I met my partner.
A difficult combination
I am too shy to initiate or act close to anyone, and I am also awkward. I have joined some group chats in my quest to make new friends but I have actually not been active in those group chats.
The main reason for this is that I do not know how to participate in the ongoing conversations. I am not sure how to catch up with some inside jokes that I missed or conversations about each other's daily lives.
I just can not seem to find the right message to send aside from the rare "good morning, guys" messages that I sent. After this, I would usually go back to overthinking how to continue.
Yet I almost always end up just vanishing for days after that. Not because I want to but because I can not seem to understand how everything works.
I feel like a child in an adult's body and everyone else knows the rules already but no one gave me a heads up about what is happening.
I feel lost
I just can not seem to remember how to go back to my friendly self. It is frustrating since I want someone to talk to about random things.
I want to hear about someone's day and their problems. I want to listen to their stories about their places, and all those other stuff.
But I just can not do it.
I am guessing that the reason why I even managed to keep my friends, and partner is because they never take my late replies personally. They know that my social batteryay suddenly ran out but I will always reach out again when I am able to.
They also do not hesitate to double chat me. You know, they chat again even if I have yet to reply to their original message. Usually, once they double chat me, I find myself replying just so they know I saw their message.
Closing words
This is just a random article filled with my thoughts and hopes. I really want a new friend or friends but I guess I would have to wait for the face to face classes to resume. Virtual friendship seems so hard to maintain for me. Moreover, I can not seem to get how to cross from point a to point b.
Like I do not understand how to know when we can talk about personal things or some shallow things. I just don't get it.
Now that I think about it, I am super lucky to find a partner during this pandemic despite my rusty social skills. But then again, I met my partner when I was at the peak of my flirty stage so that was probably the reason why our conversation lasted as long as it did.
Anyway, this is just a random article but in case anyone takes pity to my awkward af self, I will be happy to try and use my rusty social skills.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
What I learned from my first psychotherapy session
As someone who struggled with mental health since high school, I have always dreaded thinking about getting help. The stigma surrounding talking to a mental health provider is something that I avoided for years which led to the continuous decline of my mental health.
Thankfully as I grew older, the opinion of other people starts to mean less to me as I started to focus more on what will help me instead of caring about what other people want to see. With this new found courage, I finally decided to get help with BCH by my side.
BCH is the reason why I could afford the first psychotherapy session which gave me the space I needed to be myself without judgement. In this first meeting, I have already learned some lessons that I want to share because it might help someone who needs it.
Emotions give us information
The lesson that stood out most to me is when the psychologist assigned to me said that emotions give us information. She said that there is no negative emotions. All emotions are neutral and they all serve their own purpose.
For example, fear is there to help you know that you need to get away from danger. Anger is there to let you know that something is crossing your boundaries. These emotions are usually given a bad reputation but they serve their own purpose.
When we ignore these so-called negative emotions, we also deny to acknowledge some information that would help us.
This is where toxic positivity comes in. When we try to be happy all the time or encourage others to think positively all the time, we are encouraging them to ignore parts of themselves.
What we can do instead is to acknowledge our emotions with no judgement. If we feel anger about something, instead of thinking that we should just be happy for what we have, we can be curious about what this anger is telling us. In this way, we can learn from what our emotions are telling us instead of dismissing them.
You do not have to accept your trauma
One thing that scared me before going to therapy is the possibility of hearing someone say that I have to forgive the person who caused my trauma or that I have to accept that the trauma happened for a reason.
I knew that if I had heard this from the first session, there would be no next session.
But surprisingly, my psychologist said that I do not have to accept my trauma since that situation is something that I ahould have never experienced. We agreed that it was not something that needed to happen so it is okay if I choose to never accept it. However, it is also important that I learn how to control my reaction when I am reminded of the trauma.
The trauma is not my fault, but healing is up to me. She said that while I can not control what happened in the past, I can control how the trauma will affect my life.
In my case, I was ready to unravel my trauma in a judgement-free environment, and learn better coping mechanisms. So the psychologist gave me some new approach to try since she knows that I probably tried a lot of things just to get by.
Getting better is my responsibility
The psychologist is there to guide me and give me some foundation that I need to have better coping mechanisms. However, her guidance will not help me at all if I refuse to work with her.
Psychotherapy is a work that requires the two of us to help each other. She will help me find better coping mechanisms, and I will help her in helping me.
She can not magically make me better without knowing what specific way I want to get better. She can not help me be better if I refuse to unlearn my harmful coping mechanisms.
So psychotherapy needs effort from both of us for it to be effective.
Closing words
The first psychotherapy is difficult. I could not stop crying when I was relating my story to the psychologist.
I was surprised since I can not remember the last time I cried for myself. It was relieving to let my emotions out without feeling the need to hide it or to pretend that I am okay.
I think that at this point of my life, I am ready to undergo psychotherapy since I am no longer afraid in telling what I had gone through. I am ready to face my past and to learn better ways to handle how I react to certain situations.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
End of Month Budol
I thought I had already spent all the money I had for April, but it turns out my impulsive self still has money for the end of month sale.
For those who do not know, budol is when you impulsively spend your money during sales. Well, that is my definition for it anyway.
At the time when I decided to check the items out of my cart, I was so sure that I needed to buy it immediately especially after I saw that there are free shipping vouchers. But now that I am seeing the orders I made yesterday, I can say that the items I ordered could have waited until 5.5.
Nonetheless, I have already paid for it so I will try to view it in a positive light. I will just plan better next time to ensure that this does not happen again.
April 30 budol
All of my orders yesterday was for my pets. I actually can not believe that I actually thought I needed it as soon as possible.
The first batch is an order from the Pedigree and Whiskas Shopee Mall. I like buying things here since it is a legitimate shop selling legitimate products. Moreover, I think the products here are slightly less expensive than the ones sold at the physical store.
My orders in this shop are 12 pieces of wet food for Moshi, 450G of dry food for Moshi, and 5 pieces of Sheba Kitten wet food for Oreo, and Presto.
The wet food for Moshi is usually mixed with her dry dog food so that she will eat the dog food. She is a icky dog so the dog food has to be mixed with something else.
The Sheba Kitten wet food will also be mixed with the dry food of the kittens. Oreo, and Presto eat their dry food without wet food but I noticed that they eat more when there is a wet food mixed in their food.
Next is from SmartHeartPH Shopee Mall. I bought a different brand of kitten dry food since I read something concerning about Whiskas dry food. I saw some people say that Whiskas is the equivalent of junk food for kittens.
I do not know a lot about these things but I am hoping that mixing other brand of dry food along with wet food will rovide enough nutrients for them.
I also bought their wet food for dogs to see if Moshi will like it. Moshi is picky and I learned not to buy a lot of treats for her without trying it out first. She really ignored the 4 packs of treats I bought for her last time so now I am just going to try it first.
And the last batch of orders are from Duke Petshop. This shop sells a lot of et essentials so I find myself always checking their shop when I want to buy things for my pets.
I bought a brush for Moshi since I misplaced the ones she had but my younger sister said that it is not a good brush. So I think I will have to find Moshi's original brush or buy her a new one again.
Then I also bought a pet deodorant with a 200ml sprayer. I boughtthis to help get rid of the smell of the kittens. Since I am raising them to be indoor cats, I want to make sure that our house will not smell too much. Hopefully this pet deodorant will do its job.
Closing words
It is really difficult to fight my impulse when I having a hypomanic episode. Everything feels so bright for me and I just really feel that all the money I spent will come back to me three-fold.
Yesterday, I spent P995 for the items I checked out. It was not in my plan but my hands were on autopilot in transferring my money to Shopee Pay then checking out the items without a second thought.
Even if it might not be the best decision, I still look forward to receiving these items since I want to provide the best for the pets in my care.
I still have some items I need to buy on 5.5 sale but I think I will buy more items for myself instead of for my pets.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**April 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/april-2022-articles-summary-42ae9c6e
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
April 2022 Articles Summary
End of the month is here so it is time for another monthly summaries of the articles I have written along with some realizations for April 2022.
But first, wow I can not believe that we are already entering the fifth month of the year 2022. It feels just like yesterday when I was writing my new year's resolution and now we are already halfway through the year.
Anyway, this April is a wild ride for me. This is a month full of confusion, fear, doubt, along with the feeling of hope. This is the month when I finally admitted to myself that I am not okay and I needed help. Since I took that first step, I have been doing my best to keep going despite the rough road that I can see up ahead.
In my articles summary you might notice how much happened to me in this month. The thing that stood out to me the most is that this month marks the start to my mental health healing. I made the decision to finally use the BCH I earn in a way that helps me instead of ignoring the problems I have.
I can say that this decision made BCH more valuable to me. I still feel overwhelmed sometimes to know that my passion for writing helped me found this place which then gave me the opportunity to afford my treatment.
My articles
Some of you might be wondering if Manju is still using this account, and the answer is no. I am now the only one who keeps this acvount running which is why my interaction is super limited. Between academics, household chores, and the side effects of my medication, time literally passed by too quickly for me.
So I want to say thank you to those who keep supporting me despite the little resence I have here for now. I am hoping that with time, the side effects for the medication will be easier to manage. For now though, I have to let my body and mind rest.
**BCH keeps me sane** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/bch-keeps-me-sane-531ea80c
**Three ways to make your own crochet scrunchies (Part 1)** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/three-ways-to-make-your-own-crochet-scrunchies-part-1-2abdeec7
**Three ways to make your own crochet scrunchies (Part 2)** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/three-ways-to-make-your-own-crochet-scrunchies-part-2-a960a045
**Three ways to make your own crochet scrunchies (Part 3)** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/three-ways-to-make-your-own-crochet-scrunchies-part-3-15262678
**NCMH E-Consultation Experience** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/ncmh-e-consultation-experience-416d8e78
**I told my parents I am sick** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/i-told-my-parents-i-am-sick-ac3247f4
**DIY two-toned headset covers** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/diy-two-toned-headset-covers-52b2daaa
**No energy at all** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/no-energy-at-all-ff889d84
**Taking care of two kittens** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/taking-care-of-two-kittens-b0155309
**It is a process** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/it-is-a-process-19d35875
**Buying kitten essentials with BCH** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/buying-kitten-essentials-with-bch-ffd07a37
**Selling BCH during the dip** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/selling-bch-during-the-dip-626c7ba2
**Thanks for the help, BCH** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/thanks-for-the-help-bch-4fb76f81
**I'm sorry, I can't keep my word** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/im-sorry-i-cant-keep-my-word-8289f1f9
**Payday sale: Duke Petshop feat. BCH** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/payday-sale-duke-petshop-feat-bch-db1b2b1b
**Payday Sale 2: Buying Pet Essentials with BCH** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/payday-sale-2-buying-pet-essentials-with-bch-0cedf85b
**Stuck in my throat** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/stuck-in-my-throat-e55a66c6
**A Surprise Date** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/a-surprise-date-5feaae40
**BCH saved me from going crazy** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/bch-saved-me-from-going-crazy-b45fbf60
**Life with three pets** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/life-with-three-pets-33ee7b09
**Craving Satisfied** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/craving-satisfied-461408c7
**More Shopee Budol** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/more-shopee-budol-99dcd83d
**Cook Samyang with Me** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/cook-samyang-with-me-0f46aafc
**I need BCH now more than ever** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/i-need-bch-now-more-than-ever-03c2b40b
**Food trip with sisters** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/food-trip-with-sisters-6abc1665
**Hello, I am Zehra Sky** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/hello-i-am-zehra-sky-249f2786
**A Funny Miscommunication** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/a-funny-miscommunication-5f0f71a1
**Living is tiring** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/living-is-tiring-aafaa17e
**Things I learned since becoming a fur-parent** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/things-i-learned-since-becoming-a-fur-parent-72476edf
Closing words
In total, I have managed to publish 30 articles this month including this articles summary.
I feel very proud to see that I managed to keep up with writing daily despite my struggles in staying awake. I feel like I achieved a goal that I did not even set.
April is a difficult month filled with realizations, and tears. However, it is also a month full of hope for the future.
Like what was said in my first psychotherapy session today, I cannot get better overnight so I have to be patient to see the improvements.
Despite my hesitations, and doubts before, I now know that I can get better with time.
**Thank you for reading this article!**
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
**March 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/march-2022-articles-summary-f8534b65
**February 2022 Article Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/february-2022-article-summary-1ac4a2d8
**January 2022 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/january-2022-articles-summary-158cfc1f
**December 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/december-2021-articles-summary-900cb111
****November 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/november-2021-articles-summary-2c68b6ca
**October 2021 Articles Summary** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/october-2021-articles-summary-1293a999
****September 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/september-2021-articles-summary-7febda16
****August 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/august-2021-articles-summary-cb068f97
****July 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/july-2021-articles-summary-fc106569
****June 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/june-2021-articles-summary-baeb334f
****May 2021 Articles Summary**** https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary-5ba6d0c7
@ZehraSky
