I want to stop (2/2)
Yesterday, I published the first part of this topic which talks about the reasons why I decided to stop taking the prescribed medication for bipolar disorder. In this article, I just continued citing these reasons.
The psychiatrist wants me to go back to seeking a free consultation service to get prescription
She wants me to have consultation with NCMH despite the difficulties of setting a follow up appointment. That was the reason why I even went to a private clinic to look for a psychiatrist.
Her decision to have me go back to a free service made me feel like I was being abandoned. So now I just want to stop seeing a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist wants to end our meeting at around 30 minutes mark even though I paid for a 45 minutes consultation
This one is a hard pill to swallow. I was literally paying someone to care for me and I could not even have that. The psychiatrist acted like she could not have cared less that my impulsivity made me eat for more than 2 hours straight past the point when I should have stopped. I was literally feeling so full that my stomach hurt and I wanted to puke my guts out, but the psychiatrist dismissed my concern because I seem "okay".
I hated that I already felt like maybe I was just being dramatic, and for the doctor I am seeing to act that way just made me feel worse. It really solidified my decision to just focus on psychotherapy instead of continuing my medication.
If my doctor could not have cared less about my condition, then I will just go back to mostly helping myself but this time following a psychologist's assistance and guidance.
The psychiatrist forgot about my assignment
This is the last straw for me. I did the homework during my free time for the last two weeks and for her to not even bring it up, just made me realize that I am just a random person on her work. She does not care what happens to me as long as I keep paying to see her.
I even told her that I wanted to stop getting help in the past two weeks but she did not care since I was there and I paid for the session already.
Closing words
As tempting as it is to just forget that I ever tried to seek professionals' help, I know I could not just go back to pretending that I am okay. I now have some clues as to what may be wrong with me so I will follow these clues and try to get the best treatment.
But for now, I am sure that taking the medication route might do me more harm than good. After all, the psychiatrist was willing to prescribe me some medications despite not ruling out the physical conditions first. I do not want to take medication for years and then figure out that I have been taking the wrong medication for my condition just because I have a psychiatrist that could not be paid to listen to my concerns.
It is especially concerning for me as the drugs I am prescribed literally alter brain chemicals or composition and the psychiatrist just gave it to me without a second thought.
Call me paranoid, but I refuse to continue takin my medication anymore now that I saw how my psychiatrist acted to my concerns.
Tapering off my medication on my own has its risks but I am willing to suck it up.
My plan is to visit an endocrinologist next week to figure out if something is really wrong with my thyroid. This will help me out a lot if it indeed turns out that I have hypothyroidism as the symptoms can mimic mental illness such as depression and anxiety. So if I do have this condition, it could mean that I do not have bipolar disorder but rather a physical condition concerning my thyroid.
Then in the week after that, I plan to enjoy myself. My family will go to Batangas at that time and I plan to make the most out of it.
After that, I already have an appointment book with my psychologist for our psychotherapy session. I can not wait to tell her how much happened within the span of time we did not see each other. I also want to tell her how helpful her anxiety tips helped me out.
Thank you for reading this article!
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
December 2021 Articles Summary
November 2021 Articles Summary
You'll gonna be okay sis😊