To believe in love (over and over)
Since childhood, my perception of love is not really as magical as one might imagine. All around me, I see adults cry and suffer, then tell that it is because of love. Love for family, for children, for the time together. I never could figure that one out.
I brought this pessimistic view of love. Or maybe, I brought this perception so sure that it was the only true love. The concept of being in love and happy was not something that I could understand.
I thought that in time, all those in love will get tired of each other and hurt each other but never leave. Then call it love.
I never imagined I will find a true love
The first love that I found is in my friends. A love so strong that even during our darkest days, we were there for each other. A love so pure that even the part we did not share to the world is accepted instead of being hidden. A love so true that when we fall into lies and deceit, we call each other out on it instead of staying silent to keep the peace.
In my friends, I found strength to stand for myself and for my beliefs. In them, I learned that it is okay to just be non-apologetically me instead of trying to hide parts of myself just so I could fit in.
In them, I learned how to be honest with my beliefs. I used to hold my tongue and never say a word when someone says something wrong to keep the peace. But now, I know that I can correct them and instead of getting offended, they will appreciate the discussion.
Of course, when I called them first love, it is because it look me a bit of time for me to realize that familial love exists. Not because my family were unloving but because I was not appreciative as a child.
In my family, I learned that love comes in different forms. In them, I found that love could exist in actions when words fail us.
In my family, I found unconditional love. No matter the differences in opinion or beliefs, the love is stronger.
I may not agree with some of their beliefs, but I trust them to always have my back.
Then I found a magical love
This is a love that I never thought I would find in my lifetime. It is a love that keeps me up at night with bright hopes for the future.
The love I feel for my partner is something I never felt before. It is silent yet supportive. It is calm and understanding. It is the haven instead of being part of the chaos.
A story I wanted to share tonight is how my partner always make sure to be there for me even when we are physically apart.
Remember that back in May 7, I had a rollercoaster of emotions due to my psychiatric appointment?
Well, I kept most of my emotions back then to myself.
But on Sunday, I finally broke down and told my partner about it. I told him about my doubts, and my decision to stop taking the medication. I told him a lot of things that I can not share here.
All I needed from him was to be there and to listen to me.
Yet he always exceeds my expectations. He invited me on a virtual date. He let me chose the movie, and I chose another animated movie. It was a Studio Ghibli film that I always wanted to watch but never found the time to do so. We watched Spirited Away.
Not only that, but he also sent food to me, my sisters, and Moshi. I was embarrassed that he included Moshi but I was also grateful and touched. He knows how much I value Moshi, and that we always include her when we order food. So when he ordered food for us, he also did not forget about Moshi.
The truth is I used to love looking at sunflowers because they reminded me of the sun. And in the past, I needed a sun to help me get out of the dark place I was in.
In the past, I loved painting sunflowers in hopes that the will shed some shine on my life. But now, I do not find myself needing it anymore.
My partner is now the sun in my life. But that is not all, he also made me realize that I carry my own shine too, and that I am a sun in my life as well.
The love I learn from my partner is a love that makes me better. It is a love full of acceptance, and challenge. Not challenges that break our relationship, but challenges that build us and our individual character outside of the relationship.
Closing words
I have so many things I want to share about the types of love that I found. I actually did not mention the love I found in the kindness of humanity. But that may be a story for another time.
For now, I hope that I managed to convey that love exists in many places. If you feel unloved, then do not be afraid to look for the love within.
Thank you for reading this article!
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
December 2021 Articles Summary
November 2021 Articles Summary
Loving and being loved is the best feeling in the world. Nothing trumps that. Hello, Zehra. I'm Vince.