I need a friend
In difficult times, a friend is someone who can be counted to have your back. They offer their shoulders to cry on or their ears to listen to you venting.
In all honesty, I have awesome friends but I know they are busy with their lives. I do not want to make them worried about me and my condition.
However, this does not erase the fact that I need someone to talk to. Sure, I always have my partner to talk to but like I said,I do not want to dump all of my ramblings to one person only.
Plus I really miss learning new things about someone. I miss the excitement associated to getting to know an interesting person.
The problem
The main reason why I have yet to find new friends is myself. I now have rusty social skills so I do not know how to keep a conversation going with a stranger.
I am okay with people that I know for a while since I have some sort of foundation with them, but with strangers, it is difficult.
For one, I do not know where to start. I have forgotten how to build friendships that last for more than a couple of days. I am not sure how to make myself look approachable nor do I know how to approach others without coming across as FC (feeling close).
Next is that I am not in the mood to reply most of the times. Sometimes, I would forget to reply for days because I haven't been opening my messages. This of course makes for a boring conversation.
I can not seem to remember a time when I talked with a stranger where the conversation just kept going and going. I guess it was probably one of those times where I was still flirting with multiple people at the same time, before I met my partner.
A difficult combination
I am too shy to initiate or act close to anyone, and I am also awkward. I have joined some group chats in my quest to make new friends but I have actually not been active in those group chats.
The main reason for this is that I do not know how to participate in the ongoing conversations. I am not sure how to catch up with some inside jokes that I missed or conversations about each other's daily lives.
I just can not seem to find the right message to send aside from the rare "good morning, guys" messages that I sent. After this, I would usually go back to overthinking how to continue.
Yet I almost always end up just vanishing for days after that. Not because I want to but because I can not seem to understand how everything works.
I feel like a child in an adult's body and everyone else knows the rules already but no one gave me a heads up about what is happening.
I feel lost
I just can not seem to remember how to go back to my friendly self. It is frustrating since I want someone to talk to about random things.
I want to hear about someone's day and their problems. I want to listen to their stories about their places, and all those other stuff.
But I just can not do it.
I am guessing that the reason why I even managed to keep my friends, and partner is because they never take my late replies personally. They know that my social batteryay suddenly ran out but I will always reach out again when I am able to.
They also do not hesitate to double chat me. You know, they chat again even if I have yet to reply to their original message. Usually, once they double chat me, I find myself replying just so they know I saw their message.
Closing words
This is just a random article filled with my thoughts and hopes. I really want a new friend or friends but I guess I would have to wait for the face to face classes to resume. Virtual friendship seems so hard to maintain for me. Moreover, I can not seem to get how to cross from point a to point b.
Like I do not understand how to know when we can talk about personal things or some shallow things. I just don't get it.
Now that I think about it, I am super lucky to find a partner during this pandemic despite my rusty social skills. But then again, I met my partner when I was at the peak of my flirty stage so that was probably the reason why our conversation lasted as long as it did.
Anyway, this is just a random article but in case anyone takes pity to my awkward af self, I will be happy to try and use my rusty social skills.
Thank you for reading this article!
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
December 2021 Articles Summary
November 2021 Articles Summary
I feel you when you want to talk about something but nobody is there to talk too 😥