November 12, 2021
I want to run away, to a place where no one could see me. No one knows my identity. No duty. No boss. No family. No stress. And all I want is to take a big break from this funny and crazy world. I'm not tired physically, perhaps mentally. As these pessimistic thoughts are being tangled in my mind. They are plenty that might drive me crazy.
Wherever my sights are, they are seeing the true reality of a crazy world. The reality that I can't avoid even how much I tried to escape from it, to ignore it, to break it down. Because unfortunately, I am part of it. And to take a break from it, all I have to do is to disconnect from the world where I currently live. And probably, I have to go somewhere new and start my life anew.
After all, you can't stop me from loving myself again. Loving myself again. When was the last time I did it? More than a decade or so? I want to live differently and freely. Free from any burden, negative, and toxic. Different from how I was in the past - timid, weak, and unconfident. I want to be divergent in interest, perception, dreams, and goals.
No one cares about my pain and emotions, because I always care about your pain. How long do I need to wait until someone tells me "love yourself first and don't mind the world and the people around you." or.....
"Take a break before you break. Because your well-being matters more." Those are the words I always wanted to hear from all of you. But to no avail. Years, months, days, hours, and seconds have passed. But I am still here waiting. Waiting for someone to lift the heavy baggage on my shoulders. Or at least, carry some for me.
The more I go farther, the harder it is to unload my baggage. The harder it is to resist helping others. Someone says helping others helps yourself. I thought the same thing. Unfortunately, it doesn't fall like my expectations.
Oftentimes, I'm thinking, can't everything just give and take? Why is it always giving but less taking? Even the adage "the more you give, the more you receive" doesn't seem to work. Perhaps this is the crazy and funny part of reality and the world. And expectations are way too far from reality. We expect much but only to disappoint ourselves in the end.
Reality truly sucks. How can we even change it? Never. As it is constant and will forever suck. It makes us productive the whole time even if we want to slack in our abode or escape from it. Can I just be productive, say no to everyone expecting something from me? Because it's tough to stand the whole day just to meet their expectations.
Undeniably, even if I speak up and do not fear to confess my heavy sentiments to them, they would always say something against me. I wish I could freely say, "Hey guys, I want to run away. Just look after yourself okay? And do not bother me." It's easy to think, but hard to speak out.
Never enough. I am never enough for them, perhaps, for me as well. The search for real freedom never ends. When could I have it? Where could I find it? Do I have to run away to have it? But someone told me, "don't run away. Just treat yourself better, a good sleep maybe, good food, or anything that works for you."
At the end of the day, it is always a good rest that could put my mind at peace. It's a good day and I should feel okay. But here I am, slouching in the corner, anxious and weary, and venting out this nonsensical stuff. Due to this upcoming monthly red flag, my mind becomes full of pessimistic thoughts, they are unwavering, and can not be tangled.
Whatever it is, I have to constantly remind myself "sleep when you can, or be a smartphone zombie." Maybe soon I'll become a smartphone zombie. I am starting to be, honestly. Before it gets worse, I have to constantly remind myself to "love yourself."
Albeit toughly, I have to remove these thoughts and divert them into positive ones. Can a miracle help me? Does a miracle happens? Maybe yes, with fervent prayer and strong faith. I know that I could pull out myself out from this deep hole. I did this before, and I could make it again.
Yuletide season is here. Christmas is here so I should only be positive and happy. And instead of running away from the chaotic world and crazy reality, I have to run away from these crazy thoughts. Because I might go insane if I will allow them to sit in and break my tranquility.
As I came across this platform, the first thing that captured my attention was, how often do you pamper yourself? My answer is, less seldom, lol. Maybe this is what I truly need. Not an escape, but unwinding and pampering.
And this is what a weary mind can do, vent out nonsensical stuff. Pardon me for dragging your articles here guys @gertu13 @HappyBoy @Khing14 @Maryjacy @TengoLoTodo @carolinacardoza @Greatwolfman @Kristofferquincy @Glez @Jay997 @Grecy095 @Olasquare @Kendy42 @King_Gozie @FarmGirl @Scotty17 @Esthery97 @DocLayla @Eybyoung.
I just feel to include them in my Acrostic writing. And sorry for the tags.
Thanks for your time.
Feel free to read my other acrostic writings:
Because Of You (My Life Has Changed)
Β©read.cash@Jane (All rights reserved 2021)
Time of writing: 11/11/21 @2pm
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π awwe feels honoured seeing my article in here. Thanks jane ππ