Lies, Family and adoption.
I’m grateful to God for his Grace upon my life. It’s been months anyone last heard from me on this app. Yes, I’m good.
Infertility is a common family issue that happens to most families. We all have stories to tell about some certain marriages that are still looking up to God or even testimonies we hear from church or neighbors or friends.
I’d say women looking up to God for children do not get enough support and love from the society. There’s pressure on them. There’s anxiety. Some mother-in law have taken it as work to constantly remind their son’s wife that it’s been years and she’s yet to give them children .
I used to think women are the ones meant to really understand the anxiety these people go through, but it’s otherwise for some.
Most women waiting on God, especially Africans see adoption not as an option. They feel you are indirectly using the word “Barren” on them. I wish Africans really considered Adoption as an option. You could wait for years and the only answer God’s trying to give you is to adopt. Most times we block ourselves blessings by seeing the worst in the good things. Adoption is not a bad idea, but it leaves me hanging when you say it around people and you hear tons of “God forbid.”
There are beautiful Children out there. Children of grace, it could be anyone’s call to take care of them. To love them like yours.
A woman waiting on God lives most of her life in lies. No one wants a negative news. These people are sometimes been extorted by some fake prophetess and prophets who gives them the exact news they want to hear. Any problem is enough to seek spiritual help, but waiting would make one go places because of the pressure.
My Aunt once told me, she said Tee, you remember when I was waiting on God? Sometimes, I would come out of the house, starting from the gate to my destination, I would always see pregnant women and I would pray to God to do my own.
My Aunt got to a place where she was given eggs to drink and was beaten on her tummy by a prophetess. I’m sure people have different experiences during the wait.
I would love to see more couples been enlightened on medical solutions and treatments. There are alternatives like IVF, adoption and several medical solutions I’m not even aware of, but most people do not always consider doctor’s advise. They believe it’s only pastors and prophets that have solutions to their problem.
My Aunt made me understand the disappointments and anxiety that played in her head during the process of waiting. There was certainly a time she thought God had finally answered her prayers. She said she was seeing all signs of pregnancy. Her tummy was protruding, she was sick and tired. But whenever she took a pregnancy test, it was always negative. She said she believed the devil was toying with her, but as long as people could see the changes in her, she believed God was working In her life, until, the day she got her period after two months plus. She said she believed it was a miscarriage. Her hubby advised she went to the hospital and that was when the Doctor told her it was all a result of anxiety. Nothing was growing inside of her.
Please be gentle with people this year, especially with your words. It doesn’t necessarily have to be only people waiting on God for one thing or the other. Be kind to everyone. And always pray for people who needs help.
I would love to recommend a very interesting and educating movie I watched recently on Netflix. It is called “The Wait”. It’s a great movie.
To God be the glory, my Aunt gave birth to twins recently. It has always been God. Keep believing he would answer your prayers someday. Like they say, God’s time is the best. It’s worth waiting on.
Happy New Year Lovers❤️❤️. It’s a great year already. Manifest good things this year. Do not pressure yourself. Live life this New year!
Who wrote these manuals?
Yesterday, I went through my WhatsApp status and came across this guy's status. The first thing he typed was, "You don't go to bed while showing your interest in her" I laughed and went to the next one. He also said "If she's mad at you for no reason, calm her down, hold her waist, place her hand on your chest and give her a heavy knock. It wasn't funny to me because girls have been ridiculed in so many ways just because they are easily accessible.
Why do young guys in their early 20s think this way? That made me really want to know who's giving these young guys relationship manuals? You are told not to fall in love because real men don't love, who told you that? Even when girls want to genuinely love them for who they are, they believe they are after their money and has nothing to offer them.
Some would say, If you go around, You'll experience new environment and you'll know it's a free world. Why should you send money to get a girl's attention or even have to pay to get laid? Some would say toasting a lady should be a stress-free thing. Who wrote this manual??
Most of us grew up with no love, and instead of us to embrace our softness, our vulnerability, We let the world harden us. Even when a guy is trying to let himself be in love, his friends would call him different names, like he is not supposed to be in love. Why let the society direct you? Why believe you are a fool if you fall in love?
Ladies are not supposed to request for money, else she's a gold digger. If the foundation of your relationship started with money, be ready to take it till the last day, without complaining. Guys will intentionally shower you with gifts to get a YES from you, and expect you not to get used to it. You are toasting a girl, you already got her the latest iPhone and you expect her not to be materialistic, after winning her heart with materials? If you had gone to her as a normal gentleman, who is managing his resources. if she'd date you, It will be for who you truly are.
I told a male friend of mine who said he asked his girlfriend for a break. I asked him why? He said he doesn't understand her anymore. It's okay to ask for a break but if it is because of money, there is no point. Let her go. Before you ask a girl out, get to know her first. Guys be promising the whole world when in talking stage with a girl, and end up saying she's materialistic.
If you know you don't want a woman who is going to be after your money, don't toast her with materials you won't be able to afford afterwards. Let the Love be mutual. Date someone of your standard. Date someone who has something doing and stop chasing the ones you can't afford their lifestyles.
A guy once told me, "Ask me whenever you need anything", but today if I remind him of that, he would say, "I was trying to get you then." I know there are some girls doing the most. You want a guy to fend for a lifestyle you can't afford. You want a guy to get everything for you, but It's not done that way. Stop making these guys talk to you out of disrespect. Stop making them think all girls are the same. There are good girls out there ready to grow with you. Girls who are ready to work for their money and ready to assist you. Not all girls are after your money or have nothing to render. Allow yourself to fall in love. Love is beautiful.
Nobody is supposed to settle for less. If you are not happy in your relationship, take a break. Always choose yourself first. You matter a lot, and do not allow anyone make you feel less of yourself. There is a quote that says, " At a certain point, self-respect has to overweigh feelings." Always remember that.
I've been away for few months. I've had my head low cos I wanted to learn new things, but I think I'm back now.
Maybe it’s true
There is this common saying that Good girl no Dey pay. Maybe it’s true. No matter how loyal and good you’re as a woman, you will get your heart broken.
I met Emmanuel in my second year in the university. He has always been good to me. There was a time he paid my tuition for me. In every way, he has been a good man. He was two years above me in school. I cherished every moment spent with him, but then there was this problem of womanizing I couldn’t bear. He’s always in every woman’s Dm.
I loved him irrespective of his nonchalant attitude. I believe we could make it work. When he was in his final year in school, I was In my third year. There was this girl he introduced to me as his school daughter. At first, I didn’t like the idea of having a school daughter but he made me understand they’ve known each other before I came into the picture. He said it was nothing serious, and I allowed it. It wasn’t just the girl alone, he had about two more school daughters who were in lower levels in school.
On one fateful day, I got to Emma’s hostel and I noticed he was not happy. I asked him what was wrong and he told me it was nothing. Anytime I see him moody, I always want to know what went wrong. I don’t want my man keeping silent about anything. Let me know how you feel and whatever is bothering you. We are supposed to have each other’s backs. He was so quiet and distant that day. I allowed him sleep at night, then I picked his phone and couldn’t believe what I saw. The girl I felt so uncomfortable being his school daughter confirmed she was pregnant for him.
I couldn’t compose myself after seeing that text. I took pictures of their texts and dropped his phone. It was as if I was going to loose it at that moment. I wanted to scream and leave his room but it was too late to do that. I tried sleeping back but I couldn’t. I tapped him to wake up. He asked me what was wrong? I could not utter a word but tears filled my eyes. “Where have I gone wrong?”was all I could utter. He sat up and said he could explain.
My boyfriend paid the girl to go a nurse and abort the pregnancy as they were both not ready to raise a kid. I don’t know how I allowed that pass, but I forgave him. I made it slide.
I discovered he was still in touch with his school daughter, the one who aborted for him. I asked him why? He said he can’t stop communicating with her, and said if I were in her shoes, how would I react if he stops talking to me. I was still okay with it until another incident happened.
I didn’t inform my friends about what had happened in the past between us because I know they would’ve told me to leave him, and I wasn’t ready to.
His birthday came so fast. We informed our friends to come over for an hostel party. There’s a girl who was in her first year then, she’s from my vicinity. My boyfriend had met her in my hostel twice. She was part of the guests that came for his birthday. My friends and I served everyone the small chops we made that morning and drinks.
I was in his kitchen cleaning up when I heard Emma barge in. He said something about the girl from my vicinity been so rude. I was trying to figure out what he meant when he showed me the text she sent to him. In the text she said,”Never in your life try that with me again. I’m not like those girls you touch anyhow. I have sense, so don’t think you’re smart. You useless man! If not for my sis, I would have disgraced you out there.” I asked my boyfriend what he had done this time and he Said, he had only hugged her just like he did to the other guests and he’s lost just like I am.
I reached out to Margaret, the girl from my vicinity. I called her on phone to meet me in my hostel. Throughout the night before, I was trying to figure out what could have triggered the text she sent to my guy, but then I know he’s a changed man. I could have asked how she got his number but I remembered he requested for it from me on her birthday. He even sent her some cash on her birthday.
Margaret arrived at my hostel. I offered her water. Before I could utter a word, she apologized for being so rude with her text, but I told her it was okay. Then I told her to tell me all that happened that day.
Margaret said immediately she got into the sitting room of his apartment, she had greeted him just like other guests, but he requested for a hug instead of a handshake. She complied. As she was about releasing herself from him, he kept a hand on her left breast and smooshed her instead , then smiled afterwards. She said she couldn’t break out because she didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his guests. I bowed my head and became so ashamed for loving a man like Emmanuel. He has brought me shame in all ways.
All Things Are Possible
On Friday evening, I received a call from Mom. She said there was going to be a family dinner on Sunday evening, and she want everyone present. At first, I didn’t like the idea, but then my Mom has never called us for any urgent situation before. I was anxious. I needed to get someone who would spill what had happened to me, but no one knew. Everyone was just as curious as I was.
I called my Dad to explain to him that traveling from Oyo to Lagos is not an easy task for me, not when Oyo road is extremely bad. I persuaded him to tell me what was going on, because in years there has never been a complete family dinner. One or two persons were never available, and it goes on like that till we finally stopped trying to bring everyone together.
I decided to travel on Saturday morning. At first, the trip was going well till we got to an accident scene. They said a trailer carrying petroleum had fallen, and it burnt an entire car, running towards it. I could only bow my head to pray for the family of the victim. Bad things happens everyday even to good people. I pray we never experience such (Amen).
I finally got home. I studied the atmosphere of the house, it seemed everyone was okay, but then what could Mom have arranged a family dinner for?
It was nice seeing my married siblings. They brought my nieces and nephews. These kids grow really fast was what I said in my mind, while smiling. Who would believe those kids they gave birth to in your presence would have started speaking big grammar to you? I could see why Awesome College as been taking my brother’s salary. The knowledge they pass into his children was worth his money. My brother is always fighting his wife for taking his kids to such expensive school. The day was really fast and we all retired to bed.
Sunday was here. We woke up quite early, because Mom had been going from one room to the other to bang the doors. She told us to come down for morning devotion. As an African child, you should know when you have visitors, prayers are usually long. She would pray over each and everyone of us. The morning devotion was extremely long this morning.
After the devotion, I decided to sweep the house. On getting to the veranda, one of my brother’s wife already picked the broom up. Trust me, I love it when someone does my chores for me. I immediately went into my room to pick my phone. I haven’t even viewed one WhatsApp status before my mom barged in. She instructed I drop the phone and help her in the kitchen. Three women were in the kitchen with my mom. She just didn’t want me to sit idle while others work.
It was exactly 6:00 in the evening. We all gathered at the shed. There was a shed in the compound. Dad wanted to make it a football house, but he changed his mind. He was too fragile to handle a football house where different set of guys would come in to watch.
We ate in silence. My mom made pounded yam with vegetables, filled with Orisirisi inside. It was so delicious that we totally forgot ourselves. My dad cleared his throat, and we were all back to normal. There was silence. I could see my dad hold my mom’s hand. It was more like giving her an approval to go ahead. My Mom stood up and said, “He finally did it.” She noticed we were all waiting for her to continue. She then said, “God, finally did it...Tayo is pregnant.” We confirmed it 3 weeks ago.
Tayo is Mom’s little sister. I call her my sister and not Aunt, cause she watched me grow. She was there all through my childhood and it took time before anyone knew it wasn’t Mom who had given birth to her. Tayo had been waiting on God for a good husband. Right after she got married, she had trouble taking in. She and mom had prayed severally for the fruit of the womb and I’m finally happy God said YES to that. There’s nothing impossible. Keep believing.
Only last born children will be able to understand
When you get old enough, all the housework falls on you, no matter how old you get. Whenever I see Daniel, I see myself in him. I’ve never liked the chores. Whenever, I get to do it, I do it with so much anger in me. I ask myself why others couldn’t do it, but me?
Daniel is a young boy of about 11-12 years. He’s my friend’s little brother. All Daniel have to do is to fetch water in the house and clear the dishes, plus, run some errands, but he is always sad when doing it. His brother would rage at him and tell me how is it a big work for him, but I know he wouldn’t understand as he’s the first child of his family. I understood how Daniel felt.
On a fateful day, Kola and I went out. Kola is Daniel’s big bro. I had to use his toilet, because I couldn’t hold the urine any longer. Immediately I got to the bathroom, I noticed someone was murmuring in the room next to the bathroom, it was Daniel. Daniel was telling me to use water wisely because there was no water. I had to clean up and check the room but he had left. I told his brother I was leaving, and he was curious cos I’d told him I was staying for the night. I could have been the last person Daniel could have been rude to, cause I stay out of his business and I’ve always tolerated his discourteous behavior. I was mad that day.
His brother kept persuading me to speak up, but I insisted on Daniel’s arrival before I do. Daniel got back and his brother called him in the room. I asked him what he’d said when I was In the bathroom, and he changed everything. I told him exactly what he said. I made him realize I’m the last child of my family and I do understand how he feels, sometimes. I made him know the last time I went home for holiday, my mom sent me to buy her a full crate of Pepsi drink in the next street, and I carried it on my head and I still run errands too. I made him know that these errands he’s trying to run away from can’t be avoided. You can’t run away from it. No matter how old you get, you’ll always be seen as the baby of the house.
The enjoyment a last born child receives end only when he/she is little. When you were a kid all you had to do to get what you wanted was cry and It doesn’t go on to adulthood. When parents are still young and working, they buy you everything you want. The moment they grow old and retire, you are left with your older siblings. You just have to take what they give you. You have no right to be entitled to anything. As long as you grow, you discover nobody owes you anything. You are your own responsibility.
Another thing is, nobody understands you other than yourself. You’ll crave for at least an ally amongst your siblings. One that you can run to for advice or monetary assistance. No matter how you explain that this is how some certain things are done in the present time, someone is against you saying when I was in school, I didn’t have that privilege. You’ll crave for freedom a lot. You want to run away from the errands and problems.
As the last child of your family, you want to be greater and not make same mistakes the others have made. You start searching for ways to run away from the problems and start afresh. Sometimes, it saddens your heart when the people you looked up to when you were a kid are not yet where they are supposed to be. Sometimes, you don’t even like any of them lifestyles, especially when there’s no one to be your mentor or role model in the family. Sometimes, it is hard for you to fit into the world because anywhere you go, they believe last born children enjoys, and you have no answer to that.
Your friend’s enemy is not your enemy
Do not inherit beef, not from your parents or friends. I once said in one of my articles on “HATE”, do not say because your parents do not like some certain people, you decide not to talk to them. Whatever happened between your parents and those people, happened in the past. You do not have an idea about it, so, don’t pick it up.
Girls do this a lot! Just because your friend isn’t talking to another girl, you decide not to talk to the girl because you think it makes you disloyal? No, you are not in the position to pick up old beef. You are not in the position to judge anyone as well, and not even in the position to settle the beef, but do not partake in the beef. It doesn’t concern you.
I can decide to be friends with both the two girls having a beef. It doesn’t make me a bad person. It more like telling my friend never to talk to someone because I don’t like them or because of something that had transpired between us in the past. It unfair to pick friends for your best friend. You don’t get to tell anyone who they relate with. Whatever happened, happened in the past and your friend wasn’t there at that time, so why tell her who to associate with?
Don’t inherit your friend’s enemy. The first time I went home during the ASUU strike. I noticed my Mom and the woman living opposite my house weren’t greeting each other. I asked my Mom what happened, she said the woman said she said something she never said. That didn’t make me stop greeting the woman. Anytime I see her, I greet her. It’s childish when you participate in beef that doesn’t concern you. You weren’t there when it happened, you didn’t know the exact thing that was said, so why join in the hatred?
Not liking someone is cool, but recruiting other people not to like them is crazy. It’s not your responsibility to hate someone your friend hates. The person did you no wrong. Your friend’s enemy is not your enemy. Don’t hate on anyone, you are not in the position to do so. Some girls carry other people’s problem on their heads. They start been so dramatic around their friend’s enemy. Be wise!
You don’t have to be your friend’s enemy best friend but don’t make them your enemy instead. There was a time a girl told me she didn’t like me before but now she does. She said it’s because Blessing talks about me. We were kids then about 12 years old then. Imagine someone not liking me because her friends talked bad about me? It’s so childish. Don’t pick grudges that ain’t yours. Stop assuming some girls are bad just because your friend told you they are.
The issues that most girls have are always men and jealousy. Just ask a friend of yours why she isn’t talking to someone, she might tell you just because she do too much. Lol. Girls can be so dramatic. Hating on someone just because you think their styles are better than yours or because the guy you’ve always crushed on, like her instead of you. Trust me, you don’t want to hate on an innocent girl because of that. Don’t carry other people’s hatred on your head. It doesn’t concern you. Whatever happened between them, happened between them and it doesn’t relate to you in any way.
There is absolutely no one I dislike at the moment. Main reason I keep small circle of friends. I have enough things on my plate than involving myself in other mess. But if you are the type that have group friendship, and you’ve found yourself in situations like that, where you don’t have to talk to some certain people because your friends don’t like them, please stop. If that person didn’t offend you in any way, do not hate on them. Let’s spread love around. @TheRandomRewarder you haven’t been visiting my articles lately. I hope I’m safe.
Happiness
I took a break. During the break, I had time to read RETURN by Karen Kingsbury and Gary Smalley. The book RETURN was the other part of REMEMBER. I then noticed, it had other parts, but it’s worth the time. In the book, I was happy Ashley finally got all her shits together and moved on, by talking to God everyday, and finally decided to show her paintings to the world, only for her to be tested positive of HIV.
I didn’t only focus my time on books, but I finally had time to watch RIVERDALE. I mean, the complete season. How great! RIVERDALE has been a movie I’ve heard from so many mouths. I normally don’t watch series cos it takes a lot of time, but with RIVERDALE it was different. I just needed to know Jason’s killer, and there were so many secrets tied to it. I continued watching till it ended.
Yesterday, I saw a shocking news about a woman who burnt her husband in the house. The news went viral on WhatsApp. I heard the man was a crypto trader. The wife burnt him due to infidelity, as heard. Judgement isn’t into anyone’s hand, so, nobody should judge anyone. like I always say, be outspoken. Share your feelings with your partner.
I see no reason people consume a lot of things in them. If you are not okay with one’s attitude towards you, especially someone close to you, speak up! If you are being wronged and you don’t like what’s been said to you, or you saw your friend or lover do something to you, speak up. Do not keep it in you or pile it till when you can’t control it anymore.
I once told a friend to always speak up when she’s been cheated on. Instead, she said, “I’m not like you, Tee.” You don’t have to be like me before you express how you feel. Once, I tell you I don’t like what you did there, trust me that’s it for me. It’s forgotten. And I’m never going to refer to it again. Why pile up all you’ve condone and pull it out in one day? Some won’t even pull it out, they will put it in mind and look for all ways to get back at you. It makes you a fiend.
Lately, I told myself I was going to relax. I overthink everything, including the future I don’t know. I decided to be easy with myself. Do the things I love. Take time off and have fun. There was a movie I watched, an elderly woman told a young girl who was working in the care home to have fun. She made her realize that in her Old age the only thing that matters will be the good memories.
The youths are presently facing ASUU strike. Most are home, some still in school, some outside the country on vacation, some working. It’s okay if you haven’t gotten your life figured out. It’s okay not to have anything doing at the moment. It doesn’t mean those working are the ones with a great future. I know how frustrating parents can be, especially if you are been compared to some strangers. My Dad once told me to go learn hairdressing instead of staying indoors. I told him I didn’t have passion for it. If you are in that condition do not feel pressured.
A friend called me last week. She said she didn’t like the way she’s home. She said her street is still the same old street. I made her realize there are people living at Lekki and are also tired of staying there. I told her to be happy and contented. You need to make yourself happy. Life is short. Take time to gather yourself together. Do things that makes you happy. You don’t necessarily have to be rich to be happy. Even wealthy people commit suicide. Don’t base your happiness on one thing.
People die everyday. We don’t know who is next tomorrow. Live well. Stop the grudges and hatred. Show love to everyone. The flower you didn’t give someone when they were alive, don’t wait till they die before you give them. Appreciate those who have been in your corner. Those who have had your back and supported you, those trying to be better too. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take life easily.
Everything’s gonna be okay
Farouk sent me a Dm on WhatsApp in the midnight. I could tell he wasn’t having it. He was frustrated about being the first child of three wives, his father married. Things were not so good for him as he is depending on the gadget he sold. Farouk, insisted he wasn’t going to do fraud to earn money. He’s so consistent on posting his business on WhatsApp.
I really wish Farouk get a breakthrough soon. I can’t imagine the pressure from his mom and his siblings. I wonder how he copes. Things are quite hard these days. Everyone is saying there’s no money. The bills we get is more than the money we earn. Debts on debts.
Farouk made me understand that he will be over that stage. He said it’s just a phase. I loved the way he said “It’s a phase”. It won’t always be like that. It’s just for a while. He then said, “I’ll get through it.” You don’t need any motivator other than yourself. That’s why I mentioned positive mindset in my last article. Overthinking will not sort the issues.
You need to speak positively to yourself when you don’t feel like yourself, when you feel nothing is working out anymore. Do not injure yourself with drugs or alcohol because you think nobody will understand you. The major problem most people have is poverty. The way to fight it is not by drinking or damaging your system.
You need to believe you’ll be alright at the end of the day. There’s nothing you are going through that someone else’s haven’t. It’s just stage. Yesterday, an idea came into my mind. I immediately cut it off by saying I can’t do it. Then, something in me said why can’t I? I’m already working towards it. You can do anything to change your story.
Everybody have something bothering them. Yours might not be the same as the other person but we will all be alright. Let’s stay positive. Don’t give up on yourself. You are going to look back one day and everything will turn to history.
You don’t need to turn yourself to a drunkard or smoker because you think it’s your story that touch most. At the end of the day none of these things matter. I have seen some fathers who were addicts throughout their adulthood and ended up giving up alcohol at old age. You don’t want to waste your time or the little money you have on weed or alcohol.
If you think you have the saddest story maybe you should call your friends and listen to theirs. Some people see you as their hero. There was a time I was going through life, and I decided to visit a friend. I’ve been home for weeks and that was an opportunity to step out. On getting to her house, she started saying her struggles and all I did was to listen. People who are dealing with real problems still go out with a smiling face, like they already accepted their fate. But young man like you, is already lighting weed, because you think it’s the solution.
You just have to be happy and be contented with what you have. If you think life in your house is the worst, remember there are people in lekki, who are also tired of living there. Stop hoping that your happiness is based on something. Enjoy the moment. You are not the only one going through life.
Depression is real. Don’t isolate yourself when you are sad. If you love music, use it to get yourself in mood. If you are the type that keep friends, have them over and have fun. If you are the type who love to have family around, go over and visit them. Do whatever makes you happy and won’t harm you. And if you are the type who finds comfort with his/her partner, go over to them. You don’t need to tell these people how you feel, but the joy of having them around is beautiful. Life is short to be anything other than happy.
Do your best
I was in the shop on a Thursday afternoon, when my Oga’s friend came in. She was really bothered and was murmuring. All the apprentice including myself were wondering what could have been wrong with her, as she was really a jovial person. This time around, she came in and sat down, praying aloud. That was unlike her.
At first, I had wondered what was going on, but then I kept looking at the clothes my Oga was cutting as that was the main reason I was there. I completely took my mind off her friend who was now pacing around the shop. I was still In my thoughts, when I heard my Oga say, “You’ll be fine.” I was scared she had heard what I was saying inside of me. Thank God she was talking to her friend.
Her friend was a dark, beautiful, tall woman. I love her stature a lot. I love the way she walks and her personality. She seem cool to be with. Whenever she’s in shop with us, she always had something to say. The way she talks gently and the way she places them. Even when she’s angry she still talks calmly. I said a little prayer inside, because I know she deserve nothing but the best. You would have thought my prayer had made her speak out. She took a deep breath and said “I’m finished.”
This lecturer has been constantly failing her right since 200 level and now she’s in 500 level, and he still gave her an ‘F’. He said the only way out is for her to do what he want. He want to get laid with her just like she said he did with other female students. They said he’s known for that in the main campus. My Oga’s friend said she had fasted and prayed about this man and hope he would forget about it, but he said he’s on his way to pick her up. And she didn’t want to waste another year as the school has been on several strike, a 5-year-course had literally turned to 7 years course.
The lecturer called her and told her he is at the junction. She wiped her tears and went away. We could all see the man’s car from the rooftop, but we couldn’t do anything to save her. Then my Oga said that was a lesson to us. She said her friend wasn’t that serious with her education. She never liked reading that much. She just never liked stressing herself. How I wish she had done her best in her 200 level days. How I wish she had put in her best in all the courses. How I wish she wasn’t in the position she was at that moment, but there was absolutely nothing anyone could do to save her.
Do your best in everything you lay your hands on. Be it education, business, or whatever. No matter how much you hate a particular course or a particular lecturer, make sure you do your best in his course and Leave the rest for God. One thing I avoid saying is, “I hate a particular lecturer or course.” You can’t focus on something you hate. Avoid using the word ‘Hate’ especially in your studies.
If Oga’s friend were to be a guy, he could have accepted money from him or tell him to retake his course. But as a woman, he didn’t accept money but her body. I don’t want to be in that situation. Try and make your studies your main priority, at least for the short period you are in school. Try studying, so, you don’t do the otherwise for grades.
I didn’t come across her after that time. I’m sure she would tell her friend and us nothing happened in the hotel. I’m sure that will be a secret she will never tell anyone in her life. I’m sure she’s not proud of what she did that day. I pray she will never be in that position again. I’m sure she has learnt her lesson.
This is what happens in most universities, polytechnics. It is not a new thing, but make sure it doesn’t happen at your end. It is not a good thing. At the end of the day, it’s not worth it. We don’t necessarily have to live a life full of regrets. We’ve got lot of regrets already. Do your best in everything you do. There’s nothing like, reading is for certain set of people. For the years, you are going to spend in school, make sure you try your best. It’s important.
Positive mindset
Having a positive mindset is the way to get rid of negativity. Always think positive. Try as much as possible to chase away negativity in your mind. Yes, it comes to mind. Sometimes you ask yourself, is it ever going to work out? Am I ever going to pass this examination or interview? No matter what happens, just make sure you replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
For some weeks now, my business has been stagnant. But one thing that I have always thought about is having a huge business deal. One afternoon, I was in my thoughts. I thought about having a huge business deal. Infact, I’d calculated my gain on the deal I don’t even know where is coming from, or when it is coming. Even though the business has been stagnant, I still had a positive mindset. I believed something good can still come out of the stagnant business. To my amazement that thought came to past two days ago. Exactly, the way I had calculated my gain and the exact dollars I’d expected.
You can tell what you did in an exam. You know within yourself if you did it well or not. The only difference is you are hoping a miracle would happen. I’ve seen students come outside to give testimonies in church about the exams they thought they would fail and they ended up passing. Your mindset matters a lot. If you let negativity dwell in, it will take a lot from you. Even in worst situations, think positively.
Even on bad days, think positively. As students, whenever you write an exam and you know within yourself that it will be a mass failure still keep the positive mindset. Tell yourself that even if half of the class fail, you won’t. There’s power on the tongue. Use your tongue wisely. Most people say bad things to themselves in the name of joke. Watch what you say to yourself. I believe in miracles, so even on bad days, there can still be a way.
My friends know I am someone who doesn’t give up. Even days when everyone had lost hope, a bit of me still believe something good can still happen. There are times things don’t go as planned, but I still have faith. Keep your faith high. If there is something you are hoping for, but it’s taking time, don’t give up on it. Don’t think it is over or too late to come to accomplishment. You have to be a believer of positivity.
When you have a positive mindset, you are free from doubts. You think straight. You get rid of fear. Fear is literally the number one problem most people have. Guard your heart with diligence. Protect the things you believe by not discussing them sometimes. Stay silent.
If there’s anything you are looking up to God for, or there’s something in your mind you are looking forward to, have a positive mindset about it. Practice focusing on the good in any given situation. Stay optimistic. Make sure you don’t put yourself in position where negativity sets in. Just the way negative thoughts happened, that’s the way positive thoughts happens. Think positive! Think big!
I read a post on Twitter. This guy said “My toxic trait is I overthink and break my own heart.” People came up with different replies but One got my attention. She said, “I used to! But with the help of self-affirmations and replacing the negative thoughts with positive thoughts (slowly but surely) of the desired outcome, I’m surely an overcomer. It never came early but definitely worth trying.” That was a beautiful thing to read. The advice the lady gave will definitely help someone.
There are times we’ve had positive mindset about some things and it ended up not working out, Don’t make that be a reason to stop thinking positively. There has never been a time everyone haven’t been disappointed before. Having a positive mindset will only make you see the good in every circumstances. Giving up has never been a solution. Strive to become better.
Comparison
On this particular day, my Dad was talking to my Mom on phone. I didn’t know what they were saying but I could see her nod from the window. She called me afterwards to bring a stool for her, and told me to sit on it. She brought a blade out and scraped my hair.
I didn’t know what was happening, but 10-year-old me was so obedient. My dad got back that night and told me to prepare for a common entrance examination as I will be going to one of the best secondary schools to further my education. He told me it was a boarding school and I felt bad knowing I won’t be seeing my mom anymore.
The next day, I went to my primary school to get my testimonial and result. I then took some passport photograph. I got home and found my parents arguing. My mom had said to my dad that why am I going to the same school as Tope’s child? Must he always follow Tope’s way of doing things? It was then I realized I was going to a boarding school because my dad’s colleague daughter is there too. She was already a year ahead of me. I didn’t know the girl, I’d never met her but my mom wasn’t happy to see me going to another state to school.
I passed the examinations, both the common entrance exam and the written interview. I remember we resumed October 11th that year. I was placed in green house. I was nervous at first but I was easily matched-make with a girl to be my friend by both parents. We were asked to bring no clothes from home and we were given 2 house wears and a white plain gown for church.
So, yesterday, my dad said his friend’s daughter, the same girl I went to boarding school with has started writing books and was asking what I have been doing with my time during this ASUU strike period?. On several occasions I have seen my Dad compare some kids to his kids. He had come home one day to tell my brother that one of his friends kid have gotten a job at a big firm but ignorance won’t make him see that. Can parents really see that their children are trying their best? We really do not need the pressure.
50% of Parents are like that. They compare you to other people’s kids. They want you to see the exact way some kids are, they want you to act like them. A friend of mine once told me his Mom had called him one day to look at his neighbor and how calm the boy was. Luckily, my friend got admission into the same school the boy got admitted to. He told me the second time he saw that boy in the school environment, he was smoking weed. If his mom had seen that boy that day with weed would she had wish her son was like him?
Another occasion is where my mom said I dress indecently. She said I love clothes below my knees and asked me to dress like a certain girl in the vicinity. This girl loves to wear native a lot. Her skirts are always long and she’s always having a scarf tied around her head. Today, the girl is a mother. She gave birth out of wedlock. Does she still want me to be like her? I don’t think so.
So many youths have something to say about being compared to other kids. Parents would always have something to say, but know what you are doing. Do not fall under the influence of pressure. If you are not passionate about something and it is being forced to you, if you can step away from it, please do. You don’t have to marry at a certain age just because your mother is singing it as a song to you that your childhood friend is married. You don’t have to learn that trade if you are not passionate about it.
We can do better when raising our own kids in the future. You don’t have to compare your kids to other kids. Know what they love from when they are little. Do not compulsory a profession to your kids. There’s nothing like a particular course is professional and some aren’t professional. With the way things are going in this country, I don’t think there is something like professional or non-professional courses. Let’s your children go for their dreams. Don’t be ignorant!
My best friend
On this day, I was really late for chemistry practical. On getting to the laboratory everywhere was crowded. Then, I saw my class rep collecting money from some people, so I asked the girl standing next to me what the money was for and how much were they paying?. At first I didn’t notice her make up until I requested for her practical manual. This girl literally had time to draw her eyebrows and baked her face with powder and contour. I was shocked because we were freshers. It was our first year in college. The lab attendant came in, he gave us just assignment. So, I requested for her number and left.
I’m not a friendly person but I’m likable. The first thing people get attracted to about me is my color. My dark is always shinning. I’m always lucky to have beautiful girls as friends. Trust me, I don’t pick friends, it just happen. I love this girl the day I saw her but I didn’t think we were going to be really close not to talk of being best friends till date. I noticed she was a social media person because I saw her post on WhatsApp frequently, but I wasn’t that kind of person. It was close to Christmas period and we were just on “hello” and “hi” level till January.
The school management asked us to resume on the 6th of January. I’m always resuming early, not that I like school that much, I’m just always happy to run away from the house chores and other errands which I’d always dislike. We were on talking level on WhatsApp. So, I asked her one day that when was she coming to school and she said the coming Sunday in that year. My friends as at that time haven’t resumed as well.
On Sunday she told me she was back. I told her I would come visit her and asked for her location. Luckily, she stayed really close to my hostel but didn’t know how to describe, I had to wait at my church as it was the popular place in that area. She came over to meet me there. We exchanged greetings and was walking back to her hostel, only for me to pass in front of my hostel, I was actually pissed because she could have just told me to wait on the field opposite my hostel instead of making me wait at a far end. We finally got to her hostel which was just at the back of my hostel.
Her room was quite organized and comfortable. In my school, we don’t have a private hostel. Everyone has the right to rent hostels. The structures are always the same but you can choose to arrange it anyhow you like. I remember she made me noodles and fried eggs that day. Trust me, she’s a good cook. We chatted for a while and I left. She is my departmental mate and stays close to my hostel which made us really compatible. I couldn’t ask for more. At least, we get to go to school together, sit next to each other and go home together after lectures.
We started getting really close. I remembered she told me she wanted to go for a birthday party that same January but she was doubting, she didn’t know if she should go or not, but I told her to. She got back and brought me Snacks and Monster energy drink. I felt that was really cool and thoughtful. Lectures began and we started moving around together. We became so inseparable. You would always see us together. One day someone said who is Tee among you? People started mistaken us for each other. I love the friendship right from the beginning. In the long-run, she wasn’t opened. I was the carefree type. I could say anything and she would just look at me and smile.
The first semester in my first year was really occupied. I didn’t have much time like I have now. I mean, from lectures, I would go home and eat, then go for tutorials and get back in the evening. The girls I was staying with were in their final year. So, they would go for night class. Then, one day I decided to go with them and it turned to a daily routine for me till they left. My first year in college was the most serious year. There was a lot coming from the seniors. They would tell you MTH 101 is the hardest course and carries 5 units. If you fail it then you will have a low CGPA which is not good for start. I wasn’t part of people who said mathematics was really hard, just that I never liked any subject right from high school. In the beginning, I said I didn’t like school. Yes, I don’t, but I do well in school.
My best friend is the most gentle of all my friends. She’s extremely cool. One thing I always complain about is her gentleness. You can cheat her and still go scot-free. You can hurt her and she’s still going to give you a second chance. I mean who does that? She’s really the opposite of me. If you hurt me, I will tell it to your face. And once I speak my mind it’s gone. But her, she won’t say a word and still talk to you the next day, but once she has it full, she brings it out and wouldn’t mind how it settles in your body. She’s with one person ever since our first year, but I really don’t know the number I am now. Lol. Anytime we are together. I use to be like, You ate BJ’s chicken and chips and still didn’t tell me to date him, You ate Daniel’s money and still didn’t tell me to date him and so on. Lol. You know those things girls do.
Trust me, I didn’t know what to write. I just know I needed to publish something. Lol.
You can have both
Since I got home from school I haven’t had much things doing. My Mom wakes my brother and I up at 6am every morning for devotion and as the last born, I get back to bed to continue my usual sleep till 9am. Sometimes, I try publishing an article. After that, I will do the chores and cook. After my bath, I read novels. I’m currently on “The thing around your neck” by Chimamanda Adichie. She’s one of my favorite novelists. There are different stories in this particular novel. I actually love the entire stories but I love two more which are; JUMPING MONKEY HILL and THE SHIVERING. Inside THE SHIVERING she spoke about Ukamaka who dated Udenna for three years and you know how ladies are, she already planned her entire life with Udenna, who ended telling her the relationship was Staid. And that word “Staid” got to me. The craziest thing is she did everything he allowed.
There was a point in my life I used to be scared to date just so I could avoid heartbreak. The more I’ve grown, the more I realize it’s something you can’t change. You might have to date like three guys before you finally meet the actual love of your life. Whenever I think about the time wasted, is it really worth it?. Especially the ladies have more to lose. Imagine spending three years with someone. You find yourself adapting to what he likes, his kind of food and how stuffs are done around him. Ukamaka liked peppery food because of her boyfriend, Udenna. Some women have given up so many things because of their men. We normally hear some say, “My man doesn’t like this or that” and he ended up not marrying her. That’s sad. I heard a story of a graduate from my school. She said she dated this guy right from 100lv till they graduated. Friends and the girl’s family already hoped for marriage, only for the guy to call the girl one day that a Pastor said he shouldn’t marry a light-skinned girl. It’s so unfair. I mean, it is sad when you devote your time into something and it end up not working out. The lady is married now with a kid. What about people who are not as lucky as her. Everybody is quick to tell you to move on, but moving on is not easy. It feels like a dream to you. Now, it is now girls that break up with guys most especially if he’s a broke guy, she’s gonna dump his ass and move on with a rich guy that can get her original Louis Vuitton Bag. Lol. Most times I ask myself, “Tee, are you going to receive breakfast someday?” It’s a question you can’t even answer because no one is perfect. Most women have been heartbroken out there and they are still doing well for themselves. Shout out to all the beautiful women out there, including the single moms and the widows. It’s not easy being in any of those positions.
One thing I believe In is that you can get both love and wealth. Love is beautiful if you are with the right person. The one person who is scared to lose you, that one person who knows he is just as imperfect as you are but willing to bring joy into your life. The women can do well by being so understanding and faithful to their partners. Try to make him feel safe with you. It shouldn’t be every time you nag and stop telling your man that he is less of a man just because he doesn’t own what his mates own yet. Love is all about patience. Be patient with each other and pray together. Prayer is the key to move forward in life. And just because you weren’t raised in love doesn’t mean you shouldn’t believe in love. You can be wealthy and still have a beautiful marriage. Don’t believe it’s not true. Most of us act based on our backgrounds. Whatever you didn’t grow up with, you can end up having everything if you believe it’s possible. I personally believe I’m good enough and that made me believe there are some good guys out there, not every man is a scum. Not all women are scum too. Some guys would say they’d love to settle down with someone like their mother and still say but girls of nowadays are not like that. Can we stop that assumption? Whatever have made your Mom good, there are few people out there just like her. Do have a lovely day!
Everyone has Different Timing
Everyone has different timing. Be patient and live in the present moment. Don’t allow anyone to pressure you. This life takes process. Don’t run pass your time. Don’t allow anyone’s achievement bother you because yours is coming too. A friend of mine told me he wanted to get a car when we were in 300lv, first semester. He said if any money hit, Tee, I’m getting a car. I asked why and he said because most guys in our set already have. That’s not a good reason to get a car. Are there not better things to invest 3 million in than a car?. Everybody want to showcase. Everybody want to form Big guys and big girls but do not make mistake in the process. You have to take your time. Girls, including myself have a gallery where both wears and wigs that we screenshot are saved. I’m not going to steal to own something material. I’m going to take my time to get it. Especially if you don’t have anyone who can get it for you. There was this girl that died of recent. We heard she went for liposuction and died in the process. After a couple of weeks, an headline came out that her family resides in port harcourt and her mom sells Fufu. I’m not judging because it’s her body but I think the pressure the society is putting on us is too much. The percentage of those of us without big butt in Lagos will be about 10%. You see guys too who are not even up to your standard telling you I like girls with big butt. You people should relax. For like three weeks now, a girl on TikTok named Kelly has been going viral with so much hatch tags. Kelly this, Kelly that all over social media. She got known for her nice stature. Her big and soft butt and a moderate boobs and a tiny waist. Some people boyfriends were actually posting this girl they don’t even know on all social media platform. You are indirectly body-shaming the rest of the girls. Girls, do not put pressure on yourself. If anybody comes at you, you find something about them too. Don’t go back and start crying. It’s not worth it.
Another common questions girls get are; When are you going to be done with school? When are you getting married? When will you give birth? Haven’t you gotten a job yet?. These are questions you don’t even have answer to. First of all, not every female and even men have the same desires in life and for some, marriage and kids are not a part of their plans. And these are questions you can’t avoid, especially if you go out with your mom. My neighbor asked me last week when I will done in school and I’m like does she not know ASUU is on strike. I couldn’t even answer the question because I seriously don’t know. Everybody is frustrated that our education has been tampered with and there’s really nothing we can do at the moment than hope for a positive result. We hope they come to an agreement and everyone goes back to school. Somebody looking up to God for the fruit of the womb and you are asking when will she born or why is she not pregnant yet. You make these people feel bad and make them question God. The pressure is just too much. You are asking someone who has been jilted by men severally when will she marry. Somebody that just came out from an heartbreak. She didn’t pray for any of these to happen to her. She wants to be happy as well. Can people understand that there are questions we can’t even answer? Can people understand that everyone has different timing. You might have spent four years in school without delay or might even have been pregnant right after or before marriage. You have to know that you don’t have the same time another person have. You can’t compare. Don’t allow anyone pressure you into doing things you shouldn’t do.
One of my mates from high school recently opened his house on his 21st birthday. It’s a beautiful achievement and I’m happy for him. Definitely mine is coming and it doesn’t have to do with when exactly. It doesn’t matter the years it takes to have something like that but I’m going to own properties someday and it’s not just one. You don’t have to put so much pressure on yourself. You don’t have to put yourself in unnecessary competition. The thing is once you are making progress, trust the outcome. At the end of the day you gonna die and leave everything behind. Don’t beat yourself up because you don’t have what your friends have. Don’t isolate yourself from friends just because they are ahead of you in some ways. Stop assuming that once someone is a step ahead of you, the person is arrogant. There is no late comer in success. Anybody can run ahead of you, you going to be there too. You don’t need to distance yourself from people because you think they are not on the same level with you. Change your mentality. Be happy for people. Congratulate them when they are a step ahead because somebody is going to congratulate you. There is this sadness that dwells in your heart when you see your mates ahead of you but you need to put that away, because everyone’s timing is different.
Desolation
Desolation is a feeling of great sadness and loneliness. It can make you become many things including being obsessed with the person you are dating. If you are someone who doesn’t have much friends or you don’t relate with people then you will know what I’m talking about. There was a time I loved someone more than the way I love myself. If he doesn’t talk to me for a day or two, it used to be like I was going to die the next day. I felt like a bad person because if the person I love most isn’t talking to me then I’m empty. That was then though not anymore. When you are lonely and you finally get yourself in a relationship, you literally want to spend time with this person. You want them around you in as much as you want yourself around them. You want them to choose you over everything in the world, forgetting that this person have a life of his own. You are always wanting more out of the relationship and you feel insecure when you see them talking to other people because you’ve always been by yourself. Love is beautiful, but you have to know that whatever relationship you are in presently, might not be your best relationship or even the final relationship for now. If you are a lonely person once you have a fight with your partner, you are back alone. You start finding something to blame about yourself so you can talk to yourself to apologize for the issue.
You need a friend, you can’t be by yourself every time. No matter how you love your privacy, you still need someone to talk to. If friends have failed you severally, you have your sister or brother to talk to, and if you have a good relationship with your mom, you can talk to her as well. Stop consuming a lot inside of you. You will hurt yourself. The situation of the country is making most of us frustrated. I told my friend I needed a therapist yesterday and she was laughing. I needed to take out somethings out of me. My heart was heavy, but I didn’t feel like saying it to my best friend because she’s going through life herself. A friend of mine came through for me. I haven’t seen him this year at all but he felt like an angel to me yesterday. I felt free and happy after expressing how I’ve felt over the week. You can’t do it by yourself. Depression is real. You need someone to talk to. No matter how you enjoy your own space, there’s this joy that comes from within when you have someone that constantly check on you. When you are lonely, negativity comes in. Someone is like, I’m not jovial, how does she expect me to have friends? By going out. You don’t sit inside all day and expect a stranger to walk into your room and ask for friendship. You need exposure. Don’t sit at home doing nothing. You can go out to the mall or participate in some programs at school or church. Be vulnerable. Do not completely stay out of things. Some people when they have a bad day they have someone to call on. Some would call their mom, some their sisters, some their best friends, while some do not have anyone to call on. I notice loners don’t have close relationship with families. They prefer staying alone because they don’t feel comfortable talking to their family. One thing I love about the United states is because they have direct assess to their therapists. You can tell your therapist anything. You don’t get to live your life by yourself. You deserve to let go of your problems by offloading them.
There was a time I dislike having people around. I believe you shouldn’t overstay your welcome at my place. I chased my best friend out one day and she didn’t talk to me for a while. I wanted her to go because I was having a bad day and I needed to cry. I dislike crying in front of people. She didn’t understand that, but felt I push people away from my life, which wasn’t true. I grew up with no friends in my vicinity. I still went to a boarding school for six years and that made me have few friends. Out of those few friends I made back then, I have just 3 people phone numbers. It’s just us viewing each other’s status nothing important. It got to a time in college and I didn’t like my lifestyle. I wanted to have friends too, not just one or two. I want to know people and relate with them. I wanted to stop hearing she’s arrogant, when it’s just my life style. Trust me, those years of staying alone get boring. There’s no one to laugh with and the moment you get into a relationship you get all clingy with the person, expecting to feel the vibe back. Having friends will make your life more interesting. Not saying you should make friends with everyone, but don’t make people your enemies. Expose yourself and enjoy the moment. You are too young to be consuming negativity or having high Bps. Enjoy your adulthood as much as you are working towards your future. Put yourself first before anyone. Don’t force vibes with anyone, not relationship or friendship. Love yourself more. You still got more time to know what you want.
Her body
Kenny came to the shop yesterday to get a sanitary pad, but her countenance tell she was shy. The way she looked around to confirm if I was the only one in the shop before she could utter sanitary pad out. After handling her the pad, she said, “Could I get a nylon?” I said sure. After she left, I wondered why girls are always so afraid of their bodies. I use to act like Kenny whenever I get to the Alfa’s shop selling provisions across my hostel. I would go inside the shop to pick the pad and request for nylon afterwards. We made it feel like it’s bad to menstruate. The girls feel so uncomfortable in their own bodies. I remember when I first got my period as a teenager. I had to go meet my mom to give me some money so I could get some sanitary pads. She laughed and said, you are now a woman, Tee. I remember a friend who once told us her mom said, whenever a guy touch you after you get your first period, you would get pregnant. At first, she believed it and made sure she sent away all guys around her because she was scared to have a teenage pregnancy. She told her that, to make her run away from guys.
On several occasions girls have been called prostitutes either by street boys or drivers or by elderly ones. Here in Lagos, once you are using an iPhone or a phone that is expensive you are hoe. Ladies are been embarrassed for using expensive stuffs because the society made them believe they can never afford such or else it was given to them by men. Main reason women do not have a voice today because she’s supposed to be a housewife who is been given instruction by her husband. One fateful day, I was at a particular area in the school environment. I didn’t know a student had hit a bike man with his car. And the bike man happened to be an indigene of Oyo state. I was on bike with my best friend when these street boys said we were not allowed to pass that vicinity, that it was one of us boyfriend who had hit the rider. My friend and I were lost because we didn’t know what they were talking about. They started throwing stones at us to get down from the bike and started calling us names like Hoes. I was embarrassed that day. Women are being insulted because of their bodies, everyday. The first insult a lady get is “Ashawo” meaning prostitute. It doesn’t matter what you are putting on, you are one.
Some people would say you are not supposed to wear clothes below your knees, you should wear some certain clothes, forgetting it’s your body. You own your body and you can do whatever you like with it. Some feel comfortable putting on short dresses, why some prefer long dresses, some prefer trousers, some prefer skirts. Let them know what they want without you pushing religion into it. I’ve seen students who came in as Jehovah’s witnesses but ended up wearing trousers and jewelries in school because their parents pushed it to them. It’s important to know what your kids like so they don’t get easily influenced in school. When a lady enters a room with a short dress, eyes are on her and all she will be thinking Is for the ground to open up and swallow her. Even ladies like her, who are wishing they could wear the same would eye her, is it your body? You can do whatever you want with your body. Some people, in the name of correcting you would insult you. Who told you they needed your validation? If you don’t know how to correct people in a good manner, why not ignore, instead of making anyone feel like shit.
I watched a movie on Netflix yesterday. The title is, GRAND ARMY. There was this girl named JOEY, everyone thought she’s a bad bitch. In the first and second episode I literally believed she was a bitch, because she flirted with guys and even dared a female teacher who scolded her for wearing a short. Little did we know, she was a virgin. It was after she got raped by her two male friends we discovered she was a virgin. You really can’t judge a book by its cover. The girls you see that covers their bodies most of them are in town doing the unexpected. Stop assuming the girls that act like bitch are really the real bitch. A female child Might love skimpy dresses but then have a beautiful heart. Stop making people feel less of themselves. Stop making girls feel so ashamed of their bodies.
Be yourself
There was a time in my life I wanted to be liked by everyone. I would ask my sister to tell me what to say to some certain people just so I could change their narrative about me. At the end of the day it felt like I was wearing another person’s body. I just didn’t feel like myself. I was pretending to be liked by everyone. Most times, even the people I don’t like I smile to them and had to pretend I liked them so we could be friends. Be original with yourself, at the end of the day you owe nobody. There’s so much pressure on youths, girls especially. They tell you, you have to be sexy, nice, smile always. You will lose sight of yourself trying to fit in. Trying to be who you are not. You just have to be yourself.
I once dated a guy who told me I was much of a sadist just because I don’t communicate with his friends and smile at them. It went on for a while. I needed to start faking smiles with them and made sure I greeted everyone just so they could get my name off their mouths, which didn’t happen. People will keep saying one thing or the other about you. No matter how jovial or uptight you are, they will definitely see something to say. I stopped allowing whatever they say get to me. You shouldn’t care about how people see you because even if you are the most beautiful girl on earth, somebody is still going to say something is wrong with the shape of your nose. When you listen to opinions of people, you will lose yourself.
If you are someone that doesn’t wear makeup, I see no reason why you should wear it just because you want to do what everyone is doing. If you don’t like it, you are not abnormal for not liking it. Don’t let anyone talk you out. You have a boyfriend that likes girls on makeup and you want to start wearing makeup because of that, who says he won’t still cheat on you? You need to be yourself. You are not an object that anyone can toss around. Stop being another person just so someone can stay with you. Be confident about who you are. Be real to yourself. You don’t have to bleach your skin because your partner love light-skinned girls or you want to cut your long hair because he’s cheating with someone with a low cut. Know within yourself that you are beautiful the way you are. God created you so perfectly. It’s the guy’s loss not yours. Stop trying to be another person just so you should be liked. Be yourself!. There was a time I got cheated on. I had to ask the guy if I truly deserve it, and he said NO. Then, why did you do it? He said he didn’t know and begged me to stay. Some guys lack self-discipline. Do you really think it’s worth bleaching your skin or try being somebody else for someone that doesn’t know what he want? Most girls including myself have done some crazy things just to make a relationship work, which still didn’t work. We are still really young to start again, to make things right. You can’t keep forcing something to work. Whatever will be, will be. Don’t force it.
Be kind to yourself. Be gentle with your spirit. Aside wanting to be like by somebody, peer pressure has its effect on us. You are surfing the internet and then you come across a page of a girl of your age and there’s this sadness that comes into your heart. There’s a voice that will tell you, “Is this not your mate” you have to keep telling yourself that you’ll be there too and even going to be bigger than that person. You just have to stay optimistic. Don’t be hard on yourself. Everybody’s breakthrough is going to be different. You don’t have to hate yourself for not making much money either on read.cash or whatever business you are doing. There is going to be a breakthrough. Speak positively into your life from today henceforth. It is well.
Don’t make such mistake
Everyone wants more out of a relationship and everyone uses the word “Explore”, but please be careful before you lose someone important. Every guy want to use his masculinity to get girls. You want other girls around while you are in a serious relationship. You want to be like your friend, Uche, the play boy. You want to club with other girls and bring them home, forgetting that flirting isn’t for everyone. You can’t be like Uche because you didn’t come to the world together and even twins are not alike in all ways. Do not toss away a good relationship all in the name of wanting to flirt. I once saw a post of Damilola Adegbite on Instagram where she said; Some guys would say “I can’t keep eating the same soup everyday”. So you think it’s women that like to eat the same soup everyday? Being unfaithful to your partner is a choice, stop making excuses. Promiscuity is a fruit of lack of self control and self discipline.
Last week, I was having a conversation with a male friend and he told me how he lost a good girl he once dated due to his womanizing, and he regrets it till date because he never dated anyone like her since they departed. The only way he knew she was “good” was because he had dated several girls after. When they were in the relationship he didn’t see her as good like he claimed. Do not throw away good people in the name of flirting or wanting more in a relationship. Some people are worth fighting for. Some people are blessings in our lives that are worth keeping. Do not allow youthful exuberance make you make mistakes you can’t fix. Good girls and good guys are so rare to see these days. Once you meet one, know what you want immediately. If you know you are truly not ready for any commitment, do not bother approaching any girl, thoughtless of hurting her feelings. Some girls will be better off alone without some of you guys messing up their lives. If you want to flirt, look for girls that are willing to do that with you, stop chasing good girls and feeding them with lies just to get down on them and dump them, it’s not fair, not at all. You end up changing these people and making them have low self-esteem. Making them think they are not good enough for anybody. If you are not ready, then move.
Yesterday I finished a particular movie on Netflix. The movie was about a woman named Billie. She was happily married with Cooper and blessed with 2 kids, but it wasn’t just enough for her as she was still fantasizing about her wild erotic exploits with her ex-boyfriend, Brad. It got to a point Billie didn’t know what she wanted, if it were her children and her husband or just Brad. Brad on the other hand was an asshole who happened to blame his father for the calamities in his life and ended up ruining every good thing he had with Billie when he had the chance to be with her. It just never worked out for she and Brad, and she was on a thin line of losing her good husband and beautiful kids for a guy who wasn’t ready for any commitment. To the girls, I know guys can be tempting but please set your priorities. Know what you want for yourself. I know how some guys would come into your life as Angel but that’s just because he’s trying to get your attention. Yes, I know everyone got their flaws but do not stick with anyone out of pity. If you are not comfortable being around them, please leave. Don’t force it.
I read a post online which says, Commitment isn’t really the issue but spending time with someone who doesn’t want you is an issue. You don’t want to waste years with someone who doesn’t want you as much as you want him. If you lose a good person now, it will take you years before you would realize it. Don’t make the mistake of dating the wrong person or marrying the wrong person. Marriage is a lifetime journey. You will get tired of flirting someday. And everything you would crave for, is a woman who is ready as you are, a good woman. Don’t make such mistake. Don’t throw away good people in the process.
Have a lovely week!
A day I will never forget
Thursday, June 09, 2022 is a date I will never forget. On that day, time stopped for a moment. I was at my boyfriend’s hostel a night before, I planned on traveling home the next day. The day was a normal day, it ended quite fast. Around 3:27am in the midnight, we heard someone knocking at his door. It was his friend. He’d seen the robbers entering into his neighbor’s room. He stood up and opened the door and I heard them whispering,I couldn’t figure out what they were saying but I was hearing noises in the veranda. The next thing he said to me was “Tee, go into the bathroom”, I did immediately. I actually thought maybe some guys were looking for someone as it was a student area, not knowing some robbers were around. I went into the bathroom and stood close to the door. I was trembling because I didn’t have an idea of what was happening. The next thing I heard was a sound, like as if two people were dragging a door. The robbers were throwing kicks at his door, and he was guiding the door. It was that moment I knew there was war. They noticed he was supporting the door and they shot at the door, with fear he left the door and a kick jacked the door open. Still in my thought, I heard one of the robbers say to my boyfriend and his friend to lay flat on the ground. I thought I was going to die at that moment. I was scared. He ordered them to drop their phones. I had left my phone on the bed, so mine was taken as well, with a MacBook, a PS4 and a power bank.
There was a long silence, so I thought they’d left, until I heard it’s your girlfriend’s phone from one of the robbers mouth. Another one said, where is your girlfriend? That was how Peter denied Jesus for the fourth time, lol! My boyfriend told me to come out of the bathroom, I was out. And the next thing I heard was, lie down there with a gun pointed at my head. I can’t describe my countenance at that moment because it is only in Nigerian movies I watch robbers pointing a gun at someone’s head. The robbers were four, so one said what’s your passcode? I totally forgot my passcode at that moment. I stammered close to three times before I could actually get the passcode of the phone I’ve been using going to a year, correctly. You can imagine the fear in me. I was already saying my last prayer because...I had lost hope. They left the room, and later came back to take the padlock and lock us in. I’m grateful because nobody was hurt. Thank God they took just material things and no life was lost. At daybreak, everyone were outside and we were talking about the incident. What we should have done before they came into the room, how my boyfriend and his friend could have kept hold of the door if they knew it wasn’t a real gun. It wasn’t just something I’d pray for my enemy to experience cause some people would have collapsed in the bathroom bare hearing their name called out. We later went to MTN office to retrieve our lines. We went to the nearest police station to submit a statement and immediately requested they track our devices. Yesterday wasn’t a good day at all, because we were moving from one place to the other in the sun. I had my breakfast around after 2 in the afternoon. In the evening, I got beating by rain on my way back. It was this morning I remembered read.cash and I was like how will I cope because my seed words were saved on my old phone. I couldn’t remember the mail I used nor the password. Thanks to @Greatwolfman for saving my ass. He introduced me to read.cash and still had our old chats saved. I lost my pictures and some important contacts because there was no backup. I’m glad I got my account back. Feels good to be back.
It is not meant for the public
Nowadays, everything is being posted on social media. Do we still have private people at all? If we do they should be about 10% or maybe 5%. I’m a quiet and private person, and I love to keep friends who make their lives private as well. I believe if you are not an influencer who is being paid to showcase some products you shouldn’t showcase as well. When a lady fixes her nails, she’s ready to show it to us. When she gets a new phone or accessories she’s ready to flaunt, when she has a little quarrel with her boyfriend or friends, there’s always a write up on her story. These aren’t necessary. Nobody cares about all that. Last week, while surfing the internet, I saw a female comedienne named “Helen Paul” who had just earned a PhD and was also promoted too. She’s now the new H.O.D Department of arts, music and entertainment at Heart International University USA. That was a great news, that didn’t just only inspire me but a lot of youths out there. If we are seeing news like this on social media, it is going to keep us going. Unlike, seeing some 18 years old girls collecting cash gifts and cakes on their birthdays, and you of 21 years or so start thinking that where do you stand or why don’t you have someone who can gift you that. Forgetting that nobody owes you anything, and it’s just you and your head in this life. We need more successful youths coming out to share their stories not one that will set you back.
As a lady, you are supposed to find posts that inspires you, not you reposting videos of young girls collecting gift from their boyfriends with a caption of “God When” on your WhatsApp. Some would even post a bag, a pair of sneakers or wears with a caption of “I want”. You are not an influencer but you keep buying clothes with whatever change you have and keep tagging the seller, is that really the life you want for yourself? People keep saying believe what you see on social media at your own risk, but you keep weeping that the girl you went to high school together already bought a designer that half your savings can’t buy, you better relax. We need people who would inspire the coming generation. I see ladies who’d just bought a shoe rack where their bags and shoes are kept with wig stands all over and that’s the particular angle of their room they make their videos and pictures just to showcase. I can boldly tell you that there are girls out there who have the same but would never make a video or picture there. It is not everything that is for the gram. Some of us have little of what some people already have but we won’t let them rest. Some would even say do am if e easy, on top wetin? Most especially girls need to relax. To the viewers too, know what you are wishing for. It is not everything you see on social media you will say God abeg for.
The one that got me thinking the most is the failed marriages we see on social media. We have turned social media to a place we carry our marriages too or even relationships. Some would say, if he doesn’t post you then you are not the real girlfriend, can we stop this crap? Who told you that when he post you, he is showing affection? Some girls are brainwashed. The self-love and self-respect you are supposed to have for yourself, you are expecting somebody you met or date to give you. Some of us start developing low self-esteem the moment you are trying to make someone love you the way you are supposed to love yourself. If your marriage isn’t working, get a counselor and organize sessions with he/she and go there with your partner. Find ways to make it work and if it isn’t, you can go your separate ways without coming out on social media to find faults in your partner and calling him names. We have some celebrities who have separated with their spouse and we didn’t hear a word from them. How about you who isn’t a celebrity but everything about you is on social media? Somethings are better kept private. It is not everything you come online to tweet or talk about. Find solutions to somethings yourself or ask your mentors to guide you. Yes, some stuffs are meant for the media but they shouldn’t be about your life.
Humans
Countless times I’ve heard people say what people think about you doesn’t really matter, because humans will be humans. If you are someone like me who thinks other people’s opinions matter, then we’ve got work to do. Whatever people think about you doesn’t define you. You know yourself and at least there is someone closer to you who knows you better. Don’t let anyone’s negative comment about you get to you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t define you. The moment you try to digest everything people say about you, you start having a low self-esteem and it keeps going on.
In my high school days, I used to have a shoe brush in my bag and there is this particular way I carry myself. Even when I don’t think I was doing too much, someone out there is saying she likes “Shakara”, more like acting she’s way perfect than anyone. I was younger then. There was nobody in my set that year who didn’t have that word against me. It got to a point and I was called a “snob”. These stuffs got to me at a point, because in the girls hostel, they were saying the same thing due to the fact that, I told guys NO whenever they asked me out. At a point, I was trying to be the perfect girl that people won’t fish out any flaw about me, but you can’t just prove to everyone that you are not who they think you are, only few understood. I was over high school drama after we all graduated. I thought I was already over people’s Assumption about me, but it was just the beginning.
I got to college. At first, it was cool. I’m a very quiet and shy person. When I’m talking to people closest to me, I don’t look at them eye to eye. I’ve got few friends and they’ve been the best till now. On this particular day, someone called me “Proud” for not relating with other people in the room. How do I explain to people that not everyone is jovial and not everyone is quick at making friends in public. People would see you and assume that you are this or that without not knowing anything about you. I have always been by myself all my life. I enjoy myself company. Even when I go out with friends, I’m always eager to leave first because I don’t stay out late. I’m a homebody. Recently, someone said I have a frown face. So, I was in a friend’s room that day and this particular person said he came in to take water and I had a frown face on. Firstly, I didn’t know when the person came to pick water and I didn’t know I had a frown face on. Maybe I was having a straight face and he just concluded I frown a lot or probably I didn’t like him. How do I tell this person I wasn’t frowning at him, and I don’t dislike him either. Not everyone has a smiling face, not everyone is jovial, not everyone will jump at you at your first meeting. Some people can’t even control their emotions, once they are sad, it is written all over them, and when they are happy you get to know too. While, there are some that keeps a smiling face whenever they are happy or sad. People will always have something to say, it is the same for everyone. But, it is left to you to take it or leave it. There is going to be something people will want to fault about you or want to point out about you, but it is up to you to process what the person said. Ask yourself if it’s worth your time or worries. Everybody is entitled to their opinions, you can’t just let that get to you. People talk, but it is not taking anything from you. It’s not like that’s how you are, it’s just them who needs to understand you. Worry less about what people think about you, but work towards being a better person for yourself, not for anyone because they will keep seeing something wrong about you. Do have a lovely day!
Can we change this mentality?
I saw a post now on a guy’s status. The girl stated why she broke up with the guy and part of her reasons were because she couldn’t afford a body cream ever since she started dating the guy, couldn’t make her hair, she said she couldn’t get gifts for her friends, she couldn’t go out due to no funds. She said being single is better than dating the guy. She also stated that she couldn’t be in a relationship with a guy who could not provide for her needs, and that she deserves better in a relationship. I felt sad after reading all these, because I don’t know who gave these girls this mentality that in every relationships your needs must be met. There’s nothing as beautiful as having your money to take care of yourself because it gives you self-respect and also prepare you for the future. Like my Dad always say “You have to work your way towards being independent in life, think on how you’re going to bring out the potentials in you so that you can fulfill the purpose to which God created you”. Girls are so desperate for a sweet life without working for it. You just want to sit and be taken care of, how? I personally hate being told what to do. I can’t imagine a guy giving orders to a girl just because he feeds her and buy her everything that she want. Girls are out there without dreams and all they want is a bone straight and a latest iPhone, money to get skin care product so you can look like Kim kardashian, really? Is that the breakthrough you want? A guy to foot your bills, while you sleep and forget you have a future. Does these girls think at all? The celebrities you are seeing didn’t wake up one day being successful, they waited for their time. You can’t be as lucky as your friends who have guys that buy them quality hairs, some girls were born to be independent and they just keep trusting the process. You will be bigger than those being dependent on some guys. Everything is for a while. The luxuries will keep coming, will you keep changing boyfriends to get it? Later, we will hear justice for Tade, if Tade had stayed where her parents kept her would she be used? Ladies you can make it as well as these guys. You can have as much money as that guy. Stop having a low self-esteem. It’s enjoyable to be like ones mates but you can’t push it if it’s not your time yet.
Girls generally need to be contented with the little they have. No matter how small it is, you just have to be contented. Being discontent will only make you lose focus. The bags, quality hairs and all you are seeing on your mates will forever be available, in fact way better ones that you’ll be able to afford in the future. Don’t allow what’s reigning now to make you lose yourself. It’s not worth it. Nobody owes you anything. Just because you are dating a guy doesn’t mean he owes you anything. Stop that mentality that after all you guys are getting laid, is it not consensual? What if he asks you to get him stuffs he gets you, can you afford it? Obviously, we have friends that are lucky to see guys that get them stuffs and I know how it feels seeing a friend of mine getting gifts but that makes us different. Because without the guy she’s back to day one without nothing doing, but you are going there, almost at that stage you can afford all the luxuries you have for yourself. Don’t lose yourself for things that if you don’t get now, you will still later get. Not all girls will be lucky to see guys that treat them well. How many mothers still get gifts from their husbands? It’s a good thing to be independent but it’s not easy to be at the first stage. If you teach yourself to be independent, no guy will disrespect you. The level you keep yourself as a lady is how you see a guy who would cherish you like how you should be cherished. Don’t put yourself in a beggarly level, babe. You are worth more than that. Human being will disappoint you, but the work of your hand will never disappoint you. Henceforth, make God your only source not humans.
Girls need to chill
Why do girls fake friendship when they meet outside? Girl, it is obvious you don’t like this person why are you acting all nice to her at an event? Must you fake friendship? It’s okay, you can’t like everybody because not everybody likes you, but you don’t have to fake it. You just spoke bad about your other friend, then she comes in and you start smiling at her, really? I think ladies generally put so much pressure on themselves. There is this act of jealousy that takes control amongst girls. One person is so threatened by one either by her dressings or style. I literally don’t support group friendship. It doesn’t work for many, but if you are a likable person, that finds herself in different friendships, good for you.
Recently, I watched an interview between two female Nigerian celebrities. The host was acting all nice, trying to get to know her guest, which is also a celebrity like her. It was unlike her other guests that she brings on the show. It was clear these girls aren’t friends, and the host was trying to intrude in her life which she wasn’t ready to talk about. She was trying to force her to open up about some certain things on her show, instead she was giving a sharp response. They weren’t conversing well. I wasn’t feeling their vibes. It made the show really boring. And I immediately concluded that the host was the fake person. If they were friends like she said in her introduction, the convo would flow naturally. Most girls don’t support their fellow girls. Instead, you talk bad about them, then in public you act all nice trying to fake the friendship.
Another example is the reality show presently going on here in Nigeria. The Real Housewives Of Lagos. Laura really want Chioma’s friendship. Like, she’s so obsessed with Chioma, and she couldn’t even hide it. She’s usually overly excited to have her company. It was episode six that Chioma noticed she lives rent-free on Laura’s head and Laura desperately seeks her validation. Laura envies the friendship between Chioma and Carolyn, maybe that’s why she detests Carolyn. She thinks she took what should’ve been hers. It happens between ladies. You just naturally detest one person because you think she’s friends with someone that could have been yours. You can’t force friendship. If this person doesn’t want to be your friend, it’s cool. We move!
So I was having a chat with my girls one evening and one of us said, “I don’t know why girls backbite” the rest of us were like who is she referring to? She said there is this particular girl in her hostel who love to date older men, and she doesn’t hide it from any of her friends. Two of her friends went at her back to gossip about it and one had to go back to the girl to tell her the other friend was gossiping about her dating older men. It turned to a big fight that the two girls stopped talking to each other. It takes two persons to gossip about one person, how come it’s only one that reported. Can girls chill?
A lady was sent to deliver a package for me on my birthday. I consider her cool, but on a normal day we don’t talk and the greeting is always formal. I ushered her in that day, and gave her some cake, but ever since that day her greetings went to another level that I can’t even explain. I can’t tell if it’s fake or real. What could have made her like me all of a sudden? Even if I don’t see her she’s somewhere calling my name to greet me with an “Auntie” in front of my name. I had to tell the person who told her to give me the package about the sudden likeness she had shown towards me. And I’m like was she surprised I was cool towards her or could it have been my room that made her think I was comfortable. Whatever it is I hope it’s for the good.
Do not force anything. Not friendship, not relationship. You really do not need to fake anything. If you do not like a certain person, don’t start acting all nice around them, because people tend to know when the vibe is fake. I see no reason you just get to dislike somebody who didn’t do anything to you. Spread Love around.
Positivity
It is a new week. Let’s start with positivity. Positivity is the practice of being or tendency to be positive or optimistic in attitude. It’s not the time to complain or lament about how cruel life is, we are all experiencing one thing or the other. It’s time to get on your feet and make this week profitable for you. Put your worries aside and make good affirmations for the week. There’s absolutely nothing you can’t achieve, don’t let anyone talk you out of your plans. This is not the time to reflect on your flaws, this is the time to make some money for yourself. This is the time to say positive words into your life. Be positive about life. The best way to start a new week is with positivity. Anyone that brings negativity to you, run away from them. Assure yourself it’s going to be a great week for you. No matter the debt on ground or the bills you going to sort them. There will be a breakthrough. Just believe. Work hard and have a strong faith and things will work out well.
My childhood friend sent me a Dm this morning. First, we exchanged pleasantries, and she told me she’s sad that I didn’t check on her. I could only tender an apology because I couldn’t start telling her what I’ve been through. Then, she said “Tee, you’re on soft o” I just laughed. Social media will only make you think you are the only one going through life or having a bad life. Don’t be deceived! Everyone is going through one thing or the other, the only difference is that some of us come on social media to make ourselves happy by uploading fine pictures and you are there assuming they have a perfect life. The fact that some of us hate ourselves ehn, it bothers me a lot. You’ll see people that are always frowning and frustrated about one thing or the other, are you the only one with a problem? You need to accept that life isn’t a bed of roses. There are some situations we just find ourselves, just stay optimistic. I had to tell my friend that life is not fair to anybody and I’m just moving with the flow. She still insisted that life is fair to me. How am I supposed to explain to her that the pictures I upload is just a way of expressing my self, how do I tell her my phone doesn’t mean I have a perfect life, how do I tell her not to believe whatever she sees on social media? I just need her to know everyone is just trying to survive. Stop assuming that someone else’s life is more beautiful than yours. We all need to start loving ourselves more. There’s nothing like the person you went to school together is doing better than you now, who cares about that? Buckle your shoes and know what you want, then work towards it.
Do not be oppressed by whatever your friends have now. I know how it is to see someone you grew up with doing well. I once blocked a friend of mine on Instagram because I feel somehow anytime I see some of her posts, it just makes me feel like I’m not moving forward at all. If you see post that make you feel uncomfortable or ashamed, please restrict yourself from seeing their posts. It is not hatred or beef, you are doing it for your mental health. There’s this part of you that will be telling you see your mate, you have to ignore that voice. If it your time, you will get everything you want with ease. Girl, you are working hard, don’t go about comparing yourself to other people, and be happy. Your happiness is important, enjoy yourself. Take yourself out and celebrate yourself. It shouldn’t be every time that you’ll be in bad mood. Try and enjoy life small because problem doesn’t finish. Have a positive thinking this week, accept the world as it is and make it productive for you. The best is going to happen, if you believe it. Clear your mind away from jealousy, hatred or disappointment. Start a new week with good vibes. Stay optimistic!
Are there people still waiting for God’s time?
Most people have no regard for themselves because of money. I could hear a conversation between my neighbor and his new girlfriend. I guess the girlfriend was on call with her mother and the next thing I heard was my neighbor telling his girlfriend to tell her mother that he would send her some money. Immediately, the woman requested to speak with him. I have seen so many cases like this and it just encourages me to make more money. I can’t deal with my Mom stooping so low because of a gift she has never gotten or because of a cash gift from a stranger or a new friend. This girlfriend in particular is a mother of three children. My neighbor’s wife divorced him, and she has come severally to embarrass him for being useless to his kids. This man find interest in women that already has children and I just wonder how much he spends on them because they don’t know who he truly is.
Several cases we see online, we see mothers who are sprayed with money from their young children, I see mothers who ask their children for money while they are in school without minding where the money is coming from. I have seen female friends of mine give their mothers’ money they collected from their boyfriends, and it’s not like they don’t know their kids aren’t working. How dare some of us take home what isn’t ours? Your mother will question you and even assume you are doing ritual. Some of us can’t even inform our parents that we are making cool money for ourselves because it is war. She’s going to bombard you with so many questions. I remember my second year in college when I took my iPhone home. The first day I got home, my Mom saw the phone and didn’t say a word. In the evening, she called me that we needed to talk. I already knew what she wanted to say, so I dodged her severally. There was this day around 6am in the morning, my Mom woke me and she said I know you’ve been dodging me but now we can talk. She looked into my eyes and said “I want to know everything”. How I got my iPhone and what I’ve been doing lately. I told her everything, because my head was blank, I was just waking up, there was no going back. She was just looking out for me and she wanted me to be careful outside the world. The world isn’t friendly now.
You can’t lose your dignity because of money. And that is what is making youths go astray now. Everyone is doing whatever they can do to earn money. Be it legal or illegal, everybody wants to have money with impatience. Forgetting that the people that legit have the money started from somewhere. They didn’t just wake up to meet money. Girls are earning money with their beautiful body because they want to wear designers and chill with the big boys. Some young girls are scared to leave toxic relationship because there is never going to be free food, bags and sneakers and quality hairs. Everybody is losing it. Parents who haven’t tasted wealth before are strongly in support of their male children doing whatever to bring money back home. Is there anyone out there who is even interested in God’s time? Are the people waiting for LEGIT money to come or we are waiting for feee money? Waiting for a short-time money, not the one that will last you forever. Are there people out there who are ready to work till there’s breakthrough? Oh! No. We are all just doing whatever to change the story without not minding the consequences. The car and the change in your account gotten from fraud won’t last you till future. We need to change the story! You need to climb the staircase before you can get upstairs, you can’t just fly, because you will get back to the ground without God’s grace.
Incase you are already telling yourself that you will do that thing you don’t want to do, I want you to know it might not end well, if it is not the right way. I know it’s only few of us that keep believing and keep moving, but don’t give up on yourself. Your hard work will pay someday. Some guys are out there still struggling with life because they don’t want to go with what the crowd is doing. Do not give up on yourself! Be contented with whatever thing you have and take care of yourself. To the ladies, there will be good-looking guys approaching you with big cars, ready to give you soft life if you agree to date them. They are ready to buy you anything just to get a YES from you. Do not forget who you are at moments like that. Once, you say yes it doesn’t remain like that forever, the gifts won’t keep coming daily, the money won’t be constant and he is not going to treat you like a queen like he promised. It will just be pain upon pain, that is if he has good intentions towards you and don’t use you in the process. Not every guy that approaches you want the best life for you. You need to work hard as a lady. Prepare yourself for the future. Yes, you will make mistakes, you will date the wrong guys but get up your feet and continue with life. Don’t make someone else’s money make you lose your dignity. Find someone who would love you and encourage you to keep moving. Someone who can bring out the best in you. Women are put through so many beautiful businesses by guys. Be willing to work too, don’t just sit and expect someone to bring money back home for you. Ladies can be successful too. You can also make your dream a reality.
Love is beautiful
Love is a beautiful thing and I so much believe in Love. Aside been raised in a toxic relationship, I thought men were disposable. But no matter how much you say men are scum or women are scum, you exclude yourself. Whatever made you think you are no scum means that several people aren’t. I’m always happy for people that found love. It is a good thing. Just because you’ve been dumbed by several guys doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be happy for your friends or sisters who found love. You should be glad they are happy and that is what matters.
I read a woman’s story. She’s been married to her first love for 35 years, isn’t that beautiful? Yes, there are sad days and happy days but what is important is they sticked to one another. They kept reminding themselves what made them fall in love with each other. Their wedding pictures remind them of the vows they made every time. It is beautiful to get home each day and have someone to tell about your day, have someone prepare you dinner, have a shoulder to rest on. Do you know how beautiful it is to have someone that laughs at your joke or even crack you up? Someone to confide in when the world is turning their backs on you. Love is beautiful even though we never can get enough of it. How about being on vacation with the love of your life, just the two of you in an unknown city. Love will make you feel like a baby once more. It will make you enjoy something new, something refreshing. Love create beautiful and sad memories.
For some of us that were raised by single parents, or raised in a toxic relationship, I know how hard it is to find someone that will love you exactly like the way you want to be loved. Sometimes, we end up been the toxic one in the relationship because we’ve never experienced it or because we just want more from it. I think in every relationships what we must first find out is, how do they do in his/her family. It helps a lot. You get to know how to deal with the person emotionally. Some people take time to love and once they are in, they are in. You need to study who you are about to date or marry. Some people will say it’s bad to live with your partner before marriage. Make sure you visit your partners often, if not how do you get to know this person, how do you know what he is capable of doing? How will you know if it’s this person you gonna spend your life with if you don’t spend time with them?
The problems most mothers are having in marriage are caused by forgoing some certain things at early stage. Once, there is a little problem in dating, point it out. Do not condone what you can’t condone in marriage. Whoever is going to leave should leave when it is still fresh. You see your guy cheating and you say it’s normal all guys cheat and it gets to marriage and it becomes an attitude you can’t tolerate anymore. Once you are in a relationship, every little thing matters. If she goes out with her girls and comes in late, please complain and say you are not cool with it. It shouldn’t be after a long time you will start calling her a whore. The fact that people ignore all red flags is what makes it hard. Every little thing you are not okay with, talk about it, and if this person is just saying sorry and still doing the exact thing, leave! You deserve better. Stop forcing yourself on anyone, you are not an object but a subject. You can’t be tossed around by anyone.
Another thing is Contentment. Whoever you are dating please be contented with what he or she have. Be happy with what you have. It is not every time you would complain or compare what someone else’s have to what you both have. Lack of contentment ruins relationship. Be satisfied with the little you have and work hard for more. Take your time to find love. Do not rush into any relationship. Don’t stay in a relationship that there’s no respect or Love. You deserve better because love is beautiful.
Believe in yourself
There was a time in my life I was so dependent on people. I know there is a time in every woman’s life when you feel what can I do without him? You can do a lot without that boyfriend or whoever you are depending on if you believe in yourself. You need to start believing that there is nothing above your reach. See yourself as a conqueror. Stop underestimating yourself! There is nothing above your reach if you are willing to take the risk. Women can be billionaires as well. Have you dreamt it, or you think it’s only men that can be billionaires in your family?
Ladies tend to have low self-esteem when they are in a relationship. There are times you feel unloved, times you think nothing is right anymore, times you think you are not good enough for anyone, what if you put that energy into yourself and try to become a better person. That time you have complaining about yourself use it to love yourself. That time you are busy looking for fault in yourself, searching for something to blame about yourself, why not put that energy into something creative that will yield good result. Stop waiting for a guy to love you like the way are supposed to love yourself. Stop looking for something to blame about yourself. God created you so well. Love yourself more. A friend of mine told me lately that she wasn’t feeling herself anymore, she said no matter how she explains herself to people around her they don’t seem to understand. I told her I have passed through that phase. Sometimes you find yourself in situations you can’t even explain, but it’s normal. You will be over that stage soon. I wish there’s a journal written by someone who has passed through every stage in life so it can guide those of us coming. I feel if we all have someone to talk to, someone we can explain how life is treating us to, someone that won’t judge us but will give us her listening ears alone, I believe the percentage of those going astray will reduce because people are losing it everyday.
The percentage of people with a dream have reduced, drastically. People have stopped believing in themselves. No matter how much you try to speak to or advise a friend who smokes it’s like it falling on deaf ears. They tend to have something to say to pull you off. And at the end of the day, if you look closely into the conversation you had with them you will know they also have a point. As for those of us who still have a dream, do not give up on yourself. I know its tough, sometimes it is always long but just keep pushing. Nobody is interested in what you are going through now and the only time people will be interested in your story is when there’s already a success story to back it with. Times you don’t feel like yourself, just keep trusting God. I know how tough it is for some of us that have older siblings who are hustling and there is still no breakthrough. I know there are times you feel are these not the people you were looking up to when you were a kid, but I want you to know they don’t determine your future. Everybody is with a different head. Do not say because your siblings are not there yet , you may not be too. No, you will be there, exactly at that position you want for yourself in life, the moment you discover yourself. Just like Oprah Winfrey once said, The greatest discovery of all time is that a person change his future by merely his attitude. Allow yourself listen to your instincts. Trust the process and don’t you quit. No matter how sad your story is right now, somebody has been there before you, someone have passed through the same thing, keep the positive energy going. Keep believing in yourself. Keep dreaming it.
Stop being Judgmental
`I` read a book titled REMEMBER by Karen Kingsbury and Gary Smalley. It was really a beautiful book. Aside the Baxter Family having an unconditional love for God, I love the unity in the family. They way they came together every thanksgiving and birthdays’. Their faith was so strong. The part that left me amazed is Ashley’s story. How was she able to find someone that loved her that much even with her past? At first she didn’t want to tell Landon about her past. She Thought he was going to leave her after hearing her story. I like the part where Landon told her that she didn’t need to tell him if she wasn’t ready. The guy was like a god-sent. He was there to take away her pain. The pain she has carried within her over the years. Aside Luke, who made it obvious that Ashley wasn’t accepted after everything that happened to her, Ashley herself didn’t love herself. She thought it was completely over, she thought God had forgotten her and nobody could ever love her after listening to her story, but God love her despite everything she’s been through, same as Landon, who has loved her since he was a teenager.
After reading the book yesterday, I started thinking if it were to be in this present world will a guy really love you sincerely after listening to your past? Guys of today wouldn’t want to date a single mom not to talk about someone who was drawn nakedly by someone she thought loved her. How about if it was you, would you still agree to date or marry someone who in one way or the other has a crazy past? I think we need to know that whatever happened in the past, happened in the past. Let it stay there. People are completely lost trying to find themselves, trying to make things right. You do not have to judge anyone for not being a bit perfect like you are. Some of us can’t even walk a day in someone else’s shoes, you will fall. There was a part Luke, Ashley’s brother who claimed to be the perfect son of the Baxter’s family. He made the same mistake his sister made. He was caught in the moment that he lost control of himself. And that completely changed him. That was when he knew he was no difference to Ashley. That person you are judging or criticizing for getting pregnant or making one mistake or the other, if you were to be in their shoes, you wouldn’t make it out. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations we can’t even explain, situations that there is no going back.
Accept people the way they are. Do not judge anyone. Don’t try being the perfect guy or girl because the table can turn anytime. It could be your turn tomorrow. The fact that criticism comes from the people will love the most is another thing. Stop making people feel so unloved. Some of us are born to accept the broken ones the way they are. It could be your call. And if you are the broken one, I need you to know that you can’t stay like that forever. Put your pieces together and get up on your feet. Mistake happens, you won’t be the first to make one. If you think people will judge you if they hear your past, why not put the past aside and work on your future. Don’t hate yourself over something you’ve done years back. If it eats you up, take it to God. He is the only savior that you need. The only one you can talk to, to fix your life, he’s the one that won’t judge you nor look at you with so much pity. Humans will be humans. Stand up and move past that. Not any of us know what await us in the future. Stay optimistic. Move away from sadness in your heart. Take it out. God loves you.
To my fellow readers, let’s try and not judge anyone with crazy past. If you know you don’t know what to do whenever you are in that situation, pray with them and remind them that you love them. It goes a long way. Do not look at them with disgust eyes. Love your Neighbor as you love yourself. Do have a lovely day!
How Mama raised me
As a little child, I thought my Mama didn’t like me. The errands were too much. From buying crates of drinks to buying provisions for her shop and still run errands for the house. After high school I thought I could get a job to run from the errands, which I did. It wasn’t just as easy as I thought. My dad had just retired that year with no pension and we all needed to survive on something. My two older siblings were in service that year and my other brother was in his last year in college.
Don’t forget I thought mama didn’t like me at all till I entered college. I didn’t know it was fear she instilled in me. Fear of not going astray. No matter what the circumstance is, no matter how interesting the party will be once I use few hours, I’m going home. My mom is not there but it wasn’t just my thing to stay out late at night. It has never been something I liked. Another one is I’m never present whenever there is trouble somewhere, you will never find me there. It is either I left before the scene started or I wasn’t there at all. I don’t know how it happens, it’s just like that.
The other one is, I don’t feel intimidated. No matter what you have, it will never freak me to go wayward. I was taught that everything is a matter of time. If it is your time, you will get it. You don’t have to beat yourself or hate yourself because of the things you don’t have now. I know how beautiful it is to own very expensive stuffs, but are you going to steal If you can’t afford it at the moment? No. You can always get something similar and affordable and be happy with the little you have. There are times we cry ourselves to bed because we are not like our mates and you are scared about falling into the category of not having at all, but it’s fine. You just know it can’t be that way for long. Just stay optimistic.
She taught me patience. If you are not patient enough you will run past your time. That’s what is affecting youths of nowadays. I was talking to my school mother from high school days. I told her I needed to get a wig, and she said her vendors are on Instagram. Scrolling through the handles she gave me, the hairs I saw were above my league. How can I afford to buy a hair of two hundred and forty thousand? I asked her how she’s able to afford it and she said she waited for her time. Then, she said ask your man to get it for you, I smiled. There was no problem in asking my man to get it for me but I just didn’t have one.I had to go for a better and lesser ones. Then the thought of asking a man for it came to my mind. Is this how most girls attain what they have, by asking men? That’s cool.
Another thing I learnt from my Mom is kindness. No matter the little you have try and share some with friends. Yes, I have heard people say they don’t get back the kindness but reward is with God not with man. No matter how good you are to a friend he or she will still backstab you. But have you ever imagined traveling to an unknown city and the people there are just extremely nice to you, or traveling by bus and a complete stranger just offer to pay for your trip. There are several ways I have received help from strangers and I end up thinking what have I done to deserve it? Always stretch out your hands to people. It helps a lot. Even far the way you imagined. Try and put a smile on someone else’s face every time you go out. We have the needy all around us. No matter how small it is just a smile on their faces goes a long way in your heart.
Another thing is respect. Everyone deserves respect from you. You don’t have to be mean to people because you have more than they have or because you think they are useless to you. Humble yourself. Talk to people with respect. You don’t have to call them Auntie or Uncle to respect them but talk to them with regard. Don’t make anyone feel like they are nothing. Everyone deserves some respect. I pray that God strengthen us to make our Mothers or guardians proud. No matter where you are today, always remember that you were brought us by someone either in a good or bad way, they did that to train you. As a kid, you will think nobody love you or there’s no place you belong but trust me, it’s because of the stage you are. Once, you get to a certain age you get to realize they were lessons. Stay optimistic. You’ve got a great future ahead of you. Don’t give up.
You can make a difference
Most times, I see how sober some parents are, most haven’t even tasted wealth before yet they spend days going to church. Here in the Western part of Nigeria, I can see how devoted these Christians are. When they hear that a program is going to be held in church they are always happy about it because they think it’s an opportunity for them to gather with their families and invite friends over to speak to God. When I see elderly men and women in church, I ask myself, “what are these elderly men and women looking for?”They are supposed to be somewhere enjoying their children’s money and the remaining of their life time with their loved ones, but NO they still have some unanswered prayers that they are not giving up on.
A friend of mine took a selfie of herself and her mother and she said, “she’s lean, Tee”. She said she’s been thinking. With sadness in my heart I got to know that they still have problems they are looking for answers too. Most children can attest to that. Once you got home from school you know it’s not the way you left your parents that you meet them. It’s either they are now slim or they look older. A lot is going through their minds and you see sickness developing. These parents sometimes think what’s the essence of them being alive if they can’t live to see their children successful. The problem most of these parents have is their children. Even when the children are insisting on let’s wait on God, the Parents, especially the mothers are ready to go anywhere for solution, be it a mountain, a prophet or prophetess. Life is just so unfair at times. Poverty is having its way, youths are going astray for a better life. Life way better than their parent’s.
Most of these parents were not given the opportunity to go to school, some were forced into marriage that they never wanted, some have been the breadwinner of their family since tender age. They barely enjoyed a bit of goodness. It’s been sad childhood to adulthood and never even tasted love but their main prayer is for the kids to become someone in life. For the kid to live the life they wanted for themselves. Some mothers and fathers have been bitter all their lives, not because they want to, but because it’s just the way life is supposed to be. When you enter a church, you’ll notice the highest population there is women. No matter the job they are doing they always find time to be in God’s presence for a better life for their children. They don’t have another main prayer point. As a little child, I watch my Mama pray for us every morning. As a kid I felt I shouldn’t be her prayer point because I’m yet to live life but to my surprise as the last child I still entered her prayers without not having knowledge of what life is ahead of me. These parents deserve happiness.
No matter what aspect of life you are presently, do not forget your parents. Do not forget you have a family to get back to. It is your responsibility to put a smile on their faces, if at all you still have both parents. Even if you were raised by a guardian, you still need to pay her for the goodness. No matter how annoying they are, no matter how sometimes they are trying to dictate your life for you, they are still your people and they need you. No matter what you are doing presently with your life, remember your Mother is among those that still go to church for you and your siblings. Remember it is your responsibility to put a smile on her face while she lives. You don’t need to shut down everywhere because of her burial. Strive, work hard and believe you can wipe away the tears from your parent’s face. Somehow we find ourselves in poor families. It has never been something we wanted for ourselves because all it did is to set you back. Everything you want in life you have to work hard for it, unlike the wealthy ones who have a family name. You can make a difference in your family no matter the position you are in the family. You are not too small or too old, it could be your call to support the family and take it to the next level. May our parents live well and I hope we all get to live a beautiful life exactly like the life we’ve always wanted for ourselves. Work hard and be hopeful. God answers prayers.
@Soulwriter