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I'm Not Lazy, Just Tired

***October 16, 2021*** **I**f you are working six days a week, what would you feel at the end of the day, and the end of the week? Tired with the scattered mind, white-eyed, burnt-out body, and you feel like you are being sent for and couldn't come. What a toxic life! **M**y morning always starts with thinking about how I will execute things smoothly without feeling weary and exhausted. How to keep track of writing an article daily without getting a blocked and foggy mind. And how to maintain interacting with this community while doing my job in the real world. **N**ot all the time I can keep my time management effective. When everything doesn't fall my way, I find myself juggling from one thing to another and end up executing lesser tasks and easily burn out. **O**ftentimes, I find myself looking blank at the wall and blocking every receptor in processing every information sent to my brain. I feel like I just want to stay still and won't do anything. Just like the Lazy song.

**L**ooking at myself in the mirror, I could see dark circles forming around my eyes. The culprit of this dark formation is lack of sleep due to spending more time in the digital world at night, and perhaps due to too much radiation exposure as well. You couldn't blame me. That's my only time to grind more before throwing my frame on the sack. **A**fter 1,464 days of staying abroad, I could say that I only had more than 10,000 sleeping hours (est. 7 hours per day) and more than 24,000 hours were spent grinding. Because it continues even on the holidays. **Z**est and perseverance, I may have them. But when my system fails to function, all I want is to slack on my abode. And sometimes, I just want to shut down my mind to stop it from thinking because, even in sleeping hours, it is still ruining my supposed to be resting time. Silently clawing and distracting my mind. Whispering words, and s**ts that aren't relevant to my life, and sometimes, anything about the crypto world that are keeping my mind awake.

**Y**ap is yawning most of the time as my body easily gets drained, even after recharging it. I envy those who only sleep more or less 5 hours a day but still look fresh and energetic. I wish I could have their hormones and cells too. Seems like mine is getting toxic and not blooming anymore. **J**uggling seems to be part of my routine already and even of how much I tried to shut my system, my mind would always wake me up and would remind me to stay up. Screw it. How to fully shut a mind even just for a moment? I would dare to do it. **U**nfortunately, it's unstoppable and only death can literally shut it down. Knock on wood. I don't want it to happen yet. But even just for a sec, I am truly aiming for it. Not thinking about anything, not doing anything, just sitting and relaxing. No distractions, no negative thoughts, no responsibilities to think of, just unwinding. **S**eriously, how to get a sweet escape from this productive world? Can I even do that? How to completely disconnect from technology and work? Maybe, if I'll go on top of the mountain or secluded areas in the province with no gadgets at all and camp there for a week or two. **T**hat would be great and relaxing for as long as I have all the basic supplies. Being close to nature for long hours is something I truly wish to happen. Just sitting on the greenery while watching birds flying in the air, white fluffy clouds spreading in the blue sky, trees dancing with the cold and fresh breeze, surrounded by flowers and greenery, and just waiting for the sun to paint colors in the sky in the morning while sipping my hot cup of tea, and in dawn while grilling barbecue for dinner by the bonfire. Sounds amazing and relaxing, isn't it? **T**echnically, my system needs to grind and that's the fact. So those thoughts would remain locked in my fantasy world and would be possible only in my fantasy stories. There is nothing wrong with fantasizing and dreaming anyway. But who knows? It might take place in the future. **I** may be slacking, but *****I'm not lazy, just tired*****. Tired from the same set of routine every day and seems like my life is revolving just around the same spot. Tired of carrying these burdens on my shoulders and seems like it's impossible to unload them. Tired of thinking every day and processing so many thoughts that seem to be unstoppable and inevitable. **R**easonably, I may go farther beyond my imagination thinking of ways on how to live the life I wanted without feeling tired. Ways on how to unwind for long and disconnect from the world. Unfortunately, all should grind to continue living in this world, and that includes me. So enduring the pain and exhaustion is something we need to dwell on. **E**very day is a productive day and a toxic day. Yet, it's a beautiful day giving new hope and a new beginning to step forward and accept the fact that laziness is already part of our system and would sometimes take over once our body especially when exhausted. However, people should learn the difference between tiredness and laziness because it sometimes leads to misunderstanding. **D**ifferentiating laziness from tiredness should be taken into account. When our body is not willing to move an inch or exert effort, or gets sweaty, and just wants to slack the whole day, that is laziness. However, when our body is feeling weak and unmotivated to do things due to lack of sleep and over fatigue, that's tiredness. We are only humans and not robots so we get tired at times as well. But if we allow laziness to take over most of the time, that's already unhealthy. Don't let yourself be unproductive but if you get exhausted, don't hesitate to take a break and loosen up to avoid burning your body out. Working is vital, but remember that health is wealth. Pardon me for these ramblings. This is just my entry to @JonicaBradley new prompt #19 Laziness using another Acrostic form of writing. **I'm not lazy, just tired.** Have you noticed the highlighted letters? This Acrostic is really fun. https://read.cash/@JonicaBradley/writing-prompt-19-laziness-7aff2852 If you want to join,

Thanks for reading.

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