Date: November 5, 2021Searching for an undecided path is not easy, especially when I don't know who I am in the very beginning. Going with the flow on what's happening plays a big part of who I am today and brings out the best in me. But sometimes it is so hard to face the world without knowing the strength, capability, passion and talent. It's like walking in the darkest of valleys but there are smiles that encourage me to go beyond my limit. If I fail in my walking path, well I will rise to a new beginning with bravery and carry those lessons behind.
I become a cage of voiceless where no one hears my side because the moment I speak up it means disrespectfully on their side. Cage all the emotion is what I did for many years or I might dwell on wind voice wins that encourage me to be with him and promise to take all the unseen and unbearable pain to an end the suffering I've been through. In desperation, I always think if I were an inventor I would invest in a dream controller and wishing that even in a just dream someone might rescue and open the cage for me to taste freedom and take the burden of being youngest. My heart cries when God finally hears my prayers but the problem is I can't say yes to protect the broken piece within. Some think we are perfect for each other without knowing we're not a couple.
Another prayer answered but this time with no rush into the next level. He became my human diary. I could share what I want, what pissed me off and my feelings but not my secret admiration to save our closeness. I don't want to lose the light he has in my darkest world. I found the rare gem of a guy that has a great mindset, respect with a sense of humor, no vices and has a relationship with God that always encourages and pushes me to seek more of Him. Hopefully if God's willing our story will end like how my parents found a rare gem with arms.
Let's talk co'z I know you're in pain and my happiness and life depends on you. Talking to you starts and ends my day and it gives so much energy to be productive at all. Your fragile, even small things make you cry. So, I decided to make a self epistle to preserve your worth and stop pleasing those people who are not worth. I could say, they are not worth fighting for.
Setting goals is not my port but with my heartfelt thanksgiving, I have achieved great things that I never imagined. I become more open about my bucket of fears, a puppet of lies that holds, glimpses of me, future allocation plan and all my day to day life without getting judged. I will spend a month with you and thank you for all the things we cherish together - productive and unproductive days. It will become a collection of memories. You taught me to become a conqueror of laziness and push me into what I can for I can't.
Witnessing how the virus affects me after being vaccinated, I got side effects yes, not once but thrice and it is just one down, one go to. I know it will not be easy and the fear of needles is still there but my preparedness would calm my nerves. I don't know what the side effects of Pfizer will be in my second jab, hopefully it will not last for too long. If it will, well I will still have to deal with it. lol.
I've seen many authors do this kind of prompt and yesterday Mareng @Ruffa made it too "Misery Business". I just tried my luck on this one and I don't know if it is right. Pardon me for the unsequel thoughts above, but still I tried and it's achievement for me😊.
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JustMaryel sending you Love❣️
Oh well done, it is not easy, I actually did this today too:)