Diary of Secret Admiration

My heart filled with gratitude for being noticed by "RandomRewarder" that @Athaliah was talking about. Also thank you @ExpertWritter, the first one who appreciated my work. The supports and upvotes inspires me to continually improve my writing especially since I'm not a writing type person but I am willing to explore and discover new things to improve. Thank yoh so much😘❣️

All of us may have experienced having a diary, writing everything that happens on that exact day. First let me define a diary. Diary is a book that keeps record on a daily basis. Back then, dairy was also known as a secret keeper, comforter and crying shoulder. We poured our emotions and feelings on that book, saying what happened that day especially if our crush played along with you. For sure, the diary knew all our enemies, who we hated, who hurted us, what makes us happy, embarrassed moments but most of all the diary knew all our crushes we had years ago. Let me expose or share with you one of my diary contents. Without further ado, let's begin.

When a pandemic arises in the year of 2020, we are under ECQ (Enhanced Community Quarantine) , many workers are forced to stop and every activity that is not necessary are cancelled. Staying at home, communicating with friends by the internet and doing household chores are daily routines under ECQ. Few months later, from ECQ to GCQ (General Community Quarantine) where they allow people to go outside but still follow the protocol given. This moment, I get along with my brother's friend and share the same thing: playing mobile legends. During those times, one guy catched my attention and these things happened.

We started as friends, sharing the same vibes but not the same age, then days passed and we became close friends. My life is an open book to him, sharing everything happy, sad and angry moments. He knows what I want, what makes me pissed and angry, he is very attentive and observant, he is clingy, he is sweet, he is humble and he respects me at all. He makes me laugh and he is my crying shoulder in times of breaking point. What I am attracted to the most is that he is willing to be a clown for me to laugh at any problems. Through his gesture, it slowly captured my heart. Yes, I admired him a lot but he never knew about it. I decided to keep it secret to save our friendship and due to the age gap. I love the way he handles my mood swings (tupak in Filipino) and also he is a Christian. Admiring him secretly is difficult. There are times that I want to express my feelings towards him but I am too cowardly to speak. Ashamed to open up because I am a girl and confessing girls feeling it a big deal for some people.

First time in my life that I felt extremely jealous and always wanted his time and attention. There was one time, he shared about one girl who likes him a lot. He showed their conversation and I could see the sweetness they had. In my mind and heart I was hurted and jealous. And stupid thing happened, I played cupid for them to become a lover making effort for them to talk personally. Luckily, they did not become lovers (HAHAHAHA😂) then I stopped being cupid because my mind says he might have one (baka magkajowa pa😂).

Now, our closeness is unbreakable and he is clueless towards my admiration for him. And, I don't have any plans to tell him to save our friendship and closeness that can last. Some may say that I might try to confess  because there is a chance that he might feel the same way. Yes, that thought crossed my mind but then again I will stick to our friendship. Letting God's will work upon our lives.

• Someone out there may have the same situation like mine who chose friendship. One sided is better to save the most valued than to requisition it but later on will ruin the most value.

JustMaryel sending you all love and positivity😘❣️