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Time is fast approaching. A few days from now we will welcome October. The weather is quite good for now because when noon comes it becomes hotter and hotter. By the way, yesterday I published "We're not a Couple". I'd mention the continuation of it and some are curious hahaha. So, here I am typing and trying to reminisce.
Without further ado, lemme start😊
He and I met in church, and someone invited him to attend the service. It was 2017. As time goes by, we become friends until he approaches me for courtship. I made excuses to stop him but he is so persistent. I know that I am not ready for it. He is so open about what he feels and literally our churchmate, pastor, cousin and even his family know it. His family is very fun and approachable to be with. Yes, you read it right, I bond with his family. When we talk privately he always asks about the progress and so on. Throughout the moments we shared, I know in myself that I slowly fell for him and he knows it but I still did not say "yes" because somethings off and I don't want to yield into a relationship with doubtful feelings. I know you're wondering why I did not say "yes" and here is the reason why.
Note: If you know me personally, please keep this it in platform. I trust you guys😊.
Weird right? hahaha😂 but yes it is one of my reasons I did not say "yes". Some people want that kind of person but not me. I have this principle that "I want a lowkey relationship"no pressure from people, no teasing and we get to know more. You know, it irritates me when people tease us. It usually happens,, when people see us talk accidentally they always tease about this and about that. Most of the time, I avoid talking to him or approach even if it is important. It is ok to be vocal but not too much. I talked to him about it but nothing happened. I always feel uncomfortable when it comes to teasing but he is feeling proud. The more people know about it the more pressure I am because they always push me to say "yes". I don't want that pressure to be the reason why I say "yes" . He's too vocal, everyone but Never in my Family. Family first as a sign of respect and formality but he never did.
I always remember mama's threat that if I want to study, I need to focus on it but if I want to enter a relationship, she will force me to stop schooling. Throughout this year I carry that threat but a good threat.
He loves to play basketball but sometimes he is willing to set aside his priority just to play basketball. Without hesitation, when basketball is something he is always available. One time someone has ask me, "why they did not see him at work place", I don't what to answer because what I knew is he work. When I asked him about it, he just replied "I played basketball". Like what, he chose his hobby as his priority. He was so irresponsible that time. Girl thing, one mistake will never be forgotten hahaha😂. Second, he chose basketball over Sunday service. It turns me off big time. I feel like he chose his basketball over prioritizing God. One of the aspects I want in my relationship is "Prioritize God above others". He did it many times.
Main reason above all. Yes, I loved him (past tense). I pray to God and ask His will about it. One night, I poured out and prayed to God " Lord, if he's not the one please let my feelings change. I don't want a trial and error relationship with God". Vividly, I remember that that's the exact word I matter to God. It suddenly fades just within a month. Imagine just one month. But then, I want to assure that it fades from thinking about what I feel when I see him with someone else by thinking I feel happy deep inside. It took months before I decided to talk to him. Pastor together with his wife - Pastora set a schedule for our talk about it. About it, they told me "Please pray before you make a decision" and baka daw nabigla ako at may pag-asa pa (maybe there is a small way to be okay).
It was pandemic and locked down when I made a final decision to end the courtship. He just responded "I will wait for you unless you are into someone else ''. It made me feel guilty hearing that but then I just replied "No need to wait and if we are meant to each other God will make a way to make our path cross". Everything ends in a courtship thing.
Now that he is in a relationship with someone I am truly happy with them. I am happy to see that finally he found someone who makes him happy and he deserves it. We are both happy with what we are right now and the good thing is during thanksgiving day we had a talk as friends. Sometimes people tease us but I just laugh at it. If you would ask about my relationship status, I am happy with the person I secretly love. This kind of love is way different. It is a strange feeling and very heavy.