August 6, 2021
"Can you be my girlfriend?"
These words are still vivid clear from the night the man I have wasted asked me to be his girlfriend while he was down on his knee. I was muted and totally discombobulated that my mind was disoriented and blank to unravel the episode. There was a battle between my mind and my heart. But despite being superior, my mind loses it and my heart won. Perhaps, you're thinking that I have said "Yes" to him. But NO I didn't.
If you have read the article in the attached link above, you probably know the reason why I have chosen that decision. My mind was telling me to give him a chance, but my heart was opposing and was worried that I might feel the pain again.
He has the right love but at the wrong time. He was the first man who showed true love, the first man who faced my family and courted me personally. But all I did was break his heart and dumped him like trash. And now I'm claiming the karma, or is this even karma or my real fate?
While writing my article My Boss' Message, the moments with him keeps flashing in my mind and regrets were overflowing. If I only said yes to him that night, maybe we are still together until now. And he might be my so-called "forever." But life just happened. Maybe he wasn't meant for me, or maybe I have chosen a wrong decision, as always anyway.
From the moment I lose him, I decided to erase the word "Love" from my vocabulary and chose to be single, as I don't want to make wrong decisions again.
I'm happy anyway. And I chose to stay single. Why not?
This topic came to mind after reading articles about being single by @Eylz2021's Questions and Singles and @mommykim's Single Mingle.
Girls, should we create a club named "Pretty Singles" here? Lol. Just kidding. But @emily2u and @sc might join as well. For sure, they will 😁. Who else? @Ruffa you want? 🤣
And since I can't think of any topic to write about today, I have decided to combine the questions from Eylz and mommy Kim's articles and answer them as well.
Starto...
Do you think you’re being too picky?
Should I call it being too picky or just being practical? Seriously, I don't have a high standard in choosing a man to be with. That tall, dark, and handsome man is not my forte. But of course, if I will meet a serious one with those physical traits, then why not? lol. All I want is a kind, responsible, honest, loyal, and a man who can feed me three to five times a day 🤣. Life is getting harder day by day, and you can't just choose a partner with empty pockets, lol.
When was the last time you went out on a date?
If my memory is right, because I'm having more senior moments, that was last August 2013. (I checked my uploaded photo on FB to confirm the date 🤣)
Although I can't call it was a formal date, but it was still a date. After knowing that Romar (the man I have wasted) found a new one, I tried to entertain a man in Cebu as well. My officemate introduce a man to me through Facebook chat. He's the brother of her boyfriend working in our rival company. We started with chatting and texting until we decided to see each other one Saturday in August 2013. It was a double date because my officemate also called her boyfriend to come and meet me, his supposed to be future sis-in-law (lol, that was just a fantasy).
But then something happened which lead me to form a conclusion that he's not serious about me and he was only after something. And this is a good topic for my next article, lol. Until this date, I did not entertain a man again.
Isn’t there someone you at least like?
NO. As a friend, yes there is. But I always choose friendship over love relationships. That's the only way to keep the bond and not to ruin the good friendship we have built.
So how long have you been single?
The person I have mentioned above became my boyfriend for only a month. The worst relationship I ever had. But there wasn't love at all, as I only want to try if my heart was still working right, lol. But no, it wasn't still. So I don't want to include him in my list. So if I will get the date based on my last painful breakup, I'm already single for a decade, lol.
Are you opening yourself up to love?
The right love will come at the right time. But sometimes we are not aware of it and keep ignoring it to avoid further pain. The thought of committing the same mistakes again resulted in closing my heart for love. So NO, I'm not open to it, for now, and not even sure when.
Does it bother that your friends are engaged/married?
IT REALLY BOTHERS ME! And if I can only block them on Facebook, I will surely do. That's one of the reasons why I'm not using FB that much because I always getting fear of missing out. I felt like I'm left behind and they're too far to be chased already. They don't only have happy families but successful careers as well. While looking at myself in the mirror, there isn't a lot of changes in me. I felt like I am still the same poor, unskilled, feeble, introverted, unhappy lad as before. So instead of engaging with them, I chose to interact with my noise/readcash virtual friends.
Do you ever get lonely?
It's abnormal if you won't feel lonely, but most of the time, especially that I am working abroad, I do feel lonely. And during those times, what-ifs are flooding my mind. "What if I said yes to Romar, will we last forever? What if I'm not a breadwinner, will I have commitments today? What if I open my heart again, will it make me happy?"
And every time I see couples, my mind will always say, "Geez. There is no forever!" So pessimistic as always. But those lonely times allow me to think and appreciate myself more and things that I have today, and forget about the love for a moment.
What do your parents think of your situation?
I always heard from my mother before, "don't get married yet." While my father doesn't have any word about it. We are not close anyway. And if he has something to say, he can't express it well. As for my mother, maybe because she doesn't want to lose her eldest daughter. Maybe because she's worried about what their lives would be once I'm settled with my own family. Maybe she's worried about what my life would be once I live with my partner.
But there was a time that I was so exhausted and pissed off with them. I even get mad at them while answering their chats and calls. And I was surprised when my mother messaged me and said, "you can take a rest and don't mind us. If you want to get married already, then go ahead."
My tears started to fall after reading her message. They only thought about this matter and doesn't even think that what I need was real freedom and not a love from someone. It lasted for a few months. I took a break without interacting with them because my mind was not in a good state by that time. Depression was worsening the situation and I even thought of ending my life.
But later I realized things that might happen once I'm out of the picture already. So even if I don't want my life, I just accepted my fate and let God handle the rest.
Do you like the single life?
YES. Although there are times that I feel lonely and envious of other couples, what matters is I am happy being single. I don't need to worry about anything. All I need to worry about is myself alone (insert my family, lol). I can go wherever I want without asking for permission from someone. I can do whatever I want without worrying about the consequences of my actions. I don't need to think about my partner, if did he go home yet, or what is he doing, or who he is with him.
I can live the life that I want.
No worries.
No pressure.
No commitments.
No breakup.
No pain.
People may call me cold-heard or stone-hearted, but I don't care. Love will come at the right time. And just like what others said, "Do not rush into love."
And for now, I'll just ENJOY THIS LIFE OF BEING SINGLE 😁.
Thanks for your time.
While writing this article, I saw @dziefem made her own article about this topic. And I guess @Eirolfeam2did as well. 😅
You may want to join too 😅
In life there will always be time for this kind of thing, a relationship is not taken lightly, love is not born because we want or think it, it is born by itself, and it is not the same an attraction to feel that true love, sometimes when we make hasty decisions for the sake of what people will say, or simply for not being single, is when problems, heartbreak, betrayal or even violence come.
It is true, nothing is forever my dear friend, but curiously some couples have managed to mock that phrase that limits and is still together until the day of his death, that is admirable, however for everything to work, love each other is not enough, you need those similarities, that match the thoughts, decision making, among other things.
You are a spectacular woman, beautiful, funny, warrior, intelligent, determined, confident, who knows where she is going, who knows where she is, with a unique heart, and that is worth a lot, it is rare to find women like you in this world, that is why you deserve a partner who knows how to value you, who knows how lucky he is to have such an incredible woman by his side, everything comes, I know that out there someone is waiting for you, ready to give you that love you deserve, that peace of mind and spirit, I send you a big hug.