I always find myself here
It's been a while since I last write something here. And here I am, writing since I have no where to get all the things in my head out. It's always here, the happy thoughts, the lonely, the broken, and so as when I fought for myself. And today is like those days, trouble some and drown. And whenever I feel whatever I feel that I couldn't handle myself, I found myself in here. In this community, in this account. Truly, my bio would say it all. I am truly a soul that like to write my heart out, yes that's me. I hope I am still welcome. I hope I could still make you read my mind, my heart. Nonetheless, I still wanna share please just let me. I have no where else to go. This battle will seem lighter when I share it to you.
Today is a heavy conversation I had with my significant other. Problem? Nahh, I don't think there is with regards to any other matter. He loves me. I love him. That's it right? I mean there shouldn't be trouble at all. There's shouldn't be a problem, right? But there's this hole I couldn't unseen just because I love him. There's this something that is missing and he always told me I am just discontented with who he is and I don't accept him fully. Is it? Am I not deserving to be treated just like anyone else? Just like anyone who are love? I mean I don't ask to much. Having to have a good conversation than yes-no, did you eat? What did you do? How's your day? Isn't too much right? Right?
Tell me. Please tell me honestly. Is it really to much?
Is it really to much to ask for a good conversation initiated by him? Like going back with some good memories or just random topic or even questions I am more than willing to answer?
Or I am just really discontented of whatever he had given? Am I? Have I not accepted him fully of who he is ? That he is just like that type of a person. That he is a simple minded man that keeps complicated things away. A silent man that don't ask for too much of me not like me to him. A simple guy who just love for who I am. No more no less.
Should I just do the same? Should I stop asking for more? I believe they said " when you love someone you will do whatever that would make them happy even though they wouldn't ask" is asking becomes too much? Why did I ask if he already gave? Or is it because he did not give ?
I don't know. My mind is a mess right now. It's all over the place and I don't know how to clean this up. I don't know if I should accept that I am really discontented with him or he wasn't gave his best yet that is why. I am not really sure if I would fully accept the blame. Cause I wonder if I am really discontented then why did I stick with him over the years that pass? We've been 6 years in the relationship now. If I am really discontented then why did I stay and not find someone right? If you hear out my reason, I would say, I love him and I always see he could give more and he still had his best that he could give. And I wouldn't want to seek the things I couldn't find in him to other men. I always wanted him. Just him.
Hayss. 😔 Sorry if I drag you with my mess. I don't know what to do. And where to go. Who I would tell. Even though I am confused right now one thing is certain, I always find myself in here whenever and whatever I go through. This community is already a part of me. And I am so grateful that I become one with this community, thanks to you I have community to lean on whenever I have no where and no one to go.
Thank you always read.cash community. Thank you as well for reading me. Yes you, thank you!
My true north
North is the Cardinal direction of a map. It will help you identify where the rest of the directions would be. The east where sun rises and west where it sets. For me determining north would be quite a challenge. It's hard like a math and puzzles that needs to be solve. If you will instruct me with directions using north, south, east and west, I will surely be lost.
In life I always found myself lost. Along the way, in the dark. I would always have difficult times finding my way back, losing my track, losing my direction. It's really hard. That times when you rises like the sun on the east and sets on the west. Where dark would eat you whole and nightmares came to knock on your door. It is scary. It makes you doubtful to sets again whenever you already rise both feet on east. And found myself afraid to go west. After that I start to find my North. Starting to walk in the south. Unending walks. Sometimes I run. And stops to rest whenever I'm out of my breathe. Resting but never stoping. So I continue. I encounter many challenge, of faith, of hope, and of love. Oh! I wouldn't forget of job. It was soul breaker, hope eater and faith sucker. But life must move on. Thus, I continue. I found love that I thought was true and pure but I was almost again. Bound to be forever chain by wrong feelings. I grateful that it was recognize from the start cause I can't afford to start all over south again. No I wouldn't, I firmly disagree. So, I continue to search the north that I start to think I couldn't found. The direction that I almost stop believing that it exist. The very moment I stop is the moment I finally found.
And there I found my true north. It wasn't a direction nor an instruction. It was home. It was him. I found my true north. It was with him I never become lost again. No more nightmares knocking. No more restless walking and searching. He may redirect my path and my plans. It was a promising future with him. Soon, I will commit myself to stay forever with him. My home, my true north. I may be challenge but not lost. In him I am safe. In my true north I am love.
I hope wherever you are right now, you will find my true north too. We all have our true North. We all have our home. It might not with him but wherever, whatever and whoever it is that makes you happy, love and valued, you are with your true North.
Thank you so much for reading. God bless.
Turning 3
It's been a while that I did not write. I stop writing last week again because I've been busy for work . But I came to write another story that I really want to share to you. My niece turns 3 today but we celebrate it in advance.
We just had small celebration together with the family and few close friends. We cook few recipe since we don't have much in the pocket. Margareth Ysabel or we call her marga is my one and only niece because the rest are boys. As being her tita I want to make her feel special even though I don't have much to buy lavish food nor to celebrate her day lavishly. I only printed her a tarp paper as her back draft just to make the venue lively. I printed it in the office secretly or should I say it's not secret anymore. Hehe
The birthday theme is Peppa pig her favorite cartoon character. I know it's not perfect but please don't judge me for it's my first time making one. Hehe just don't mind it, look at the food instead cause I will be sharing about them. Let's start from the right, we have native chicken with coconut milk in native language we call it "tagu-tu or halang-halang", chicken afritada, spaghetti, hotdogs and fried chicken. We only have 4 menu on the table. The chickens were actually grown from the backyard since my sister bought chicks for this event. To continue, we have "suman" or sticky rice cake cover with banana leaves for dessert.
Since I don't have any penny for a cake I only make DIY cake and a party bag. I only create a cake form and cover it with bondpaper. Filled it with candies and wafers. I also cut a number 3 to symbolize her age and glued some chocolate to make it more attractive to look at. I also print toppers and her favorite cartoon character which is Peppa pig and she was so happy to see her in my cake.
Her visitors are her cousins from her father's side and her mother side. We could hardly took a good picture of her since she is in a bad mood and shy to the people around her watching her. So, we let other kids to be with her and look at her how beautiful she is with her cute three signs of her fingers.
We sing a birthday song and she blow her candle. We wish you good health, and good future our dear Marga. We are all here to love and guide you along the way. May the Lord bless you with so much graces in this life.
And we bless the food and enjoy the party.
Conclusion
We might have a lot of money to give to my niece but we love her so much. Our love would be more than the material things she could have in this world. She will always hold a special place in my heart.
In this world money could buy happiness yes, but we shouldn't be unhappy without it. The uncontentment is the very reason why we feel that we couldn't be happy with less of it. We could still be happy and could give happiness even in simple things we could give. Gifts are not meant to be expensive it meant to be special and thoughtful knowing that it will be a sign that you remember his/her special day.
That would be all thank you so much for reading. God bless.
The wedding dance: revelation
"Lumnay I want to invite you to my wedding with Madulimay. I'm sorry but I have no choice but to marry her because I need to have a child and you can't give me that." Awiyao is hesitant but continue. Lumnay face Awiyao and slap him,"Is that easy for you to replace me? Really? Is that really easy for you to replace me? This is absurd." She cries while she says the word. Her heart broke a thousand pieces but she's angry upon hearing Awiyao.
Lumnay leaves Awiyao in silent and went to the mountain crying. She thought of everything and realize she still inlove with Awiyao and she cannot accept that he will be married to another girl.
Meanwhile at the wedding.
"I now pronounce you husband and.."
"Stop, stop the wedding, Awiyao can you just please come back to me? I'm here now. Let's get back together again. I've been thinking it all. Let's not throw everything away just because I couldn't give you a child."
Awiyao doesn't know what to do. "We're over Lumnay."
Madulimay is in total confusion. " What's happening? I thought you are okay that Awiyao will be remarried."
"Please Awiyao let's be together again." Lumnay begs Awiyao.
"Just accept it Lumnay" tells Madulimay
"You conniving woman, you take this man away from me." She answered Madulimay with eyes full of anger.
"Oh, really? You are just jealous that I can give what Awiyao needs but not you." With mockery in her face Madulimay stands near Lumnay.
"Stop, stop the both of you! Stop it! I have a confession to make. I, I can't be actually fully committed to any of you, I actually love someone else." He grabs the his best man. The one that I truly love is Rai."
Everyone is shocked.
" I am a gay." Awiyao continue. " I'm so sorry, I have been hiding this from so long. "
Madulimay slaps Awiyao," you decieved us. Really? With my own brother? How could you?" She attacks Awiyao but her mother hold her. " Let go of me."
"Let's go my daughter. He don't deserve you." Her mother console her. She cried and they walk away.
While Lumnay tries to process everything and realize after hearing it all he still loves Awiyao," I could still accept you for who you are Awiyao just be with me."
"No, Lumnay. I love Rai." And holds Rai in his arms.
"Then I might accept that you no longer love me, goodbye Awiyao. I hope you will be happy." She walks with tears in her eyes.
Thanks as always to this wonderful soul. God bless.
This is an adaptation of the original story of the wedding dance by Amador Daguio. The wedding dance is a story of A girl named Lumnay whose husband named Awiyao was married by another girl name Madulimay because she couldn't bear a child for her husband who is a chief in their tribe. The law of their tribe entails that a chief must have a child in his marriage for him to have his heir since Awayio did not have a child with Lumnay thus he is bound to marry another girl. That's how this story goes but I ask my students to create their own script for this story and write a creative one and this is the result. Thanks for reading.
Saturday takeaways
Hello! Hello everyone. Here's another weekend feels that I hope you are enjoying cause I make sure mine is always chill and enjoyable. For this weekend I stay in my dormitory. I did not go home since I went home the previous week. Today is a different story than the last time I stayed away from home. Cause today I went to town to buy few things. Mama wanted me to buy new set of blankets since she is worrying that cold month is coming and she don't have enough blankets for everyone. And also, my niece would celebrate her 3rd birthday next weekend so I also bought things I'll be needing for her birthday. I bought some balloons, candies and gift. I also remember that mama wanted to have some decorations at home for Christmas. She complained that our house don't have any Christmas presence that is why I also bought some decorations. off course, I did not forget my personal needs on the list as I went to shop the ingredients for the macaroni salad that I promise to cook on my niece's birthday. I leave my dormitory at 10 in the morning and arrive past 4 pm.
Hi to my dear sponsors. My grateful heart extend my thanks to the both of you. Keep safe.
First, takeaway
**Time runs fast when you're shopping.** Imagine that I leave at 10 and went home 4? I am very tired as I arrived in my room. I went to so many store walking, walking and walking. Thus, I slapped myself on bed and decide to prepare for dinner later. But then the electricity went off. And I was like oh my ghost 😱.
Second takeway
**Do things whenever possible.** Since I did not prepare for dinner earlier. I wasn't able to do it cause the electricity went off. Anything that is related to cooking is electricity generated. I don't have any stove or the like. I don't know when will be the electricity would come back. So, lesson learn for me.
Third takeway
**Saturday is no plastic day better bring your own Eco bag.** Imagine carrying those salad ingredients: cocktail, condense, cream and all in a paper bag? You better not try it. I don't have any idea that I will be struggling to survive no plastic day. 😬🥴
Fourth takeaway
**Don't shop on weekend.** I stand in line for 2 hours and half for just a basket of goods. I didn't even get the basket full. There's a lot of shoppers during weekend. The store owners shop during those time.
Fifth takeaway
I realized that am a bit thrift to myself but not to my family and loveones. From the goods that I have bought only few things goes to me. I don't buy things that are not needed. I only bought what I really needed and I would consume.
I bought efficient extreme for body pain sitting in the office or standing in the classroom. Eskinol for my pimples. Powder for my oily skin. And napkin for emergencies hehe. Ponds facial wash and cream. Century tuna for emergency hunger strike 😅 and pineapple juice since I needed fiber for my metabolism. I have very slow metabolism that's why I get fat easily. And I bought cheese. I will be consuming it as snack and if I cannot eat it all I would have it for my macaroni salad. 😁
Last takeaway
**It's important to have a list.** I bought things which are not on the list but it's still important though. Without list will make it worse. Having a list makes shopping easier. As you go to the things you needed and consume less time thinking what to buy. If you have something you forget you can still add it on your cart.
I spend a thousand and hundred pesos for my shopping today. I am happy I could buy things out from my own pocket and it's not just for myself but I can share it to my family. It a huge blessing and a great reminder to myself that I achieve so much in life than before. That I may not in the place I wanted to be but I am far from where I am in the past years.
Patience is a virtue. Standing in line with those hours is really tiring, boring and painful yet I realized that I will get there sooner or later. And I needed to be there, so indeed to endure everything.
I believe you will too. Trust the process and the timing as what they said.
I hope you learn a thing or two from my Saturday takeaways. Thank you so much for reading and may God bless us all.
Ayeehhh!! Super happy di ko Po inaasahan. Thank you so much for the sponsorship @Erickchristianmontajes . 🥰❤️
Supporting preloved sellers
It's raining here in my side of the globe today and this is me wearing my preloved turtle neck long sleeve, which is very nice to wear in today's weather. I just bought it at 38 pesos. I actually bought 3 of them on shopee and had my 2 pieces free. I am just so obsessed with buying preloved this past few days and I would never regreted it. Actually most of my dress are preloved.
I have been supporting few preloved sellers nowadays and it's all worth it. Just the last week I was able to buy 12 items from different store. I bought mini-dresses, and shirts because I need something to wear in my work everyday.
This is what I bought in the first store. The owner's named is jovy and she had the same age as mine. Hassling as a full time housewife and her husband delivers her items. I admire them both for their hard work and motivation towards their small business. Plus her items are very much affordable. I bought the dress at 75 pesos each and even bought the white one discounted, paying it at 50 pesos just like the 2 shirts. I just payed a total of 350 pesos, free delivery. I payed her through gcash and let her reserved my items. By the way I found her items posted on Facebook since we had this Facebook page for all sellers in our town. A sort of E-market, where everyone is free to buy and sell their product there.
This item is one that I order from shoppee. It's from a live selling from an unknown person. I actually had an eye for her items since it's very affordable. The one that I wear in the picture earlier is one of them. Aside from the affordable price of 38 pesos, plus the free 2 items, it's very nice to have long sleeves this cold weather since December is coming. I payed 250 pesos total together with the delivery fee. And as I wear it it's really worth it.
I also bought this one from another seller who posted her preloved items on Facebook. It's just 80 pesos and it's like brand new. No flaws at all. I love the color and the style though it's a bit big but I still keep it and really wanted to wear it 😅. I wanted some items from her shop but it's already sold so I only have 1 item. I let her reserved it and I pick it up in their house since delivery isn't available.
I really like this two dress but it's already sold. It makes me sad but I just thought it's not for me. Somethings are not meant for us even though we like to have it. It's fine to accept things that cannot be ours in this life. Just move on there's more beautiful things to come ahead of us.
Conclusion
Having cheap clothes doesn't make you less of a person. It's a matter of how you wear it. How you look on things and your perspective towards it. Mine, is it's not important if it cost less it gives the same purpose. Cover my body, and makes me look good. The amount I spend on thrift clothes is just a total more or less 500 pesos, an amount of 1 piece branded shirt. See? I am not saying you shouldn't buy branded dress but I want you to see the difference but could serve the same purpose.
On the other side of the coin. I was able to help small sellers. I was once a preloved sellers myself and I know how it feels to be supported and to hassle. It's hard and for a sold 1 or 2 items is a great achievement and help to our small business. I hope that you too would support small businesses, especially preloved or thrifted sellers.
To my sponsor @Bjorn and @Erickchristianmontajes have a great day ahead and keep safe.
That would be all for today. Thank you so much for reading.
A generous heart
This is my teacher in my college days whom I look up to and now my officemate. She is very kind and generous and she has a soft heart. The other day we celebrated two birthday of our colleagues and she surprised the birthday celebrants and they were very happy.
They are the celebrant. One is our department head, one who had glasses hanging in front of her, is celebrating her 52 years of age and the other is our assistant dean is celebrating her 45th birthday. They had no idea of the celebration our colleague prepared because she wanted it to be a secret. She order a lot of food and drinks for all of us.
She ordered the food package from our other colleague. It's already a very affordable one and the cake was just for free. A sort of pledge for the surprise. As we sing a happy birthday song, to our dear department head, she burst into tears. She was very happy and didn't expect it since she did not prepare anything that day.
Actually the plan is to celebrate the birthday of all the heads in one celebration this coming 23rd in our campus covered court. That is why the celebrants did not prepare in their actual day. But one of our colleague wanted her to surprise and make her feel special. And indeed she is as I see her teary-eyed expressing her gratitude for the surprise.
We enjoyed the food so much. Happy tummy and happy heart. Thanks to our generous colleague. We even have leftovers the next day. Desserts and viand. We save our money for snacks and viand for lunch. And we are grateful as well that we are able to enjoy the blessings shared by our colleagues even if it's not intended to us.
A generous heart is very few to find. This woman that I look up to is a model to everyone. I couldn't ask why she is blessed of so many things. I know she deserved it because of her generous heart. Being generous, you will be return a hundred folds. To her it's nothing when she give something to someone. But to most of us, we always choose whom we give, even I myself. I hope and pray that I would have a change of heart. So that graces and blessings will return ten times fold. I know it would be hard but it's for good. And I will start in small ways and things. To be honest it's really hard to give away things that you work hard for. And giving to other people who don't shared even a single sweat for it. But I realized that it's a very bad attitude cause everything you have isn't yours that is why you should've shared it to other people.
That would be all for today. Thank you for reading. God bless.
Thank you so much to my generous sponsor @Bjorn may the blessings be ten times fold return to you.
Omooo!!! Thank you so much for the sponsorship @Bjorn I really appreciate it. God bless and more graces.
Dream turned into nightmare
Have you ever dream when you are asleep? Dreams are stories that appears in our subconscious when we are asleep. Some of us had beautiful dreams but some of us had bad dreams that is called a nightmare. Have you experience nightmare?
Hi everyone. It's me again Grace. I wasn't able to write during weekend since I visited home and there's no internet there. As much as I want to share to you this dream of mine the night after I dreamed it but I couldn't. Thus, I share it to you this time. Luckily that I could still remember it clearly cause sometimes we had dreams that no longer be remembered when we are awake the next day. Actually this dream of mine is a bit add and whenever I dig deeper and wonder why it went like that I could realize it's actually a dream that turned into nightmare.
My dream started from a beautiful one. I was waiting for a cab going to work that day. The destination is correct yet the location where I waited seems in a wrong place. I was in an intersection that is unfamiliar to me. So, I walked in the distance and found myself journeying a small way in the middle of bushes and cliff. I continue to walk through the small way and hoping I could find the main road soon. Not far from that small path I took, I saw a man at his early fifties and I ask the direction going to the main road. He pointed it out and even lead me to it. And I thank him for his kindness. As I continue to walk I realize that it's a broken road. It's the other side of the intersection where I stand earlier. If I put you in my position where I stand earlier it's like a triangle shape intersection, cause the other side was a broken road. I was puzzled cause it lead me to the same place and I stand again in the same spot. I patiently waiting for my cab again. There are few houses along the road and few stores as well. It's like a center of the town. There's buses passing by from time to time but coming from far places like Cubao and Pasay destination. There's some cab as well but the destination isn't the place I want to go. I waited and waited until it's almost time for the sun to set. I wonder where's my cab for my destination. I don't think I am lost when in fact I am in the place where it should pass by. I decided to walk the road going to where the origin of the cab. But to my surprise the road is broken. There's no road in the distance anymore but houses. The houses was built on the place where supposed to be the main road is present but there's none. I was confused and worried. It's almost getting dark so, I continue to walk and I pass through a small path with a lot of bushes. It directed me to a river. I continue walking 'til I passed through a mountains and forest where I hear the singing of birds finding there tree to rest as the night about to come. I continued walking. I passed through a water falls. I walked through rivers and then I rested on a house. The people there are hospitable and they know me. I was even confused when I found my boyfriend there but we don't know each other. In that dream we are a total stranger. He takes care of my needs for that night; food, bed and even water for shower that next morning. Then, my journey continued. But, it wasn't just me anymore. He accompanied me, we walked through mountains and desserts, rivers and falls. Yet, we did not reach to the destination that I wanted to reach.
I wake up that next morning very tired. My dreams brought me to a lot of places walking like a lost chick trying to find it's home but I found nothing. I really wonder what's the meaning of it and shared to my mama but she told me it's just a dream and don't think it too much. But the thought makes me wonder day by day. if I think it through, it would make me worried and thought it was a nightmare. Finding something and yet nothing to be found and was lost is a scary thing. The journey led me to a non-stop walking to a place that isn't familiar to me. I was lost.
What's the meaning of it?
Is it my soul is lost or my destination in this life is uncertain?
Is it I had more challenges to be face in the future?
Or I can go to unknown place?
Please if you do have some opinion tell me. How did you interpret my dream?
That would be all for now. Thank you so much for reading. God bless.
The cramps and all
Menstrual cramps is every women's burden every month. It's part of our lives and no one could explain how it feel. Yet, we live and go on with everyday life as if we could bare anything and everything in this world. I guess that's a women's gift and a curse.
It's a rainy day here in my end. A cold morning everyone. I hope your day started great. I wasn't able to write yesterday because of my menstrual cramps. It's my first day of my monthly period and it hurts like hell. My back is aching so bad not just my back but all of my body. It's not just this month but every month. It's really a burden for me cause it hinder my work. It makes me wanting to stays in the bed all day. Roll like a ball under my sheets. Wanting to eat something but ended up hungry cause I don't want to get up and prepare the things I want. It feels like it would turn me into half. And a bowl of soup would ease the pain that I am feeling. Yet, no one would take care that for me. So, I have no choice but to do everything for myself.
Like today and another working days, I need to get up and get moving. Endure and neglect the pain. Move on with life. Work all the task needed to be done and as if it wasn't there and not hurting me. The day will end like a normal days. The difference is that I am covering those lines in between that causes everything.
Somedays I just wanted to become a man in my next life if get the chance to. But then, I already have this life and all I have to do is accept and enjoy it. Accepting is the only choice and baring is the only way of surviving.
As a woman, cramps is a normal thing and part of my life. At first I ask God why? And later on I know and realize that it's how women design to be. We are strong and could endure pain. We are design like a sponge that could penetrate those hardships but still we are human we will be tired and we need rest.
This is a gift that we are all women have given through this we could bare another life and have the power to give new life in this world so that the world could survive and keep going. We must give ourselves the best we could give cause it passes so much, it bare so much. We don't have to settle for the bare minimum. Especially to the people who would be with us for the rest of our lives. We should choose the one that would take care of us, one that would prepare something warm when days seems cold and hurting. One that would buy sanitary napkin that we need and feel that it is normal for them to take care of us during those weak days that we have. And never see us weak at all.
You deserve a person who would bare and endure the pain with you and would see the best you have. That would be all for now my dear readers. Thank you so much for reading.
I want....
Wanting something in life isn't bad, it's serves as a motivation for you to do your best in everything you do just to get what you wanted.
Today I will be answering these three questions written by @Fexonice1 that I have read the other day. It is a very beautiful question that I ask him if I could answer it and mention him in my writing. Fortunately, he said yes without hesitation and now here it goes sir. I hope you won't be disappointed.
**What I want in life?**
I wanted to be happy. To be happy means to see the people around me happy. Who are they? Of course my family. What makes them happy that would make me happy? Seeing me succeful and would be able to lift them from the hardships in life. And what would that mean? It means pressure. To have a pressure surrounded you means two things, like gold -you will shine through pressure or like stone broke through it. I don't mean that they pressured me a lot but the successful life and lifting them from our poor status is so much that I couldn't tell if I am happy. The happiness that is genuine and pure. That happiness is what I really wanted in life. It's been 3 years that I graduated college and I don't have stable job yet, which means still couldn't provide them the life that they dream off. The life that of course I dream for them. And this makes me sad. I am not successful, and they are not happy seeing me isn't in the place they wanted me to be. For that I am not happy as well.
**Why do you want what you wanted?**
I want to be happy because it will make me feel that I truly live in this life. It will take away those pain because of failures and hardships eventually I believe. It will erase those bad memories, bad words and everything that cause my heart to broke. It will surely makes me live the life that I wanted. To be happy is much more that the money, nor the success because you could be successful but not happy. You could have a lot of money but not happy. You could have everything in the world but still not happy. The genuine happiness that touches the heart to the soul.
**How badly you want what you wanted?**
Really, really bad. I wanted to be happy sooner or later that is why I endure everything I gone through in this life. I endure every pain, every challenges, every pressure just to reach the happiness that I wanted. No matter how long it takes for me to reach it, I believe I would have it, if not in this life, maybe after this.
To see my parents happy is what makes me happy. Even if it means not living and enjoying this life just to make them happy then I will be happy. May God hears my deepest desires, the cries of my soul, to grant my prayers.
*"Please let me be the instrument, the gift to this family*. *Let them feel they are bless through me. Bless me."*
We all have different desires in this life. Mine maybe is bit wired and confusing but believe me, above everything else in this world, happiness is what I desired most. If not in this world that I would have it then let this sacrifice of today be the bridge of a promising heaven where happiness is endless and pure.
That would be all for now. Thank you so much for reading. If you haven't check @Fexonice1's account yet please feel free to check just click the name in bold color. You won't regret it cause you will read inspiring and beautiful words. Thank you and God bless.
9 years of Typhoon Yolanda: Reminiscing & how I spent it
Today is the ninth year anniversary of typhoon Yolanda. It was such a devastating event of our life especially here in Leyte and Samar part of the Visayas, Philippines. I could still remember how it destroy and kill people in tacloban. I still remember freshly how we spend our day and night at evacuation without electricity and lacking of basic needs. I remember how people would do anything just to have food. I remember how the government served us unfairly. I remember how we spent our class in an open ceiling room cause the roof was destroyed. I remember how we tried to stand up after a huge devastation. Leaving us nothing but life and good health. The typhoon served as a reminder to always be prepared. To help one another and to pray. We don't have anything with us that very moment but faith that the Lord will not forsake us and yes, he didn't.
I know there's a lot more people who had been heartbroken after the event. Family members where lost and killed. Houses where destroyed and so as properties leaving nothing but bare self with trauma. Yet, we are Filipino, we are bisaya and we are resilient. Amidst the government treatment and unfair service, we manage to survive.
Today as I remember it, it's not painful anymore. A better sweet smile painted in my face. I had survive. And today is very different from yesterday. We moved far from the traumatic experience living life as if nothing happened. I solemnly pray to all the souls that passed away ninth years ago. They deserve a prayers from all of us and I hope we could give some even a short one. As much as I'd like to attend mass today but I don't know the schedule so I stayed indoors.
Since it's Yolanda anniversary we don't have to go to work. So, I spent the whole day at my boarding house. As much as I want to wake up late I think that my body have its own clock. Even though I stayed late last night I still wake up early. Since I couldn't go back to sleep. I prepare a coffee and myself for a workout. Yes, I get back to working out again cause my belly is rounded na haha.
Tell me how you work, work, work 🎵🎶
It's not hard for me since I've gone working out before I am grateful that I get back to it cause my back pain is killing me and whenever I stretch and exercise it lessen the pain. After working out I wash my clothes. I didn't put them outside because I'm tired of going down.
After washing my clothes and hanging them. I eat my breakfast since it's almost 10:00 in the morning my stomach is angry already. I then decided to prepare for my meals for me to do it at one go. I like to try new recipe of mine, a sweet potato leaves with spicy tuna. I put the tuna in half since I need to prepare lunch and dinner. So, the other half of it I put some egg.
The new recipe is awesome. It's my new favorite now. It's healthy and delicious. I will share it to the rest of the family soon. Ayeeh can't wait. After cooking, take a rest, scroll, scroll and playing games. I actually ate my lunch early cause I really like to taste my new recipe and I finished it all. At noon, I take a sound sleep. I wake up at exactly 5:00 pm and I forget I need to send money through Palawan. When I arrived there it's already closed.
What a nightmare. Anyways, better luck next time. I will send it tomorrow. I went back to my boarding house and take a shower. I smell stinky. 😅
The day went great. I enjoy every moment of it especially the sleeping moment. I know it's a day to remember a bad memory but it doesn't mean the day will be bad as well. Life must go on. Those events were parts of life. I am grateful to God that he is blessing me with life and good health and is guiding me until now. I am truly loved by Him. Whatever challenges he had given to us it is a blessing in disguise so let's accept it whole heartedly and have faith in him.
Graces and blessing will all be upon us. Thank you so much for reading.
Perks of living alone.
Living alone isn't always bad or even sad. Sometimes there are things that you should be grateful of having to live alone once in your life, If you don't plan to be alone though in your lifetime. Hehe
Another Monday, another week. Hello everyone. I hope you are doing great. It's another day to enjoy the life living alone cause I know sooner or later it will be invaded by huge and tiny predators lol. I realize this moments are to be treasured and to be cherish. I remember having to go home every week after class during my first year in college cause I missed home. It's not my first time living home though but the loneliness it bring seems hard to handle. But not today in this time of my life. I seem to enjoy all the perks I have living alone in this small corner.
The peace, the space, the task, the responsibilities and the alone time for yourself. These are the things I have this days and I love it.
The peace
The peace that I want whenever I came home from the laborious day. The peace that brings me sound sleep 'til I want to. The peace that the fan brings as it continue to do it's task. There's no distractions and more peace of mind it brings. I can think and meditate as I wake up and sometimes before I sleep. In our house or when I was in college, I never experience this kind of peace. The peace that I needed to reflect and ponder life along the way.
The space
The space is all mine. No one would share my little corner. I never had the chance to have my own room in our house, ever. We shared the same space, until now. I always dreamed of having one which coming to life just this time. I now have my personal space. To do whatever I want. Wear however I like it. Sleep whatever side on the bed. Move without being conscious. The space that only this time I enjoyed so much.
The task
Just like how I rest my feet above my side table, my task is waving at me. The dish that I haven't yet wash from dinner is beside me while I'm typing this. No one will pressure me when to move or to do the task that is needed to be done. I cook when I like it. I clutter and declutter my things. No one would complain. At home I need to do task and not to clutter cause I am ashame with mom having to declutter things for me. Here, I do them whenever I like doing.
The responsibilities
Since the only person I have to be responsible is myself, I don't do much hard work. I spend money for myself from my own pocket so I need to be responsible for myself. Unlike at home since I am a working person now, I will be the one to think, and spend for our meal. The cooking and preparing of food is not that hard cause I cook what I like to eat. No one will I ever ask what they want which I don't want. No one would ever complain how I done my meal. Unlike at home that I can't complain or request what I like or I don't like, cause it's shameful. I eat whatever is prepared for me. Washing of clothes isn't a problem. I do wash whenever I like it. No pressure at all. 😅
Alone time
I have plenty of alone time for myself. Having to think of the goals and the plans clearly. No pressure. No noise. No nagging. No nothing. I don't mean that it's chaotic in the house but here is very big difference. I could think clearly about my goals. I could plan clearly without hesitation of having to break the roles or the feelings of the people living with me. As a person who have much respect towards the people I live with, their feelings and opinions matter.
These are just few to be listed among other things I enjoyed during this time of my life. It's always a dream that coming to life. Don't accuse me of being selfish but I do dream of having to live life with my own ones in a lifetime, not lifetime of course not. Hehe . I am happy that I came to experience this and I would really, really cherish and enjoy this moment. Though not to the extent that I won't miss or go home, I would still do. Still "No place like home" for me. I always love to share same space with mom and same bed with my niece and sister. And of course there's no other food that could exceed mom's. From time to time. I visit home.
I enjoy this life and I am happy with this life.
Whatever your situation right now as long as you're happy. No matter how life brings you. I hope you are grateful. Enjoy life. You deserve it.
That would be all. Thanks for reading. God bless.
It's me again.
Hi everyone. It's me again Grace. How are you beautiful people it's been a while since I am not able to be active here or even visit. I hope you are doing great. It's a roller coaster ride in here. Me being so busy and tired all the time. I miss writing here and I miss you as well. I couldn't wait to read you all. I hope I could do better this time. Having to work in an institution is quit a challenge. Work have no end. Teaching and paperworks are over loading me. My sincere apology to all of you for not visiting here.
I think it's been months if I am not mistaken. I've been away for too long that I don't know where and how to start. My ideas are all over the place plus I don't know how to put them together. I guess my writing skills had been deteriorating because I didn't write for so long now. Anyways, I will still try.
Teaching has been my life for few months now. From the month of August up to present. Since I teach in a University, I teach high school, senior high school and college subjects. We are not yet having the full blown or full face-to-face yet that is why I meet my students face-to-face every other week.
Week between those I meet them online. It's a huge hustle to all of us -teachers and students since we don't have a hold on them for discussion and activities especially during online class. Having to prepare lessons during face-to-face and doing all the paper works during online schedule.
We just done our midterm last mid October and it doesn't end there. Before exam was preparations of questionaires and after exam checking, recording and making of grades. It's been a lot of work needed to be done as well as task to be completed.
In between busy teaching days, we need to attend trainings and seminars as well. It's necessary for us to grow professionally as well. Learning is constant as they say, that is why even teachers should grow and learn as well. Yes, it's helpful to us teachers, but it add more to our task. Well, we don't have any choice but to accept the reality. It's actually advantageous to us cause it could help us in renewing our license plus we don't need to pay just to attend the seminar and have the certificate, thanks to our dean and higher ups.
I am literally a busy bee. I don't know up until when though cause I'm still in contractual status of employment. Let me enjoy these moments and cherish my students. I though hope I will be renewed next semester, in god's will. I don't want to complain but my writing sounds like it. Hehe sorry 😅. I could tell I am enjoying though, I really am. It's good to be busy here at work than lying overthinking at home. Gash! It's much more stressful than my busy job.
Anyways, I think that's it for now. I hope you welcome me here again. Thank you so much for reading me. I hope you enjoy. God bless and stay safe.
Small kindness
The world is round and what goes around comes around. Therefore let's not forget to do a little kindness towards others especially if we want kindness to comes back to us.
*Hello hello my dear sponsor 🤗 I hope you are doing great. God bless and keep safe wherever you are right now.*
Today is Tuesday and tomorrow will be hump day already. Time flies so fast that I had my list needed to be done before this week end. Aigoo! It's been a tough day yet a very productive one. I already finish checking my students' output and I was able to send them their module since the internet works very well today. Praise God! I hope tomorrow would be the same as well. I was actually glued in my chair the whole day except during lunch break in which I extend small kindness to my officemates. I know it's not necessary but the worlds need it sometime. It's very nice to hear words of gratefulness sometimes.
It just a small gestures of heating up the extra food we had the previous day. Our chair person had a small thanks giving for a blessing received from her job so she bought foods and we had a small gatherings in the office. We had a lot of leftovers and so I heat them up since they were in the refrigerator all night. It's about lunch when I heat the food so that we will have hot viand for our lunch. It's actually benifitial to me to save some penny for lunch and it saved me the last day as well. In return I extend a little effort that would be benifitial to all. Everyone is happy and extend their "thank you" to me. It's nice to here something like that sometimes. A reminder that it's good to lend a little kindness sometimes. I am flutter it was just a very small gesture but was appreciated. A heart warming one.
Little by little the bad memory is fading and was replaced by loved and warmness of the people around me. I hope the kindness would be pass on everyday. It should start of course to you in order to reflect it to your surroundings. It's a matter of "what comes around goes around". A karmic reaction that the universe would radiate whether you want it or not. Better let the universe see that you deserve those karmic reaction that she will be radiating to your life sooner or later. I am actually excited of mine. So, I make sure I do good so good will comeback to me. Well, kindness doesn't cost me fortune it cost a little effort to be reflected. I hope you choose to exert a little kindness everyday.
Thank you so much for reading. God bless.
Still Productive
Monday comes fast for the most of us who started our job on the first day of the weekdays. Well, it's called weekdays for some reason 😅. Anyhows let's be grateful for the gift of livelihood cause many of us wanted to have job like ours. It's the thing that keeps us moving and providing our daily needs and even extend our help to our loveones. Therefore let's put heart towards our job, whatever it is.
Monday seems so sluggish due to the slow internet connection. It even pop up like ghost and be gone like it as well. Internet has a vast influence in our life nowadays. It is part of almost everything. Even our past time and entertainment is now based on internet. You know what I mean. It could be Facebook, YouTube, TikTok and many more. Whenever internet is not working well everything is almost affected. Like for example my job. This week is modular week for my students since we still adopt the cyclical teaching, adjusting students to not full face-to-face instructions. Anyways let's go back, so the net today isn't working well and I need to upload students module and checking students' output which they pass online but I couldn't do so because of the unstability of internet connection. I am bet frustrated because I couldn't be productive and meet today's goal. But then I couldn't spend the whole day frustrated so I think of other ways to still be productive.Instead of uploading the modules and checking students'outputs, I records all there quizez and assignments during our face-to-face week. I almost done all of it today and still become productive amidst almost unproductive day.
*When* *we think we couldn't do anything else aside from the things that we are planning to do look around and you could see that you could do much more than what you have planned.*
The internet may have become a huge part of us today but it doesn't mean that we are crippled and useless when we no longer have the power over it. It is always up unto us if we let things over power and may even role over your emotions. Be careful on how you handled emotions because its up unto you how you will make yourself productive, feel useful, and happy. It's always been your choice. Always be yours.
Sometimes the things that are unplanned are the things that most likely to have 99.9% success rate. And sometimes they are the most fulfiiling part. Whatever you planned and seems unproductive about it. Don't pressure yourself and be sad about it. Maybe it's not the time yet. Maybe you are bound to achieve much more than you have planned. Explore more. Enjoy more.
*Thank you so much to my dear sponsor. I owe you an apology for not being active for two weeks. I hope you won't regret of giving your sponsorship to me. Again thank you and God bless.*
Thank you so much for reading everyone. God bless.
Forgive me father for I have sin
Hey beautiful people. How are you? It's been awhile now since I haven't written anything here. I been so busy for the past few weeks. I missed writing here that's why I am here writing today.
Today is Sunday and I already done attending the holy mass. The homily today is very beautiful that I am reminded how I always share my realizations to you every Sunday way back the good old days when my schedule wasn't this hectic yet. Since today I find time sharing it with you, allow me to share the two sins that I ask forgiveness to our dear God.
The two sins are omittion and commition. Omittion means not doing what is bound to do while commition means doing what is not bound to do. When does omittion became a sin? It's when we do not do things we should have done. For example, not helping those in needs. As the Father had asked to help those in needs whenever we fail to do so, we are committing sins already. Or any other hings that we omit to do when in fact doing is is the right thing to do so. Commiting on the other hand is very obvious and clear that you choose to commit the wrong things even if you already know it is wrong to do so.
I ask the Father in heaven to forgive me for sinning consciously and unconsciously. Omitting to lend help to those in needs especially those beggars on the street. You know I have this attitude and belief that there's no beggars when there will be no people giving alms. Those people sometimes are the people who are much capable to work yet they find asking alms an easy job and a lot of money rather than sweating themselves to work with just a small compensation. I bet 500 peso more or less would a beggar could get if they will be asking in the city. While a construction working can get more or less 350 a day. See if you get my point. Another example are the kids on the street. I won't gave them because I think I am teaching them to become beggars and lazy. But I realize that I already sinned through omittion. Well, I have committed a lot of sins which I consciously do. Like having to gossip people or choosing not to pray because I am tired and lazy.
Today I humbly asked the Father to forgive my sins. Hoping and praying that he will teach me how to be away with those sins and have the heart to do what is bound to do. I know it's not that late yet if I will have a change of heart and mind. Having to help those in needs cause I am more bless than them. I hope you too. What ever you realize you omit things or commit them, let's have a change of heart and mind. It's not to late to asked forgiveness and then renew ourselves. For the gospel had shared to us today that Lazaro, a beggars who inherit the kingdom in heaven and the rich who suffered in the unending fire for not helping those in needs like Lazaro and who realize his sin too late. It's never to late for us thus we pray;
*"Almighty father forgive me for I have sinned, through my thoughts, and my words. For what I do and what I have failed to do. Teach us to have a change of heart. A compassionate heart like yours. We asked this through your son Jesus who lives and reign with you in the unity of the holy spirit. Amen"*
May the Lord Almighty be with us all. Thank you so much for reading. God bless.
Grocery take away
I am grateful for everything I have and will have. Having to have everything even in my hard times is a great blessing. I don't know if I would put myself in a poor state or not. Well, maybe I would love to put myself in a blessful state.
Talking about blessing I would love to thank my new sponsor @Bjorn for sharing the blessing. God bless you always. More blessings to come.
I did not go home last weekend and stay in my boarding house. I was alone and don't have anything to do. I came to list and prepare my food and clothes for the next week. For the food, I look at my groceries.
As I look at it and ponder what are the menu for the nexweek.
While looking at my menu I realized that I will be having mostly processed food for the whole week. Thanks god I have still eggs since I bought 1 dozen. Pondering with it, my groceries cost me 400 pesos almost 9 USD. It makes me sad of having such decision, if I will not buy my 400 peso it could have been a different menu everyday. Maybe some vegetables, fish, chicken and meat. But I couldn't since I choose to buy groceries. I couldn't bring back time yet I need to be more wise next time around. It's not that I regret my decision I just came to term to never do it the next time. Well, that's life, trial and error will makes us wise the next time.
Having the situation I don't want to focus on negative side. I came to think of searching some vegetables available near the area. Good thing I found some sweet potato leaves. And I get some of it and cook. I had a very good dinner that day. Sorry to not able to took some photos to be shared here. I forget as I enjoy eating my vegetable hehe sorry everyone. It's actually one of my favorite vegetables salad. I just steamed the leaves of the sweet potato and put some soy sauce, vinegar, onions and garlic. Mixed them all and flavored it with some salt and pepper. I was so full and Satisfied with my meal. Now that I learned where I could get some vegetables to cook I won't be having process food and egg all week.
In life, there are lots of lapses we went through let's just forgive ourselves and move on. It is inevitable in life. It makes us decision wise and smart in the next time around. Having to learn out from the bad things is a beautiful take away in everything we experience. Therefore, learn and relearn things. Ponder and know where you had to change things to suit in the situation you had.
Let's learn to be comfortable in the uncomfortable.
Thanks for reading everyone. God bless.
I came back and lost my pride!
Pride is an attitude that most of us mishandled. All of us has it, but some of us put it down cause it cannot bring good. I guess I am one of those some. Cause if not, I am not where I am today.
*Hello, hello everyone! I missed you all. It's been awhile since I last visit here. I think it's already 1 week if I am not mistaken. It's been a very busy week here and there. A tough time of adjustment but I am proud to say I survive. Thanks god and to all the people that He sent to help me althrough out. How about you? How are you? I hope you are all doing great as well.*
I have few bad experience in the environment where I belong now yet I tend to come back even though I already told myself I won't comeback ever again. Pride told me not but the circumstances and the chance to have job in this time of needs push me through. So here I am, surviving. With all those difficult memories with me I have to endure. I need to endure. I have no choice but to endure. I always tell myself the things I need to remind myself of why I am here whenever I become less motivated and out of place. I am not unhappy though, cause I am but not with the people that cause the havoc but with the students that I have and how we enjoy the class together. It's the only thing that keeps me surviving, thanks to them. They took my sadness, my pain away. Whenever I am with them. Whenever I teach them not just the lesson but the morals of life as well. It makes me happy whenever I emparted new things to them. I always enjoy whenever I stand in front of them, talking, sharing and learning as well. They never failed to teach me new things everyday. They never make me sad. Furious sometimes but I understand their curiosity and innocence at the same time. They are my realizations cause they always made me realize things before the day end. They made me become better of myself everyday cause they made me ponder where I am less and lacking.
Swallowing my pride had teach me so much in this life. It's a very nice lesson I learn in a very hard way. I should have nurture my mental health more and never let negative things take even a small space. Pride won't buy me bread especially this days. Pride can give nothing but self-centeredness and arrogance. And I would not allow myself to be that kind of person. My family needs me. My drowning self needs me. Who will stand for myself? Not even my pride when things are falling apart therefore I shouldn't have to deal with the pride that my ego would feed me. Neither you shouldn't have to. Do not allow yourself to be regretful of things. We don't benifit pride but swallowing it allows you to be humble and let the good things favor you. Humble heart are favored. I am struggling yet I grow. I learn things. And I couldn't tell that I lost myself entirely because I give up my pride. Yet I learned many things out from it.
That would be all friends. Thank you so much for reading. God bless.
A friend you can count on
Through tough times when you needed someone it's very nice to have a friend you can count on. True friends indeed be seen during needy times.
*Hello! Hello! Beautiful people of read.cash community. I have been out for three days now since I was very busy in my new job. My apologies for not being active. I hope you are all doing great.*
As I was saying in my last article, I was hired for a new job. I was actually happy knowing that after few months of staying full-time at home without nothing to do and not having stable income, finally I am working. But with this opportunity comes greater challenge. I don't have any money for my allowance and for renting a house. Yet, I continue the journey hoping and praying God will provide everything for me. And yes he did. I collected a total of 800 pesos, day before my first day on the job. I collected 700 pesos from the people who still have a credit in my small business. Luckily they pay me as I had told them I needed some money. Praise God! The rest was converted from my earnings that day which total 182 pesos.
It was just for the allowance and the fare cause the fare cost almost 300 pesos and allowance for the week is 500 pesos. Where do I stay? I don't have any money for renting a house. So, I chatted a friend of mine who work in the same university that I was hired from, about the situation. She told me without second thought that I can stay in her boarding house for the meantime I haven't had any money for the rent. I was so grateful to her of her generosity. She's not a childhood friend or best friend. She is just a colleague back then. We only get close because of common friends. But guess how I can count her in this times of need. She is a blessing indeed.
She even share her food to me because she wanted me to lessen the cost of food, sometimes I am hesitant because I am so shy to receive so much from her. I already stay in her house and she need to share her space to me it's an abuse to depend her even in my food or even a meal. I'm embarrass but I am so grateful to her for letting me stay. It really means a lot to me. And I don't know what to do or say to let her know how much it means to me. She help me a lot.
When tough times occur we will know who the real people in our life. We will know that not all people that you expected to help you might not be there for you. And the people you don't expect will surprise you for their genuine care and generosity to you. They are the people worth keeping. Cherish and treasure those people because they only comes ones in your life. Friends come and go, but keep those genuine one. One who can be counted on during good and bad times.
That would be all for today folks. Thank you so much for reading. God bless.
5 things I note to Self
There are things I need to remind myself of. Things that was neglected before when I was having my previous job. And now that I had the same job again, I would make sure I take note this five things to myself in order for me to not repeat the same lapses as before.
*Bless Tuesday everyone. Indeed it is because we wake in the morning with good health. Praise god for that. Let's continue the day with happy grateful hearts.*
Today I receive a message of blessings. I was hired for a teaching job. As I was busy preparing my things for my travel tomorrow. I almost forget the most important things I should be bringing with me and these things are the five things I note to myself.
**You go for work. Nothing more, nothing less.**
It's not my first time to do a teaching job and most times I forgot that I go for work because of work. Not because of people, not because of place but because of work. I need to put that in mind that I should work my ass of as to what I am paid to do. To do my job.
**Practice and study lessons ahead of time.**
It was a chaotic scenario before that I needed to do crammings because I don't study the lessons in advance when I say advance not hours before the class but days. And I should put in mind that even though I already done this job many times I still need to practice.
**Free time is for reading notes. Not sleeping or scrolling facebook.**
Shameful to say but I am like that before. Whenever I am done with my class I sleep in my dormitory or waste my time scrolling on Facebook. And I regretted it so much. I should have read my notes during free time. Do my work and what is needed to be done so that I won't be doing it in my personal time like rest days or family time.
**Organize schedule and things.**
I need to put in mind that I need to organize schedule and things listing it to most important down to less important or needed to do first and last. As well as the things like students papers and documents for me not to put so much time finding something because I misplaced it. As much as possible put some label on things.
**Leave work at workplace.**
I know it's very much impossible to do but I would do my best to atleast if not eliminate this habit but be lessen to atleast 5%. It is important to build such habit to leave work at workplace. That is why in the previous note I make sure I use my free time with important things to do for me to not bring any work outside workplace.
It's just few simple things but I believe it is very hard to do. Some of you could relate to it and agree with me but I hope and pray that I would remind myself of this things. It's important to for me to do this for me to not repeat my lapses and the things that I regretted in the past. That's how we should avoid making the same mistakes again. Making sure that we take note and remind ourselves from time to time. What to do and not to do.
That would be all for today. Thank you so much for reading. God bless everyone.
Sad reality
Life is beautiful. It's full of wonderful things to unravel and discover. But when reality hits us it's makes us sad.
*Monday is over and Tuesday is waiting for us tomorrow and few more days another week will end. Time flies so fast that we couldn't seem to gasp the sad reality that we are not getting any younger anymore. Therefore let's face the reality of the world and enjoy every moments of it.*
There are few sad reality that hits me this days. I don't know if it's just me or some of you could relate to this few things that I will be mentioning. I know we all experience different in this life but we all pass struggles, challenges and difficulties. Different experience but we could feel the same emotion maybe at different level and different ways of handling or expression yet there is one universal truth, we all feel pain, anger, regrets, hatred, emptiness, rejection, betrayel and lot more negative feelings within those experiences. Upon pondering reality hits us and we realize it was a very sad reality.
**No one will understand you better than yourself**
Basically in this life you only have yourself. Your family will probably knows your struggle but they couldn't understand the pain the way you felt it. Sometimes they couldn't even understand you. Worse they will accuse you of pretending. Better be proficient in dealing with your emotions. Don't expect others to understand you when you tell them how you feel.
**Not all things you dream of will be yours**
It's free to dream, so dream big. But make sure that you won't put your whole life trying to reach those dreams cause sometimes your dream isn't your reality. Work on some side hassle cause sometimes those side hassles will be the thing that make you realize you are capable of doing even bigger than you dream.
**You are not 100% sure that you are the best friend of your best friend**
If you think you are the best friend of your best friend don't be too confident about it. You will realize you are not because he/she is not capable of waisting his/her time when you need them. Just like how you are to them. I know few who only used people of their own benifits and when things aren't benifial to their end, you can't find them.
**We are not getting younger**
Yes we aren't. So, let's make sure that we aren't wasting our time dwelling on things that do not matter. Things that already pass. Things that makes us recentful. Things that makes us regretful. There is no room for revenge and hatred in this life because we don't have lifetime. We only have borrowed time. The days are flying so fast and we cannot even seem to remember what we had in the table the last week or the previous days. When I ask you, how you live your life? I hope I don't make you sad.
**People will judge you even when you give your best. They wouldn't see your struggles and your success but only your failure.**
There are more reality in this life that makes us sad. Just like how the world seem so inhumane. How the nature have been destroyed. How the rich gets more richer and the poor become poorer. How the politician plays us all in their hands. And the rest continues to be discuss without end. But should we live this sad reality of the world until we die?
I hope not. I hope you are not just looking unto it without any hope. Your emotions is valid. Whatever it is, it's valid. However you feel it's valid. I congratulate you for realizing those things and making sad about them because I could know that you are living life with reflection. I believe soon you will accept that that's part of the reality of this world and that's feeling sad about it makes you more human. But there are more to be grateful than to be sad. **A hundred reason to be sad has a thousand more reason to smile**. If and if, you wanted to find them, they are just around you. They are maybe sad reality of the world but I believe you are doing something about it that makes you bounce back from that sadness. Look at the sun rises and how it sets. There's more than those realities that makes you sad.
That's all for today. Happy reading. Thank you and God bless.
Move on
Life is like a wheel it goes round and round and round. So, when life gets you down you need to move on to keep life movin' like a wheel. If not then you will be left behind.
*Happy Sunday everyone. Another weekend and tomorrow another day will start. Let's praise god for all the blessings and give thanks to his undying love towards us. Keep safe everyone. Keep movin'. You're doing a great job!*
Life gives us hard lessons to learn. Painful lessons but we can learn best. Sometimes we could ask God *why me? Of all the people. I'm good. I'm kind to others. I'm doing my best to everything I do. But why?* But that's how life play it's game. That is why you need to be strong-willed. You need to be positive. You need to move forward and leave those past behind. Leave but learned. Make sure that you move on with lesson learned with you. For you to be able to ponder things when it hits again. Atleast when things gets rough and you'll be in the same loop again you will know what to do next and would not do the same mistake again.
I may have this bad experience the past days and it keeps repeating in my mind. But I need to move on. I need to survive. In order to move on I need to;
Let go
Whatever happened already happen and I can't changed a thing. Therefore, o need to let go. Let it go for me to move on. Letting go means that I don't need to constantly remind myself the things I done wrong. Letting go means moving forward and never look back to what happened. But making sure where I get wrong for me to not repeat the same mistake.
Forgive myself
In order to let go is to forgive myself. Forgive myself and believe that I am just a mere human being and would make mistakes. I am not perfect and I need to learn that committing mistakes is not the end of the world. It's an opportunity to learn and relearn things. To think things through. To become known in different emotions and handling them.
Think positive
To move forward is to think positively. Think that things is fated to happened. Things happen for you to learn. Things is design to teach you to not lose hope. To be faithful and look forward a better days coming. Small mistakes ain't the end of the world. It's the beginning of you being bold, wise and full of wisdom.
Move on for you to survive. If you won't you will die -of guilt, of regrets and it won't do any good to you. Thus, move on. Whatever happens has its purpose. Just think positively. Never lose hope. Fasten your belt and enjoy the roller coaster ride of life.
That would be all for today friends. Thank you so much for reading. God bless!
Small mistakes
When you realize that it takes just a small mistake to walk without your head because everyone seems to be mocking you around. Small mistakes that would determine who you are and the fate of your future.
*Hello! Hello everyone! It's Throwback Thursday and it's been a tough day for me. Still, grateful to be able to experience such for me to become wiser the next time around.*
Everyone commits mistakes a long the way because there is no perfect person in this world. But sometimes people couldn't bare to accept that you're just a human being bound to make mistakes. There will be mockery and gossips, launghing along those mistakes and it's hard to handle. It's overwhelming and devastating at the same time. Knowing that a small mistake could define your whole being. A mistake that was only taken credit by you because no one would believe it wasn't you at all. And there's no point of explaining or defending yourself from it because they would never believe it. They only believe what they would want to believe. So, stop explaining yourself.
Small mistakes that would determine your future. Between those two options that you've got, you need to think carefully. You need to weight things both it's positive and negative aspects. Oversee the things that is coming your way. But sometimes you can't see everything, sometimes there will be this small mistakes along the way. And at the end nothing will be yours between the two options. One is hard to handle and cannot be manage. Physically, financially and geographically. Other, is between ego and pride that was mocked due to your small mistake. It will be very hard. Emotional aspect would trigger you. It's very upsetting. It's very humiliating. It makes you feel so much guilt.
It is. All of it at a time. Yet, you need to be brave to face the consequence of your action. You need to face the hard truth. And most importantly you need to **forgive yourself for doing everything wrong. You are just human being, you're not perfect. No one is perfect**. **Make room for mistakes for yourself because from that room you will grow.** All of it may not lead you with the same fate but not the same fate will lead into a same human being. It's like a twin brought by a mother, same womb but different personality. Same environment but different outlook in life that would lead them to different fate. I hope you get what I mean. Quite vouge words but it is how it is. Life taught hard lessons.
*Author's note:*
*My apologies for not writing for few days now. It's been a hard day, schedules and internet would not meet halfway. Still grateful that I have you right now. I appreciate it so much. Thank you, thank you.*
That would be all for today. God bless.
Preparing for F2F class
**August 15, 2022**
Today is Monday and next Monday will be the start of the face to face classes. We are busy preparing things for my nephews.
*Happy Monday to everyone. I hope you will have a great week. Especially to my wonderful sponsor. Thank you so much for your generosity. God bless.*
My sister is busy preparing the things her son needed for this face to face classes which will be on the next week Monday, August 22. I offered some help for her since I don't have anything to do. We bought some pieces of notebook, a pad of paper, some pencil and pens, crayons, scissor, sharpener and a bag. We never thought it would cost much almost one thousand pesos and we only have a bag of cellophane to carry back home. Wow! A thousand pesos for today seems not have high value that much. We have heavy heart upon going home but still grateful that we able to buy the school supplies needed.
We bought some yarn as well since we need to sew the notebook cause it's spiral and it's not good to write on. So, tonight we are busy sewing them in order for it to be prepared. My brother-in-law also help us as he find sewing the notebook interested and fun. While sewing it we look back our memories in our elementary an high school days. How we appreciate and take care our school supplies our parents bought for us. We also remember how we enjoy doing it without the help of our parents. Unlike teens today, we need our help and supervision to almost anything. They seems not put interest that is school related stuffs. They are always busy with they gadgets playing mobile legends or scrolling facebook. Their time is most glued with their own built world. Unlike our good old times, how we enjoy preparing everything for our upcoming class. We even take care our own enrollment and would go to town buying thrift shoes and love it like brand new. We are appreciative whatever we have unlike kids nowadays.
The opportunity of preparing things for my nephews allows me to look back in the past. It makes me happy yet I am sad as well reflecting as how we spoiled them for not doing the things they are supposed to do. But what can we do when they don't show interest of doing so. What should we do? Should we let them be the way it is? And let them earn nothing from their gadgets? I don't think so. I think this is our way of helping them. And beyond this which is the grade and coming to school is their responsibility. And they are the one to do their part. While right now we got to do ours.
*Author's note:*
*I'm sorry to not post any photos cause the internet here in my sister's place is very slow and I can't upload any. I do have lots to share to you but couldn't. Thanks for reading and God bless.*
Kill, Cook and Dine together
**August 14, 2022**
Today is Sunday, a good time to have a small family gathering. I am happy that we did even though my eldest sister wasn't able to attend. By the grace of God we dine with a good meal together.
*Happy birthday to my dear sponsor* @JenThoughts *more blessings to come to you.*
It's been a long time since we had a meal together as a family. And today we dine together and of course family gathering won't be able to accomplish without a good food. Thankful that mama agreed that we will kill one of her chicken in her pen. It's been awhile since she taking care few chicken in the backyard and they are all grown up and multiply for quite few numbers. She wouldn't afford to feed them all that's why she agreed to kill one of them.
My sister and I kill the chicken but she is the one who clean it cause she wanted me to be the one who will cook it. I really wanted to help but she refused. I did what she wanted instead of pushing to help I prepare the kitchen for cooking.
It's the only thing left since I already put the rest in the pan before I realized that I haven't taken a photo yet. Yes, I already planned of sharing this to you. It's fine I guess I just wanted to share to you what I put in my soup. Oh! I forget to tell you that I would cook a chicken soup.
I also put some malunggay leaves in my chicken soup. Malunggay is very healthy and nutritious. It has a lot of benifits to our body. We actually use this green leafy vegetable everytime we cook soup. We all love to have it in our soup cause it's delicious and at the same time healthy. Chicken soup especially native one is very good if have this.
And here where I cook my chicken soup. We still used the old way of cooking in the kitchen. We are very much comfortable using it and it always give us delicious cooking whatever it is. I don't know what's the reason really is but I guess the natural fire that the wood gives off is one of the reason. We all love using it as well since we don't have choice 😂 lol. Kidding aside we can't afford buying a gas stove or some electric stove. We're poor and we're not ashamed of it. It's ot something we will be ashamed of right?
Tadaaa! Here's my chicken soup. Enjoy your meal. Or should I say enjoy viewing hehe. After cooking my chicken soup we dine in the table together. Pray for the meal and enjoy eating together. Part of me is sad caus emy eldest sister is not around but I understand. Soon, she could dine with us too.
**Conclusion**
Food at some point become the source of gathering. Any gathering would not be complete without food. I am glad we experience it even in a normal Sunday like today. I think we should do it often. It brings the family closer together. I am grateful for such opportunity.
How bout you? How did you spend your Sunday?
That would be all for today. Thank you for reading and God bless.
The art of giving
**August 13, 2022**
Today is Saturday and it's been 3 days since I stick with my daily routine. I am proud of myself to continue pushing myself especially with my fasting and small cardio exercise. It's been tough but I know I can do it. I know it's only hard in the beginning.
*Happy weekend my dear* @JenThoughts *as always thank you for your sponsorship. God bless and stay safe.*
Today's article is about sharing my old uniform in college. Someone actually posted on Facebook who ask who's uniform is available cause they will just refund it. I instantly replayed and told them I have mine. I asked her who will gonna wear it for me to know if it's fit or not. She send me a picture of a girl who's size is like mine when I study in college, so I told her it's gonna fit. I then ask who's name of that girl and she told me it's Mara. By the way I know the girl who posted about the uniform thing she's a member from a religious community same as mine. Her sister and I was classmates way back in college. Going back to our story, she asked me how much Mara would refund my uniform but I told her that I would just give it for free. She's shocked and I told her it's true. She thank me many times.
My uniform is used but it's not abused. I am pretty sure they still look nice and clean since they have sentiments to me. They journey with me all throughout college life. Through thick and thin, rain or shine they stay with me. It's sad though that I will be giving them but I am happy that they will be useful and would not rot in the corner. I'm sure they will be happy too. To be able to help others and live there purpose. It's a bit of messy but a few stroke of iron would make it shine. Bye bye my uniform. I hope you will live long.
When Mara chatted me, I just asked her a favor of taking care of it just like how I take care of it. That's the only thing she could give back to me as I give my uniform to her. She is so grateful. She told me how huge help it is for a struggling student like her. They are struggling financially right now and it will help her lessen her expenses.
**Conclusion**
I could actually ask for refund if I want to cause they offer it but I really want to help in just small ways I can. I received so much blessings and help during my college days and I want to return the kindness of others towards me through the people who need help. **We should help in any small ways we can. That's the best way we can repay the goodness and blessings we recieve from the lord. And that's our purpose, we don't live just for ourselves but for the service of others**.
That would be all for today friends thank you for reading. Stay safe and God bless.
A breakthrough from procrastination
August 11, 2022
Today is Thursday. For me it's not just an ordinary day cause today I break through procrastination. What did I do to break the habit that I've been living for almost a month now?
*Before sharing I want to greet my lovely sponsor. Also, extending my heartfelt gratitude for her sponsorship thank you so much* @JenThoughts *. God bless you.*
Procrastination is one of the tough habit that we struggle to surpass. And I am not an exception to it. Lately, I've been experiencing this laziness that I don't know what's the root. It's not negative energy or emotional problem though. I think it's just a struggle that I need to surpass. And today I am proud of myself that I did it. It's almost months that I don't do anything. I just lay on my bed. Sounds familiar, yes it's like a Bruno Mars hit song hehe.
Anyways, yes, I don't do anything even tired of taking bath, like I only bath every after two or three days. Haha don't get mad at me. It's true. It's fine I guess for me cause I don't go anywhere else but in my bed. Laying and laying and laying all day. Watching movie, or scrolling facebook. Just like that, every single day. I don't do any household chores as well. I am so pathetic and lazy pig who only knows how to eat and sleep.
I did some observation and quite thinking when I develop such habit of laziness and aha! I find it out. It was when my fever and small pox started. That one that I shared to you. Yes, that's when I develop my lazy habit. Cause when I was ill I stay on the bed all day. Not allowed to go outside and take a bath. May body get used to the routine and it becomes a habit. That's why let's be careful to what we usually do because it will become a habit sooner or later. If I am not mistaken as some per some readings a habit could only build 21 days. And that's where I build mine. The procrastination habit. Glad that today I break through it.
What did I do?
Pray
Yes, I prayed. Every single day that the lord will help me overcome my procrastination habit cause I am only wasting time that he had given to me every single day. And I hate it. I hate it so much. Having to walk up in the morning without the energy to do anything else. And having to sleep at night without accomplishing anything. So, I prayed to God all those feelings and ask for his help.
List
Yes, I list down what I wanted to do the next day. I started with the very simple ones like fixing my bed and prayer time. From there I get to have the energy to continue doing things cause I already clean the bed and keep the mat and blankets. Yes, I intentionally roll the mat. What comes next to my list is the things that I would do to myself like bath and fixing myself. Next is things I could do in the house. Anything that I can think of.
Fast
One thing that makes me lay down the bed is whenever I feel full because I feel sleepy. And starting this morning I fast. Yes and no. Yes, I fast hours to eat but no I don't fast like no eating, I have open hours to eat. Like my previous healthy journey I still chose 8:16 kind of fasting. 8 hours open for eating and 16 hours fasting. My open hours eating starts at 10:00 am to 6:00 pm and fasting starts at 7:00 pm to 9:00 am. Between those hours where I wake up I only consume warm water and coffee. I think I will buy some green tea to drink before bedtime.
Exercise
Yes, exercise. Stretching, walking or doing some HIIT or high intensity interval training anything that would make you sweat. Whether morning or afternoon it's very important to accompany this to your routine for you to break through procrastination or laziness. I did few jumps in my rope today, a 10 minutes plank challenge and 10 minutes leg challenge. Its not that much but I am happy knowing that I was able to start. It's an accomplishment.
I know this that not all of it is applicable to everyone but I just wanna share to you what I did to break through from procrastination or laziness. I am proud of myself that I did. I felt so productive today. Even though I am just here in the house but atleast I become useful. I praise God for an answered prayer and I pat myself for a job well done for today.
How about you? How do you break from procrastination?
That's all for today friends thanks for reading. God bless.
A taste of old times
Hello everyone happy hump day! I hope everyone is doing great. I give you two thumbs up for a job well done for today. Keep up the good work even if it's hard and your struggling. It will pass soon just have more patient.
*Hello to my wonderful sponsor. God bless you always and more for your generosity. Stay safe.*
Today I taste the old times as mom cook my all time favorite "champorado". This menu is always been a part of me and everytime mom cook it for us it brings as nostalgic memories from the old good times. In the past champorado is always been my constant. My happy pill, my comfort food, my cheerer, my motivator and reward, and my best food.
**My happy food**
I could still remember how happy I am everytime mom would bring me champorado every after nap time during noon. I don't really know that it gives me the same vibes even up to now. Whenever mom would cook champorado for us it always makes me happy not just me but my brother, sisters, nephews and niece as well.
**My comfort food**
Mama leaves in the house to go to Manila to work when I was still young. Young as I am but I don't know why I could clearly remember it. I believe I was still 2 or 3 years young. Whenever papa sees us lonely and misses mama he cooks champorado for us and eventually we smile. In fact whenever I am sad and misses home during college I would just cook champorado.
**My cheerer**
Champorado cheers me to do things. It gives me energy. It's like a hug from my mama. It cheers me during failure and success moments just like a mom would always do.
**My motivator and reward**
Way back in my childhood mama would always use champorado for us to sleep during noon time. It's like a motivator and a reward at the same time. We tend to be excited to go to sleep cause we have champorado when we wake up. We could get yummy champorado as well if we do good and obedient in doing household chores.
**My best food**
I taste different kinds of delicious food but no one will be compared to the taste of my mom's champorado. It's always be my best food. It brings me so many memories whenever I had one. It gives me this good energy, this good vibes that I couldn't get from any food, even high cost once.
Nothing could bet champorado. The sweetness of my childhood comes from the different memories of champorado moment. And I cherish them all. When I talk about those times I couldn't run out of words to say. Whether sad, happy, excited, exhausted, or just the normal one I always had champorado story with me in those times. If I could send my story in MMK or Maalaala Mo Kaya it would probably be titled with "champorado" cause in every bites of champorado I could remember my old times. It shows how champorado become a part of me. In the past up until now.
That would be all for now. Thank you so much for reading. God bless and be safe always.
@ThisisGrace21
