Is marriage really necessary to our lives? Can't we just stay single forever? No worries, no burdens, no responsibilities?
It was Saturday afternoon when my boss and I, walked to the near city to buy something. I took the opportunity to tell her that I will be sending some of my things on Sunday to the Philippines. I just don't want them to think negatively about my actions, so I always ask permission before carrying out anything. I'm also transparent as I don't want her to think that I took something from her belongings, so I told her to check my stuff at night before sending them out the next morning. That would give me peace of mind because she has an attitude that I don't like, and she never fully trusted anyone even her own family members.
Then she suddenly talked about something not related to my topic. She made a long pause before she talked and she looked like something was behind her mind that she wants to express. It's quite sad actually that I'll be leaving their family very soon as they became attached to me and I became part of their family already.
She always told me that she treated me like a daughter and sometimes advising me about things that I need to do for my life. Although there is some attitude of her that I don't like, she's a good person and never shouted or hurt me physically like what other HK employers do to their employees.
"When you go back to the Philippines, you get married."
That's how she started our conversation about marriage. She doesn't speak English fluently so I'm always adjusting and trying to understand what she wants to deliver. Sometimes, I speak Chinglish every time she can't comprehend well what I am trying to convey to make our conversation more comprehensible.
Back to our conversation, my first reply was "I don't have a plan for that yet, maybe in the future."
And she asked me about my age and I told her about it.
"You're not getting any younger, you should get married already." That's what she told me.
At the back of my mind, I truly understand her point but I prefer to listen to her explanation as we seldom talk longer. She told me that it's difficult to get older without anyone beside us. Just like what happened to my male boss' brother. He died alone at his home because no one was there to rescue him when his illness deteriorated his body.
She also shared another story about her spinster relative who lived in her sister's house. But her sister keeps on complaining about the water and electricity she spent while living in her house. In my mind, I was asking, "Is that really how they treat their relative?"
Then I jokingly told her, "I'll just gonna adopt my niece so there's someone who will take care of me when I grow old."
But then she disagreed with me. Her explanation was true, I admit. She said that our relatives, even our brothers, and sisters, as well as nephews and nieces, are changing once they have their own families already, or once they achieved something in their lives. She set her nieces as examples. She said that she loves her nieces so much when they were younger and she's giving them anything since she was still single back then. But when they grow up, they can't even reply to her messages or greet her happy mother's day, happy birthday, or whatsoever. Because they are all busy with their lives already, and they almost forgot her sacrifices for them when they were still young.
I felt sad while listening to her stories. And I know that it is happening. That is also how I felt every time my family forgot to ask me if I am okay and they will only remember to message me when they needed something from me.
Our conversation continued and she was really pushing me to get married once I get back to my country. Then I told her my side. I said to her, "it's not easy to get married and everything will change once you have your own family already. Because you will not be thinking about yourself anymore, you need to consider your family and need to work for them. Besides, I still have many things to do and I still want to visit other countries."
I told her that I still want to work in Japan or Canada, but then she said. "Yes, you can. But get married first, have a baby, then go back to work."
I laughed at it as if it's so easy to do. And she added, "trust me, you are like a daughter to me, and I am advising you like a mother. We all need a family to become happy. That's human life."
My mind first reacted to her words, "wow madam, where did you get those words especially the human life 🤣🤣." You know my mind is really philosophical and that was the first time that my boss said something serious and our conversation took longer.
She also added something about "Karma." She said that the Chinese believed in karma and as she said, "you are a good person, you will marry a good person too."
That's when the Law of Attraction came into my mind, if you think and do positive things, then positive things will come to you. Although I know that not all good people found their perfect match. Some were even abused by their partners, and that's one thing that I am afraid of. Some got terrible lives because of the path and partners they have chosen. And as a person who experienced a lot of suffering and pain, I don't want to make a wrong decision when it comes to choosing the person to be with forever. I don't want to have regrets, most especially, I don't want to experience pain anymore.
But then reality hits me and it was sad to know that, I might don't feel real happiness. Is it really necessary to build a family to become truly happy? Can we even live longer alone?
I know that you know the advantages of having a family. And I know that you know the disadvantages of living alone until we get older. And that's a painful part of my life that I need to withstand.
Our conversation ended when we reached back home. And I just told her, "I'm not sure about marriage. Maybe in the future, but not now." But she said, "do not say maybe, be sure to get married."
And that's when something came to my mind, but of course, I didn't tell her, lol.
"Madam, why married right away, can I find a boyfriend first?" 🤣🤣
That's all folks!
Thanks for your time. What can you say about this conversation? Share it below.
kay dali sabihin pero key hirap gawin..ako nga nhihirapan na once a week lang nakikita ang anak dahil malayo workplace eh..pano pa kaya yung sa ibang lugar
although sa tingin ko concern lang Boss mo sayo kasi nga parang anak na turing niya sayo
Marriage Is on the most wish of a woman to be with the person you love .. Pero Kung hndi pa handa talaga lng po wag muna Jowa muna po HaHa mahirap kasi mka hanap .. Haha peace,😉😂
Marriage is a really big hall of stress, I'd rather be single and stay free from the occasional fights and quarrels. Peace of mind matters more in life.
I'm not a big fan of marriage, though I may be getting married some day, I'd prefer the single life, no stress, no fights and big quarrels. It's basically a much easier life
Sa panahon ngayon mahirap mag commit. For me, I will make sure me and my partner is stable enough before going to marriage. Kawawa din yung magiging offspring kasi sila makakaranas ng hirap
I love the ending part where you need a boyfriend first to get married HAHAH. It is understandable that it is mot on your mind since you are not even in a relationship
Regardles of what she said she did show that she cares about you. That's the first thing to take away from the conversation i think.
That being said, this article got me thinking. I have spent the first 34 years of my life alone. Well, besides 2 relationships lasting 9 days and 3 weeks, and then found "The one". Got married and she got pregnant within half a year and she left me 7 months after my son was born. Been alone ever since my kid was taken from me, in 2015 (see him once every 2 weeks for 7 hours, exceptions for holidays and stuff....
And i have to admit that....
well....
i'm lonely....
When i get home, silence greets me. When i triumph i have no one to high five, just silence looking at me with that "Yeah yeah, settle down kid, one triumph don't make up for over a decade of failure and misery" look.
When i'm hit with loss or lose, or just feel like shit, silence is pierced (mentally) with the "You ain't seen nothin' yet, ba ba ba baby you ain't seen nothing yet" backed by guitars. When i wake up i look at my agenda and when there's nothing in it... I generally ask myself sometimes "Why the f#%$$@ should i bother?", turn around and close my eyes again.
Thing is that, being 47, overweight, and..... not the first choice when looking for a pretty face...
I've developed.... quirks and habits.... things i do because.... well, who cares? Those things you do when you're alone for a long time. They've eroded into my personality and make me..... less compatible...
So i need to come to terms with the notion that.... this is it, it's not gonna happen anymore for me.
I'll die alone.
And the irony of it is that before i "found true love" (my ex left me, i didn't leave her. I thought i was happily married until 3 days before she left me) i was fine with that. I already had reconciled with being alone for the remainder of my days.
But now, not so much.
Hope i made some sense for you, in philosophizing on this topic. If not, just ignore the ramblings of this ugly old dude. Most everyone else does, so it must be me.
Don't worry, through your articles i got the impression of a strong and bubbly happy core person. You'll achieve exactly what you need, and find your happiness.
just wanted to point out that if you've not lived with someone and shared your life (however one way it was in my case) you don't miss it if you don't have it. Nor will it effect you negatively as much. Only once you know, you can know that you miss it when you loose it. Am i making sense? Probably not. I'm shutting up now. :D
Never had a problem with that. Sharing personal things i mean. Scares the bejeezes out of people, being that way and open about who, what, where and how your life is. lol.
Haha. Nice reading youee story. If I'm not mistake it was also your story shared by sir Marc one time on noise..and he tipped it with a generous amount..
Indeed it was and indeed he did. Too bad half of it was eeehm... paid for a very valuable and expensive lesson. But the scooter i got still works, and the memories i forged with my Son will last forever. So i am grateful still! Too bad he's not been around for the past 4 weeks. I mean, he's here obviously but i mean posting wise.
While your boss is sweet with the concern, I do not think much of what he thinks. Everyone live in their own pace. It is better not to rush into it and instead let things take its course.
Why do people think that getting married is necessary to live a happier life?
Sometimes instead of being happy, they end up with heartaches. You'll be happy and blissful pero sa una lang yan. Lol sorry I'm bitter. But your boss is actually right about her thoughts on adopting your niece or relatives, iba pa rin yung sarili mong anak ang alagaan kasi kahit gaano mo pa mahalin yung pamangkin mo, in the end they'll have their own lives too. Tsaka hindi talaga reliable lahat ng kapatid, lalo pag nagsipag asawa na yang mga yan.
i don't want to be a b**ching @$$h0l3 but i am going to be.... Could you pick 1 language and stick with that? When you start in English and then mid-sentence switch to (Filipino?) i think i'm having a stroke for the first three seconds before my brain catches up and realizes it's another language. Translators don't do 2 languages in one paragraph too well, either.
sorry
I love your boss. She talked to you as a mother to her child. Marriage is sweet and important and to have a beautiful home and a happy moment together, we need to seek God's face first.
We can't be forever because being single or alone is risky though. You can't enjoy your life than having a partner who would share things together.
I hope you find the good person for you because you are good person too.
I also Appreciate the concern atleast my mga boss na concern. Blessed din ako sa mga boss ko kasi mababait sila. Pero tama ka din importante happy ka at self fulfilled at kaya mo buhayin sarili mo. The husband will see your worth and will chase you soon :)
Tama tama..bakit want na agad agad .husband..😅boyfriend muna para naman may thrill yung relationship. ayiee..
Supportive yang boss mopo...
Sa panahon ngayon kaylangan talaga may katuwang ka sa buhay ..😊.
Sweet nang boss mo, tama naman sya pero yun nga kung saan ka masaya don ka. Pero yeah, yung later part lang talaga. I must agree not all pamangkin has the patient to take care of you, minsan nga kahit sarili anak sa iba hirap alagaan magulang.
You're lucky to have such employer who treated you as her daughter already. Well, marriage is a sacred thing and one should think wisely and wholeheartedly before entering to it. There's no turning back once you get married to someone. But you're still young po enjoy life :) find first a boyfriend before thinking about marriage hehez.
Ahh that's sweet.. annoying in some alternate situation but how you relayed your conversation with your boss i find your boss sweet and i felt the concern.
My married friends used to tease me a lot about getting a boyfriend and getting married. For some odd reason, they are now telling me to take my time. Haha.
Maybe someday we will bump into that one guy who would change our mind finally about being single and care free. Maybe we just haven't met him yet..
It would be nice though... to dream and fulfill it with someone.
Ang sincere ng boss mo teh 🤣 sabihin mo sya yung magiging maninay/maninoy if ever may anak kana. Nakakatuwa yung ganyang boss jusko di nakakasawa HAAHAHAH
May anak kanarin o sariling pamilya siguro nun te HAHAHAHA ako kasi kung di ako magasawa plano ko nalang ilaan sa pagligtas ng hayop unv maipupundar ko. Enjoy nalang HAHAHA
Nafeeel ko na sincere talga yung pagkakasabi niya na mag asawa ko na. hehe. ramdam mo yung may care kasi inaalala ka niya pagtanda mo. hehe. Kaso syempre alangan naman madaliin mo kung di ka pa ready. siguro at the right time. mararamdaman mo naman siguro yun. hehe. at syempre bago nga yun dapat jowa mo na. hehe
You are blessed to have such a boss like that. She has the best intentions and she is right. For her to open up to you like that speaks how she trusts you.
Marriage is not necessary. It's just the people around us that imposed on us that we should get married. What if we don't get married? Are we going to wake-up everyday unhappy? My point is, it's our preference and we can decide for ourselves. It's just that sometimes people around us don't know the fine line where they can talk about things or the so-called"human life". Marriage is not a prerequisite to being happy. If you love yourself, then, you can be happy and contented. :")
Law of attraction talaga. ♥ Ang sweet naman ng boss mo. Naalala ko yung tita ng ex ko, malapit na siya sa 40 pero hindi pa rin kasal, wala rin jowa. According to her, masaya naman siya sa mga pamangkin niya at buhay single niya. Kung saan saan din siya nagtatravel. So, ayun pag hindi pa talaga feel, enjoy being single muna. Haha.
Correct mag boyfriend muna madam. Panu ba ikasal Kong Wala namang boylet naku nku .. kihabang storya pa niyan sis hehe darating din Yan without rushing without notice . In the right time and right place. Just pray for it. God knows whom you fated to be with.
"Is it really necessary to build a family to become truly happy? Can we even live longer alone?"
I can't answer this for you, but it depends on how you define your own happiness. I have lived from my 20th up to my 30th almost independently, away from my family and I may have enjoyed those years. Had my own family and emotionally suffered for some years because of circumstances I've never expected to come upon my relationship, but now I can say life's been bliss, not primarily because I am married, but because I've shifted my perspective somehow into looking at happiness in a different light :) So yes, it's all on you.
Ehee, lucky you na may boss ka na ganyan madam ano. Pero, why marriage, sa dami ng failed relationship ngayon, ewan nalang talaga ha. Ako maa prefer ko bf/gf lang un nalang. Wala pa sa utak ang sakalan. Wahahaha. Pero ikaw madam, it's high time na. Haha
Naaalala ko talaga ung friend kong teacher sayo. Lagi ko din siyang inaasar na maghanap na siya ng aasawahin. Oo, asawa agad huwag na boyfriend. Wahahaha 🤣🤣
I thik she was sincere when she told you that, I mean concern sya talaga sayo kasi nagbigay pa sya ng personal experiences na pwede manyare sayo kapag di ka nag asawa,hehehe. Natouch ako sa gesture ng amo mo,siguro kung sa akin nya sinabi yan,naiyak na ako,hehe
Pero siempre, enjoy life muna.like you said madami ka pa gusto gwin. And believe me,kapag nameet mo na ang the one mo, mapapadecide ka na agad na magpakasal,hehehe
Hello, miss Jane. Your boss seems to care a lot about you. Being married is our choice and someone should not dictate it for us. For me, even without marriage, I can be happy because I don't depend happiness to anyone. Everyone leaves and if I made them as my happiness, part of me will disappear too. I don't want that. And I also think marriage doesn't have exact dates or it needs to be early.
Get married, have a son and work again
kay dali sabihin pero key hirap gawin..ako nga nhihirapan na once a week lang nakikita ang anak dahil malayo workplace eh..pano pa kaya yung sa ibang lugar
although sa tingin ko concern lang Boss mo sayo kasi nga parang anak na turing niya sayo