Becoming A Mom (Happy Mother's Day!)
Today is mother's day, there's a lot to tell about becoming a mother, if I were to tell every details probably I can make a book. But I'm not gonna write about it, I just remember I had poem composition way back that I publish in here.. because it's mother's day, until now the past is still vivid in my memory how I became a mom. Some of you never know I have a poetic side as well.
I'll let you read one of my composition that was intended for those parents who are not ready becoming a parent but chose to be responsible with their actions and how the child brings joy afterwards, that everything is worth it.
❤️You Are My Sunshine
I was perplexed,
Seeing the two red lines of a tool
Called "Pregnancy Test".
Mixed emotions, covering my mouth
And let the teardrops down.
I wasn't ready to be a mom,
I don't know how to be a mom,
I am 24 but I'm still scared,
Scared to become a parent,
Hurriedly get my phone and capture that tool,
Send it to your Father,
Your father was puzzled too,
He isn't ready too.
I am confused, so confused about how I am going to raise you!
I myself have a hard time to understand me,
How am I supposed to be a parent?
When I didn't get any parental guidance?
How will I raise you, my child?
Should I get rid of you?
No! The inner me shouted!
I am not stable, your father isn't stable
We're not ready!
Should I bring you to misery?
Heaven, what should I do?
I cried, I let it out.
Worried a lot,
Despite being unsure,
I didn't harm you inside...
Thinking out loud, talked to your father once and for all,
We decided,...
Decided to embrace you!
Yes my child! We will raise you.
We will take care of you....
We will love you unconditionally,
When you're still inside, I was scared
Scared you will face this cruel world,
So cruel enough to ruin you,
I will protect you! We will protect you!
Parental instincts shouted!
Oh! My child do not be weary,
I wasn't ready but will going to nail it.
Finally, you are out!
My heart, my heart is filled with joy...
My heart is rejoicing!
You are the joy, once I never had
I never thought you will be my sunshine...
My sunshine, who will ease my
Melancholy heart.
Source: You Are My Sunshine
The poem was really inspired by my experience, I'm not ready to be a mom back then. I was so broken, a broken soul that has a lot of extra baggages and I am so unsure if I can raise a child knowing I am emotionally not stable.
As some of you knows, I grew up with so much emotional torture in my environment. I was bullied, I was hated by mom back then and all people surrounds me doesn't like me.. because of that I was so broken that I don't know where should I placed myself.
I was in Manila before when I got pregnant, I am working in there and I am not sure if I can feed the baby well because her father that time was also jobless. I am just a minimum wage earner and I also give a little amount from my salary to support my siblings, that made me think “how can I raise a child? I don't want her to end up being miserable like me!”
But despite all the uncertainties, I didn't think of harming or aborting her. I know how it feels to be unwanted, it broke my soul to the core.. even if it was only two weeks of pregnancy I can't dare to kill it, as it already has a heartbeat.
I embraced the child, even if I'm so scared of becoming a mom because I know my life will turn upside down even more..
But you know, after I saw her.. my expectations that my life will turn upside down even more is the opposite. When she came, I experienced real joy in my heart. Even if life is really shitting us, everything is worth it because having her gives me directions in life.
(You see, even if I am trying to pose she's in the background haha, maybe 5-10 years from now she'll be taller than me 🥺)
With her, I am not alone. Coz right now, wherever I go she's with me. Even if my freedom was lost, I found true happiness by becoming a mother.
Happy mother's day to all mommies out there! Please know you are awesome!
To my mother: Ma, I know how hard our lives has been before, although I resent you a lot but as I grew up and become a mom myself I understand you better. That is why I always believe Rayleigh has been a blessings in disguise just so we can reconcile. I love you and still love you despite of everything.
Shout out to my sister's who visited to great us on mother's day, and bring some foods. They made the day a little special. Thank you so much! @Misz_BotipolJen_07
Thank you for reading!
Recent personal blogs:
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Date Published: May 8,2022
Happy mom's day sayo!