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I have this attitude of mine that whenever I am annoyed with a person I don't want to talk to them, like why the fvck I'll give a damn about them? Nobody is exemption with this, wether my mom, my partner, siblings, my friends, virtual friends or even my daughter.
There are even times my partner will tell me that I am so childish because my daughter was apologizing to me when she's so naughty that pissed me off. Even my daughter was crying and apologize I still don't want to talk because my annoyance didn't subside yet and I told my partner “What can I do when I am still annoyed? Should I fake my emotions!?” LOL, I know I am so lame because it's my daughter. That's just how I am, I can't afford to give fake consoles or fake gestures.
Just tonight (01-13-23) I checked my messenger, my internet connection sucks and I cannot see if my partner was online or not. I chatted “Au,” chemical element of gold with atomic number of 79, haha kidding aside it's visayan word as if you are calling someone to come out.
He didn't reply but call me right away, I was annoyed that it's been 12 hours since the last time he called me. They were discharging in Japan. My lame attitude attack and I didn't answer his call, I tap cancel.
After I cancel I waited for a minute if he'll send me a message, but he didn't. It made me more annoyed. I sent three question marks, then he just send me thumbs up icon. He's really getting into my nerves, then I said “wow” he knows I am being sarcastic.
Then he sent a gif the gift reaction was like he was surprised why I am mad, I just reacted with angry emoji. He sent another one with Steve Harvey face zoom in and zoom out like he was clueless why I get mad, again I tap the angry emoji.
After a minute he tried to call me again, of course I'm still in my abnormal state I did tap CANCEL once again.
Then he never called me again, and he went offline haha! I was like okay fine, whatever.
I know that he didn't sent me a message just to avoid long discussion and wanted to talk to me, while I on the other hand don't want to talk to him because he'll only see me having a long face as I am still annoyed.
I don't know, it's just my abnormal hormones visiting me. For 12 hours I was not online in messenger too, I only open my read.cash account. It was already evening when I remembered him, if he didn't call me right after I sent “Au” I would've not be annoyed because I'll think he's already asleep. But he called me, it means he was still awake but didn't bother to contact me first, so yeah that's the reason of my annoyance.
After he went offline, I didn't whine at all anymore. I don't like getting stress these days and I know he is too, maybe he was watching some movies that's why he's not asleep yet.
What's funny is that after that, I know for sure tomorrow we will talk like nothing happened tonight haha! He is very patient towards my abnormality ever since. Don't worry I also know my limitations, I just don't really want to talk when I don't want to.
Well, what I am trying to imply with this is not really our boring chat, but my attitude that whenever I am annoyed with someone I really don't want to talk to them. I don't like faking my emotions or my treatment with someone, if I don't like them then I won't talk to them. Why would I spent my energy faking?
But when I have someone that I got conflict with but I started talking to them it means, I am not mad or annoyed anymore. I let bygones be bygones and move forward, I don't hate people as well. I might be mad over someone but after that if I'm over with what had happened, I let go and don't hold grudges at all.
And if that someone hold grudges over me I just shrugged it off like “Oh? Okay, you can hold your grudge towards me like how I hold my Bitcoin Cash, you'll gonna be a millionaire with stress someday while I am not!” LMAO.
So yeah, I know I am lame.. blame my abnormality, it's built in. Sorry for this nonsense blog.