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Avatar for Ruffa
Written by   1084
1 month ago
Topics: Family, Love, Reality, Life, Freedom, ...

"I'm tired of being what you want me to be. Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface. Don't know what you're expecting of me. Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes...."

Numb|Linkin Park

I am too tired to even move my feet just so I can move forward to where they want me to be. They are pushing me too hard and I don't have the right to complain or I won't get anything for dinner. I have to finish it all or else they will put a lock on my room and I can never get out even just for a 5 minutes nap. They are so cruel to me but I understand because it is their dream that I need to fulfill.

I don't have a say, all I have to do is to do what they want and I can get a plate of cake. I don't have freedom - I feel like I have chain in my neck. And every move that I make? Its pretty much calculated and a whip from their words is what I have to face. Can anybody see me? If you do come please save me. It's exhausting and I feel suffocated. Just lend me your ears and I just have to remove this.

I have to do this, I have to that because this is what's good for me. I am so tempted to answer back but I hold back because it was me who will suffer in the end. Yeah, it's for my own sake is what they say. Is it really or its just for your own satisfaction that you pass on to me to continue the journey that you are driving but I have to push from behind?

You're the one behind on the steering wheel and here I am in the back having a muscle cramp from pushing the car for it to run. You're the one in control while I have to lift the heavy weight of that car. When you push the start button, even if I'm in pain i have to move or else I will taste all of your wrath. "What do you think our family will say?" One mistake and I have to endure a lot of pain.

Emotional Pain, this is harsher than when I get a pinch from your long finger nail. I can endure that but my head feel like exploding from the thought that has been running in my brain. I can't stop thinking what if I have the freedom to choose of what I really want. Can I feel happiness and not this heavy feelings in my heart? Or is there a chance that I can ever be happy? I bet it's impossible.

You are so happy seeing me continuing the dreams that you didn't have the chance on achieving, but you didn't even bother asking if I am alright or if I love what I'm doing. But off course you will never gonna ask that. It is not a dream that I really want in my life and you know that. And that's what hurt me the most coz you only see me as your puppet and not as your loving child.

I want to be me, I want to experience doing what I want. Can you please give me just a day to do what I want? And then after that you can do anything to me. I just want a taste even an inch of happiness. I want to get away even just for a day in this harsh world and enjoy the life that they are saying. They say life is beautiful but I can't see it that way.

I want to drive my own car and decide how far I will drive to reach my desired destination. Without you and Mom's manipulation, only my wants, my wish and only I am who will plan it not all of you and most specially not those b!tches you want so much to see your worth. This is my story so I will decide how I want it to start and how I want it to end.

No daddy, mommy I'm not defying you. I just see what's you've been doing to me and I thought "This is my life, I should decide how I want it to run right?" I need to grow and I can only do that if I do this. I'm doing this for myself, I want to be selfish even for once. You can't blame me for desiring it. I missed a lot and now it's time to do what I want.

"All I want to do. Is be more like me. And be less like you..."

--

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October 19, 2021

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Avatar for Ruffa
Written by   1084
1 month ago
Topics: Family, Love, Reality, Life, Freedom, ...
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Comments

All in due time my dear frenny.. all in due time! One step at at time :)

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1 month ago

Haha frenny ngaaa, di ko man areh storya huehue hahaha

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1 month ago

Hahaha.. o pasabi dun sa may storya ahahhaha apir apir

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1 month ago

Hahahaha ihahatid ko iyang balita na yan frenny ahahaha

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1 month ago

me reading your article title: inner me: "I've become so numb I can feel you there!!" HAHAHA

pero kidding aside, I feel so sad na may ganyan talagang mga anak na halos lahat ng kilos nila ay kinokontrol ng parents nila na feeling nila wala na silang freedom sa sarili. :'<

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1 month ago

Hahahs, the best Linkin Park yo' 🤘🤘😂.

Meron yan, marami nga ee. Nakaka lungkot kaso tingin kasi nila ata ee lagi silang tama.

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1 month ago

Once in a while we need to be selfish and think of our own welfare and happiness as well.. We are just humans.. We also get tired..

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1 month ago

I know right, if it's already too much - there's nothing wrong in thinking of our own happiness din. Do what we really want to do yes.

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1 month ago

Truth.. We are not robot in the first place.. We have emotions too

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1 month ago

Being obedient to our parents is good as long as they are not holding by our neck, that seems to absurd passing the responsibilities to their child to achieved what they don't in the past. Children has their own life to mold, parents should be the guide not the director.

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1 month ago

Sana bigyan din nila ng chance ma mag decide para sa sarili nila ang anak nila ano. Wag yong diktador na ang labas ba, aigoo.

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1 month ago

There are really parents who force their children to do as their told. They think that would always b ethe best for their kids but no. You can only do that to children to young adult, let the adult decide for themselves

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1 month ago

Meron yan for sure, walang laya na mamili ang anak nila sa kunh ano talagang gusto nila. Naka sad man pero, tsk.

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1 month ago

I hope this isn't the title of a song😂 . Bit sincerely sometimes i think of saying these words out to my parents but when i think of what is out there, i prefer staying with them😂

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1 month ago

It's from a song actually, hhaha like Linkin Park song ahaha. I also put some lyrics in it. From the top and at the end ahahaha. Staying with them is good I'm staying with my oldies too.

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1 month ago

That first thing came on my mind when I saw the title is 'Linkin Park'. I miss the voice of Chester. 😔

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1 month ago

Sakit madam...yung wala kang freedom coz you like being chained by your parents..like a yardstick of the family that you need maintain a reputation.. And follow what they all want for you.. It's such a pressure.. And suffocating.

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1 month ago

Ilang anak kaya ang nakakaranas ng ganito ano madam. Walang kalayaan.

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1 month ago

TIC Tac. 992. Almost! In one more week you will be reaching number 1000. Have a party for your wonderful achievement! Yupi! 🎉

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1 month ago

Hahaha, yeah I notice. I'm excited actually.

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1 month ago

ouch ang sakit mare parang para sakin to mare😥 Yung tipong walang freedom to decide kasi takot sila magkamali ako kaya ang way nila is to control me.

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1 month ago

Nangyayari talaga to sayo now mare, ang sad naman. Tapos wala pa tayong karapatan na mag complain kasi wala oa naman daw tayong maipagmamalaki sa kanila 😩

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1 month ago

kaya nga mare pag nag complain ganyan talaga sasabihin🤦‍♀

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1 month ago

Emotional stress can be very killing and it has what it takes to dampen one's spirit so much

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1 month ago

Parents should always guide kids in a right way but allow kids to do right things in their own way... too much rules and stress result nothing but frustration at both the ends

On a separate note, you stand at 992.. I'm actually excited to see you hit 1000 now :))

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1 month ago

I know right, but not too much to the point of not giving them a chance to decide for themselves 😩.

I'm also excited actually hihi

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1 month ago

Parents must guide their children but not to the point that they'll control them.. they should allow them to raise their opinions and let them have their own choices.

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1 month ago

Oo nga, ganyan sana kaso mo yung iba ee aigooo, may ilan lang naman ee.

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1 month ago

When you learn to be an independent person you do as many things as you can because you take responsibility for your life.

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1 month ago

I wish i can de independent, I'm still not ready 🙈

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1 month ago

hala ba't ako naiyak? poooteeekkkkk ini imagine ko lang sana ang mukha nang singer nang linkin park pero bat mo ko pinaiyak aguy ka...pakurot

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1 month ago

Hahahaha inaano kita jan Noona 🤧🤧😂

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1 month ago

nananakit ka nang damdamin

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1 month ago

Good article

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1 month ago

Firstly congratulations in advance...I can't wait for you to get there, indeed you are an icon here.

I actually related to your story so well, sometimes we really feel like opening up but we still lay low.. I could feel the idea behind it.

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1 month ago

Hehehe, thank you 🙈.

It's hard to be open to anyone sometimes 😅

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1 month ago

This issue happens a lot in my country especially when it comes to education. You will see parents pushing their kids to follow a particular career even when they know that child won't be able to cope with it. They end up ruining the child's future just because they want them to study a popular course

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1 month ago

Oh yes, ruining it instead of building it. And the child is the one who's more affected, this is a sad reality to thrm tsk.

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1 month ago

Grabe 😢 relate nanaman ako. Huhue hays ang hirap talaga kapag control na control ka ng parents eh. Ang akin lang naranasan kong masumbatan parents ko but i'm not proud of it guilty pa nga. 😭

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1 month ago

Ako nan ay di nakaranas ng ganito. Ang naranassn ko lang ee mahigpit sila sakin. Pero yong ganito na may pagla diktador, hindi naman. Thankful pa nga ako sa paghihigpit nila sakin noon di ako napariwara ba.

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1 month ago

I'm more lucky ate ruffa na hindi na ganyann parents ko. before ramdam ko din yung kadena sa leeg at para, that all your movements was based on their words. But now we can move freely but still we know our limitations po. And we become more responsible kaya hinayaan na Nila kami

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1 month ago

Oh, lucky you. Sakin di namsn ganito kalala basta mahigpit lang sila sakin pag maglalaog pero pag ung sa studies at kung anong gusto ko no pressure ako dyan. Lucky pa rin tayo.

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1 month ago

Is this your story sis? If so, I am sorry... it's a difficult situation indeed.

I have a cousin who experienced the same. She did everything her parents wanted and then when she graduated with the course they wanted her to take, she broke free saying "now that I have fulfilled everything you wanted, please let me do what I want for once" and then she left for overseas. Sometimes, we need to communicate what we want and not suffer in silence.

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1 month ago

No sis hihi gawa gawa lamang ng malikot kong isip yaan hihi. Pero nangyayari talaga to in real life ee.

Sample na nga yang cousin mo. Maganda din nga if magsasalita diba. Mag complain if kelangan. Pag di tsyo nag salita naku hangganh sa tumanda nalang magiging susunod sunoran.

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1 month ago

Hahaha sabi ko nga eh, ang galing dn ng isip mo hehehe. Pero true, ganon nga nangyayari talaga. Kung ako siguro ngrebelde na hehe

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1 month ago

Hihi, if ako yon not sure if makakaya ko mag rebelde noon nga ilang balak ko binalak pero diko nagawa 🙈

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1 month ago

Hehe, ayaw mo siguro magalit mga magulang mo hehe.

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1 month ago

Ayaw ko nga, saka takot talaga ako kay mudra and mas iniisip ko ang mawawala sakin pag lumayas ako at nagrebelde haha

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1 month ago

haha, at least naisip mo mga yon and I bet you did very well :)

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1 month ago

I’m glad you finally got to courage to speak up even though it wasn’t easy. I wish you the best in life🥰.

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1 month ago

Oh, it's not my Story you know

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1 month ago

We have a voice to speak out our concerns and opinions too. Proper communication will lead to better understanding to both parties.

Suddenly miss LP. I haven't been listening to them in a while.

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1 month ago

Kaso pano pag sarado ang isipan nila sa hinaing ng bayan? Hahaha

The best LP 🤘

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1 month ago

I can't relate. My life, my rules kasi ang peg ko. May mga opinons sila and suggestions pero kung gusto ko yung nasunod. Kaya napapaisip ako na kung sinunod ko ba sila ay magbabago kaya ang kapalaran ko? Kaya frustrated sila sa nagiging takbo ng buhay ko.

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1 month ago

Why, maganda naman kapalaran mo ngayon ah. May pinagsisisihan kaba ngayon?

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