@bbyblacksheep

See you again, Doggie The past few weeks has been very challenging for us most especially me because one of our dogs that is closest to me got sick. Exactly a month ago was Doggie's birthday. I even published an article that day not only to ask for monetary support but also spiritual support. After less than a month, I published another article just to give an update about him. For the sake of those who are just reading this now, he started coughing late November and when we brought him to the vet mid December, he was given some medications for his cough. We were adviced to have him take the ehrlichia test kit just to check if he has infection since his white blood cells were high. We were also adviced that we let him to have an xray but because we were tight on the budget, we only had him extract his blood for CBC as it was the cheapest because other than the CBC, they also suggested for blood chem to which we declined. After a week, we brought him back for a follow up checkup. We were already decided to take the xray but since his platelets and red blood cells dropped, we were adviced to really take the ehrlichia test. So instead of xray, I chose that test and in that we found out that he was positive for blood parasitism that it may be the cause of his cough and being weak. He was given some medications that was good for a month but just before his medicines end, we already had him checked. Thank God that his platelets increased though his red blood cells were close to normal and because of that, he still needed to take some medicines to increase it. Because he was still coughing even when he was under medication for blood paratisism, during that check up, we had no choice but to really have him take the xray. There we found out that he has enlargement of the heart and a white part on his lungs that the veterinarian do not know if it was mass or not. It was also concluded that the cause of his cough and his almoat close to normal red blood cells was due to his enlarged heart and the white on his lungs that makes it hard for the blood circulate properly. He was given some medications for the heart, his cough and his respiratory system along with the medicine to increase his red blood cells. I must say that 2 days after we have brought him to the clinic, his cough improved. I guess the medications worked. However, I was only able to buy medicines that were good for a few days that I had to even cut it into half and give it to him every other day just so he will be able to drink it for at least a week or so. Honestly, at first I was giving his heart medicine everyday however, I missed 1 day because I lost track with all the medicines that he was taking. He had 12 different medicines and supplements that is to be given in different times. I even listed down those medicines in a long bond paper and on what time I should give it to him and it somehow made it easier for me though stressful for my dog since most of it were syrups. When I noticed that I missed 1 day of his heart medication, that is when I decided to give it to him every other day. It was January 19 when I missed giving it to him and I think it was January 20 when he started coughing again but not like his past coughs. His cough was mild from then on until last night, January 26. He kept on coughing until this morning and so I told our helper to buy him some medicine since it has been days since we have missed his heart medicine. Yes, I know it has been days but if you are in my position in which you do not have any money, there is nothing that I can do. His heart medicine cost Php100 (around $2) per tablet and his dosage was ½ tablet twice a day. You can do the math and you would know why I had to wait for a few days before buying his medicine. Our helper said she would buy the medicine in the afternoon but that did not happen since Doggie had passed away. Before he passed away, we all noticed his last moments. I gave our dogs a bath because it has been more than a week since their last bath. We could not bathe him 7 days after the check up as it was written in his health record sheet. He was ok during the day. I even gave him his snack while we were eating and he almost finished it. Though after that, he kept on following me wherever I go and whenever I would stand up. Well it is normal that he follows me everywhere I go but it was when he last followed me that when he stood up from his lying position, he started coughing and then I saw him falling down because both his hands and feet were weak. I told him not to stand anymore and to not follow me. That scenario already happened a few times before that he would even pissed himself. The last time was the time that I did not sleep as I really stayed beside him and watched over him. But today was different. Even if he was having a hard time standing up, he really forced himself to stand and walked towards me or maybe away from me. He did made it to the kitchen where I was. So from the living room to the kitchen and then he went to the door so I accompanied him. I can still see him even when I was at kitchen and he was at the living room so I saw how weak he was walking. I was suppose to get him some water since I thought maybe be needed some due to his cough. He peed a little from the first time I saw him fell but it was not like before where his pee were a lot. His pee today were a few drops plus what is new is that he was drooling a little. When he was already at the kitchen door, I asked our helper to watched over Doggie since I had to put some eye drops on my dad's eye because he just had a cataract operation. That is the reason why I had to stand up every now and then because of his eye drops. When I came back, they were still at the kitchen door and our helper said that Doggie's tongue was so pale. I stepped out and Doggie followed me with his weak legs. There he collapsed and so our helper massaged her. Yes, I know. We should have brought him to the clinic right away. But a lot of things were running through my mind that time but because this had happened before, I know that he will be ok again. After massaging him for a few minutes, he became ok and started walking away from me. He wanted to go down to the garage and I accompanied him. When he made his first step down, he fell and so I helped him until he reached the last step. There were only 3 steps but when he made it to the last step, he did not stand and I noticed his eyes were closing, his tongue was out and so I immediately went inside to tell my parents. My dad was about to go out since he had a scheduled meeting at the same time when Doggie was in bad shape. Good thing my mom did not attend her zumba today so she was able to drive us to the clinic. I carried him right away to the car and he responded when I lifted him. My mom and our helper were panicking that they couldn't think straight. As for me, I went straight to the car and sit on the passenger seat and waited for my mom. When she was inside, she kept on shouting face mask to our helper that even caused some delays as our helper kept on walking I do not know what she was really doing instead of opening the gate. The clinic was less than 5 minutes from our house by car. While we were inside the car, Doggie was opening his mouth as if he was telling me something. There I know that he was still responding and I was positive that he would make it. Although, I know that his heart beat was really, really weak that time as I barely couldn't feel it even his breathing. When we reached the clinic, I noticed I had a light poop that was lathered on my forearm. I was thinking that my arm must have wiped his butt as he pooped a tiny bit when he got out of the kitchen door. When I cam to the clinic, I placed him on the chair so he can be carried by the staff and I immediately faced the cashier to tell them what happened. Doggie was carried right away and was brought up for emergency. After talking to the cashier on what happened, when I looked back, I saw that there was a medium sized poop on where I placed him. That is when I realized that I also have poop on my forearm. Good thing there was an alcohol over the counter. After few minutes, I was called to go up and there I saw Doggie with oxygen. When I saw him, the first thing that came to my mind was that we made it. But sadly, we didn't. We do not know the real cause of death but because his last check up was enlargement of the heart and we also do not know if he has mass on his lungs or maybe the white part on his lungs was just his heart overlapping his lungs as per the doctor so we cannot say what the real cause was. We can only assume that it was either of the two or both. I tried my best not to cry when the doctor told me that they could not do anything. My mom was allowed to go up and it was perfect timing because it was actually the time when the doctor just told me that Doggie was gone. My mom broke down but I tried my best not to cry that hard at the clinic as I wouldn't be able to talk to them properly on what to do after with Doggie. There they suggested a store that does pet cremation. We can either leave Doggie in the clinic to have it picked up by the crematory service company or we can bring him home as is or place him in a box. We chose to place him in a box and bring him home. When I went inside the car, that is when I broke down. And as of typing this, I am still crying. I would just stop for a few minutes and then cry again. I do not know how many tissue rolls I would be using and if I will be able to sleep tonight. Like I have said, Doggie is the closest to me. He would follow me wherever I go and he would cry if he notices that I did not come home. Everywhere I go in our house are filled with a lot of good memories with him. It is so hard. This is even more painful that getting cheated on or having a break up. I forced myself to eat dinner at 9PM. We all have no appetite. We still haven't told my dad about Doggie as we do not want him to worry because his out of the house. We already told my brother the moment we came back. Maybe you are wondering about Doggo. During the time when we were busy focusing on Doggie, Doggo was sleeping. He woke up when we were going to bring Doggie to the clinic and he was suppose to go out but I pulled his tail back so he could not go out of the door. When we came back, he saw that I was crying so hard and he was actually wondering where Doggie was. He kept on looking then he would go back to me probably to comfort me so I just hugged Doggo. I was able to hug him for an hour maybe. I was sitting on the floor and Doggo was on my lap and I was hugging him and he let me hugged him that long. He usually would stay on my lap for a few minutes before but this time it was really that long. This evening just before going to bed, maybe Doggo is still wondering where his half brother was that he looked around the kitchen and inside my brother's room where we have been sleeping lately but he couldn't find him. I just hope that Doggo wouldn't be that affected with his brother's passing. I do not want him to get sad, depressed and lonely. I'm sorry for sharing a very sad story. I just want to let it out of my chest. I do not want to personally share to my family and friends what I am going through right now. I really do feel like I lost my other half. He has been with us since March of 2010. And it was only in 2017 when we were always together 24/7 because I was bum since then. There were times that I was away from him but it was probably less than 6 months if we were to sum it all up. Actually from 2010 there were also times that I was on and off from working so we can say that more than half of his lifetime, we were always together. I hope to see you again Doggie when that time comes. P.S. lead image is one of his old photos. January 27, 2023

I don't if I'll be able to sleep tonight. I will miss everything about you my baby dog!

*first photo was taken December 2021. Second photo was from December 2022. I realized that the only recent photo that I have of and with Doggie was December of last year when he was so weak. If we are to compare the first and second photo, you can really tell that Doggie is sick. In the second photo, his eyes were like that as he did not sleep the entire night. It was the day after we took hin to the clinic. I also took a video of him as he was having difficulty in breathing. What happened this day was something that I want to erase on my mind because I saw how weak Doggie was. It was hard for me to leave that day for a scheduled out of town because of his condition but I have to. As a furparent, it hurts to see my furbabies in pain and even more so because we cannot exactly know how they are feeling as they could not tell us. It was only because of his cough that we brought him to the clinic. His condition did not improve after a week that his platelets and red blood cells dropped and his white blood cells were too high. A sign of infection. He was positive for blood parasitism. He went on medication for a month and he is still coughing. But the good news is that his platelets and white blood cells are now normal although his red blood cells is a little below the normal. Because of his cough, he needed to undergo some tests again and this time was an xray (third photo) to check his heart, lungs and other organs and also a heart test to measure his heart and if his heart muscles are normal. You can read more about Doggie's health status here --> https://read.cash/@bbyblacksheep/doggies-health-update-6b05f69a I am not used to seeing any of our furbabies sick. If only I can take away their pain, I would. But I can only pray and be beside them even if it is staying up all night just so I can monitor them all the time. They may be old but they will always be my baby dogs.

Doggie's health update It has been weeks since I last published an article. Last time was a couple of days after Christmas and this time it's 2 weeks after New Year or 15 days to be exact. Well to start off, I want to greet each and everyone of you a blessed, blissful and bountiful 2023. Happy New Year everyone! Hope you were able to enjoy the coming of the year and was able to fulfill your last year's goals and/or resolutions. Oh goals! What is that again? LOL. Just kidding. I do have my goals in life or plans to be exact or it it dreams? Whatever it is, I know in my heart that someday I will be achieve something. Let's not talk about me and talk about Doggie. By the way, thank you so much to everyone who liked, helped, commented and upvoted my previous article, Happy birthday, Doggie! I said in that article about Doggie's condition though it still was not 100% sure. Yes he may have been positive for blood parasitism or tick borne disease however his coughing did not stop even after they gave him some medicines for the cough and treated his ehrlichiosis. During the length of Doggie's treatment, we also asked for a second opinion and advice from a different veterinary clinic. This another clinic is owned by my brother's high school friend as his wife is the veterinarian. They have a few branches but none of those were near. The nearest is about half an hour ride and it still depends on the traffic. I must say that their rates are lower compared to where we usually bring our dogs but our problem is transportation so we opted for a home service. Last week, we requested for a home service so that they can physically check Doggie and also extract some bloods for a CBC and blood chem. The veterinarian who came was one of their doctors in the nearest clinic. I think the wife of my brother's friend rarely examines the pets as they already have some doctors. Anyway, based on the visit of the doctor, he presumed that Doggie may have an enlarged heart as per what he observed and what I told him about Doggie's condition. He still cannot say as ge is not really the attending doctor of Doggie and alsk he still has not seen the blood tests and also some other tests. He suggested an xray is a must so that we can really see the status of his heart and lungs and pinpoint the cause of his cough. When he mentioned xray, I felt so bad and irresponsible because it was actually what Doggie's doctor suggested during the first time that we brought him to the clinic last December but due to lack of money, we were only able to have him a CBC as it was the cheapest out of all the tests. I am not sure if I mentioned this the last time but a CBC from where we usually bring Doggie costs Php800. An xray costs Php1,500 and a blood chem costs Php2,800. So if you are someone who is like me that is tight on a budget, will you also go for the cheapest option? A week after we first brought Doggie was his follow up checkup. That time I was able to get some money and had decided to go for the xray however, the doctor said that we should also do the ehrlichia test which costs Php1,800 if I am not mistaken. Again, I was tight on a budget so it is either xray or the ehrlichia test and I chose the latter. There we found out that he was positive for blood parasitism and comparing his CBC results from hia first checkup and his follow up, it showed that his platelets and red blood cells really went down. So they assumed that his coughing was due to ehrlichiosis. Even when Doggie was under medication for a week, 2 weeks and more, his coughing was still there. That is when we have decided to ask for a second opinion from a different clinic. But I think we would not make it this long and far if I have only had him take an xray during our first visit to the clinic. So it is I to blame and not anyone else. Because it is a new year, the price of the xray had increase. From Php1,500 became Php1,580. Doctor's fee also had an increase as well as their other services. I feel like I can relate to the people who said that the poor gets poorer and the rich gets richer. Ok, erase that! Let's not think negative. So today, Doggie had his xray and the doctor again suggested that we do another test on him which was a heart test just to see the heart and heart muscles since we can only see the image of the heart and lungs in the xray but with the heart test we would know the exact value of it. I was hesitant at first to have him take the heart test but I do not want to have any regrets in the end and so I said yes. Did you know that at the back of my mind I was like thinking on where to get the money for the heart test? Yes, I was already computing of how much it would cost me again for a trip to a veterinary clinic but I had to turn a blind eye and use my card even if it is already almost at it's limit. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm back in having credit card debt. Never ending cycle. But I will break that cycle once I free up my cards. Going back, it is confirmed that Doggie has an enlarged heart. It is bigger than the normal. His lungs also has white but have to observe and monitor again next month if it is mass or not. My mind went blank fpr a second when I heard her say mass as the word cancer immediately came into my mind. Other than heart and lungs, the doctor also noticed kidney stones, 1 that is a little big and a few that is small that the doctor said maybe kind of like sand. She said that those tiny sands of stones may team up with the one that is already big or if not the big one can still grow in size as it can feed from the bacteria in the bladder. These 3 are the ones that we need to monitor every now and then. Maintenance medicines were prescribed to him all for the heart, lungs and kidney. Of course I only bought a few pieces that will last for a few days as I do not have enough money. With my bills and other expenses, I really do not know where else to get money. It is so challenging when someone in the family is sick. I fail to mention that with the other doctor, he suspected an enlargement of the heart right? So he told us some don'ts with Doggie's condition like running, long walks, long trips, getting shocked, getting excited and some other things or activities that may trigger a heart attack just like in humans. When he mentioned that he'd cough more often when he does some of those things and I remembered that he does coughed a lot whenever he sees me especially when I am out of the house for a few hours or even days. Then Doggie's primary doctor said earlier that he would also cough when there is movement as there is only a few space between his heart and lungs. So that explains why he would cough past midnight and/or before dawn whenever he would move to a different position or spot. It really breaks my heart to see my dog/s (or even anyone) in pain. In a week we will have another follow up checkup but again my issue is money. I guess we would go back on Doggie's second follow up checkup that is also written in his record which is next month. It is not easy to produce Php10,000 (about $200) in a week. Talking about making $200 in a week made me think of some people who have earned that amount here and on noise.cash before. If only we could turn back the time right? Sorry for talking too much. I just wanted tk update you with regards to Doggie's current health status. https://read.cash/@bbyblacksheep/happy-birthday-doggie-914950b1 P.S. lead image is his xray today. January 16, 2023

It's the 2nd day of 2023. How's your new year so far? As for me, I started decluttering my closet. It has been a yearly thing for me since the pandemic. I like to have an annual general cleaning in our home and to throw away all the clutter. I just hope I can also throw some of our non-working appliances which my parents are still trying to preserve even if it takes up too much space. Well anyway, I started with my closet and found a few worn out shirts and ripped jeans. If you have big inner thighs then you can relate with me. Would you know what I can do with those jeans? As for the shirts, I'm still thinking whether to turn it into a rag or just dispose them.

Joining in! Better late than never. Yahoo! It feels like yesterday when noise.cash started and now we are here on noise.app. As for my first ever post, I want it to be about one of our dogs as it was Doggie's birthday yesterday. I made an article about him on read.cash. @bbghitte already shared the link but I want to share it as well. If you have time, I would really appreciate it so you can know more about his current health status now. I'll drop the link in case you are interested. Happy Barkday, Doggie! I love you baby dog! I wish us many years of togetherness. https://read.cash/@bbyblacksheep/happy-birthday-doggie-914950b1

Happy birthday, Doggie Before anything else, let me greet you a Merry, Merry Christmas! How's your Holiday season going? Still eating some leftover foods from Christmas? I know that have been away for almost 4 months but trust me when I say that I still think of this platform every now and then. It is just that I have been busy with life. As much as I wanted to share what happened with me during the past months, I decided not to as I feel like I might bore you because there isn't much fun in my day-to-day life. So going back to my title. Yes, it is my dog's birthday today. In case you have forgotten, I published an article about our dogs way back. Not really sure if it was late 2020 or early 2021 but it was about Doggie and Doggo. Just to refresh your memory, Doggie (not really his real name but it kind of sounds like it), a half Pomeranian and half Japanese Spitz, is the one the is closest to me. While Doggo (not his real name as well but also sounds like it) on the other hand, a Japanese Spitz, is close to my mom. They both follow us around and it is like we stick together through thick or thin, in sickness and in health and so on. Our dogs are not only our best friends but they are also our family. They can also be our partner in crime. Today, Doggie turned 13 years old in human years. Not really sure how old he is in dog's years as some says to multiply it by 7 but other people say it differs each year. Oh well, let's just stick with 13 years old. Even if he is already in his senior years, he is still my baby dog. Honestly, the purpose of this article is not only to greet you this Holiday season and to greet my dog on his birthday. I am actually here to ask for your help. I have been thinking about this these past few weeks on whether or not I should do it but I am here now with a thick face because my dog needs your help. Late November, our dog has been coughing and gagging. At first I thought that it was because of the aircondition in my room. Days have passed and he was still coughing and gagging in the middle of the night. I admit that I was an irresponsible furparent as I did not bring him right away to a veterinarian. I brought him during the day that my schedule was free and it was almost 3 weeks after he had a cough. The doctor recommended that we do a parasite test, x-ray and complete blood tests but because my money was only limited, I only had then do a basic blood test. In the blood test, it was shown that his white blood cells were high and his red blood cells were just a little above the normal. The doctor said that there might be an infection. We did not do a full test so she can only guess right? She prescribed some medicines for Doggie's cough and to improve his respiratory function. She also suggested that we nebulize our dog for 3 days. However, the following day, our dog became weak. I cried because I saw Doggie peed on himself after he slipped on the floor then it took him so long before he could stand up. Actually, hours after we brought him to the clinic, our dog kept on coughing. My dad and brother said that bringing him to the clinic made his condition worse. I could not bring Doggie back to the clinic after we saw that he became weak as I was about to leave that day and be away for the weekend for an event that I cannot cancel. The rest of the people in our household cannot bring Doggie to the clinic without me as Doggie will growl at them and asking for a home service from the clinic was also impossible. Our mom and our helper monitored Doggie while I was away. Befofe I left the house, I tried feeding him and gave him water as he really would not touch his bowl. We thought that maybe his throat hurts that is why he could not lower his head so I used a syringe to let him drink. With food, I gave him kibbles piece by piece. He really was not in his best condition when I left the house that he even snobbed his favorite food, chicken. Good thing I was able to give him a few kibbles and some water and also glucose monohydrate water before I stepped out of the house. That weekend got me so worried as I was away from my dog. Even if I was at the event and the signal was jammed, I did try my best to always message my mom and know about our dog's health status. I found out that he had not eaten anything after I left the house that I cancelled the second event that I needed to be and went home right away. I was glad that Doggie had already eaten, drank his medicines and was feeling a little better when I came home. However, he coughed or gagged the moment he saw me. They told me that he did not cough or gag while I was away. I feel like I am an allergen that he would cough whenever I would come home as it always happened during the 3 weeks before we brought him to the clinic. They also told me that on the first night that I was away, Doggie's face,  jaw and neck got locked and he couldn't move his body that our helper tried to calm him my rubbing his body. A week has passed and it was time for his follow up checkup so we brought him back. He had his blood tested and the results did not improve. His white blood cells even went higher, his red blood cells and platelet count decreased. The doctor recommended that we have the Ehrlichia test for parasite infection. The result took about more than an hour and it came back positive. Doggie was positive for parasite infection. Medications were given to improve his blood count. I forgot to inform the doctor about the time that Doggie's face and neck got locked. I couldn't think straight whenever the doctor would talk to me regarding Doggie's condition. As per the doctor, she said that the infection was from a tick bite. That even if he does not have tick now, it was a bite from before when he had ticks. I think it was mid last year when both of our dogs had some tick and flea. Yet we always disinfect our home by spraying some tick and flea solution that we bought from one clinic. Although it was late last year when we had our dogs vaccinated. I admit that it was long ago when we had our dogs vaccinated. Major reason was budget. Second was that they rarely get ticks and/fleas. It was only when all of a sudden our neighbor had a lot of Welsh Corgi and 1 unknown breed at their home when our dogs started having a few ticks and/fleas. Good thing that they already transferred their dogs early this year to a much bigger and better space as from what I have heard from the mother of the dogs' owner. All were doing well until the 4th quarter of the year. During my birthday month one evening, we saw some traces of blood and it was from Doggo. We tried to check where the blood came from but we couldn't pinpoint exactly where but it was from his mouth. It was only when we brought him to the clinic that we found out that his gums on the roof of his tongue was bleeding because of tooth decay. Instead of a surgery, we opted for medications and thank God it healed. Since Doggo was already at the clinic, we also had him checked for other health related concerns and supplements and maintenance medicines were prescribed. Then during my birthday, Doggie vomitted that morning. We felt it was indigestion so we brought him right away to the clinic and medicines were prescribed. I was feeling mixed emotions that day as it was my birthday. We had visitors and surprise visitors that day. A part of me wants to be happy and enjoy yet a part of me was worrying about Doggie. Thankfully after a couple of days he was ok. And now this. What a way to celebrate the Holiday and Doggie's birthday. My stress level has been high since the day that Doggie got weak but I am positive that with God's healing hands, Doggie will be healed. I know that we will have more years ahead of us. I am here today to ask for your help and prayers. I hope that you can find it in your heart to help my precious dog. Currently I am all out. I do have a savings account but it is already on maintaining balance. I had already asked my parents for additional money for Doggie's medication during pur last visit to the clinic and I cannot ask them again for Doggie's follow up checkup, blood tests and vaccine on the 29th. He also have another checkup and Erlichia test next year. Average amount per check up including tests and medications is almost Php10,000 or $200. This is the only thing that I can think of for me to help my dog. I am sorry for doing this but I would highly appreciate whatever it is that you can do to help us. In behalf of my family (of course including Doggie and Doggo), thank you so much. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

What I miss now Yesterday while I was drafting my article, I thought about those days when I used to publish an article everyday. I also thought about those days when I would make some noise on noise.cash. Looking back, I kind of really miss those days when I get to interact with our fellow readers and noisy friends. I also miss those days where I will try to look for a subject and practice my photography skills then share it on noise.cash. Aside from interacting with some of you, I also miss bbghitte and Firenze. They were the 2 people that I became close with when I started my read.cash and noise.cash journey. I have known them from a different platform but it is with the 2 mentioned platforms that we have gotten close. So yesterday, all of a sudden I just thought about them and wondering how they were. When we started our Bitcoin Cash journey on these 2 platforms, we would message each other almost everyday just to give an update on the value of BCH. Well aside from the price update, we also did talked about our lives and other stories like the pain of losing a few bucks over trading. We basically shared a lot about ourselves laat year. However, when BCH took the dip and earnings on both platforms had been affected, we rarely get to talk anymore as we do not know what else to talk about. We all needed to focus on the reality, the now or our life before BCH. Firenze focused on her business, bbghitte would still make some noisy posts and publish some articles from time to time while I too got busy with some other things. Although now I do not know if bbghitte is still active on both platforms as I have not been able to browse my account for months now. If you are following me on noise.cash and you will know that I became quiet. Honestly, I really do not know what kind of noise should I make the same goes with what story to publish. My life has been boring this year except when I was manning my brother and sister-in-law's store. So yesterday, I thought of my 2 virtual friends and last night, bbghitte messaged on our group chat. It actually made me smile because our group chat was alive again but only for a few minutes. LOL. Even so, I was just so happy to have an update about her. I'm still waiting for Firenze but she usually replies after a few days or weeks. I cannot help but to think about my BCH journey. Aside from missing a lot of virtual friends, looking for a subject, thinking of what topic to talk about, I also miss those days where I get to earn some BCH. It has been months since I transferred money to my crypto wallet and converted it. When I looked at my record of BCH that I transferred and converted, it was July since the last time that I did. It's already September and I still haven't transferred a single BCH. Sad. But did you know what I really miss? I miss him. LOL. Just kidding. It was last year when I published an article about missing him and I am happy to say that I don't think about him anymore. What I really miss right now is that feeling whenever I would wake up and see that the price of BCH is increasing. It was December of 2020 when I first experienced that kind of thrill when BCH was flying. I also cannot forget that time when it soared really high early May of 2021. It was that time when it reached its all time high. If you have BCH around those times and you would know what kind of feeling I am talking about. Opening my wallets was one of the few things that was part of my daily routine from late 2020 until last year despite after almost all the cryptocurrencies went crashing down. I admit that I expected that the prices would go up again just before Christmas last year but it didn't. Even so, I still continued hodling my most treasured BCH. Sad to say that I have spent all of my BCH already last July. That is why I really miss those days when I still have some BCH on my wallet checking them from time to time if they have gone up. Like they say, you will only appreciate the value of someone (LOL) I mean something when it's gone. I cannot help but to look back on those times that I do not need to worry on where to get some money to pay for my bills. Now I feel like I am back to the me from 2018 up to 2020 where I would be stressed out on where to get some money. I know I have to look for work immediately but a part of me is still not into job hunting. In time I know that I will be able to work for what I want just like how I am motivated in losing those fats now. Anyway, these are the things that I have been missing now. I may also add that I miss receiving monthly pay checks. I do not know why I miss these things over my friends. It has been a long time since we last saw and talked with each other. Maybe because in our mind and hearts, we know that we are still friends no matter the distance, the time and the gap. September 10, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a screenshot from Coins.ph of the BCH price last May 2021. Whp wouldn't miss that when BCH price was more than a thousand dollars.`

30 day report It has been weeks since my last published. Sad to say that I really cannot figure out what to do with my Huawei ID so I do not know if I will be able to retrieve my data. I have not registered a new account yet but I still make it a point to complete 10,000 steps. Although I am just so sad because I was really looking forward for Huawei health app's medal achievement. By now I should have achieved the 21 days in a row of making 10,000 steps (that is after the technical glitch). But if we are to disregard the error, I am already at my 40th day today. Woohoo!! Sadly, I do not have any certificate or proof of my achievement. This matter ia just between me and God as we both know that I have really achieved 10,000 steps or more per day for 40 days. As the title implies, I am about to make a progress report of my 30 day exercise challenge. Although I just do not have any pictures to show or even a before and after photos of me. It never occured to me to take some photos or measure myself during the start of my fitness journey but trust me when I say that I feel lighter compared to how I was months ago. The only thing that I did on the 1st day of August upon peeing after I woke up was to weigh myself. I know I have mentioned this on 1 of my articles that I do not really rely on the numbers in a weighing scale. Eventhough I do not rely on it, I still weighed myself. My weight was over 200lbs. Yikes right? Roughly I gained about 10lbs each year since the last time that I was so into losing those unwanted and stubborn fats. Not bad right? I mean it is bad but compared to 10lbs each month and that's really bad. So in short, I got bigger slowly. Maybe you all are wondering what my weight is now after 30 days of doing squats, push ups, planking, sit ups and accomplishing 10,000 steps or more. Honestly, my weight was still the same even with a slightly active lifestyle. Kind of disappointing right? But like I have said, I do not rely on the numbers because what matters to me is how I look at myself in the mirror and how I fit in my clothes. Doing all of the exercises for 30 days, I noticed that my tummy have trimmed a little or should I say have toned down. Not only that. I also noticed that my lower abdomen fat is slowly getting flatter. It was probably around August 09 when I was telling our helper that with the fats that I have on my lower abdomen, I can easily hide a lipstick on my bikini line. Then our helper asked me if I can still walk with the lipstick tucked on it and so I tested it out. Indeed, I was able to walk with a lipstick stuck behind my fats on my bikini line. Our helper and I could not stop laughing because of my fats on my lower abdomen. Weeks after that, I noticed that my lower abdomen fats were getting flatter and it can only fit an eyebrow pencil. As of today, I feel like if I were to stuck an eyebrown pencil between my fats on my bikini line, the pencil will fall off. I will have to try it next time. LOL. Kidding aside, I am happy with how I see myself in the mirror because I can see some changes. However, yes there's a catch. LOL. With the physical changes that I saw on my body, I do not know why I still look huge in pictures. I am not so sure if I mentioned this in one of my previous articles but during my mom's birthday celebration, I already noticed that I still look fat. Moon face and a wide body built. That is how I see myself in pictures. But when I look at myself in the mirror or any reflection, I can see that I have toned down a little bit. You probably would say that the problem is in my eyes or in the mirror. We all know for a fact that pictures do lie especially now that we are living in an advanced digital era. Although that does not apply to my pictures since it was not edited. I understand that I was just in the middle of my 30 day fitness journey that time that maybe I still look like I was huge. Now that the 30 days had passed, I wonder why I still look huge in the pictures. Early this month, we attended an event (the same as the events that we attended last July) and I still look like a Teletubby. I am not sure if I have described myself as accurate as possible but if not a Teletubby then probably Mojacko. I was still huge and my face was still like swollen. Aside from having a slightly active lifestyle, I also watch what I eat. Healthy eathing. More on chicken and vegetables. If I were to eat rice, it would be half a cup of red rice and honestly, I already feel full with it. I do not starve myself and there were also some cheat days on the side but I see to it that I burn those calories away. I am just wondering why I do not see any changes whenever I see myself in the pictures. When I was on a strict diet years ago, I lost almost 10lbs in just 7 days and then another on the 2nd week. I know that our metabolism slows down as we age and I deeply regret not staying fit all those years that I have been lazily bumming around. My parents and our helper had already noticed that I was losing some fats but they too are wondering why I still look fat in photos. In terms of overall health, I feel great and I think my breathing is also getting better. I remember a few months ago that I would have shortness of breath if I were to walk from our house going to the supermarket. Now, I can even walk farther than that without not having any difficulty in breathing. My sleep is also now normal but I just need to improve my deep sleep based on my Huawei health app when I saw it before I logged out on the app. My only concern recently is hypertension. Yes, high blood. LOL. When we went to the event ewrly this month, I ate a lot of meat from roasted pork to roasted beef, fish fillet, chicken teriyaki and tuna sashimi and I only had a can of beer. I think it was 2 nights after, I was not feeling well. I was light headed, nauseous (but I did vomit a little), had cold sweats and I felt something on my chest. I immediately checked on my blood pressure and it was indeed high so I took some hypertension medicine. Setting hypertension aside, the other thing I have noticed that made me believe I was losing some fats was that I no longer wear bra extender. I got myself some new bra from the same brand that I have been wearing for many years now and with the same style and same size. It was in 2019 that I started wearing bra extender. I had no problem with the size and cup as it was still the same but because I was getting wider, I needed some bra extender. Late August, I tried to wear the new ones without extenders and to my surprise, it was as comfortable as it was before. I guess I have to say, "*bye bye extenders!*". Now, I cannot wait for the time that I willbe able to wear my clothes from 2016. Though my dad said that I will be able to be slim in 3 years if I were to continue what I have been doing. Oh noooo! 3 years? That's too long. If only I had a healthy and active lifestyle when I resigned then I would still probably be slim or maybe not. LOL. There's no point crying over spilled milk. I am just happy that I have finally started looking after my body and mind. By the way, I will try to take a photo as soon as I see some big difference and I will compare it with the photo (below) taken around February this year. September 09, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my shoes that I took years ago.`

21 day challenge failed After the advance surprise birthday came the actual birthday. I got my mom her favorite crema de fruta cake and as I have mentioned in my previous article that I ordered a few dishes for my mom's birthday. I got us some crispy kare-kare, laing, lemon chicken and fresh lumpia from a new caterer and my dad ordered his favorite chicken potato salad from our usual caterer. My mom was happy about the food that I got for her although she was not as happy and teary-eyed as how I surprised her last year. I guess I should level it up next year since she will be turning seven-zero. Well, in order for that to happen, I ****MUST**** have money. Should I go rob a bank now? Just kidding. Eventually I will think about money after I prioritize my health and fitness. Nothing really special happened during my mom's birthday as it was just me, my parents and our helper who celebrated it. We just had lunch but prior to that we had our pictures taken. My dad was against it as it was only the 3 of us who will be in the picture. He never really likes it if there are only 3 people on it. Have you heard of that old superstition? Even if he was against it, my mom and I were still able to convince him. It was our helper who took our photo and honestly, I was not happy on how it turned out because of how big and wide I was. I was actually bothered by it the whole day and felt a little down because I kind of feel like I was still huge despite the fact that I have been controlling what I eat and I exercise regularly. However, there is a part of me that tells me that there is that tiny change. Sadly, it is hardly seen on photos and even in person. Ouch! Oh I just cannot wait for that day until I can wear my clothes from 7 years ago. I have no problem with my bottom wear because even if I gained a lot of weight and fats, I can still wear my pants and shorts. So basically most of my fats are stored in my upper body particularly at my back and arms. If you have not seen some of my photos that I have uploaded on some of my articles, imagine Bruce Banner transformed into Incredible Hulk and his clothes will rip off. LOL. I'm not joking because that is how I truly feel whenever I would try to wear my clothes from 7 years ago. That is why my clothes will be the one that can tell me if I have lose all that stored fats. In order for me to achieve that, I have to get moving right? Earlier this month, I started to exercise, walk and have 10,000 steps per day. I know I have already mentioned about it in one of my previous articles. For someone who is always at home and do not have anything to do rather than bum around, achieving 10,000 steps was really a struggle for me. However, I was so determined to do it that even when I was not feeling well, I was still able to achieve my daily goals. Yes, not only did I have to make 10,000 steps but I also have squats, push ups, planking and sit-ups. I think it was during the second week of this month when I had coughs and colds again that eventually led to a flu. I do not think that it is because of the flu season this time because it started with my dad and that same night, our helper and I started to have itchy throats. The following day, I started to get colds then a flu that lasted for a day. On the second day, my mom started sneezing. In short, all of us in the house had a cough, colds or both. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Whether we were positive or not, I still pushed myself to do my daily challenges despite of what I was feeling. Honestly, I wanted to stop and rest but I was thinking that I was already in the second week so I should not quit. Besides the 30 day daily challenges of squats, push ups, plank and sit-ups, I was also thinking about my 21 day challenge. This is something that I have not shared yet. In my Huawei Health app, there are some challenges like accumulating 10,000 or even 10,000,000 steps. There is also a 5km or 10km in a single run. Physically, I know that I am not yet prepared for running. And then there is also the 21 days and 100 days in a row of achieving 10,000 steps. It was one of my goals aside from the 30 day daily challenges. Because yesterday was August 21, I was looking forward to it. I waited until I achieved 10,000 steps yesterday but I still have not received the medal. So I waited for the day to be over but I still not received any medal. I checked my Huawei Health app to check and sadly, I saw that I only got 9,600+ steps last August 13. It was so impossible because I always see to it that achieve 10,000 steps before ending my day. Then I checked other records from stress and sleep data and I saw that I had no records of sleep on August 14. *At this point, I think I have lost all my data. I was about to check my records again but I saw that there was an update for my Huawei Health app and I clicked it. After the update, I was automatically logged out and I tried logging in but it says my account was invalid. I tried following the instructions by the in-app's chat bot and so I cleared my data and cache. Still, I cannot log in. Then chat bot said that it may be due to the number of failed attempts that is why my account has been froze. I have to try again tomorrow. I don't think that I made a mistake because I have saved my log in details but it says that my account was invalid. Even when I tried logging in with my mobile number, it says that it is not registered. Grrrr!!!! It is so hard to talk to a chat bot. I tried to check in Huawei's website if they have a live chat agent yet it was also a chat bot. I guess I have to call them in order to fix this problem but I am not in the mood to talk right now. I feel like my efforts went down the drain. I started August 1 because I waa hoping that I will be able to achieve the 100 days in a row medal by November. But last night I found out that I was not able to achieve 10,000 last August 13 even if I did. I am pretty sure that there was a technical problem. Anyway, since last night I was already feeling so down because I failed my 21 day challenge yesterday. I told myself that it was ok to start again. It may not have been my 21st day yesterday but at least it was my 8th day. However, I do not know if my record for today will still be synced since I cleared my data and cache on my app. Before I cleared it, my data was still showing on the app even if I was logged out because my watch is paired with the app. That is not the case now as it is showing zero data and I have to log in for me to sync my watch again. On a brighter side, even if I failed my Huawei Health app's 21 day challenge, I know in my mind and heart that I really did achieve 10,000 steps for 21 days already. Also, even if I haven't achieved my 21 days in a row medal, I know someday that I will be able to receive it because I am motivated to move more this month and in the coming months. It's bye-bye to being a couch potato and hello to a slightly active lifestyle. August 22, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo from my watch when I took a photo after I achieved 10,000 steps before.`

Surprise birthday I cannot believe that it has almost been a year ago when I surprised my mom with one of her favorite cakes. And now, we had another surprise. Actually, last Friday, my brother and I planned on ordering some food for our mom's birthday celebration. My brother said that they will be celebrating it with us on Sunday. All the while I was thinking that it will be this coming Sunday because we usually do celebrate post birthday and I never really expected that it was yesterday and it was going to be a pre-birthday celebration. So in short, I was also surprised. LOL. Around lunch time yesterday, someone rang our doorbell and our helper came in holding a lot of food party trays. I panicked because I thought that it was my food orders for my mom's birthday this coming week. I thought that maybe I made a mistake when I ordered last Saturday from a caterer and that they delivered it the following day. I hurriedly opened my Instagram to check on my message with the caterer and I saw that I got the right date for delivery. I immediately walked to the kitchen to check on the food and our helper said that it was my brother's orders. I was so shocked and I called him right away to tell him that his orders came in today. I was already thinking how we are going to eat those foods without my brother. I also thought about what our food would be next week since my brother's orders came on a different day. However, my brother said that it was correct and that they are to head over to our house in less than an hour. It was so funny because even if he already said that they were coming over, I still asked him if they are to come here. LOL. It was like I was really making sure if they were really to come that day. Just before we hang up, I told him that I have not prepared anything. He asked me last Saturday to add some more food, cook my signature pasta dish and make some garlic bread and crostini. He said that it was ok and I can just serve the pasta for early dinner. After we hang up, I realized that my brother did said last Friday that we only have until Saturday to decide on where to buy the food. I saw a few caterers but we ended up with the one that my brother found because they happened to be living here in our subdivision and that means we get a free delivery. After talking to my brother, I told my parents that we needed to fix ourselves because my brother and his family were coming over. I was the first to take a bath as it has been more than 3 days since my last. LOL. My way of conserving water. LOL. Imagine if the food came in late then probably my brother and his family would have seen us in our slightly dirty look. It was probably Friday when I last combed my hair. I cannot even remember. I find it hard to comb my hair after waking up as my hair is always tangled after waking because it's curly. Anyway, I guess all of us would be surprise to see each other if my brother and his family came before the food. With the caterers that I found, I decided to order a few dishes for us to eat on the exact day of my mom's birthday. I was suppose to place some orders also this coming Sunday as per my brother's request of additional food but I told myself that we needed to try first if their food will pass my standards. Although, I have already listed down what food to order. I am just glad that I have not yet placed my order for this coming Sunday or else I would have spent a lot for an ordinary day. I was planning to order some lumpiang shanghai, laing, chicken cordon bleu and fried rice. Luckily, I didn't. Our celebration yesterday may not have any party decorations but I know that my mom was extremely happy not only because of the food that was served but also because she felt so loved most especially by my brother. I just hope that she would also be happy when she sees my surprise for her. It may not be as extravagant as my brother's but it is also something that came from my heart. I just do not know if I will be able to pull another surprise on her just like how I did last year that almost made her cry. I guess we will see on that day. August 15, 2022 `P.S. lead image is our family photo from yesterday's pre birthday celebration.`

Challenge accepted I was thinking whether or not I will share about it but because content is life, so now I am here. LOL. The reason why I did not want to spill it was because I might jinx it. You probably have an idea on what my topic would be based on my lead image and title. We just started August last week and finally I had that will or drive or fire or motivation to think about myself and sort of my future. Well for my future, I did looked for jobs online but the problem is that I am still torn whether to pursue my career in the food service or restaurant industry or to just focus on my business which is also on food that I have put on hold for a couple of years. Both has its pros and cons however, a part of me wants to go back to working in the restaurant but thinking about the irate customers hinders me from doing so. A part of me also wants to focus on my business but because it is a small business, profit is not that good yet as I rarely get orders when I started it a few years back. There were a lot of things that I consider when I was thinking about my future but I decided to prioritize first on my health and fitness. I do not know how many times I have mentioned here that I started my diet. That is the reason why I was a little hesitant to share it with all of you because I might jinx it. I remember early this year, I said that I cut back on some food and I had also started to walk everyday. It was not abrupt because I was thinking that my body needs to adjust from sedentary lifestyle to slightly active lifestyle. My goal during my first day of exercise back then was 3,000 steps and increased it to a thousand more each day. Although, after a few days, I was already feeling that my body was starting to ache so I took a rest. That rest took months and it is only now that I started with it again. "I felt recharged and I was able to think more clearly about what really needs to be prioritized." In my previous article, I said that and for some reasons I just wanted to bring back the old me or even the me 6 or 7 years ago. I wanted to see the glowing me, the motivated me and the happy me. I also wanted to fit in my clothes that I used to wear. Remember when we went to an event last month? I think I was wearing a 2L top. We bought that 2 years ago before the pandemic but during that time, I have accepted and embraced my body size so it wasn't really a problem. However, last month, when I was trying on some clothes on what to wear for the event, it suddenly struck me that I was really, really, really huge. Yes, I think I have made an article before about me being the Beauty and the Beast. I even uploaded a photo of me without a neck because I was already on the obese side. I'm not sure if iI had said it back then but I am hating how huge I have become. In order for me to stop hating myself and complaining about how ugly, wide and huge I am, I decided to change and challenge myself. Good thing that a new month was about to start when I decided about prioritizing about my health and fitness. Am I being OC for wanting to start my fitness journey during the start of the month? LOL. Anyway, I just did slightly the same thing when I loss weight few years back. Small frequent meals, calorie deficit, chicken, egg, fish and vegetables. Although the only difference was that I was only limited to boiled chicken breast, egg and vegetables during my first few months before. I remember being teary-eyed whenever I would open my lunch box as my meal was so bland. But it was worth it...before. LOL. For August this year, my diet is not as strict as to how it was before. What's even more challenging was that I was craving for pasta since last month. So during my 3rd, 4th and 6th day of diet, I cheated. LOL. I also cheated today as I really cannot control my pasta cravings. I hate it when I start to like or enjoy a food or a particular dish as it often lasts for weeks. But other than my not so strict diet with cheating on the side, I also started walking and exercising. I have not started with a light jog as I feel that my heart and lungs are not yet up for that. So my daily challenges are 10,000 steps or more a day, squats, planking, push ups and crunches. I am planning to do this until I achieve my desired body size "again". I am not particular with weight as I know that muscles weigh more than fat. I just want a slimmer body and a healthier lifestyle again. **fingers crossed** I must say that I deeply regret not starting my fitness journey during the pandemic. If only I had started it 2 years ago, maybe I am already slim now or maybe not. We never can tell. But at least I have started with it now than later right? I just really hope that I can do this whole-heartedly until I can say, "I love myself" or "you're so beautiful". **fingers crossed** August 09, 2022 `Lead image is a photo of my shoes.`

Carefree days When was the last time you decided not to think about anything at all whether it is about your personal life, finances, school or work and health? Honestly, during the time that I was away for 2 weeks here and on noise.cash, I still thought about what my article would be and what post should I share. If you have been following me on noise.cash, you would know that I want my posts to be engaging to other people. Something wherein people could get to know me and vice versa. Additionally, I want my photos to be related with what I waa going to say. Even if it is just about the food that I ate, I tell a story behind it and if I know some facts about a particular dish or ingredient then I would also say a few words. We all have different ways on how our noisy posts would be but we pretty much know that majority were about our daily lives. Because there is nothing much that is going on with my life, I admit that as days go by, I have been struggling to what my article and noisy post would be. Being in both platforms for more than a year and a half, I am really struggling with what I have to say. While I was worried about what to publish and post on both platforms, I was also worried about my payables. Who wouldn't right? It's really part of adulting. I cannot remember the last time that I did not think about anything but I think it was probably during the time I rendered my resignation from my last work. I resigned even if I did not have any back up plan. I resigned even if I still had some payables that eventually led me to drown in a pool of debt. It was only when I was drowning that I started to worry about my payables. As the years passed, I worried for my future. While I was sick, I was still worrying about a lot of things. Like I have said earlier, I was thinking about my article, my noisy post and my payables. It was hard not to worry or stress about over something especially if it is about finances. Slowly, I tried to clear my mind from everything that has been cluttering in my head. Most of you know that I have been addicted in watching dramas, particularly Korean dramas again few months ago. My daily routine was eat, watch, sleep, repeat but you can insert drafting an article and interacting with our fellow noisy friends in between. Although when I was sick, my life was limited to eating, watching and sleeping. Nothing more, nothing less. And I think that is when I started to slowly clear my head about my life in general. I was literally a sick lazy bum during those days. At first, I had a lot on my mind even the thought of quitting here and on noise.cash. Yes, that thought crossed my mind. Until one day, all of a sudden, I was not worried whether I am to publish or post or quit. I was also not worried whether I had money to pay for my bills. I was also not worried if I was getting bigger and bigger. In short, I was not worried about anything at all. During my carefree days, I was able to sleep soundly. I feel like I was on a special retreat while I was sick with nothing to worry about. With everything that had happened to me in the past 5 years, it sure was a nice feeling to not think about anything at all. It was also nice that I took some days off from using my phone whether scrolling on noise.cash and Instagram, browsing the web and drafting an article. Because after that, I felt recharged and I was able to think more clearly about what really needs to be prioritized. One downfall is that I am now faced with much bigger problems however, I feel like I am up for the challenge. I just hope and pray that I will be able to live a carefree life in the future. August 05, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a random photo from my Gallery.`

Sick leave Well hello there. I guess I have to welcome myself back after being away for weeks. *"Welcome back, bbyblacksheep"*. Yes, I am still alive and kicking. I cannot say that a lot has happened to me with all the days that I have been missing because I am still the same old bum me. Since this is a new month and I have had my time off already, I guess it is time to blog again. Although I am not sure if there will be something new to talk about because I am really running out of topics to share but not today. In my previous article, I mentioned that I was sick. It started with an itchy throat that later became a dry cough. That was not all as I also started to have runny nose that turned into a cold but thankfully it only lasted for a couple of days. I was not able to finish a roll of tissue with my colds. Well ever since before, I rarely catch colds. Anyway, it was not only the reasons why I was not able to publish any articles. You might say that having and itchy throat turned dry cough and colds have no connection in drafting and publishing an article. Indeed, that may be true but aside from those 2 symptoms, I also did experienced a migraine. If you have been reading my articles even before, you would know that migraine attacks are very common to me. I have experience this even when I was a kid but I was not aware of it. I thought that vomitting or being nauseous are just a part of a headache. I was in high school when I became sensitive to smell whenever I would have a migraine attack. However, I noticed that as I age, the more I experience migraine. So during the time that I was feeling sick, I also had migraine. My head was hurting everyday from afternoon and sometimes until evening. It was hard for me to look at my phone's screen for more than a minute even if my brightness level was already low. I tried watching some dramas on TV but I could not finish a single episode as I also cannot look that long on the screen. One side of my head was pounding and I was feeling nauseous so all I can do was to shut my eyes while massaging the side of my head that hurts going to the temple and down behind my ears with ample amount of efficascent oil until I fall asleep. I did that everyday. Sometimes the pain goes away after sleeping but sometimes it just makes it worst. I did not had any energy to do anything during those times and I also did not had any appetite. Sadly, even if I did not eat anything, I did not lose any weight. LOL. I feel like it made my face bigger and rounder because all I did was sleep. Our helper said that it was the flu season that is why I was feeling sick. Bbghitte and JLoberiza also said the same thing. Indeed, it was the flu season but I really cannot help but to be paranoid during those days. Even if I was thinking that I may have had COVID, I know it was very irresponsible of me for not taking the test just to be sure. I was thinking about the cost of a COVID test if I were to get myself tested. So I just did isolate myself although my mom slept in the other room after 2 days I started having symptoms. I have been telling her that I was feeling unwell but she still slept with me. You might be wondering why my mom is sleeping with me. She does not want to sleep with my dad in the master's bedroom as she feels suffocated as it looks like a stock room because of my dad's stuffs that are stored in boxes are all on her side of the bed. I haven't taken a photo on how the master's bedroom looks like but imagine a stock room with a pile of boxes. My dad is still not in the mood to organize his stuffs but I am telling you, even if we organize it, he ain't going to dispose any of it. I helped him organize it a decade ago but it was actually more on labelling the boxes. There were office bags that were already ruined but he still kept it instead of disposing it. Sorry for talking about other things. Going back, I had experienced a lot of migraine attacks but the pain that I felt during those days may not be as intense as what I have had before but it was still painful to the point that I asked Dr. Google how a headache feels like if you are positive of COVID. Dr. Google said that it was kind of like a migraine but what made me worry was when I read about a thunderclap headache. I looked into it further and I feel like I have experienced it when I was sick recently. It says that I should go to the doctor right away if I experience a thunderclap headache but it happened days before I consulted Dr. Google. It was past midnight when I experienced the thunderclap headache. For me, the feeling was kind of like something popped in my head and the pain in my head was up by a level but only momentarily. I know it sounds scary and after I felt that, I was telling myself that I really need to have my head checked. Although the price of an MRI and CT scan tests are way scarier for me however, I know it is something that needs urgent attention. Yes, I know, health over money. I am just praying that nothing is wrong with my head. Now, I am quite ok. I cannot really say that I am 100% ok because with everything that I had experienced prior to getting sick like meeting successful people in an event and some other things that make me depress and anxious. I still cannot get over what happened that day even if no one asked what my work was. Also, yesterday I had another migraine attack. Slightly intense but tolerable. Black coffee and efficascent oil did not help nor when my hair was pulled and massaged. I asked our helper to pull my hair then massage it after. Because of that, I slept as early as past 9PM. However, I woke up at 3AM. Do you believe that when you wake up at 3AM, "someone" wakes you up? Asking that question had me goosebumps. My sick leave is over. Can I file for a vacation leave? LOL. August 01, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my bracelet tag when I was hospitalized 2 years ago.`

I'm missing again I have been missing these past several days and I think this is the second longest time that I have been inactive here and on noise.cash. Maybe some of you are wondering why or probably some of you may have thought that I already quit and left this platform. Yes, I mean not that I agree to my last statement but yes, I know I have mentioned before that as days go by, I find it difficult to think of a worthy relatable topic because I believe that I have said a lot about my life, my opinions, my thoughts, my babblings, my rants and whatnot. Being an active user for 19 months and had published more than 500 articles, I feel like my brain had been squeezed out every remaining juice it had left. Yes, I do have thoughts of quitting but I ain't going to do that unless I really do not have anything to write about. Hell yeah! So what is the real reason behind my inactivity? I woke up one day with an itchy throat. I bet I know what is going through your mind right now. You are probably thinking that I caught the virus. Honestly, I do not know if I caught the virus as I did not have myself tested. Though if I may recall, I attended a social event a week before I had an itchy throat and then couple of days before that, I went to the supermarket to buy some snacks. I know it was so not me to go out and buy snacks just because of my food cravings even if I know that the virus is still out there. Since the pandemic happened, I only go out once or twice a month to do some errands. It was only when I managed the Korean grocery that I was always out for the whole days for more than a month way back late February of this year. I know that this pandemic had its own positive and negative effect on each and every one of us. I, for one, had been anxious and paranoid at the same time. I remember waking up everyday trying to check my condition as I have been exposed to a lot of people when I was at the Korean grocery. I was afraid that I would experience common symptoms like sore throat, cough, cold or fever. However, I did experience migraines during those times but I know that it was a common thing for me. Another thing that is common for me was hay fever. We all know our bodies better than anyone else right? I am just thankful that I and my family did not caught the virus. The last time that I experienced an itchy throat followed by a dry cough was 4 years ago. I was still a smoker back then and because it made me hard to smoke while having a cough, I decided to stop. Who would have thought that my cough would last for a month? Since I had stopped smoking for a month already which was probably the longest that I did, I decided to quit. Kudos to me. Good job, bbyblacksheep. However, kudos also to the government because they have increased the price of a cigarette pack that time. Being a bum, I wanted to save my money for something else than to buy a pack of cigarettes every week. Actually, a pack for me is only good for 2 to 3 days but when I resigned from my job, I tried to limit myself to 1 to 3 sticks per day. I guess my throat was adjusting that time hence the month long cough. After 4 years, here I am with an itchy and dry cough. Like I have said, all of a sudden, I woke up with an itchy throat. I told our helper about it and she told me that it was probably because of the pineapple that we ate the day before as it was sweet with a little sour at the bottom part. Our helper also said that her throat became itchy while she was eating the pineapple and she coughed after she finished it. I just replied, "because it was juicy that is why you coughed". That day, I was thinking that maybe the culprit was the pineapple. Though even if I already knew about it, I still ate a few slices that day. The following day, my throat was still itchy and my voice was a little hoarse and I was not feeling well. I asked my mom if their throats aren't itchy because they also ate the pineapple but they seem to be feeling great. I told them that I will not eat with them because I was already thinking that I probably caught the virus. But my parents and our helper aren't bothered about me as they keep on going inside the room. My mom still slept with me that day even if they already noticed that I am not that excited about food. They ordered some pizza that day as there was a surprised visit for my mom from her elementary classmate whom she haven't seen in decades. The said classmate will be going back to America next week but she decided to connect with my mom. She found out about our address from my mom's sister. In my opinion, I think making surprises during this time of pandemic is a no-no. Take for example my case, whether or not I am positive, we still breathe the same air even if I was already locked up in my room. Also, my mom was sleeping in the same room as I did the night before her classmate surprised her. What if I am positive and would create a chain reaction? There would be some slight changes and hassles on her part especially her flight is next week. I am just hoping that it would not. I had also worn my face mask the day my throat became itchy so I hope that I was not able to spread the virus if I really caught it. Anyway, I think I have said a lot so I will continue this on my mext article. At least I already have a topic to talk about on my next article. LOL. July 17, 2022 `P.S. lead image is an old photo of me with face mask while I was manning the grocery store.`

My ideal man Oh love, love, love. In your own words, how would you define love? I guess all of us here have already felt falling in love and being loved. Honestly, I cannot put the right words on how I would define or describe love but what I do know is that love hurts. Did I sound bitter when I said that? LOL. Watching romantic dramas made me fantasize, hope and wish about the kind of love that I want. That is why I love to daydream these past few days as I get to picture a much better life that is full of love from that special someone. How do you see yourself with the one that you love? What are the characteristics that you look for in a partner? I think I have already said this before but I want someone who is God-fearing, sweet, loving, caring, faithful, respectful, responsible, supportive, kind, has sense of humor and a lot more. In terms of physical features, honestly, it is the first that I see in a guy. I like guys who are manly and good looking. Plus, plus points if he can slay both clean and rugged looking. Imagine Piolo Pascual, Derek Ramsay, Jamie Dornan, Josh Duhamel, Brad Pitt and Channing Tatum. Hot right? LOL. First 2 are my ultimate hot male Filipino celebrities of all time. I sometimes see my past flirtationship in Piolo. Ok let us stop there before things heat up. LOL. So now you have an idea on what I look for in a guy and in love. Do I need to be more detailed on how I daydream about it? LOL. In short, I want someone who does not exist. Do you think that my kind of guy really does not exist? I do believe that he exists although he is either taken, not interested in girls or love, he is still not yet born and lastly, I still have not met that guy. About 85% of the characteristics that I have mentioned above were actually what I saw with my past flirtationship. Maybe if he truly loved me, I would have felt more than what I wanted. Unrequited love to be exact. Sad but grateful to have experienced a different kind of love. Someone once told me that I should be detailed whenever I would pray about my future partner. She also told me that it would be better if the guy loves me more. She said, "find a guy who loves you more not who you love more". I can never forget those exact sentence that she told me. After I heard it, I pondered and realized that it was always I who loved more. I was the type of person who always gives her all to the person I love that is why I always ended up getting hurt and making it difficult to move on. Are you currently in a relationship? How would you describe your relationship with your current partner? We all have that moment wherein we always see forever with the person whom we are in love with. With my first love, we even talked about living together and some talks about our future. I was only 20 yet I was already serious with plans of living with him probably because I know that my parents especially my mom will never accept pur relationship. We even looked for an apartment for rent before but of course it didn't happen for a lot of reasons. That is why if I were to fall in love again, I want it to be with someone who has all the characteristics that I am looking for in a guy. Additionally, I want that our relationship will be legal and official where my parents would approve of. Lastly, I want someone whom I am compatible with. I guess we all want to be with someone whom we share common interest right? Since we are already on the talks about ideal relationship or ideal partner, I would also want to add that my ideal number of children is 4. I always say it before that I also want a set of twins which is one boy and one girl. However, at my age now and my status is still single, I doubt if I will be able to have 4 kids. Though I am not losing hope because if it won't happen in this lifetime, I know that in my next life it will be what I have been dreaming of. How about you? What is your ideal guy or girl? How many child do you want? July 10, 2022 `P.S. lead image is an old photo of me with my past flirtationship.`

Current mood I never expected that I will be experiencing different feelings again because of the recent social event that I attended. From being nervous of introducing myself in front of a lot of people to being unsociable to having low self-confidence and low self-esteem and lastly self-pity. Although the latter is very common to me everytime something would come up. However, due to the people that I have encountered in the party, it only made me realize how I  screwed up my life. Ever since then I know that the organization where my dad is a member consists of professional people. Whether it is a doctor, nurse, lawyer, engineer, architect, politician, athlete, colonel, general, chief police, celebrity, businessman and the like, in short, they are all successful. Here I go again with a person's success. As far as I know, their organization is open for all guys no matter what your profession and religion is as long as you abide by their rules and regulations and you have the capacity to support yourself and your family if you already have a family of your own. I may not know the detailed requirements for a guy to join but what I do know is that other than the membership fee, there are also some dues to be paid yearly and that you have to attend weekly and/or monthly meetings. Being surrounded with successful professionals made me feel that I was so small not because I am unemployed but because of my past work experiences. My montly salary before was far from the monthly salary of the people at the party. I felt like I do not belong to such events even if it was just a social gathering where the ladies group together to eat, drink, chat and have fun. I do not know why I suddenly had that kind of feeling. My high school and college friends are all successful that they can support themselves and their family and honestly, I had envied them but I never felt so small whenever I am with them even when they have treated me countless times for my birthday. Have you ever felt being so small because of the people around you? Have you ever felt that you do not belong? I know some of us have already experienced my last question. But what was it about when you felt that you do not belong? Was it with your friends, classmates, workmates or family? I remember feeling left out when I was still working at company E. Majority of the people were 5 years or more younger than me and I really felt there was a wall between me and the rest of the staffs. I handled 3 stores that time. Store A was my home store and I was close to them about 80%. It was in store B where I felt connected with all of the staffs both front and back of the house but in store C, I was only close to 40% of the people. There were even staffs who did not respect me as their manager. I hated having my duty in that store not only was it far but because of the people. No matter how much I tried to get to know them, they did not gave me the chance to do so. But that kind of feeling is not the same as to how I felt at the party. Yes I may have been unsociable but there was that feeling that my world is far different from theirs even if they did welcomed us ladies. There was this feeling that if I were to like someone from the crowd, it would be like we are from 2 different worlds or status. Speaking of crush, I did had my eyes on someone at the party. However, at the end of the day, I found out that he was married and has 3 kids. Well I still did my research the following night and looked for him on Facebook and found out that he actually has 4 kids. LOL. His wife just gave birth 2 years ago. Probably my former boss was not aware of the 4th child. While I was at the party, I cannot help but to think about a lot of things especially about love. I kept thinking about the people whom I fell in love with in the past and how their status differ from the people at the party. I was thinking that if I had chosen a different path, maybe I would have had a relationship with a lawyer, doctor, architect, engineer or someone that is not from the restaurant industry. Even if things did not work out between me and my first love who was a gas boy and my last flirtationship who was a restaurant supervisor, I am still proud to tell my stories to other people. Though it is only with my last that I have pictures of him as I have kept it in a USB. With my first love, I did kept some hard copies of those photos but I am certain that my mom threw it all away. I tried checking each memory cards that I had with him but they were all corrupted. I know that we are all bound to meet and fall in love with someone that is meant for us no matter what their life's status is. However, I cannot help but to feel that majority of us fall in love with people that is within the same bracket as ours, the elite for the elite and the poor for the poor. A few will only fall in love with someone that is not with the same bracket as they are just like in some dramas or movies wherein a lot of stories will be about the rich who fell in love with the poor and together they would conquer some challenges. Do you know someone who fell in love with someone that isn't from his or her same bracket and are still together? I remember those times on how I fought for my first love to my mom. I can still picture how my mom glared at me when I was telling her about him. Let's not forget how cold and rude my mom was when I went home with him together with our other workmates as we wanted to hang out at home rather than somewhere. It was like my mom's eyes were throwing laser beams at him and the following day, my mom told me that I should not bring any guys at home whether I have a thing with them or not. The only guys that were allowed were my college friends. Thankfully, when I worked at company D, my mom was ok that I invited my workmates at home. I do not know until when I would be having or thinking about this. I honestly hate this kind of feeling. July 08, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a selfie with one of my bosses from company D taken during the party.`

Unsociable When was the last time that you have attended a social event? I mentioned in my previous article that I recently attended an organization's party with my family wherein my dad is a member and my brother who happens to join this year. But before the said party, I cannot recall the last time that I attended a social gathering that had more than 50 guests. The event that I can think of was the 2 birthday parties that I attended in 1 day that was late 2018. I had to check it on my Facebook account for me to check the past big events that I have attended in the past but aside from the 2 birthday events, there was also a wedding late 2019 and another birthday early 2020 but with approximately 50 guests or less. Looking back on those events, I can say that I was still sociable. Well I am still sociable now but with the things that had happened to me during the pandemic period, I feel like I have became a little unsociable. I used to say it to my friends and my cousins that I was already an anti-social person due to the fact that I rarely open my social media accounts during the pandemic period and it sometimes took me several days or weeks before I would reply to their messages. Even before the pandemic happened, I have minimized browsing my Facebook as I find it too toxic and I would only open it if I were to post some photos if there was an event or something memorable. My Facebook became my back up photo album as I post most of the events that happened in my life in my social media account not to brag it to other people but for my family and relatives here and abroad to see how I and the rest of the family were doing. My original photo album is really my phone's Photos/Gallery. But since my old phone which had photos from 2018 up to 2021 got broken last year, I had no choice but to check my Facebook for a particular photo or event. Photos from 2016 to early 2018 are still on my other phone that I handed over to my mom so I had no problem checking for the events during those years. Compared to the me before and to the me now, I can say that not only did I became anti-social but I also became uninterested in taking some photos and/or selfies not only during a social event but also in taking some random selfies. Of course  we need to exclude the photos taken during special events with my family as it is mandatory because our relatives would want to see some all that transpired in that particular day most especially the food. When I attended the organization's party recently, I did took a video of my brother's sing and dance number. I also took a photo of our city's past mayor when he sang a few songs. I also took a photo of the beer that my brother served to me and a selfie with one of my bosses from company D. The me before would immediately post those photos either right away or as soon as I arrive home. However, I never got to post even a single photo from the said event. When I had a selfie with my past boss, I told him that I would surely get a lot of comments because I also had a selfie last 2018 with another boss from company D and I received a lot of comments from past staffs and even trainees. They were even requesting for a reunion that time so what more now after 4 years. Like I have said, I haven't uploaded anything. I am the type of person who does not like uploading late as I want to post a photo during that same day. I do feel like I hesitated to post the photos and videos because of a lot things or some personal or mental issues. The top reason would be is that I do not feel good about who I am not only in terms of physical appearances but also emotionally, mentally and socially. I know that I have to change myself if I do not feel good about myself. I have been complaining about how big and ugly I am but I was too lazy to burn my fats. I tried cutting on my food intake but it still does not work even if they say that 70% is from nutrition and 30% is from exercise. Losing weight really does require exercise especially if you have slow metabolism and you are getting older. We are already past halfway through the year and I am still getting bigger and bigger instead of getting back into shape. But round is still a shape right? LOL. Kidding aside. I do not know what is stopping me to change myself for the better. I feel like I am ok even if something is telling me that I am not. I hope in the coming days, weeks or months, I will be able to see the old me or a better version of me. I really miss the me who likes to smile in front of the camera. The me who enjoys meeting and talking to people. The me who is confident and the me who values and loves herself. July 06, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of the drink my brother served to me.`

Stage fright As a kid, I was used to attending outings and parties from an organization where my dad is a member. I was never alone because I was with my family. Since my brother and I were still kids, all we ever did during such events were to eat, play and swim. My mom would look after us at the same time she also had to mingle with her fellow sisters or mothers. My dad on the other hand was busy having fun with his fellow brothers or fathers. When we grew up, my dad seldom brings us to such events because he kmows that we find it boring. I am not sure if we were in high school or college when we last attended my dad's organization party but I know that I won a raffle gift that time and also it was the first time that my brother and I played billiards as there was a pool table in the venue. Because we were still at that age wherein we are not yet into such events, we need not to introduce ourselves. It was a yahoo for me. LOL. But not until recently. After more than a decade, I happened to attend an annual party from the said organization. This time, my brother will be joining the said organization as he is already at the right age. Having said that, there were also quite a number of female attendees so the host asked each of us to introduce ourselves. The moment that I heard that, I felt my heart stopped beating. I hate speaking in front of a lot of people. I hate public speaking. In short, I have stage fright. But what can I do I was seated in front and I had no chance to excuse myself as it will really draw some attention. My sister-in-law was lucky as she went out several minutes before the host said that the females needed to introduce themselves. I had no choice but to introduce myself. I only said 2 sentences but boy, oh boy, I was really nervous. We did not have to go to the stage as the microphone was long so I just stood up, introduced myself and I said I was the daughter of my dad. My introduction did not last a minute but I really felt that my heart stopped beating. I was looking at my dad the whole time I introduced myself and he was nodding at me as if he was telling me that I am doing great and I need not to be nervous. I did not mind the other guests as I was only focused on my dad's face. Probably the wine and the beer that I drank for lunch had helped me not to be super nervous. That time, I cannot helped but to remember the scene when I had to make a speech at my brother and sister-in-law's wedding. It was what was playing on my mind. I was also thinking about my friend, A, because I feel like I mispronounced a particular word. She's a grammar nazi and for sure she would laugh at me because of my mispronunciation. It was really a struggle not only because I was nervous but also because the letters P and F were close together so I was not able to emphasize the F. LOL. Oh why do I hate talking in front of a lot of people? Why? I just hope that I will overcome this kind of feeling. But I do not know how. Ever since I was a kid, I never really liked being on stage whether it is public speaking or doing any sort of presentation. We always have field demonstration when I was in grade school every year and I would always request to be positioned at the back. As much as I wanted not to participate, I have to because our teacher said that it was graded. I never found out if that was true but I participated in every field demonstrations. I though that after grade school those field demonstrations would be over but it didn't. Not only did we had to do folk dances each year but there were also a lot of school plays from Rome & Juliet, Shakespeare, Ibong Adarna, El Filibusterismo and a lot more. Of course, I chose either the character with little to zero words to say or to be part of the props committee. Some may say that I lack self-confidence, self-love and self-esteem or I am self-conscious but I do not think that it is the case. Even if I became slim, I am still nervous to be in the stage. The last time I can think of was when I was working with company E and we had to play games in front. Even if there were a lot of participants in the game, I was still nervous to the point that my hands were so cold and that I wanted to finish the game right away. I guess I got this kind of feeling from my mom's side as my mom and some of her sisters are also not fond of public speaking, being in front of a lot of people and to be the center of attraction. To think they are all so beautiful. I guess this will really be difficult for me to overcome. Talking about my stage fright made me smile and think of the time when my mom enrolled me to a ballet class when I was still small. My mom was not able to force me to go inside the class as I was having tantrums. Then my mom let me watch the class from outside and told me how pretty the little kids were in their tutus. No matter how much my mom encouraged me that time, I never really liked to be in that class so I just turned around and look away. Whenever my mom would reminisce about that moment, she would tell me how much she wanted to pull my curly hair and drag me inside the ballet class because of my tantrums. I envy my brother as not only is he a good public speaker like our dad but he is also not afraid of being on stage. He even danced and sang from the said event. I am so proud of him. How I wish that I am like him? July 04, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my brother with the other guys dancing during the recent event.`

Reminiscing When I talked about the Japanese dramas, animes and songs a couple of days ago, I instantly opened my Spotify and played some Japanese songs from Hana Yori Dango. One of the songs that I can never forget was Planetarium by Ai Otsuka. Back then, I did not know its title nor the singer as I just love the melody. Then after a few years, I heard it again while I was inside a Japanese store and I was smiling as I listened to it. I wanted to find out the title so I grabbed my phone and hit the video to record the background song because I was planning to have my brother listen to it. I did not send the video to him right away because I want the both of us to listen to it. But because I really wanted to find out the title of the song, I called him as soon as I finished recording the song and hum parts of the song. It was a Japanese song and it made more difficult for my brother to know what song it was. It was really funny because I tried my best humming it. LOL. I just told him that I will let him hear the video when we see each other. I know I wasn't able to show it to him whenever we meet that it probably took a year or 2 before I was able to do so. I would be able to know the exact date when the video was recorded if only my phone is not broken. Although I know that I showed the video to him when we first ate at Panda Express in SM Megamall. My sister-in-law was busy shopping at H&M while my mom was looking after her grandson and my brother and I was sitting side by side and there I remembered to show him the video. I can never forget that day because not only my brother had a hard time trying to figure out the title of the song but also because it was the day when I first saw a top Youtube content creator at the said shop. When I saw that particular Youtuber, I told myself that it was probably a sign for me to also make my own channel. Days after that, I was busy thinking of a name for my channel and a logo then I also started editing some of my videos and photos. Going back to the Japanese song, my brother really had a hard time trying to search for that song yet he was still able to find out the title. He browsed almost all of his Japanese songs that was on his Spotify playlist because I told him that I heard that song from him. Where else would I hear it if not because of him right? My brother is the one who influenced me in watching animes like Naruto, Bleach and One Piece. But before Naruto, we both watched Dragon Ball when we were still little kids. Then there was also Ranma ½, and Fushigi Yugi. I also watched Ghost Fighter with him but I was more into Sailor Moon. I feel like Japanese songs and Japanese drama and movie are my happy pills these days. Maybe I will go back into watching anime in the coming days if I cannot find any good dramas anymore. When my brother and I were going to and from school together during our college days, the songs that were playing were either from his favorite anime and Japanese drama. He still plays those songs up to this day. There was a time when I was still manning my brother and sister-in-law's Korean grocery and all of a sudden a Japanese song was played via Alexa. My brother can control it even if he is miles away and the staffs were surprised why the song became Japanese. I told them that my brother was playing with us to tell us that he is watching us from the CCTV. He just played 1 Japanese song and he changed it back to Korean songs after. Who would have thought that I will enjoy listening to Japanese songs now just like how I did with Korean songs? Sometimes it is just so nice to reminisce about the good old days. Indeed, listening to music can bring back those memories whether it was good or bad that can either make you smile or cry. I love reminiscing especially if it was my childhood or when I was still a student. I also love reminiscing about my past flirtationships even if it did not ended how I want it to be. How about you? What is it that you love to reminisce? When was the last time that you reminisce? What was that all about? June 30, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo during my 2nd birthday.`

Certified couch potato Romance, comedy, thriller, action and whatever genre it is, as long as the story is good then I will definitely watch it. Growing up, I really like watching Philippine television dramas other than cartoons. I remember my mom would cover my eyes if there were some scenes that is not suited for a kid. Then if my dad would see me watching dramas, he would always comment that I should not watch dramas all the more if it was in Filipino. He said that it is better to watch educational or informative shows that were in English not only for me to be fluent in that language but also to learn some other stuffs that will be useful in school and/or in the future. Back then, my English was terrible and I only know basic English words that I would rely on the visuals rather on the audio for me to understand a particular drama. If only I listened to him that time then maybe I would have had the confidence in doing public speaking. Being the stubborn daughter, I didn't listen to him and up to this day, I still love watching dramas. Probably the reason why I am overly dramatic every now and then. Years passed and slowly I was able to enjoy watching English movies and I was able to focus both on visuals and audio even if it was in English. Watching Hollywood movies really did helped me enhance my English. Eventhough it is not as good as it is with other people, I am happy that it isn't as terrible as it was before. But before I appreciated Hollywood films, I first enjoyed watching Mexican dramas when I was a kid although they were dubbed in Filipino. Are you familiar with Marimar, Rosalinda, Maria la del Barrio and Maria Mercedes? I have watched those when I was a kid. Ooopps. You might have already guessed how old I am with those Mexican dramas that I have mentioned. Even if it was dubbed in Filipino, the story of those dramas were really good though I cannot remember some of it now. Those were the only dramas that I have watched other than Philippine television dramas. Maybe because I was still a kid that is why I never got so addicted to Mexican dramas and maybe because I can only watch it once it has been aired on TV. Then when I was in college, they started to air Meteor Garden on TV. Meteor Garden is a Taiwanese drama and it has been the talk of some of my blockmates and friends that time. I only started watching weeks after it was aired and I got so hooked not only with the story but also with the characters. Jerry Yan was my crush that time. I guess I really like those bad boy looking dudes. That time my mom does not know why everyone was talking about Meteor Garden so when she decided to watch it, she also got so hooked up that she hated Fridays because she will miss Dao Ming Xi for 2 days because Meteor Garden was aired from Monday to Friday for 30 minutes. I was in college when downloading music and movies into CD first became a thing that one of my blockmates burned a copy of Meteor Garden. VCD days so 1 episode per CD. I forgot how much it cost but I know it was per episode. I immediately bought a copy because I could not wait how the story would go. Of course I also bought a copy for season 2. It was with Meteor Garden where I first learned some Mandarin words that I would ask my Chinese blockmates the right pronunciation. After the success of Meteor Garden comes another drama but this time it was from South Korea. Full House was the first Kdrama that I have watched followed by Boys Over Flowers after few years. But before I got so hooked on Korean dramas, I got to watch a few Taiwanese dramas other than Meteor Garden. During early 2000, it was really hard to look for a site where you can watch some Asian dramas but I was still lucky that I got to watch the dramas that I like. From Philippine drama to Mexican to Taiwanese to Korean comes Japanese drama. After I have watched Boys Over Flowers for countless time, my brother told me that I should also watch the Japanese version since I have already watched the adaptations from Taiwan and Korean. My brother also told me back then it was actually from a manga. My brother loves anime and also their songs that is why he wanted me to give Hana Yori Dango a try. I did watched it but he cannot make me love it as how I love Boys Over Flowers. Out of the 3 adaptations that I have watched, I must say that my top favorite is Boys Over Flowers, next is Meteor Garden and Hana Yori Dango. I do not know if I would watch other adaptations in the coming days but I think they won't be able to meet my expectation. Lately, I have been watching other dramas from Japan, Taiwan and Mainland China. But personally I must say that South Korean dramas will always be my top favorite. There are also handsome and beautiful actors in other countries but in my opinion, the acting of the Koreans are natural and so heartfelt that it can move a person. In the dramas that I have watched recently, honestly, I was so irritated in some of the female lead because they were so overacting. But there were also some actors from other countries that I did not know before and is now my crush to the point that I even followed him on Instagram. LOL. If I were to rank the dramas that I have watched by country, it would be, South Korea, America and Japan (both on no.2), Philippines, Taiwan, Mexico and Mainland China. In my preference, I think that no country can exceed South Korea in terms of producing quality dramas. Oh before I forget, I also would want to commend the Spanish crime drama, Money Heist. It was so awesome. Currently, I am about to finish a drama and I can already feel that I am getting bored from watching dramas even if it is about romance probably because I am not satisfied with the story, casts and acting. Should I rewatch some of my top favorites? What do you think? June 27, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo I took while watching Kdrama few months ago.`

My kind of addictions As defined in the Medical News Today's website, addiction is a condition in which a person is unable to stop using a substance or engaging in a behavior. It is really hard to control our addictions. Do you have anything that you are addicted to right now? I think majority of us are addicted to using our cellphones. However, since a cellphone is widely used in today's advance digital age, I do not know if it still considered as an addiction. How do you control your own addictions? Some of you know that I have been addicted in watching Korean dramas again. I have been a fan of Kdramas since early 2000. I was able to control myself for years not only because I have work but I somehow got tired of watching romance. You can say that I am a little bitter but actually I just did not feel like watching any Korean dramas even if I have been subscribed to Netflix since 2018 I guess. Then this year, I decided to watch at least 1 Korean drama per month. I was able to do so until last month or late April. I cannot really remember when I started to get so hooked up on Korean dramas again that all that is left on Netflix are the dramas that is not matched to what I usually watch. Several days ago, I watched You Are my Spring and boy, oh boy, did I regret watching it. I already felt that it was going to be boring and nonsense during the first few minutes of the shoe but I still continued watching it until episode 14. I guess this drama is the first Korean drama that I failed to finish. Imagine, just 2 episodes left and I did not finish it. This is just based on my own preference so I apologize to those who enjoyed watching it. If there is something that I can say I am addicted to right now then it would be watching **any** dramas. I emphasized on the word, any, because I have started watching dramas from other countries. Like I have said, I had watched mostly all of the Korean dramas that caught my eye on Netflix and all that is left are the least on my matches. So I started watching other dramas from other countries. I feel like I am starting to learn a few words in other languages. It has always been one of my dream to learn different languages and dialects but I never got to do so. Then if we are we are going to talk about food, I think fried rice was the last food that I was addicted to. I was always craving it that is why I would cook it almost everyday for our dinner. Glad that I am already done with my fried rice addiction but this past couple of days, I cannot help but to be addicted to my homemade garlic sauce. I cannot help but to drool whenever I see it inside our refrigerator and I would end up cooking french fries or make my own nachos. I was even thinking of making my own pita wrap last night. I was picturing the pita with lots of chicken meat and vegetables with my own sauces on it. Yummy! Talking about addiction made me remember what my brother told my mom when we were still in college. My brother was always in front of the computer playing online games and he does not have any vices. Being the black sheep of the family, I was the one who drinks alcohol and smokes cigarettes. So when our mom was pissed at my brother for not helping in the house and he was always in front of the computer, of course our mom nagged at him and my brother said, *"At least I am only addicted to playing online games. Do you want me to get addicted to alcohol, cigarettes or some illegal substances?"*. Our mom even got more pissed for saying those. Yes, she is happy that my brother does not have any vices but she just got pissed about the 3 vices that he enumerated. Back then, when we talk about addiction, we would instantly think of those 3. But as we matured, we get to know that there are a lot of things or activities in which a person can get addicted to. It can also be a person though it may sound a little creepy when a person is addicted to you don't you think? I know soon that I will be able to control again my addiction in watching dramas. But right now, I am happy to watch some romance and to see new handsome and beautiful people. Although of course, it irritates me the most if the actor or actress is so terrible in acting. Makes me want to throw the remote on our TV screen. LOL. June 25, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my french fries with my homemade sauces or dips.`

Today is a gift When was the last time that you did something new or fun? Did you think I was going to ask you about something you did for the first time? Ok fine. Whether it is something new, something fun or something that you did for the first time, when was the last time? Being at home everyday has always been my routine for the past years and you know that the pandemic is not to be blamed for it. If there is something new or something fun that I did in my life during the past 5 years then it will be when I would be out of the house but doing groceries, going to the bank and drug store are not included. What I am meaning to say is that I am out of the house having fun either with family or friends. So the last time would be when I was away from home for a month and a half. Some of you may have read about what I have been up to during those times. But just for those who doesn't, I was in the province manning at the Korean grocery of my brother and sister-in-law in the province. It was actually fun however, I really gained a lot of weight to the point that I had difficulty in breathing. Good thing that I was going to be home days after that happened that is why I was able to control my food again. I couldn't control mine before since my sister-in-law's mom would want me to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner; which I rarely do since I have been a bum because I would only eat once or twice in a day, brunch and/or snack. Let's not forget that the staffs in the grocery would always want a food trip and who am I to say no to food? Food is life for me. LOL. Well today, just happened to be a not my usual day because I went out together with my parents and our helper. Maybe you are guessing that we went to the mall or dine out in a restaurant but I'm sorry that we didn't. How I wish that we did? I really miss going to the mall and dining out. So, where exactly did we go? We went to a hospital where my dad has some acquaintances for us to get a free shot of our second booster. Yes, you have read that right. We just had our second booster shot. Ouch! Though it is not as painful as my first booster shot wherein I couldn't lift my arm for 2 days. It was as if I had a shot of anaesthesia on my arm. Right now I can feel the heaviness on my shoulder but nothing compared to what I experienced during my first booster. Well I still have to observe it from today until the following days. Have you had your second booster shot? Do you still want to get another one or you are already good with the first booster shot? Actually, our helper did not want to get a second booster shot but my dad convinced him. I was also having my second thoughts about the second booster because I cannot help but to think about it's side effect in the long run. But since my parents are getting one, so I might as well do the same. I do not want my dad to blame me in the future just because I did not get a second booster. The second booster is not the highlight of how my day went but going to and from the hospital is quite the problem for me. We were accompanied by another acquaintance of my dad so he was the one who drove us this day since the hospital is a little far from our place and my dad could not drive that far because of his eyesight. We are still gathering some money for his eye surgery but I do hope that it will be done this year. The driving of my dad's acquaintance was ok but because I was seated at the back of an SUV, I think it made me nauseous. As I age, I feel like I am getting more sensitive when it comes to some other people's driving except for a few people that I know. Whether I am beside the driver seat or at the back, as long as it is them who is driving, I do not feel car sick. Today, we were still inside the subdivision when I already felt being car sick so I had to close my eyes. Good thing I was able to place my candy in my bag and it had helped me a lot. What made me more nauseous was when my dad's acquaintance told me that I needed to register our names in the website for us to get our booster shot. Instantly, I told myself, *"I'm doomed!"*. Do you use your phone inside a moving vehicle? Ever since that we shifted fom monoblock phones to smartphones, I rarely use my phone when I am in a moving vehicle as it really makes me car sick. It was easier to reply using monoblock phones even without looking at the screen do you agree? That is why when he told me to register online, it really made me more nauseous that my mom had already prepared a small plastic for me. I felt like I was drunk during that time that even if the aircondition was on high level and is directly facing towards me, I had a lot of big sweat on my forehead. Good thing I was able to control it because I will feel sorry for my dad's acquaintance if I did puked inside the car even if I do have a plastic. I hated that kind of feeling. I am just glad that when we were at the hospital, my head went back to normal but it was only good for less than 30 minutes. Travel time was 4 times longer than the time we spent at the hospital. Going home, it was still the same but not as intense as when we were going there. I do not want to experience any car sickness in the future. I cannot help but to think if there is something wrong with my brain. Just by thinking about it makes me a little scared. We all know that every day is a gift but I think that today is a different kind of gift because we got our booster shots. Let us not include car sickness in today's gift. LOL. I hope that I get to do new things in the days to come. June 23, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of the sun that I took months ago.`

Yesterday is history Yesterday was errands day. Went to the drugstore for the maintenance medicines of my parents and then went to the supermarket afterwards to pay for our utilities and buy some stocks. As years go by, I can say that our budget for basic necessities have been decreasing. Who am I to complain when I do not have any contribution right? I know that my dad's pension is not enough to cover for everything and with the increase in a lot of basic commodities, all we need to do is to adjust. During the pandemic, we would go to the supermarket twice a month and a Php3,500 grocery supplies was only good for 2 weeks. However, now, we try to fit our Php5,000 worth of groceries for a month. It really breaks my heart to go to the groceries nowadays. It was once a therapeutic feeling for me whenever I go to supermarket but I think it is the opposite now. How come there is an increase in the prices of basic commodities but there is no change with the monthly minimum wage or pension of a person? There was a survey in the news last week of the things that people have been sacrificing because of the increase in the prices of goods and services. Below are the data: 43% Leisure activity or travel 29% Dining out 14% New clothes or things 14% Medical check-up 0% Gadget If you are to sacrifice one thing in the choices above, what would it be? I think can sacrifice all of them except medical check-up. However, if I were to choose one that is very much applicable to me then it would be dining out. I may not be literally dining out but ordering food online is still part of it. Just for this month, I think I have spent Php5,000 on food deliveries. Imagine that it is already equivalent to our monthly grocery budget but this was only good for 4 deliveries. Yikes! I really have to cut down on food deliveries if I do not want to get drowned in a pool of debts. I was surprised that no one would want to sacrifice gadgets. But in reality, I know that majority would sacrifice medical check-up over leisure activity or travel. Take for example my uncle who was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. It took him months before he agreed to have himself checked. He prioritized buying a new car over his health. He is only relying with his pension yet he still decided to buy a new car over his health. He said, *"if I am going to die, then I am going to die"*. He said that prior to buying a car yet he himself knows that he was already feeling weak. Whether young or old, some people are really sacrificing their health. That is why I feel sad for the elderly because they would rather use their money for their basic needs other than prioritizing their health. If only our country would have free hospital care benefits and maintenance medicines for the senior citizens. Having free hospitalization is the top reason why my aunt and uncle do not want to leave Canada even if they really want to stay here in the Philippines. I wouldn't blame them because you get to save a lot especially on maintenance medicines. My parents have been taking their maintenance medicines every other day just so they have some money for other living expenses. Then there are those who would cut their medicines into half just so they can drink it everyday. Different people, different way of skimping. When we got home, I told our helper that we needed to fit the meats that we got for a month. We got a kilo of ground pork, a kilo of pork meat, a kilo of tilapia, a quarter of marinated milkfish, a kilo of chicken wings, half a kilo of chicken liver and the rest were basic neccessities like oil, condiments and toiletries. Then our helper jokingly said that if she were to cook pork adobo, she would only put a few pork meat then she would add a lot of hard boiled eggs just to make it look many. LOL. I told her to divide the kilo of pork meat into 4 so that it will be a quarter of pork per day. Diet? Absolutely! LOL. I guess having a side job is really required now for everyone who has a primary job. Well for a bum like me, I think I really need to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. Clock is ticking. Tick-tock, tick-tock. June 21, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my watch.`

Just an ordinary day Before anything else, I want to greet you (if you are a dad or dad to be), your dad, your grandfather and even single moms a happy father's day. A salute to all of you. How did you celebrate this day? It may be father's day to some people but it feels like it is just an ordinary day for us. I do not know why my brother and his family did not come to visit us today. My mom greeted him this morning and she only got a heart reaction and the same goes for me. However, I got 2 heart reactions as it was my brother and sister-in-law who reacted to my message. Honestly, I was really expecting that my brother would message me this morning and tell me that they willbe coming over but I wonder why I never got a message. Last month during mother's day, it was a given that they celebrated lunch with my sister-in-law's side since her mother is still alive and for dinner they celebrated it with us. But I cannot help but to think why they are not here today. They were not here during our parents' anniversary and now father's day, they are also not around. I guess I expected too much. In my last article, I'm broke, I mentioned that I was tempted to buy food and yesterday, I was not able to control myself. But it was kind of like a pre-father's day celebration without the star of the show. Ain't that weird right? It was because I was really hungry, craving for fast food and a perfrct time to eat as my dad was not here to scold me for eating unhealthy foods. Just like a famous line, *"when the cat is away, the mouse can play".* It has been my favorite line whenever I would order foods when my dad was always out. Even my mom would say that line when we are about to eat. Probably the reason why I cannot control my eating habits as I have my mom to support my unhealthy lifestyle. I was just thinking that it was really a pre-father's day celebration. However, I do regret that I did order too early because if only I knew that my brother and his family will not visit us, I should have ordered food today and I should have ordered my dad's favorite pizza. I ordered from Greenwich yesterday and we had a few leftover and my dad had 2 slices for snack this afternoon. It was thick that is why he only had 2 but if it was thin slices, he would have eaten 6. I feel sorry for giving him leftover pizza when I should have given him a freshly baked pizza. Oh, if only I really knew before hand that my brother will not be here. I doubt that they will go to our relatives in South to celebrate the birthday of my cousin's daughter. I have not asked my brother why they did not visit us today and I am not sure if I ever will ask him that. Do you think my dad is sad as we did not celebrate father's day today? Because I do feel sad that I was not able to treat him today. I expected that my brother will be here and he will be the one to treat our dad. It was my fault that I expected too much. I cannot help but to feel guilty and regret what I did yesterday. I should have controlled my cravings. I should have waited for today whether or not we were to celebrate it with my brother and his family. I guess my dad is feeling like today is not his day and today is also just an ordinary day as the only thing that was different from his everyday routine was that he had pizza for snack because he usually have 2 slices of bread. If only I can turn back time. It seems like I have a lot of "*if onlys*" for today. But what can we do when we cannot turn back the time anymore? Move forward. I will just treat my dad some other day. June 19, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a random photo of the sun.`

I'm broke This morning I went to the bank to make a some transactions. I cannot remember the last time that I went inside a bank, specifically BDO. When I went inside, I saw only a few people that were sitted that I assumed were in queue. So I asked the security guard where the end line was and he was pointing to a touch screen monitor and he said to get my number there. The only bank that I have encountered this before was with BPI since they have been doing that for years now. I entered all the details needed for my transaction and waited for my number to be called. Prior to going to the bank, I have already written on the deposit and withdrawal slips. I still presented those when my number was called. Now, I do not know if having a copy of deposit slips is mandatory. In BPI, I do not write on any deposit slips anymore and I do not know if it is the case with BDO. I asked the teller but she did not answer my question if transaction slips are still needed. With the withdrawal slip, I know it is because I was making a withdrawal for my dad so his signature is really important. I guess deposit slips will be on the depositor's discretion. By the title and introduction itself, you probably know what I am about to share today. Yes, I am broke. I still have a little on my savings account but sooner or later, I know that I will be using that for my credit card debts. It just hurts that the money that I have saved from last year will be used for my never ending debts. I admit that I was too complacent that I will always have a source of income even if it does not reach the minimum monthly salary but it had helped me for the past year and a half. Even if it was difficult for me to save, I still tried my best to do so but I never changed my spending habits when I was almost out of debt. Now, I am broke or about to be broke. I never imagined that I will be using my savings again for my debts. I am certain that it will not be enough and I am starting to get worried and stressed out. I do not know why I am so bad when it comes to saving and excels in spending. Just this afternoon, I was really so tempted to order some food for our snack yet my mind was telling me that I shouldn't since I am already broke. Thankfully, I was able to control my stomach. My mind has been telling me all day that I was broke and now I feel like I am about to get a migraine. I was also staring at my wallet because I have not used my earnings on noise.cash from March until May. I was able to save around $33 for 3 months but  because the market is crashing down, I only have $14. Ouch right? $14 is not even enough to cover for my monthly phone plan. Of course I do not have any choice but to hold it however I do not know how long I will be able to do it. Is there a particular reason why a the crypto market is still down? Is it because that they banned the cryptocurrencies in some countries? I do not know if I have read that right months ago. Now that I am broke, I do not know if I can still help in paying our water bill for this month but most likely it is already impossible. I already had a hard time collecting the required amount from one of my credit card bills a few days ago and now I am also thinking on how to accumulate some more money for my other credit card towards the end of the month. I should have never been too complacent in the first place. "Reward yourself" is a trick. I should not have rewarded myself. Or I guess "too much" is the culprit. I rewarded myself too much to the point of spending lavishly. What comes after I'm broke is regret followed by self-pity. I am still on the regret phase and I am pretty sure that I will be pitying myself again in the coming weeks or months. I cannot help but to compare my life last year to my life this year as I feel like everything were lighter compared to this year. To think that we did place a prosperity bowl in welcoming this year and it was our first time that we did that. Oh, I just really hope that I would not end up getting broke this year and for the years to come. It is so hard to be penniless all the more if you are jobless. June 17, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of our bank books that I took before.`

My kind of syndrome A syndrome as defined in Oxford Languages is a group of symptoms which consistently occur together, or a condition characterized by a set of associated symptoms. Do you have any syndrome of your own? Out of all the companies that I have worked with in the past, there is only 1 company where I stayed longer than a year and a half. Looking back, I think I do have that 1 year and a half syndrome. I remember when one of my college friends was helping me ace an interview and she happened to revise my resume, she noticed about my tenure in a company. If my friend noticed it, employers also did. I can never forget the last company that I have worked with wherein the general manager really pointed out about it. She said that she was having doubts about me because I do not stay long in a company. No matter how good my justification was with why I resigned in my past jobs, her intuition was so great that she was able to see right through me yet she still gave me a chance to prove myself. However, I only stayed at the said company for 6 months because I was already dragging myself to work. I got burned up from the previous company where I stayed the longest that I thought changing my working environment will do good but it became worst. I guess I have to admit that I do have that "*a year and a half syndrome*" wherein I start to get tired about what I do after a year or so. But I really do not know if it is considered a syndrome or a curse. The real reason behind why I suddenly quit my first job after being with them for exactly a yesr and a half was because I was forced to resign by my parents. I did something really unlikely of me that shook them and then they did not allow me to go to work. My mom called the store to tell them that I would not be reporting from work any longer. I was prohibited in making any calls and using the internet during those times. It may sound like a scene from a drama but yes, I was like I was on house arrest. I only got my phone weeks after those shocking events when I promised my parents that I will not be in contact with the people I have worked with. And in less than a month, I got to start a new job in a different company and I only lasted a year because marketing was a little too stressful for me. Then the company after that, I lasted for 13 months. I was enjoying my stay with the company until they transferred me to a branch that was a little too far from home. I can actually endure the 2 hour commute going to and from work, 12 or 13 hours at most of shift and less than 5 hours of sleep. However, what I hated about the company was the management. I know I am part of the management team as well but I cannot stand people who abuses their position. I can never forget the time when I had to work with a 40⁰C fever in a food service environment because no one can relieve me that day because some managers really value their rest day. I do understand that they also want to rest but I find it unjust and inhumane that they made me feel that it was my fault that I got sick. Maybe they can also consider why I got sick in the first place. I had to beg them that I won't be reporting for work the following days as I was still sick. Ordinary fever medicine did not work on me that our next door neighbor who is doctor adviced me to rest for 2-3 days. I got all the rest I needed during those days and was able to watch a few Kor3an dramas. Oh, I can never forget that. I was so happy that I was able to rest without thinking about work. And when I got back, I found out that one of my co-managers was forced to take my shift because I was sick and she also started pointing everything that I do was wrong. I tried to just let it pass despite the hardships that I have been experiencing but she keeps on getting on my nerves. She was also close to the higher management that is why she feels so powerful. She was the reason why I quit but of course I did not tell the company about it. On my 4th company, I cannot help but to feel pressured when I was nearing my 1 year in the company because of my previous jobs. I also felt like I was about to give up but thankfully, I was able to surpass that a year and a half syndrome as I have stayed with them the longest. You probably now that I have been here in this platform for a year and a half now. I know this is not something that can be compared to a day job but I can also feel that I am slowly drifting away from what once started as my outlet for everything. I may say that the earnings play a role on it but even if we are to disregard it, I am running out of stories to tell. I feel like I have already shared everything about my life and the lessons that I have learned as well as my opinions and thoughts to some topics. The same goes with noise.cash. But even before I was really having a hard time to make some quality noisy post because I want my photo to be related to my post. I do not want to attach photos that has nothing to do with what I am going to say. I know photos that we may or may not add photos but it is something that can attract some people to read our posts. Although there are some that only comments about the photo and not really about the posts. I do not want to say that language is a barrier to us anymore because we can easily translate some words nowadays. I do not know if what I am feeling right now is just because of that "*a year and a half syndrome*" but I certainly hope that it is not the case. Because if it is, I feel like I am only good in doing things for less than a year. Anyway, have you also experienced something similar to what I have been experiencing? How do you deal with it? June 15, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my watch that is somehow connected to my kind of syndrome, time.`

I had a dream Several weeks ago, I had a dream wherein I was drafting an article. Even in my dreams I was still thinking about making an article. This also happened to me last year but I do not know if it was a dream. Technically, I was sleeping but my brain was composing all the words that I have to say in my article. I wanted to open my eyes and grab my cellphone so I can draft my introduction but my sleep was more powerful that I couldn't get myself to do so. When I woke up, I cannot remember all the words that I saw or heard when I was asleep. Weird right? In my dream from weeks ago, I know I was drafting an article about all the things that I want to do and things that I have done that is why I wanted to share about it. Yes, there are a lot of things that I want to do but I still find it hard to make myself do it. If you are to enumerate all the things that you want to do, how many do you think you can list down? Or what is that first popped into your mind about something that you want to do whether for yourself or for others? In my dream was that I had our common bathroom renovated and that is why I was drafting an article about it. My aunt who was vacationing here in the Philippines praised me for doing something that I haven't done before. There was a time when my aunt told me many years ago that I should renovate my room most especially my dresser. Since she usually stay in our house for a few weeks whenever she visits the Philippines, it is my room that she sleeps in. She had seen my dresser in its organized and disorganized state that is why she was suggesting me even before to renovate my room. I told her that I did not have money and she said that I should ask my dad for the renivation fee but I didn't. So when I had our common bathroon renovated, she was really happy and that I did a good job. I told her that I also have plans on renovating some other parts of our house and she cannot wait to see when it is all done. Anyway, I cannot remember the last time our bathroom was renovated. From old school marble tiles to ordinary blue and white tiles and from shower curtains, it had been upgraded to sliding door. However, now, we are only using 1 sliding door as we have removed the other door years ago as it sometimes get stuck. We still kept it but I do not know if it can still be fixed. If I have the money, I want to make our bathroom modernized with shades of gray, white and black. It can also be a zen inspired where there are stones, wood and bamboo. Other than our common bathroom, I also do have plans of renovating or repairing everything in our house. I am just planning to do it parts by parts so it wouldn't be too heavy on the pocket. That is something that I want to do "if" I have the money. Even if it was only in my dream, I really do have plans of renovating our house as I saw some of our indoor and outdoor ceilings as well as our kitchen cabinets need some repairing most especially our stock room that until now, there is still a leak no matter how many times it has been fixed by our carpenter. We do not know the reason as to why there is still some leak even if the roof has been changed as well as the gutter. I know I have already shared about our stock room months ago when we were decluttering some of our items that has been stored outside our house. We cannot store them inside the stock room because it only gets wet. Of course if we are talking about renovating a house, we also need to upgrade some furnitures and appliances. I have no idea how much it would cost but it would definitely cost a lot. I am not sure if this is the first time wherein I have dreamed of something that I want or plan to achieve or have achieved. And I do not know if I will be able to make my dream into a reality. I have dreams, I have goals, I have plans, I have wishes and I have the whys but I do not know what is stopping me in achieving those. I had a dream but I do not know if it will only just be a dream. June 13, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a random photo in my Gallery.`

Diary of a bum Has it been a month since I started watching Korean dramas again? I cannot really remember exactly when I started getting so hooked up again that now I cannot seem to control myself. The other night, I slept at 5AM even if I have already felt that my migraine was kicking in around 12AM. Instead of sleeping it off, I watched 5 episodes as the drama was really good. Romantic comedy are my kind of thing. Not only that it makes me hope and long for that "perfect" guy but it also destresses me. Even if I slept late, I still see to it that I get to have my 8 hours of sleep. When I woke up, my migraine was still there at the same side where it hurts. Despite that, I still continued watching the drama until I finished it and here I am already halfway on another drama. LOL. I was able to finish the other drama in less thab 24 hours so I started watching another drama after that. Truly, a life of a bum don't you think? Each passing day, I know that I amgetting more and more stressed out and worried at the same time about a lot of things. However, instead of me trying to think and work on a solution to my problems, I am too busy being a bum. I know it is not something that I should be proud of given that I am already an adult a d that I shoukd be acting like one. But I am having a hard time to know where to start. Or am I just playing dumb about it? I think so. Several days ago, I got to answer a phone call and it was my aunt who was looking for my mom. That time my mom was washing the dishes and so my aunt had a chance to talk to me and ask me about how I am. She asked me if I really had no more intention of working. Honestly, I was not able to give her an answer because my aunt just immediately added, *"Oh, it's ok because your dad is there"*. Yes, I may still be living with my parents but I am the one paying for my own bills. I may not have been helpful with the expenses in our house but at least I have started to contribute again in paying for our water bill since this year started. It may not be that big help in our overall monthly expenses but at least I was able to help right? That question had me thinking everyday about what I really want to do with my life. Then I got to reflect about my past actions. Here I am again with my past. I really am the type of person who likes looking back and I really hate it. I was finally making a progress with regards to my credit card debts but I started making the same mistake that I did years ago. I was confident that I will still be able to pay for my bills just like how I did in the past one and a half years. Now, I am doubting myself. Most of you know that a part of me does not want to work in the restaurant industry anymore. When I resigned years ago, I told myself that I will have a change in my career path even if I have to start at the bottom again. Little did I know that it will be difficult for me given my work experiences and age. As years go by, I did not know what I wanted to do with my life anymore until I decided to start my own chili garlic business. It was doing good at first but because I did not plan everything in detail and being a one-man team, I decided to put it on hold. Then after a couple of years, I tried uploading videos on Youtube but I also put it on hold because of budget constraints. Now, I do not know if I am going to continue with any of the 2 that I have started. It seems like I really do not know what I want to do with my life. Maybe my dad is right when he said that I have no ambition. I do not have any life goals. I forgot what his exact statement was but when he said that to me many years ago, I was not that deeply affected. I do not know what I should do for me to figure out what exactly it is that I want to do with ny life. I cannot believe that I have been a bum for 5 years now and I still have not figure out what it is that I want. Or is it because I am lacking some drive? Ever since I really wanted to have a business of my own but when I have started it, I did not expect that it will be harder compared to working in a company. I was responsible for cooking, making and packing the product. I was also responsible in promoting on Facebook and taking some photos of the item. Everything was challenging. The sad part was that I was not making a huge profit and there were even days or months when I had no sales. My dad did not even supported me when I started my business. My biggest supporter was my brother as he bought a lot of my product for 2 consecutive years followed by my mom and sister-in-law. My friends and relatives also bought from me but it was all seasonal. They bought it to give to their family and friends for Christmas. As of drafting this, I still do not know what I really want to do in my life. But I know that it is only me who can figure it out sooner or later. They say that we should do the things that we love or else we are just wasting our time. There are a lot of things that I love to do and it mostly revolves around food and service (or doing sales talk). Although as of this moment, I really do not have that burning desire yet compared to how I was before when I was planning my business and Youtube channel. I just hope that I will be able to know what I really want to do with my life and that I will be passionate about it. June 11, 2022 `P.S. lead image is random photo of my planner that I took last January.`

Is there a forever? Nowadays we saw how some married couples easily separate. Could it be that their love is not strong enough for them to disregard their promises for each other that they made in front of their family m  friends and most especially in front of God? Even before I was vocal to my friends that I am not up for marriage however, I also want to get married. I want to get married to the one that was destined to be with me and who will love and care for me forever. A part of me wants to get married and a part of me doesn't. Weird right? I bet you are wondering why. I am afraid of the what ifs. These negative what ifs are a hindrance to a person's happiness and success. I am not surrounded by broken families and I am very thankful that my parents as well as my aunts and uncles are still together up to this day. I think majority of the older generations really value their union and the promise that they made for each other even if one commits a mistake. Some parents of the older generations also thought about their children as they do not want them to grow up with a broken family. However, some parents or couples nowadays do not really value the real essence of a marriage. I may not know the reason for why some couples file for divorce only after months or a few years of being married but I feel like it was so easy for them to do it. I do know someone who got married but easily got separated after years of being husband and wife. I think they were in a relationshio for 5 years before they got married and then got separated after 3 years of marriage. I have only gotten the side of 1 person but I feel like the reason was so petty. I do not know if she had confronted her husband but her intuition was telling her that her husband had a child from one of her husband's ex-girlfriends. All the while I thought that the child was around 7 years old or below but I found out that it was already in college. Meaning to say, it happened long ago when she was still not in the picture. Also, her husband is not claiming that the child is his daughter. Why? Because for him, he knows he does not have a child from his ex and second, her ex never mentioned anything about the child. It was only her wife who anticipated that it was his. Her wife only found out about it when they bumped into the child. The story is unclear to me how the child knew about the guy but she called him, "*tito*" or uncle in English and introduced herself. It was when a wife's intuition started to kick in. But she did not leave her husband after that as it was when she saw her husband's Facebook's search history days after they saw the girl. Her husband searched for her ex-girlfriend. Probably her husband wanted to clarify some things or whatever. We do not know why he searched for her but it was because of that search history that she left her husband. I know I am not in her position that is why I can say that the reason was so petty but maybe for her it had a big and deep impact for her not to forgive her husband and go on separate lives. But why leave him right away when you have not yet talked about the issue? Well even if the girl was really her husband's child, what is the issue with that? It happened long ago and her hudband did not even know about the child. It is not as if her husband cheated on her to get someone pregnant. He also did not keep it from her because he also do not if he had a child. Maybe because she cannot give him a child that hurt her feelings when she saw her husband talking to the girl whom she thinks is his daughter. Why do you think it is easy for some people to leave their partners? Have they forgotten about their love and promise for each other? Do married couples think of their children (if they have one) when they decided to separate? When I was a kid, I used to hear my mom talking to her friend advising her not to divorce her husband for the sake of their family. She also said to try to make their marriage work. I do not know who she was talking to but I do hope that they are all doing well. If your partner cheated on you when you are already married, would you forgive them? When I had my renewal of faith before, I heard stories mostly from the married guys and they admitted that they cheated and had some vices that almost cause their marriage to fall off but their wives forgave them and the rest was history. I do not know if I will also be a martyr if my husband will cheat on me during our marriage. I know I have experienced having a slightly one-sided relationship and it really hurts but I still stayed as I was hoping and wishing that someday he will notice how much I loved him but it didn't. Whoever we end up marrying, I just hope that it will be someone who knows how to value and treat us as a person, someone who will love us unconditionally and someone who is God-fearing. We should remember that marriage is sacred so we should think about divorce or separation not just once but a hundred or a million times. Some people are now disregarding it even the amount that they spent for their wedding. Back then, weddings were simple and majority of them are still together. That is why I envy some old married couples who still show their love and affection even in public like going to the cinema together or eating in a restaurant. You can easily see in their body language that they love and care for each other without the need of literally showing their affection to the public. It is through them that I can say that there is forever. I also see forever in some widows that even if their spouses had left them, they would always visit them in every special ocassion no matter how many years they have died. Some even hold a picture of their spouses on their children's wedding or if they are to take a complete family photo. I can see forever in those. You are lucky if you have found your forever but if you haven't yet just like me, I hope that we won't stop until we find ours. June 09, 2022 `P.S. I used the same lead image from my previous article.`