Disconcerting Actuality
December's footsteps sounded loud to her, her eyes wandering to the cobbled road, where moss grew out like pus from the edges. Each stone slightly reflected the lemon lamplight above her, her shadow being a dark blur on them. A thick fog had hung over the street like a suicidal man, and rain freckled the girl's face like blood.
Occasionally, a droplet or two of rain would get in her eyes, blurring her vision, temporarily turning the street into that of an oil painting until she blinked the image away. Nothing seemed to be helping her feel any better, just contributing to her empty mood. She felt ill, sickly, like she couldn't be helped from this disease eating away at her feelings, couldn't get away from these thoughts that followed her, clinging to her and eating away at the rotten apple core she had left of her heart.
Some of the clear liquid hanging from her lashes were raindrops, some were teardrops. She felt a pang in her chest. It felt like a bullet scraping through her glass heart, the shards punchuring her lungs, smashing into her compacted ribs, leaving her pained and breathless. Her hand quickly raised to her mouth to shield others as she coughed and spluttered, feeling like she was drowning.
As her eyes turned to her hand, she saw the crimson liquid sinking into the skin, and a single thorn that she seemed to have coughed out. Her brows knitted together in frustration and a catastrophic depression, eyes softening, her final emotions spewing out in the form of hot, salty tears, streaking down her cheeks. Emotion drained, and blood dissipated from her hand due to the rain, December continued on walking, her footsteps sounding louder this time due to the lack of passengers on the usually full and thriving street.
After a long while, she arrived at a dark building, the old black gloss that once decorated the door falling off and fluttering onto her hands as she pushed it open. Her shoes dragged on the floorboards slightly as she trudged ardously up the stairwell to the top floor, her icy hands pulling a rusted key from her pocket to unlock her door. Once it was unlocked, she walked in, closing it behind her, and kicking off her shoes.
December walked over to her living room and sat down. The white walls had turned grey with rotten patches of yellow, brown or green, and stained with damp patches. Her pull out sofa bed was a dark blue with the same fabric as an itchy christmas jumper, and the only light that showed was the light grey from her static displaying TV, small moths flying around it.
Her eyelids slowly felt heavier, until she could no longer keep them up, and she drifted away into a black abyss.
She woke up in a hazed and drunk state, vision blurred to a dream of colours, and her eyes wandered to her arms, slowly beginning to focus. They were bandaged, and she seemed to be laid in a bed of some sort. The thin sheets were a prestine white, and so was everything else, leaving her disassociated and confused.
Steadily, she sat up, her hand raised to press against her throbbing head in an unsatisfactory attempt to ease the pain. Immediately, gravity weighed her down, making her feel unusually heavy, worsening her headache. A short, crude groaned escaped her sore throat, a nurse finally turning her attention to her.
Said nurse wrapped an arm around her, taking her to the bathroom, later leaving her to sober herself to the conditions her quivering hand reached towards the tap, and she used most of her effort to turn the knob to the right, the cold water spewing out into the sink. Her hand pushed forward when it turned, and so did her torso. Her other arm rested on the rim of the sink, her head laid upon it.
Slowly, her eyes wandered to the clear water running down and out of the faucet. A few 'clunk's could be heard, then the water sputtered. Her eyebrows furrowed, and her eyes narrowed in confusion as it stopped running. A horrid groan could be heard from the tap, and soon, a thick, crimson liquid poured out of it, staining the white porcelain as it touched it.
It took December a while to process what she was seeing, but soon she did, breathing becoming shaky and eyes widening. She forced herself back from the sink, head throbbing, one word racing through her head.
Blood. Blood. Blood
All she could think to do was cover her eyes with her hands, which she did. When she peeked through her fingers, it was water again and. Blurred, but definitely water. Her breathing slowly, reluctantly, calmed, and she slumped down in her seat. She started drifting in and out of consciousness again, and as a nurse walked in, she finally drifted off.
Everything was black, but, slowly, her eyes opened. Everything was hazed and dreamy, all colours mixing ito a blur, soft on her eyes, not letting them focus, but not letting them ache. Her fingers brushed over something soft. A duvet she was in a bed, large and comfy, with just the right warmth. Rain gently tapped against the window, soothing her ears from the usual harsh ringing, and lulling her into a calm state.
At a leisurely pace, she sat up, moving her feet to the side of the bed. She saw two paws push out a pair of soft slippers, and slipped her feet into them before kneeling on the floor and looking at what gave her them. All that laid under the bed was a teddy bear. December pulled it out, brushing off any dust, and placed it on the bed, under the warm duvet.
Stumbling, the girl headed to the door, feeling almost intoxicated, and fell as she opened it, waking up suddenly with an intake of breath.
She was back in the hospital, sat upright in her bed. Her brows furrowed, her mind swarming with questions.
What just happened?
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The summoning
I ran as lightning whizzed past my face I dodged barely missing it, it struck the ground with a zap-sizzle noise I heard another zap-sizzle and stopped running and it blinded me slightly I saw spots flicker across my vision but I began running again avoiding the lightning, one knocked me off my feet.
I quickly rose and ran I was almost there my feet only inches away, I ran up the marble steps nearly slipping a few times my hair was drenched like the rest of my body making it near impossible to see and run up stairs at the same time I could smell that my clothes had been burnt or at least singed due to the toxic smell of burnt linen, I made it into the room and took a seat placing my things down my pencil rolled and I grabbed it quickly placing it down next to my book the edges were fried and the rest was damp but it wasn't too damp I could dry it off and it'd be fine hopefully.
I was far away from Lukas and he waved I sighed and moved my hair from my face, they started the ritual, I was called up and so was Lukas and a few others I didn't care about I was focused on calming my breath since I was exhausted from running, the lights were on me and the others drying my clothing slighly, Lukas gripped my hand and I looked at him he was scared today was the unnual summoning when 5 kids try to summon 'it'
I closed my eyes and let my mind wander suddenly a flash brought me out of my mind I snapped my eyes opened and I could tell my life was about to become even more weird.
I paced back and forth, Lukas was seated on the ground with a green t-shirt on now it was a horrendous colour but I didn't say anything it sparkled everytime I walked back and forth I had a lighter green pair of shirts on that reached my knee's since my other beige ones had been almost incinerated from the trek here. I still had my blue shoes on and Lukas just stared at me while I paced.
I finally sat down the floor was warm and soft I lay back and Lukas hummed and I felt myself sleeping for the first time in forever and it felt good. I woke up groggy and I saw Lukas had placed a new change of clothes next to me and a pillow i could hung since I usually cling to things when I sleep and when I sleep is a totally different thing I was the daughter of a powerful man so I had to watch out and be constantly on alert so sleep was the last thing I thought about.
I sat up and looked for Lukas he was nowhere I groaned and slipped my shirt off and my bra and slipped a sports bra on and the grey shirt with sleeves that reached my elbow it was a tad big and I liked it I have to ask Lukas were he buys his clothes because he has good taste for a male.
I slipped on new underwear and track pants since it was cold and the floor heater had been turned off, I stretched and picked up my ruined clothes and placed them in the bin and walked to the kitchen which wasn't that far away, I walked in and saw Lukas chatting with the other two people "hey" I muttered searching the cabinets for food, but with no luck the cabinets were empty, I groaned and sat next to Lukas "food?" I questioned him he pulled an apple out of his pocket "thanks" I muttered taking it from him.
"Hey, I'm Georgia" the blonde female said holding her hand out.
"Tepin" I replied ignoring the hand gesture.
"That's an unique name" Georgia said smiling, I hated her and it had only been 2 mins,
"It's Nahuatl or Aztec" Lukas butted in before I did anything to the blonde haired female and I probably would have threatened her or something.
"What does it mean?" Georgia asked I growled at her.
"Little one" Lukas muttered and I sighed
"L-little one?" She asked trying to hold in her laughter
"I'm Hannah" the brown hair said "ignore her she's a bully" she said I shrugged and Lukas grabbed my forearm I groaned at his tight grip causing my blood flow to be restricted "Ahem" I said catching Lukas attention and he let go I sighed in relief and moved my arm around I them got up and threw the apple core into the bin and sat back down and Georgia burst out laughing I stood up and walked over to her "DO you have a problem?"I asked her I was only a few inches smaller than her but my fist hurt more than a wall she stopped laughing to reply with harder laughter I sighed and sat back down with Lukas he sighed.
"Were supposed to be bonding not fighting" he said.
"I'm not fighting" Hannah said
"I know that" Lukas said
"She made fun of me" I said exasperated
"Not my fault she's a bitch" Georgia explained.
"Oh my gosh, do you want me to punch you?!" I asked annoyed ai got up and walked over to her and clocked her right in the jaw and she stumbled back hitting her butt on the table and falling on the floor I snarled at her and walked back to Lukas who just sighed.
"All I asked for was a normal day!" He said exasperated
"This is normal" I muttered
***Notes***:
This is a Fictional Story 🥰❤️ I hope you liked It .. Thank you for your time. 😊
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Mentally Contaminated
***"Touch it" he demanded***
I couldn't believe what he had just said. I started to breathe heavily and inconsistently. Every inch of my body began to vibrate with pure terror. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. I swivelled on my heels and reached out to grab the door handle, but I was halted by his grasp. Clutching my wrist he yanked me towards to it, my palm inching nearer and nearer...
Suddenly, I made contact, I was touching the toilet seat. He counted the seconds.
***1... 2... 3... 4...***
I couldn't bare it. I shook free from my therapist's grasp and burst out of my bathroom. Blubbing and shrieking, I stumbled into the kitchen. Another failed therapy session, another week in hell.
Struck with panic, I shakily grabbed at the top, desperately trying to turn it on. The more I panicked, the more I sweated, making my grasp ever more clumsy and useless. Under my breathe I could feel myself panting out "p-please, just turn on please for the love of God please j-just turn on". My heart pounded out of my chest. I could hear the beat circling round my ears. It was driving me crazy. This time I screamed "PLEASE. PLEASE HELP ME"
Finally, I felt water splashing against my plague infested palm. Grinning manically, I clasped the soap and began the ritual. Fingertips and knuckles quickly became saturated with the soapy glory. I watched the dirt-filled liquid spiral down the plug. It felt good to watch it vanish. It felt... amazing. I was once again rid of the dirty feeling that ruled my life. It was like the uncleanliness mocked me. It held me by throat and watched the fear and desperation fill my pupils, never once looking away. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. It took me a while to realize it was me. It looked like me; same straggly hair, same muted white skin and same nose with the consistency of plasticine. But I didn't recognize my eyes. They used to be an electric blue shade, full of life and energy. But looking at them in the reflection they looked...ghostly. Sort of grey and lost.
A therapist had been coming to my home to conduct these obscure exercises for years. I can't remember when this cleaning obsession became such an issue for me. Ever since I could remember, I had always been a bit of a neat freak. Forever bathing, washing my food for hours on end and most importantly- the hand washing. My parents called this "the ritual" I like that name; it had a certain promise that the cleaning would be repeated again. and again. And again. I spent two hours a night dousing my extremities in lathers of soap, scrubbing every nook and cranny. Nothing could hurt me once I switched the taps on. I was safe from everything all the disease and germs and disorder and dirt. When I had the bathroom, I could have order and cleanliness at my demand... and it felt great.
As I got older, I became more and more obsessed. I can't shut doors, turn lights on or open windows without the magic numbers. I can't shut a door just once, it has to be twice. Or six times. Or twenty times. Or one hundred and four times. I can't leave it alone until it feels right-until it feels orderly and neat.
My parents worry about me. They never bring it up at the dinner table when I squirt hand sanitizer all over my cutlery or or when I awake in the early hours of the morning banging my door repeatedly shut until I hit the magic number or even I am stood at the sink exfoliating every grape to remove them to toxins. They never said a word. But I could see their faces. In the corner of my eye, I would catch them staring at me, lips quivering and eyes wide with anxiety. I know I disappoint them.
As I was drying my hands, I could hear the mumble of conversation between my parents and the therapist upstairs. It mainly consisted of exasperated sighs and blubs from my mother. They began making their way down stairs so I dived into the downstairs bathroom. I couldn't face them right them right now; I knew hoe disappointed and hurt they would all look, and I couldn't bare knowing I had caused this pain. I was never meant to hurt anyone else. I decided to wait until the therapist had left; I knew he would want to discuss certain matters with my parents before continuing the session. I looked down at my hands. I could still feel infestation, so I began the ritual for the second time.
After an hour, I turned off the tap. I grabbed a towel and began to scrub my hands until they were bone-dry. I stared at them intently. They looked clean enough, but they still didn't feel right. I could sense the germs from the contact with the toilet spreading through my palm lines, infecting my bloodstream and corroding my flesh. No amount of soap or water could rid the agonising feeling.
Out of options, I flung open the cupboards and rooted through every product; bottles and tubs soaring through the air then plummeting to the ground. The cupboard quickly became empty. I slumped down onto the cold tiles digging my nails deeply into my knees and rocking back and forth agitatedly. Surrounded by the cupboard's contents, I began to silently cry.
I couldn't stop the tears gushing. They stained my cheeks and made my eyes shoot with a stinging sensation. My vision became blurred and useless. I was a disappointing mess.
Suddenly, my sight caught the outline of something. A hazy, neon-yellow blob appeared from under the sink. I swiped away the excess fluid from my eyes and the blob became an item. It was a bottle. Scrambling towards it, I grasped it desperately and scanned it for a label. I had never been more relieved to see a singular word printed onto the plastic container bleach.
Without thinking open the lid, watching the red cap bounce across the tiles and eventually smashing into a corner. I was in disbelief at my luck. I let some of the liquid from the bottle drip onto the floor to check that it was real and not some watered down crap my dad had conducted. A dark and soulless beam striped across my face as I watched the blue fluid contact the glistening white ceramic. It was real. I had found it the product that was going to fix everything! The liquid began to gush from the bottle slapping against my palms... and then I felt it. The burning....
I felt every skin cell peeling and corroding. The bleach leaked into the newly made cracks it had created in my palm and began digging deeper and deeper into my skin... and it fucking hurt. I couldn't stop shaking and screaming. It was glowing and burning and spreading like fire. It wouldn't stop! The pain was excruciating and getting worse and worse and worse.
"What have I done" I managed to croak out before collapsing into the corner staring Misty-eyed at the scarlet claws that had replaced my hands.
All of a sudden the door flung open and my therapist raced in.
"Oh, shit" he spat.
I cried harder trying to hold back the screams. He rushed closer, kneeling next to me breathing heavily, examining my hands helplessly. He shakily tried to feed me soothing words grabbing some toilet roll and rapidly looping it around both hands. I looked in the doorway to see my parents standing over him helpless and scared.
I stopped crying. There was no use in screaming. Everything was hopeless.
My hands will never be properly cleaned again. And it's all my fault.
Hello guys. 🤗 this is ficticious article. I want to thank again my readers and upvoters out there. 😅❤ Thanks for reading, I hope you like it. Muuaaah💋❤
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Debaucher
When asked if they would ever rape someone, most men would say no. Rephrase that question to make it less direct ("would you ever pressure someone into having sex with you?", "Would you immediately stop if they said no?"), and the amount of men who say yes grows alarmingly. Most men say they would-or have already.
This isn't new information. But it's worrying nontheless. In america, one in five women are sexually assaulted at least once in their lifetimes. This issue stems not only from male entitlement to a woman's body that is encouraged throughout a man's life, but also the age-old idea that women are property before they are people, and the idea that abuse equals interest, which is often reinforced in the behaviour of children. This is most typically seen when a parent tells a young girl that "he's only bullying you because he likes you," and with that, successfully convincing a girl that hair-pulling and verbal abuse should be tolerated and possibly even rewarded with physical affection if the abuser is male. This in turn also convinces the boy that this is a correct and effective way to gain attention. Also unsurprising is that this common situation reeks of heteronormativity, because it is assumed that both the little girl and the little boy, who have not yet developed their identity (and certainly not their sexual orientation), are heterosexual.
Back to the topic at hand, we as a society don't fight rape even near as actively as we should. Victim blaming, slutshaming, and plain disinterest from the police, not to mention the media, is still far too present. Our society still encourages the idea that a man is allowed to force himself onto a disinterested woman and have the audacity to ask her to consider it a compliment when what is truly is harassment. If he proceeds to "give chase" (translation: force his (violent) affections on someone), and the woman of interest does not cooperate, she may well be sexually harassed or even murdered as a direct consequence. This is then often considered her fault for not willingly giving this man what he felt entitled to have.
But rape culture doesn't stop there. It's unsolicited 'dick pics' sent to women who never asked for it. It's dress code at schools, making young girls feel it's their responsibility not to distract the boys and teachers, it's publicly blaming the victim because her skirt was too short and she looked appealing. It's promises of violence if she says no, as if the very act of being forced into sexual acts alone isn't violent enough.
Rape culture is news outlets showing a young white man's most flattering photo and naming his brief history with teenage depression. How well he always did in shool, and how oh-so-out-of-character this is for him. Meanwhile the girl has fallen pregnant with his child and is being cast out not just for wearing her favorite shorts and wearing her hair up on a hot day, but for wanting to get an abortion, because she cannot stand the idea of a part of him still being inside her.
Rape culture is the way a young girl's father just told her rape culture doesn't exist in the same breath as he told her to take self defense classes and always carry mace. Perturbed, her mother showed her that day how to clench your keys between your fists so you can use them as a weapon if necessary, never once thinking to tell her older son he should never rape.
As the young girl's father leaned over to give her pepper spray to put on her keychain, he whispered to her, "here, stay safe. Make sure he rapes the other girl."
Sorry for what I wrote, this is just a fiction so please don't be offended. And also thanks to those who always read and upvoting my articles. To my mare's and sis thanks a lot for supporting me and for giving me a useful tips and advices. I love you guys.
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The Rebel
With each step through the soft, sweeping grass, the girl took the time to survey the area. It was a simple set up, there were vibrantly coloured canvas tents and a freshly constructed wooden stage. The top of the hill was crowded with villagers who paid little attention to the small street urchin.
People of all standings were chattering and laughing in anticipation for the main event. The scent of freshly chopped wood wafted towards the child, who carefully made her way to the stands under the canvas tents and through the cavorting crowd.
It didn't take long for the chattering to quiet down as the executioner stepped onto the platform. The executioner clapped his hands for the audience's attention as the condemned was shoved onto the platform by two guards. The crowd started to jeer.
At first glance, the girl didn't see the cursed man's face.
********
At first the urchin didn't see the man's face. After all, the child was only sorting through the leftovers on the side of the road in a tiny village.
The man was riding on a trade wagon, his hood covered most of his face; he didn't seem as if he wanted to be noticed by his surroundings, which was suspicious to the small urchin. But that didn't matter, the girl had stomach grumbles, shivering hands, and skin that clung to her bones: finding and getting food was more important than anything at this point.
The girl stepped away from the little scraps she had wrestled from a street hound, and went across to the moving wagon, hoping that the hooded man didn't notice them sneaking onto the wagon. The girl found chests of undiscovered treasures, and as she opened one she wished what she found was edible; but all she found was sharp, shining weapons.
"Step from the wagon, bastard merchant, those weapons would be better for the rebellion than the kingdom. Hand them over." Spoke a man from the front of the wagon. The ringing sound of a sword being drawn from it's sheath was the only thing she heard.
***********
"Most respected citizens," called the executioner, his arms waving dramatically as he paced across the stage. "We are gathered here today, to witness the hanging of one Harold of Arlington, who is guilty of petty treason, highway robbery, and the murder of the son of a highly respected merchant."
The girl heard several gasps from the crowd before the shouting started. Several of the people in the front stands were calling out macabre suggestions on how this man should die. The executioner was supporting and disapproving of several ideas provided by the crowd. She was horrified as they looked around from their spot in the stands, thinking that they were the only one who saw the injustice about to occur.
**********
"Rebel scum like you don't deserve such fine weaponry." The man in the hood had said, as the child hid in the back compartment of the wagon. Looking through a gap in the cloth covering the wagon, the girl saw the other man, the rebel, chuckle lightly before swinging his sword; missing the hooded man's neck by mere inches, causing the man on the wagon to jerk back, frightening the horses from the yanking of the bridles.
The girl cowered in the back of the cart, as the sound of struggles and the gurgles of a dying man were drowned out by the shrieking of horses.
It didn't take long for her to notice that the wagon was then moving at a frightening pace, shaking from side to side as it jostled from the frantic movement of the horses. The girl screamed.
*********
The executioner took a step back as the condemned rebel was brought forward to the noose that was tied prior to the rebel's appearance on stage. His face was grim, and his clothes were bloodied and tattered, but he stood straight and met everyone's gaze.
The rebel opened his mouth and spoke strongly to crowd.
"I don't ask for your forgiveness, I can only be forgiven by god himself."
"She recognized the man's voice; everything had happened so quickly that the urchin hadn't been able to thank the man or even see the man's face. The girl looked at this man, trying to memorize his face as the executioner tied the noose around his neck.
**********
She found it hard breathe as she was being crushed by chests of heavy weaponry. The horses were running, the girl didn't know where, but there was no sign that they were going to stop.
She heard the sound of feet hitting the wooden boards of the wagon and then cursing. She felt the pressure of the chests being lifted from her and knew that someone was on the wagon with them.
"Child, grab my arm. I won't be able to save this cargo, but I can save us," the rebel said quickly, "well, not us. Just you."
The rebel cut through the canvas covering the wagon and held the girl close to him as they jumped off the moving wagon. Rolling through the dust. She looked up from the body of the rebel and saw the boots of several guards approaching in the distance.
Jumping up, the girl left her hero behind.
**********
"This is for your crimes against the kingdom" The executioner shouted as he pulled the leaver opening the hatch underneath the condemned.
The audience held their collective breaths and the child had tears running down their face as the sounds of struggling eventually quietened down.
It is a Fictional Story 😊
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Momentary questioning
Every one invents a life to escape the truth because the truth is only misfortune, but the lie is a narcissistic truth which avenges itself of the death to join the fact that nobody is perfect. But it is necessary to be satisfied with what we have because it's the key to happiness.
Nothing. This is the sound of the world passing, a time lapse of evolution, a gate way to a spray painted brick wall in the middle of a field. These are the sounds of life forgotten.
That doesn't look comfortable but a lot of times feeling anything is better than not feeling at all, there's a difference between letting go, and pretending you've forgotten. Sometimes I don't feel like I exist, sometimes I feel like I took the wrong path, sometimes I feel like I've live 1,000 times before, am I really there? Am I really here? What Am I? I relate to the air molecules surrounding me more than I do to the humans I share a shape with. I want to fly freely through this world, there's so much I'd love to see. There's so much we don't know. Everytime I wake up though, I'm stuck with the same questions and the same feelings. What am I? What do I do? Why can't I move from this place? Far away from all my problems and fears. The voices haunts me as it all tells me that I am doing wrong. When in all honesty, they are wrong. Stepping on egg shells just to get through the day. I feel nothing anymore. Or when I do feel, it's way too much. The pain turns physical in my chest. The doctors don't help. Neither does society. The fear of failure is the only reason you read this. I would have been gone a long time ago if not. I feel like I can't breath. I feel like everything I do fails. I am not as smart, talented, or prepared as I say that I am. I lie. A lot. I say that I am happy. I say that I am intelligent. I say that things are ok. But in all honesty, I am none of these things. Nothing is right. I can't do anything to make this better. I need someone to save me. I need something to hit me oh so hard. I need it to throw life back into my chest. The silence rushes over me like a river. Regret oozing from every drop. I can't hear a thing over a the rushing water. I close my eyes to avoid the pain of eye contact. All of my senses are dampened, as I drown. Currently, all my dreams mean nothing and they'll never be anything more than dreams.
You could stand in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by infinite nothingness, and still feel more empty than what lies, or doesn't lie there. We used to be so happy, see, and that makes me wonder if maybe I used up all my happiness when I was young.
Miss being a little kid. When nothing really mattered coming home to see your parents and the happy look on their face. Time have changed and now I don't really know what is going on with life.
And I'm still wondering, why it's so relaxing to be with yourself? I accept life, I accept emptiness, I accept my future. But that doesn't make it hurt any less?
What is the purpose of life? -it's to reach happiness
I understand how it feels to be unhappy with yourself; wanting to be anyone but you, and admiring so many others that have what you want. I'm not trying to put you down for lusting for someone or something, as you're only human - improvement is something that is always strived for yet, you shouldn't put yourself down because of what you are -instead, improve on yourself, and realize what you're good at. I also know that loving someone may fill that hole inside of you; they have qualities that you desire, and so you hold them in higher esteem than yourself. If there's one thing I know about loving others and loving yourself, it's this: work on both, more so yourself, and everything will come together, in one way another. Until that time comes of completeness.
The vastness of loneliness can only be lifted by the hand of another who carries the same.
Thank You for those who read my articles. ❤️😊 By the way, this is the second and last part of emptiness 😊.I hope you like it this kind of article.
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Emptiness
***First thought***
Sailing thru the unknown, steering past the peer. Nothing's there. I found a place to relapse, a noise in my mind. I placed my hand on the sand, and never looked back. I am landing on your breath; it's starting to pick away at me but I don't want what your eyes hold. Falling one-by-one she's all that I bleed so that I am landing on my own.
I really miss being a regular person. I mean, I barely even remember what it felt like, but I feel like it was good. I just want to be normal. Why can't I just be a regular person? Why do I always have to disassociate from everything? I'm literally mindless at this point, I can't remember the last time I actually had my own points to add to a conversation. I go to school, I go home, I go to bed, and there's just nothing. And on the off chance that I do respond to things, I absolutely lash out and just ruin everything for no reason. Why do I live? Why do I ask myself? Why must I get so obsessed with one person that I carve their name onto my body? Why can't I just be a normal teenager?. There are literally no pictures of me after july of last year, and it sucks. I just want to be normal. I want to like myself enough that I can take a photo, and I want to be able to relate to my friends and not just mindlessly go along with whatever they're saying. I want to wake up and feel anything other than complete and utter emptiness. I'm absolute poison, I destroy everything good in this world. I'm self-sabotaging, destructive, obsessive and I just don't care. I deserve to just die I guess, I have poison on me and it's not gonna be better.
I don't know what happiness is.
Life can't prove anything anyway, it's our dreams. We are seeing through the illusion of independent self-nature, is it the absence of essence? What is the reality of things by all means.?
My feeling of desolation hit me once a sec, scarcity of my isolation give me answers; then all society mechanism's controls arise in one view. Horrifying and grisly truth. To feel nothing hurts, it's changing you, it tooks everything, and leaves bullet hole in your heart. I could not describe the worst feeling but a know that its inside me, inside each one but its not revealed yet, it could be the smallest thing that push you over the edge, what do you do when there is nothing but pain left inside you? And what if everything we were looking for only existed in our dreams.? How can I explain something I don't even understand myself? I don't have any emotion, any feeling, any joy. I'm cold I suppose, I feel so empty and I'm not happy, cause happiness comes with wisdom. I'm nothing. I don't feel anything like I'm already dead. I am unable to describe what is the matter with, anxiety or hallowness, I don't really know. Illusion of my lucid dreams otherwise, it's better to look at the sky than live there. Such an empty place; so vague. Just a country where the thunder goes and things disappear. I'm not interesting, it's just my cavity talking shit when I'm alone.
**Final Pansy**
Life is meaningless. I do not want to die, but I do not want to live either. I want to close my eyes, and let the emptiness take me, somewhere distant and away from it all.
I fathom into the chasm of my absence, reasoning my debt toward my filthiness; ignoring my cogent illness who's hazing this bivalence.
***The feeling?***
It's a soul sickness, an insatiable feeling of self-loathing and incompleteness. The feeling of longing to fade into nothingness, wishing to seize existing but rarely grasping on for the sake of those who love you.
Lying on the bed of being, to dream of being elsewhere. I look through the window but I see only black, it is my relief, it makes me think about life to death, I do not sleep more, eat no more, do not walk by reflection, but in truth I have not much to lose, everyone lies without complex, for fear of not being up, but I do not lie cause I'm dizzy. Always alone we become almost crazy and we see this slayer like jesus coming out of the bowels of hell, only with my cigarette the atmosphere changes thru time. But what time? Then there is this bullet in the belly, alone nothing gives more envy, patience flees drop by drop and the vase is well filled. We are magicians without doves, let out of our hat a knife and stab every time. There is a list of people we want to make disappear, the weight of differences that put us aside, deep inside us it's hard to tell us, we know how it will end. This effect! It hides behind the smoke, hideous remorse, dark thoughts, I do not fear death I have no heart, we are enough dupe to smoke, in any case we die. The misery does not justify the end, --I have several dreams but no goal-- that's what makes me always in the same place. My mind remains locked up, in a cage full of dirt, I only expect misery, and I only count my hours, my gazed fixed on this clock, makes me an artist stuck in his box.
It's scary to be ready to die at such a young age.
We wait for death without fear, why finish it early?
Success is often marginal, things could be hard for you, just keep pushing on, got some memories that you look upon, so as you never forget, to live your life with a mind set.
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My Previous Article:
**My last 1000 words** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-last-1000-words-b45b4a4c
**We believe in each other** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/we-believe-in-each-other-6984254c
**A date to remember** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/a-date-to-remember-c65215d7
**The ring** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-ring-ca696b17
**Being a good mother** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/being-a-good-mother-1cdb1ff4
Training day and Break time
Master made training harder. I had to take a two-hour-long shower!!! At the end of training, Chelsie and I fell asleep, but after the showers, of course. Above all the, Sensei said that the next day it would be harder!!! Chelsie started crying and begging for breaks in a while, so Master decided to have breaks every two days.
We decided to just relax during breaks. We started care less about our outward appearance. After all, we would be sweating a gallon per hour.
Funny thing is that Master wanter our dinner again! Master's wife must be really bad at cooking. So we packed food for Master and his wife: Mashed potatoes, baked green casserole, and some bread. It reminded me of thanksgiving.
After dinner, Chelsie and I watched TV, went on a loptop, and slept more. I started to wonder how my family was. When I started talking to Chelsie about it, she started crying. UGH! Chelsie is sensitive and all, but she can be such a cry-baby! I had to encourage her all over again.
Chelsie and I were so bored that we started teaching our pets tricks. Surprisingly, we taught them maby tricks! After a while of teaching, we forgot to name our pets. I decided to name my dog Caramel because his fur was the same shade as the food caramel. Chelsie named her cat Tiger because she looks like a Tiger.
We ran out of ideas for our break, so we decided to toughen up each other. (Actually for Chelsie) Chelsie finally figured how not to cry or whine everytime she got hit. I, on the other hand, just got even bored because Chelsie was so weak. So I just took a shower and slept.
Training Week 3
I was now used to training at this point and so was Chelsie. Even though it was easy. J started to get bored and miss Earth ever so much. I wished that I could see my family and Daniel. I was crying myself to sleep sometimes when I slept, but I never showed it. I had to be tough for Chelsie. After all' I'm older than her. I started to ask Sensei when we would stop training and meet Jordan and Gracie. "Patience, Lily. Soon from now. "When I heard this, I was so excited. But, obviously, Chelsie was more nervous. I had to encourage her and tell her how much she improved. It usually did the trick.
Sensei started to become much more strict. I guess we got used to the whip and the strictness. (I know. That's not a real word.) but he did whip me once because I was late for training. Other than that everything we got used to.
At week 1, I wasn't used to the pain of my body. I couldn't feel my body. My whole-self felt numb. My legs felt like Jello. My hands and feet were covered with blisters. My arms felt like noodles! Training was torture at first. After that week, I got used to training.
I told Sensei that I missed my family so much. He told me why not come to his house after training and talk to his wife. I was worried that about Chelsie, but I knew I had a huge burden on my shoulders. So I told Chelsie. Surprisingly, she didn't cry. She was so thoughtful and said we could go to Sensei's house.
This was the first time in forever (well, for girls), we put on make up for this meeting. I guess I can tell in that. Anyway, we took a shower, did our hair, did our nails, and put on make-up. While I was doing Chelsie's make-up, Chelsie was so excited. "Omigosh! I haven't put on make-up in such a long time." "Chels, I haven't put on make-up as long as you." I said annoyed. "Oh, right." Chelsie can be so dumb sometimes.
When Sensei came to pick us up, he asked why we were dressed. "Because we're meeting your wife," explained Chelsie. Sensei laughed. "What's so funny, Sensei?" Asked Chelsie confused. "Oh, Chelsie. She's not the only one home." "Really? Who??" Said Chelsie curious. I was curious too, but I didn't want to ask. "You'll find out when we arrive at my house." Chelsie pouted. Sensei and I laughed.
DING-DONG!!! Sensei rang the door bell. Sensei's wife answered the door. "Hello there. You too must be my husband's student." She said in a sweet voice. "Yes, ma'am." We replied. "Please, Call me. Rachel."
When we enter the kitchen, there we saw the other 'person at home' "Jay?!" I screamed. "Oh. Hey, Lily. I'm just visiting my dad" said Jay. I took a deep breath. "Hey," I said flatly. "Oh, by the way, Daniel and your family said Hi. I'm the only one who knew where you two were," said Jay. "Ignored him." So, are we gonna eat or what?" Asked Chelsie. We started eating which was good.
After dinner, I told Rachel about my depression. Chelsie joined me and said she had burdens, too. She first said that she was proud of us for telling someone. She told us to look on the bright side and try to stay positive. A couple days later, I was happy(being in Jewelia) as well as Chelsie.
***Notes*** :
This is just a sequel to my written Fiction story. Sorry to those confused with my article. I decided to change again for more interest.
Thank you so much for always upvoting my article. God bless 🥰❤️
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My Previous Article:
**Questions and no answers** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/questions-and-no-answers-6a5d5c38
**The new world** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-new-world-f7bc1809
**Boring me** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/boring-me-8f2f4853
**My last 1000 words** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-last-1000-words-b45b4a4c
**We believe in each other** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/we-believe-in-each-other-6984254c
Questions and no Answers
While I was gone, my brothers were on the playground mulch, not hurt. They turned around and started looking for Chelsie and me. John, the oldest twin, spoke up. "We better call mom to get us and tell her what we think has happened." "Com'on. We're nine years old. We can walk home." "No, We don't know where Chelsie and Lily went." "Fine," Johnny grumbled. So John whipped out his phone and called mom. "Mom, it's me, John." "John, is something wrong?" Askes mom eagerly. "Yes, something is wrong." "What?" Mom interrupted. "Chelsie and Lily suddenly disappeared. We tried to call them, and find them, but we can't. We'll tell the details later. Just please pick us up." Said John. "On my way" said Mom. Then, they hung up.
After my mom and my brothers arrived to our house, they had dinner. Dinner was pizza for them. While they were having dinner, they were thinking what just happened at the park. "Mom, we were just playing at the park's playground... "started Johnny." But all of a sudden, a huge gust of wind went by. Because of the wind, Johnny and I started to fall. Said John. "So Chelsie and Lily leaped to catch us. But when we opened our eyes, we both were on the ground, and Lily and Chelsie were gone." Finished Johnny. "Oh, where could Lily be? I hope this is a joke. And there's school. My mother groaned. "And there's Chelsie mom. What are we going to do?" Asked mom. Then, my dad arrived home from work. "Is something wrong? I can tell by your voice, honey." "Boys, please go to your rooms, now." "OK mom" said the twins exactly at the same time.
When the boys reached their room, they were still thinking what could have happened. "What do you think?" asked John. "I don't know. What do you think?"Johnny asked back. "I guess someone could have kidnapped them, but not likely. We would have seen the kidnappers too." True. Then do you have a "likely" idea?" "No. Ugh, I'm so worried. Where would they be??" "Don't ask me. I younger than you remember?" "Of course, I remember. You're my brother."John gave Johnny a noogie. "Let's just pretend this was a dream." Said John "OK, I'll try."
After that conversation, The boys went back to their normal lives. Stuff like homework, practicing instruments, playing video games, watching TV, and reading. But next morning, they knew it wasn't a dream.
Even though it was saturday, they woke up early because of my mom crying with Chelsie's mother. Right away, they knew the 'dream' was real. John felt horrible because at a time like this, he and Johnny couldn't pretend or imagine. Of course, they wished they could, but obviously, they just couldn't. The situation was too serious. "Mom, it'll be ok, all right?" Said John in a soothing voice. "I know. *sniff* I want to forget about this, but if I forget about it Lily and Chelsie might think we don't care. Being wife and a mom is complicating enough. But then without your older sister on top of all of it, I... *sniff, sniff* don't know. I just don't know." Mom started sobbing again. "Mom, it's hard for all of us because we'er Lily's family, too. But I promise you: Johnny and I will find Lily and Chelsie." Said John with a little too much confidence. "Oh, my John is so brave. I love you," said Mom. "I love you, too."
New News for Everyone
After my mom stopped crying, my mom, Chelsie's mom, and the twins ate breakfast. After they ate, the boys followed everywhere my mom went because I wasn't there and the boys were too young to stay home by themselves. (Duh!) My mom went clothes shopping, make-up shopping, home-goods shopping, christmas shopping, to the bank, and lastly the post office.
Then, after shopping, Mom told John and Johnny to make posters for 'lost' me, so they could hammer them into billboards and give them to people. The poster read: "Lost sixteen year old girl, Lily Confri. Height: 66 inches. A fine body. Dirty-blonde hair and hazelnut eyes. (And so on.) Award: $300!! Please help and find."
After they handed out all the posters, except one, and hammered them, they gave the last copy to the police. The police said they would keep their eyes peeled or Chelsie and me. It encouraged the boys, but not my mom. She wouldn't let it go. I'm her first born and everyone thought I was lost. Also, Chelsie is an only child!
On their way home, they had Burger King for lunch. Then, Mom decided to just relax and to try to calm down. "Mom, it's going to be OK," said John. "Are you OK, Mom?" Asked Johnny "No, I'm not Ok. I miss your sister so much and I don't know where she is. I feel so awful because I'm acting like a little child. "Mom started crying all over again." Mom, you're not God and we don't have answers, either. It's OK,Mom. I swear," said John. "Mom, can we have dinner, now and then have a family time when Daddy comes? What a movie, perhaps??" Asked Johnny. His stomach gurgled. "Honey, I don't want to have a family time without your sister," said Mom, sadly. "Please?" My brother showed
his puppy face. Mom laughed "that face always gets me because I can never say know to that. All right, what do you want for dinner?" They both wanted spaghetti and garlic bread. so they had dinner and waited for dad.
When the news were new for everyone, that meant Jay and Daniel, too. Daniel reaction to that was freaking out. Not emotional like mom, but freaking out. "Mom, Dad, Lily is missing!" "I wonder what happened," said Daniel's mom, worried. "Poor Lily. All alone and maybe hungry and cold and... "He carried on." I sure the police will find her soon," said Daniel's dad. "yeah, you're probably right."
Jay's reaction was being worried. Since Jay's Dad was Sensei, he knew all his dad's history and about Jewelia. The only thing he thought of was just two word: 'Oh, no.'
***Author's Notes***:
Also haven't been able to publish for 2 days because I thought of this article haha I had a hard time so it took a while 😊. How are you all? Happy First day of the month of august. Another goal we need to achieve.
Thank you for continuing to apg follow my fictional stories. I hope you always like it 🥰❤️ ..
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My Previous Article:
**The new world** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-new-world-f7bc1809
**Boring me** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/boring-me-8f2f4853
**My last 1000 words** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-last-1000-words-b45b4a4c
**We believe in each other** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/we-believe-in-each-other-6984254c
**A date to remember** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/a-date-to-remember-c65215d7
Training and our Master
When Golden landed on the ground, he turned to a handsome man. "I believe you know my son, Jay. The one who tries to steal your homework; am I right, Lily?" I was too astonished to answer back right away. "Y-y-y-uh-yes, sir," I stammered. "Please, call me 'master' or 'sensei' for I am now your master, "said Golden/Master. "Chels, I don't think we can call him 'Golden' anymore, "I whispered to Chelsie. "Yeah, Li.. "Chelsie started. But Sensei interrupted. "No more whispering. Let's get started. "I knew Chelsie was nervous, but then, out of no where, a whip appeared and went into Sensei's hand. This time, Chelsie wasn't the only one who was afraid." Just do your best and don't mess up," I mouthed to Chelsie.
Training was easier than I thought. And I think the whip was just a threat to take this seriously.
This was easier than volleyball practice at middle school!!! All we did was run, do push-ups, and pull-ups. But when ever we should slow down, Master would whip the air and get our attention. Though, he never whipped us, so that was good.
After the running, push-ups, and the pull-ups, Master made us practice/fight each other. At this, I hesitated because I've known Chelsie for almost all my life. So I knew she was very very very sensitive. I didn't want to hurt her on accident. I think Sensei could see the expression on my face because he said, "Lily, don't worry about chelsie because my world is magical, unlike earth. Since, we're on the happy side, when one of you get hurt, you'll heal up right away." Even though I said okay, in my head, I was wondering if I should trust him. After all, I just met him at that time.
So I sucked all my worries up and got ready! "GO!!!" Shouted Sensei. I mouthed to Chelsie, "I'll go easy on you anyway." But Sensei caught me. "You should never ever go easy on you opponent." I glared at him. "Sorry", I whispered to Chelsie. "Never apologize to your opponent." Now, I was really mad, but I couldn't have hit him in the face or something. That would have been disrespectful. Anyway, I started to run for Chelsie and gave her a medium-powered punch. Then, a purple spot formed on her arm. Chelsie started crying, but the bruise was disappeared just like Sensei said it would.
"I think this enough for today," I said in a firm voice. "Oh.... all right," said Master in a irritated voice. "Unless you give me a dinner. My wife cooking stinks." "Deal" I said, satisfied. "Oooo, while we eat, will you tell us how you and your wife met?" Asked Chelsie. (Chelsie love romance) Sensei looked uncomfortable. "Fine," he said with a sigh.
Sensei's Story
Dinner with Sensei was awkward, but interesting, too. We had a 'meh' dinner because it turns out, Sensei loved Mcdonalds, too. I knew how to make patties and French fries, so I started cooking. While I was cooking, Sensei started his story.
"Will it be OK if I tell my whole life?" "Sure", replied Chelsie. "Alright. I was born in Honolulu, Hawaii. I am half-blooded because my father came to this world accidentally just like you two." "Since we're an accident, can Lily and I go back to Earth? As in right now?"asked Chelsie eagerly. "I am truly sorry because Lily said you two will do the task." Explained Sensei. Chelsie glared at me. "Oh," said Chelsie flatly.
"Anyway, my father was on a mission, but fell in love with the evil queen's younger sister, my mom. My mom became my dad's partner, and after their mission, they got married. When my grandmother, who was Queen of Jewelia At that time, figured this marriage out, she was furious. She wanted my parent's heads on a silver platter. Frightened, my parents escaped to Hawaii, and they decided to become like regular parents in the United States.
That's when my parents made a family. I have a twin sister. She was always better than me in everything. But, one thing that I love about my sister is that she always stood up for me. I remember once in middle school, bullies were picking on me in a hallway. My sister was going somewhere, but saw me surrounded. She came to me and scared the bullies away. Not only that, my sister is older than me by two minutes. My sister was never afraid of anything.
Elementary and middle school was really difficult for me. But around highschool, my grades changed. My sister and my mom helped me and I succeeded.
Because of my grades, I went to a good college. After my freshmen year of college at summer, my dad took me to Jewelia. He explained how my sister and I were different. I was shocked, but after school started again, I forgot about it.
Since my campus was huge, I met my wife in my senior year of college. She was my first girlfriend ever.
Since I'm older than her by two years, I had to wait for her for two years, because of that I went to visit my sister. Then, we decided to visit our parents together, who were still in Hawaii. When we visited our parents, we spent a couple of months relaxing. After relaxing, we went to Jewelia for a year.
At the ages 26 and 24, my wife and I got married. For a year and a half, we just did our jobs and had fun. After the year and a half, we had Jay. My wife decided to quit her job until Jay entered kindergarten. My wife worked 8:30 A.M. to 2:30 P.M. then, we would pick up Jay and stay home. I would have arrived around 6:00 P.M. Now, I'm the owner of a store, so I come to Jewelia once in two months.
This was my life so far.
"Since your done, who's hungry?" I asked.
Haha So if you're hungry, eat first 😅. Thank you so much for reading my fictional stories. Hope you enjoy 🥰
To all who diligently commented on my article thank you and God bless 😘❤️
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The New World
One day during winter break, Chelsie was over at my house on the weekend. My mom told us to babysit my brothers while she was gone. At first, we didn't want to, but we knew we wouldn't win an argument. So, we decided to take the twins to a park. We went to the playground, and Chelsie and I sat on some benches. One boy was on the swings and the other was on the monkey-bars. Suddenly, a huge gust of wind swooshed by. Both of the twin brothers started to fall at the same moment. Chelsie and I ran to catch the brothers. Then, we jumped and skid our knees and elbows on the malch.
When we opened our eyes, the boys and the park had vanished. After that, a griffin dived down and spoke. "Please help me and my world. If you want to go back home, you must finish this task: You must find the Gem Empire. The queen is evil, but her daughter, Gracie, and her son, Jordan, will help you. They'll help find the Ruby of Peace. After you get the ruby, give it to me right her on the spot. After you give me the Ruby of Peace, I will mix a potion and pour it on the treasure.
It will kill the evil queen and then, my world will rule by itself. Please help me. If you do, you will be greatly awarded." "Should we?" Asked Chels. "Of course. We'll do it." I said. But the griffin warned us, "it is not as easy as said. It's very a dangerous mission. The queen will give you special powers that will match with your personalities." Chelsie look frightened, but I, on the other hand, was excited for this errand. Ever since I was little, I would pretend to be a dragon and a knight, and Chelsie would be the princess. I was tough, but Chels was the opposite. "We'll start training tomorrow." Then, the griffin gave us each a magic wand to form any supply, unlimited. We started brainstorming things we wanted, and when we looked up to thank the griffin, the griffin was gone.
We decided to name the griffin 'Golden' because the griffin had bright golden feathers. The griffin was big as bald eagle. It's eyes were the color of sand and shined because of the sunlight. It's beak and claws were sharp, tan and shiny. It was a beautiful beast.
After a long time of brainstorming, we made our house. It was an one-floored-house because it was just the two of us. It had two bedrooms, two bathrooms, one sunroom, one living room, a kitchen, and we even made a training room.
Our bedroooms were just like our own bedrooms on a tiny bit bigger. The usual: a bed, a desk, a small book shelf, a dresser and lastly, a small window. Our bedrooms were connected to our bathrooms. The usual: a bathtub, a sink, a mirror and a toilet. Our family room connected to our kitchen. The family room had a TV, a couch, a fireplace, a table, and a piano. The kitchen had stuff to cook food and, of course food.
That was our house, but the environment was way different. Our house was right in the middle of a colossal meadow. On one half, it was filled with bright colors because of the flowers. There were so many kinds of flowers. We even took some for our house to decorate. On the same flowery half, it was also filled with all sorts of creatures, trees and edible plants. All the animals could talk like Golden! The trees became our source of fruit and vegetables. Every time when Chelsie or I killed an animal, that same exact animal would just pop up! It was amazing!!! On that half, everything was happy, and the sun was always up, but on the other half, it was the opposite. The moon was always up and the pack of wolves would be howling. It was so dark and scary. It was also always raining, too. There was only one thing good about the gloomy side: We collected the rain water and drank out of it. That's why we never knew what time it was. That's why we made our house on the happy side.
At the first hours, Chelsie was crying and saying that she missed her family. I was the one how told her that we would see our families if we did the task. Finally, she stopped crying. We, then, started doing child-ish stuff. We picked flowers, tried to name them, pick fruit and vegetables, play and talk with the animals, read books, and surprisingly there was WI-FI, watched TV. And slept whenever we wanted to because their was no such thing as night in the happy half. Also, while we were talking to the animals, we took in a dog for me and a cat for Chelsie. In a long time, Golden came back to train us.
This Article is a continuation of the article I wrote yesterday, the title is Boring Me. This is part 2.
Thank You to all my friends for always upvoting and reading and for always commenting on my article 🥰❤️
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My Previous Article:
**Boring me** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/boring-me-8f2f4853
**My last 1000 words** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-last-1000-words-b45b4a4c
**We believe in each other** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/we-believe-in-each-other-6984254c
**A date to remember** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/a-date-to-remember-c65215d7
**The ring** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-ring-ca696b17
**Being a good mother** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/being-a-good-mother-1cdb1ff4
Boring Me
I couldn't believe he just stole my homework... for the fifth time(well tried to)! This was one of the things that I hated about being a nerd and being popular because of your sporty boyfriend. Anyway, I was running in the hallway to catch that thief, but then... WHAM!!! I accidentally run into my principal, Mr. Butthurst (no-not Mr. ButtHurts.) Since I'm the smartest kid in the whole school, and he's my uncle, he didn't give me detention. Just gave me a warning and a wink. Then, I was running again. I finally caught up with Jay, 'the jerk'. Quickly, I took my homework, took Jay to the office, and sprinted to my homeroom.
"Again?" guessed my BFF, Chelsie. "Y-y-yup." I tried to catch my breath. "Maybe, you should tell Mr. Butthurst, Lily." Chelsie giggled. (P.S.: everyone chuckles or giggles when they say my uncle's name.) "Yeah, maybe I should." My voice dropped into sarcasm because evwrytime when Jay was in the office, my uncle wasn't. RING--------! Ugh, I hated that bell.
Off we went to first period, study hall. Our study hall teacher is really nice, so Chelsie and I started passing notes. The notes usually went like this:
Me: So, still looking for a boyfriend? (BTW, Chelsie have been single all her life and we're juniors in highschool, now!) BFF: Yeah... but everyone is taken.
Me: Oh,... Are you ready for exams?
BFF: Heck, no!!!
Me: I'll help after school.
Stuff like that was in our notes -passing process. RING------!
Chelsie looks similar as well as our interests. We both have hazelnut brown eyes, smooth dirty blond hair, and a fine body (as not fat or skinny). You're probably thinking that I have glasses and Chels doesn't just because I'm a nerd. WRONG!!! Actually, we both wear contacts. Also, my boyfriend looks like me, too.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. We met at Mcdonalds with our own families.
We fell inlove so quickly. We started dating in middle school and ages 12 and 13. (Now, you know how old Daniel, my boyfriend, is and now Daniel is going to kill me.
***Second period was history.***
FYI: our history teacher was the same teacher as my study hall teacher. Nothing much on that period because I was stuck with boring seniors. And I was stuck with Jay! but, I got to note-pass with Daniel.
Daniel: Want to go on a date tonight?
Me: Sorry. I have to help Chelsie for exams. Maybe tomorrow.
Daniel: O...K. Hey, why don't I study with you guys, too? And get Mcdonalds or something? I'll pay for the meal.
Me: Okie dokie! Stuff like tha....
***RING***----!
After history was health. I hated health because it's disgusting. If you don't know what I mean, well, think of a synonym for the word gender. Yeah, that word. Yeah, we'er in high school, but I think it's still gross. Ok, let's just skip to forth period.
Yes, done with health. Next up was algebra 2. I'm in algebra 2 because all my friends are there and the teacher asked me to be an assistant. So, math wasn't a grade for me. Free pass!
***Now, the messiest and loudest period of the day:*** lunch time. I usually helped my friends for their grades. sometimes, I would just talk to Chelsie and Daniel. "Hey, Chels. Is it OK if Daniel studys with us at mcdonalds or something?" "Sure, Lily. Why not?" Chelsie questioned back. "I heard my name," said a deep voice. We turned our heads around and saw Daniel. "Daniel!!!" I practically screamed. I wrapped my arms around him. He smiled. "What's up, babe?" Asked my boyfriend. "I just asked Chelsie if you could study with us, too. She said yes!" I exclaimed with glee. "Why wouldn't I? I love Mcdonalds." "Then it's settled". Ended Daniel.
Yay! Band time!!! I played the clarinet and I still do. Anyway, Chelsie sat by me, but, another thing: Jay sat by me, too!!! And Danny Wanny was way back there in percussion. [Daniel hates that nickname, so it's fun to say.] I was good at arts, too, like drama, singing and obviously, band.
***Seventh period: Chemistry***. Chemistry was so easy because all we did was watch videos and answer some easy questions. Then, rest of the period was technically another study hall.
***Last period of school would be art.*** Like I said, I'm good at art as well as academics. I like to let my mind flow on a piece of paper. It's so relaxing. Rrrrrrriiiiiiiiiinnnnnnngggggg----! The last bell ring of the day was always long.
After school, I drove to Mcdonalds and waited for Chelsie and Daniel. But who did I bump into?... Jay?!!! I was so ticked with this guy! Who did he think he was, being a homework-thief? "Whoa. Hey, Lily. You're not -uh-mad at me just because of the morning, -uh-right?" That was when I exploded with anger. "Just? Just?? you think stealing my homework five times is just 'just'? Plus, you're older than me, you lazy but face!! Why don't you try to do your own homework for a chan.... "Then, Chelsie arrived. After about 3 minutes or so, my boyfriend came along. "Com'on, Lily. You're so slow today." Said Chelsie, tugging on my arm with her arm."Ok."
I said with a sweet voice. "I'll be right there" I turned around, looked at Jay, and scrunched up me nose." I'm not done with you yet," I hissed in his ear. Jay shuddered. We started studying after that.
After Mcdonalds, I went home and just chilled. Or at least tried to. Jay was stuck in my head, and I was so mad at him!.
At night, I saw a tiny star. After I looked for more, I couldn't find any. So I wished that my life was more fun. I turned off the lights and dozed into my dreams.
***Notes***:
Just enjoy reading my Fiction Story My Friends. I hope you always like the article I write. God Bless you all🥰❤️
***Lead Image Source***: **Shutterstock** https://www.shutterstock.com/image-vector/fashion-illustration-girl-bored-reading-art-1409427707
My Previous Article:
**My last 1000 words** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-last-1000-words-b45b4a4c
**We believe in each other** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/we-believe-in-each-other-6984254c
**Date to remember** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/a-date-to-remember-c65215d7
**The Ring** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-ring-ca696b17
**Being a good mother** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/being-a-good-mother-1cdb1ff4
My last 1,000 Words
***1,000 Words***
That's all that I have left. That's what I've been told anyways. I'm not sure what exactly it means though. So, I guess I should get to it, you know saying my goodbyes and what not.
Okay, first off, I am terrified. I have put up this front that I'm okay with dying, that it isn't scary and that everyone eventually kicks the metaphorical bucket of death. I am not okay with this. There were things I wanted to accomplish and things I wanted to do, people I wanted to meet, places I wanted to go, and things that I wanted to experience. I don't know what is going to happen when my eyes close forever or maybe I'll be like people in crime shows and die with my eyes open. See! I don't even know if my eyes will be shut when I die. This is a lot to process. I am dying, I could be dead at any moment, and that is something I don't think I will ever come to terms with. I just hope I can haunt some people just for laughs. Hopefully I get to be a ghost and have other ghostly friends. I am wasting my time left, so here I go any second now, ready to plunge into my depressing goodbye's to my loved ones. Oh please loved ones, forgive me for not having enough time or brain space to write and tell you everything I wish I could say.
I'll start with my parents because that seems like who I should say goodbye to first. Mother and Father, you did the 'thing' and thus I came into being. You guys fell in love and birthed me then Yuna, my darling sister. This feels weird, like I won't actually be gone. I'll wake up in the morning to everyone rushing around and talking loudly and be irritated with your noise. Only tomorrow morning that won't happen. I will be gone, becoming increasingly colder as minutes pass. You guys will cry over me, at least I think that's what people do when others die. You guys raised me well, and I am always thankful for that. Oh God, I don't want to leave. I don't want to die before you. I need you guys to guide me still. You are my family and I love you two to death. This is a lot to deal with and you guys have been strong throughout this mess. There aren't words to express how lucky I am that I got you two as parents. You helped shaped me into what I know you always saw and what I know see is a good person. Thank you and I'm sorry that I must leave you.
Yuna. You annoy the poop out of me. I love you. I'm sorry I won't be there to see you do all of the great things that I know you will do. You will go above and beyond anything I ever could've done. You are an amazing person. You have bravery and strength that I wish I could have still. You have always amazed me with how good of a person you are. Even when we would scream insults at each other, I loved you with all my heart. I am so lucky to have gotten you as my sister. I wish I could stay around longer to watch you mature and grow and watch you become even more astonishing. I hope you live a long life filled with laughter and happiness. I know you have the strength to go on knowing your sister is no longer with you. I know this because I have watched you use this strength against ever single person who tired to tell you that you were not right in the head and every single person who pushed you around. You are stronger than I could have ever been.
Karen. My love and my bestfriend. I know you will cry when I am gone, I wish you wouldn't, but I know you will. Please don't shut out the people who care about you. I will always be with you, I promise you. I could easily use all 1000 words on you but I can't because there are others I need to say goodbye to. Man, did I love you. I still love you. I'm sorry that my passing will be me breaking your heart. I know you will survive though, look at everything else you have survived. You are a hero. You have been beaten down by the world so many times and yet you still stand strong, that is something I will always admire about you. I'm sorry I had to go and die on you, you have to admit that it is pretty lame of me, huh? You will always be my giraffe. I will always thank the universe for letting it spend a few years of my life in your company. Thank you for loving me back as much as you despise the world around you. I love you.
Haley, my bestest of friends. We met so young and our friendship has stood the test of time and distance. Now here we are at our bitter end. You have done some amazing things in your life and one of them is standing to be my friend for this long. You have made me laugh at stupid things and made me appreciate life a little more and helped me notice the little things. You are the bestfriend that I could ever ask for. I am so sorry that I can't be at your wedding or see you graduate college. I hope you smile at the little things still and laugh just because you can. I hope you continue on the path you're on now. You make everyone a little brighter. I love you and thank you.
By the way, cremate my body and make me into a diamond. Thanks. Much love.
***Notes***:
Another Fiction story 🥰. I'm used to writing fictional stories so this is what I always write. I hope you don't get bored with my fictional stories, guys thank you all very much 😘❤️
***Lead Image Source***: https://pin.it/6wExCG0
My Previous Article:
**We believe in each other** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/we-believe-in-each-other-6984254c
**A date to Remember** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/a-date-to-remember-c65215d7
**The Ring** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-ring-ca696b17
**Being a good mother** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/being-a-good-mother-1cdb1ff4
**What is the right mindset** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/what-is-the-right-mindset-49ae3440
We believe in each Other
***I looked around the circle of trees to see nothing in sight, so I decided to keep doing what I was doing.***
I leaned up against the tree and sat down, I looked up at the sky. It was a full moon tonight and the stars filled the sky around it, the longer I looked the more stars appeared. I wanted to cry because of this. The world was an extraordinary place and people were doing things all the time, like having friends and doing things that they like to do and I just sat around being depressed. I have no friends, and I don't do fun things because I'm too busy being dragged down by myself, and it's not like I like sitting around being obsessed with sadness, I just don't have the ability to do anything else. I felt tears stream down my face, "I just wish I could do something, anything" I said out loud to myself. My head dropped into my hands and I started to sob. "May?", I heard a voice and I looked up to see patrick. He stood infront of me, his dirty blonde hair peeked a little over his forehead, he wasn't wearing his glasses and his eyes focused on mine. "What are you doing here?" He asked. He stepped back a little so I had room to stand up, I stood and started to wipe my eyes quickly so he wouldn't know I was wasting my pathetic evening sitting in a forest crying about how lame I am. I decided to respond with "I was just admiring the full moon", after I said I realized that was literally just as lame as saying, "I was just crying because my life sucks." He looked at me a little bit after I responded, "were you crying?". I looked down at the ground, "No, of course not." I then focused back at him to see he was looking at me with that kind of 'I totally know you're lying' look. He kind of crossed his arms, "I umm.. I was just taking a walk, do you want to join me or?" I started to walk the same way I came from, "yeah sure. Let's go."
He walked beside each other in silence until we arrived at the bridge, I didn't really look up from the ground, so patrick stopped me a little bit and turned to me, "Is there something wrong? If I did something wrong you can just tell me, I swear to God I'll leave you alone". Leave me alone? Why would he think he did something wrong? "No no, Patrick you did absolutely nothing wrong. I'm just sad. I'll be fine, just don't worry about me" I said, and went to go start walking before I was kind of stopped by something he said. "I know that feeling, and I know you were crying and I'm not going to pick on you because of it. I get it if you don't want to talk about it, and I know it's none of my business but if you even need anyone to talk about anything, like literally anything I'm here." I turned back to him, "why? Why are you being so nice to me? I'm not getting mad or anything I'm just wondering why." He regained his position beside me and looked at me in the eyes, "because I know what it's like to have no friends, and have no one to talk too, I have no one either and it sucks. You seem different from other people, you're not some popular girl who has everything she wants and that's not a bad thing. You seem nice and it sucks to see you be upset."
We started to walk across the bridge, and then I started to truly understand why Patrick was being so nice to me. His black graphic t-shirt revealed his arms and I saw the scars that covered them. I didn't ask him about his arms, I knew it was like to have so much self-hatred that you actually harmed yourself because of it. But Patrick saw me look at his arms and started to explain why he had done something so wrong to himself. "Yeah, I don't do it anymore" he said lifting up his fore-arms a little bit, "I've been clean for awhile now, but the scars haven't really gone away yet". He put his hands on my shoulders, "I just... I don't want you to end up doing this to yourself. Have you?" I shook my head no. He smiled a bit and let go of my shoulders, "that's good, you should keep it that way". He turned forward and we kept walking, he looked so beautiful, how could someone so gorgeous want to do something so terrible to themselves. "Patrick," he turned to me, "thank you, for everything" I said. I put my hands on his arms and looked at it, I started to feel his pain, and I saw all the battles he had with himself. I lifted his arm to my lips and kissed it gently. I looked up at him and he looked a little shocked, like he had never had someone care about him before.
I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly, it took a minute for him to comprehend that I was hugging him, but after that he hugged me back and I felt his face lean against my shoulder. "You can trust me too, you know" I whispered and he hugged tighter.
He eventually let go, and we just continued to walk, he shoved his hands in his pockets and blew his hair out of his face. "So, maybe we can umm.. You know, hang out sometime?" He asked. I kind of got excited at that though, sometime actually wanted to hang out with lame old May Gibson. "For sure,I'd love to hang out with you," he smiled. I had a feeling this was going to be good for me, and maybe for him too.
***Heyyaaaa all*** 🥰
I haven't written an article for two days, I missed you all, how are you? It's raining this week and it's very cold 🥶🥶.
by the way this is a fiction story, I hope you like it. Thank you very much for reading.
to all my Sponsors and to those who are upvoting my article thank you so much and more BCH to all of us. God bless you all 🥰💚.
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My Previous Article:
**A date to Remember** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/a-date-to-remember-c65215d7
**The Ring** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-ring-ca696b17
**Being a good mother** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/being-a-good-mother-1cdb1ff4
**What is the right mindset** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/what-is-the-right-mindset-49ae3440
Many thanks to @Fernandotona for sponsoring me, it's very motivating, I will improve my writing so you will always like it :) God bless You
A date to Remember
Last week while I was writing and reading articles here on readcash I gave almost all my time to reading to exhaust the ones in my notification. Really enjoy reading, especially when the story is thrilling and the ending is sad, I'm crying hahaha. Sometimes it's really unavoidable to be busy at home, cleaning, doing laundry, and washing dishes, while I'm busy with my chores I received a message from my Boyfriend .
So I read it right away, when I saw my eyes I couldn't understand whether to cry with joy or just cry for no reason Lol 🤣. He told me if I missed eating ice cream, I haven't eaten ice cream for a long time, I don't know why, I've always bought ice cream before. So I told my Jowa that I missed ice cream so much, Hindi na ako nag pabebe. Suddenly I mentioned that I like BTS Meal, I laughed at what he said haha so I told him just a joke. Our conversation continued until he invited me to eat at Mcdo's sa July 18 Sunday ...
"He also thought that it was Sunday so we would go to church first before we ate at Mcdo."
I am very happy because I really want to buy BTS Meal because I am a big fan of BTS.
I almost cried with great joy because the wish was fulfilled and that was also our "first Simba in 2021". Due to the pandemic we stopped going to church.
I was so happy that I became hardworking at home so I was busy and didn't read much articles. .I did everything, I washed clothes, I cleaned the house, I washed the dishes, I looked for something to wear for the coming Sunday. I can't think of anything to wear so I just wore the Off shoulder.
Sunday came, I woke up very early because I was excited because my Boyfie and I had a "First Date", I went to see him first. Dahil may pagka pabebe kasing kumilos talo pa babae kapag kumilos Lol😅.
Hapon kami nag sisimba, so I stayed with them until the afternoon, we went to her sister's house so we could eat lunch.
3pm We left to go to church, also almost 1hr before we arrived at church, I was so happy while I was with him, I just regretted because we couldn't take a picture in front of the church, but it didn't matter because the most important thing was being able to pray to the Lord.
This is the Church in here at Cabuyao laguna That photo is a long time ago, I just shared it with you just in case you want to go here haha .
If you remember the article I wrote that I said there that here in church he was answered as the owner of my Heart. I couldn't control my emotions and I remembered the past because I was so happy to be able to go to church .
I really don't expect him to invite me to church, Because there is still a pandemic, my boyfie is taking care because he is going to Korea. I hope he is lucky to get to korea and he is always safe. he told me that he could invite me to church before he got vaccinated. We both prayed that everything would be okay and nothing bad would happen to him.
After we go to church, this is really what I'm most looking forward to Buy a BTS Meal at Mcdo 😍🥰. But before that, we went to the grocery store so that while I couldn't find a job, I would have something to eat at home and I wouldn't be hungry while writing and reading an article. He's so sweet so I'm really very lucky with him, so I always pray that he doesn't change.
This is really the real after we go to church and grocery. Here we go straight to mcdo to eat, I was so excited I didn't tell him that the BTS Meal had free soft drinks, so he added Softdrinks haha because he didn't know there was such a thing 😅.
"We just laughed and started eating, I'm really very happy because I'm so happy na hindi ko dinumihan ang lagayan ng Nuggets, because it's my souvenir when I come home 🥰❤️" .
While we were eating, my boyfriend and I took a selfie because it only happened once, often when we really eat at jollibee. BTS Meal is really the only reason why we ate at Mcdo.
"This is our First Date this year" so I'm very happy, because often when we meet at home we just cook something to eat. I often go to them because here in our house it's boring we can't move around because there is no place that is beautiful unlike kala boyfie every afternoon we go to Bukid for a food trip and get some air 😊 .
Anyway BTS Meal is really the reason why he made me so happy Lol 😅. Very very expensive but he told me ***" Okay lang yan ang Imporante Napasaya kita "***
***End.....***
***Notes:***
Many thanks to everyone who always upvoted my article and to those who always commented, God bless You 🥰
To my Kind Sponsors and to my Mare's here who are always read my article.. I love You all 🥰 Thank you for appreciating. God bless you all .
****Lead Image Source: Own Photo****
My Previous Article:
**The Ring** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-ring-ca696b17
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**Never have i ever been in love** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/never-have-i-ever-been-in-love-ae6a09ea
**He was golden** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/he-was-golden-a2b2a140
The Ring
"Come on slow poke!" the boy yelled. "I'm going as fast as I can!" The girl yelled back.
The boy waited at the top of the hill for his girlfriend. When suddenly, she tripped and tumbled down the hill. "Stephanie!" the boy yelled as he raced down the hill after her. When he approached her, she was laughing.
"Steph are you okay?"
"Mason I'm fine, it was fun, you should try it!"
"Are you kidding me?"
"Oh come on scaredy cat."
"I'm not scared I just don't want to get a concussion"
"Oh fine!"
The couple got up and made their way back up the hill and settled at the top. They had a wonderful meal and it was coming to an end.
"Stephanie, I have something for you."
Stephanie raised her eyebrows.
"Close your eyes"
She did. She felt the cold metal slip onto her finger. She opened her eyes and gasped.
"Calm down I'm not asking you to marry me."
Mason chuckled.
"Well then what is this for?"
"It's a promise ring " Mason said.
"And what are you promising me?"
"I'm promising you that I'll love you for the next 5 years."
"Only 5 years?" The girl asked in a taunting voice.
"I'm only joking. I promise to love you till the day I die. Look, once we finish school we have that promise in a marriage contract. I know it's early to be talking about marriage but I feel like there is no one else I'd rather love, than you".
The girl stared lovingly at her boyfriend. "I love you, Mason" and then she kissed him.
A few days later...
"And then we kissed." Stephanie finished teller her bestfriend, Billie about her date with Mason. "That is adorable! He's a keeper, steph" she said.
Stephanie chuckled. "He sure is."
4 years later...
***December 12 2011***
Mason stood at the alter, anxiously awaiting his fiancé.
Stephanie stood behind the doors, waiting for the music to start.
"Okay in 3, 2, 1!" a woman said and the music started and the doors opened to reveal the bride. She walked down the aisle as if she was walking on air. She got to the altar and said her vows, as did he. He slipped the same ring thatbhe gave her, those 4 years ago. And they ended the ceremony with a kiss.
5 months later...
Stephanie led Mason over to his favorite chair and asked him to sit down. She was about to tell him some big news. Mason sat and waited for his beloved wife to speak. She said nothing. He didn't rush her.
Finally, she said it. "You're going to be a dad."
Mason stopped breathing for a few seconds. Then he jumped out of his chair and hugged stephanie. "Seriously?!? You're not joking?"
"Nope, this is real."
Mason placed his hand on Stephanie's stomach and kissed her. Oh how their future seemed so bright... but it darkened way too soon.
***November 6th, 2012***
Hospitals are horrible. But funerals are much worse. At least he kept his promise. Mason loved Stephanie until the day he died. He died on October 19th, 2012. Hit by a car. 22 years old. He was too young. Almost nobody came to the funeral. Just family and about 4 friends of Masons. Mason never had many friends in high school, he was the nerdy kid nobody liked. Stephanie was the kid that everyone thought was satanic, emo, or goth. She was none of those things, she was just herself. But so was Mason. Yes he had the best grades and knew how to play nearly every video game and he was never really liked for it. Stupid stereotypes. Always getting in the way of everything. His best friends at the funeral though. So are Stephanie's. Everyone at the funeral knows how much she cared for him. And vice versa. She wanted to follow him. Back in october, but then she remembered the baby. Her and Mason's son, still yet to be born.
And now Stephanie stood at the foot of Mason's grave. Once she said goodbye to him, they would bury him. 6 feet deep. On the hill where Mason gave Stephanie her ring. Her white gold ring with 7 rubies. 7 rubies for Stephanie's 7 special memories, only known ot her.
Standing at her husband's grave, she felt a kick. Stephanie already decided her son's name, Mason. Little Mason was kicking at his dad's grave. The tears Stephanie was keeping at bay, fell. She put her hand on her growing stomach, took a deep breath and slowly knelt down. She threw her flowers in the grave and they landed.
They landed right on top of the coffin containing, Mason R. Echavez.
So now it's the year 2021 and Stephanie Echavez is twisting her ring around her finger, giving her 9 year old son his only birthday wish. The story about the man he was named after. His dad.
This is a fiction story again. I love making stories like this so I can't help but write like this. I hope you like my Fiction story. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my Article. God bless you all
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My Previous Article:
Being a Good Mother https://read.cash/@Caroline17/being-a-good-mother-1cdb1ff4
5 Places I'd Rather Be https://read.cash/@Caroline17/5-places-id-rather-be-733acbff
Accepting Challenge: This or That https://read.cash/@Caroline17/accepting-challenge-this-or-that-1606104a
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Being a Good Mother
We all have his life, some are born with luck and some don't.
***Born Luck with a Good Mother.***
This is the Born with the love of his Mother. Cared for, raised well, and never experienced a struggle in life. many Mothers who are very good to their children, all their love is given to her children. Blessings to have a child, but more blessings to have a good Mother. I am right, any of us want this good Mother, loving Mother, caring Mother, and will give everything for her children.
***Born out of luck with a bad Mother.***
It's true there are really bad Mothers, They become bad to their child because they can't accept it and they don't have money to keep it alive. very painful to say the least, but many experience being hurt, abused, hated by their mother. That the reason is “***Pregnant unintentionally”, “Pregnant underage”, “Pregnant unwillingly”*** so others are the ones who become their child. they just throw it in the trash because they don't have the money to revive it, or take it to an orphanage. The pain for me to see like this, my tears will immediately drip with so much sadness.
There are many children on the streets homeless without food, whenever I see it, I ask them where their parent is. His answer was that his Mother left him and he never came back.
So I am really very lucky with my Mother that she does not neglect us and we feel that my Mother loves us very much.
***So I could write a Poem for you.***
I wrote this because I love you so much, we will repay all the sacrifices you made for us. As you get older, your body gradually weakens. but don't worry mama , as you took care of me and raised me as a good child, I will do the same to you until your last day here on earth 😘. my only wish to you is that you are always healthy and always safe. ***"I love you so much Mama"*** .
I am the eldest of siblings, we are six siblings but we should be seven but our youngest sibling died. I have a happy family and I have a Good Mother who is willing to do everything just for her children. I know your mothers are also good but there are also bad mothers who cannot accept their children ..
So here I am willing to share with you how good Mother my Mother . I am proud of her because she is my mother, she is the one who gave my life, she is the one who took care of me from the womb. he is our Light of home, whenever our surroundings are dark he comes to make the dark surroundings of our house bright .
I am lucky because she became my Mother. Even though I grew up in poverty, I ignored it and was very happy because our Lord gave me a good mother.
***How can I say that she has become a Good Mother?***
When I was a child, my mother was always with me. She always encouraged me and taught me good manners and how to respect the elderly. it is said that ***"Like Mother, Like Daughter"*** the habit of the Mother is also the habit of the child.
all my siblings are studying, so we always spend a lot of money on a daily basis .. buying food, buying rice and a dish, his salary is not enough for us. because he's the only one who works because my dad doesn't want to look for a job he always wants to be at home just to watch over my siblings .
So my Mother does everything for the good of our family. While he works, when he comes home he makes Puto, Pancit, Spaghetti and more. to sell every morning, Since I am the eldest I have an obligation to do everything to help my Mother so I work hard in my studies, I will do all my assignments so that when my Mother comes home I can help her.
Since I turned 12 years old .. My mother taught me a lot, how to cook, do laundry, wash dishes and clean the house. I always do all that because my siblings are young.
Because of my Mother’s diligence, so she became my Inspiration in life. I want everything back with him when he sacrifices for us his children. To me she is the most the best Mother in the world. Because without him I would not be in this world .
We are happy with what we have now, we are satisfied because we eat every day and we are together at home .. There were times we talked to my Mom, I asked her, Are you tired? because I know you are having a hard time and I see you crying alone, As I say those words to her, I am in tears because I don't want to see my Mother crying and I don't want to see her having a hard time .
***My Mother said*** "Caroline I will never get tired for you, as long as I live in this world I will do everything"
I will take care of you until my last breath. As my Mother told me, I hugged her and told her "I love you so much" I hope your life last longer so that one day I will take care of you and I will repay all the hardships you made. So Ma I don't want to see you cry especially on Your Birthday, I'm hurting so much, I'm sad so much because I can't help you yet.
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***My Previous Article***:
Never have i ever been in love https://read.cash/@Caroline17/never-have-i-ever-been-in-love-ae6a09ea
He was golden https://read.cash/@Caroline17/he-was-golden-a2b2a140
My first month in this Platform https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-first-month-in-this-platform-1c3eb0f6
My happy moment in fantasy world https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-happy-moment-in-fantasy-world-8ded1e58
Replaceable https://read.cash/@Caroline17/replaceable-8bdd8249
The only man in my heart https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-only-man-in-my-heart-74fc6839
Don't give up to your dreams because the surrender is defeated https://read.cash/@Caroline17/dont-give-up-to-your-dreams-because-the-surrender-is-defeated-a5368e7b
5 Places I'd Rather Be
***I'd much rather be at our high school's old dusty rooftop, where we met, than where I am right now.***
On that hot tuesday afternoon, the sun beat down on the dull grey roof atop Daegu High's main building. dull grey roof sat Yoongi, playing on his phone to relieve his seemingly unending boredom. The door that revealed the staircase that led to the rooftop clicked open that afternoon. Peeking through the door was a curious-eyed Joyce. "U-uhm.. I'm s-sorry.. My friend ran off and I j-just thought she came up here and.. " The young female stuttered as she looked to Yoongi, who's eyes showed no particular expression. "You didn't do anything wrong, don't apologize," Yoongi said lightly. And with that, Joyce turned and went right back out of the rooftop's door. That was the day we'd first met. But that first day, I didn't know anything. I didn't know what would become of me and that wide-eyed, innocent looking, Joyce.
***I'd much rather be in Joyce's bedroom, where we had our first 'date',than where I am right now.***
When my English course teacher told me that she'd arranged me a tutor to help bring up my low scores in her class, I'd been quite indifferent about it. I had nothing to loose, I supposed. But when I discovered that said tutor was Joyce, I couldn't help but feel the need to thank my teacher. The only time I'd met her had been the occasion at the rooftop, and since then I had been vaguely curious about her. So when I ran into her in the hallway, we arranged that I'd be heading to his house after school, and off we went with our days. I arrived at her house a little while after school had ended, it took me a bit to find it within the confusing maze of large, beautiful houses, but eventually I pulled into her windy driveway, and walked up to the doorstep, and knocked on the door. The door was opened, revealing one of Joyce's maids who quickly escorted me up to her room and briskly pushed me through the door. She must've have other things to attend to, judging by her rush. Joyce was sitting at a desk, all of her english materials spread out over it. I sat beside her after a short greeting, and she began to teach me, or to try to. But I was quickly disinterested by the subject, it was no wonder my marks for English were so low. I begged her to take a break, and soon we were both engulfed in a movie, sitting on her bed. We didn't get to studying much more English that night. In fact, I didn't even get home that night. I fell asleep in bed beside Joyce.
***I'd much rather be in downtown Seoul, where we fell in love, than where I am right now***
Many dates followed that first 'date' of ours, nearly all of them scattered around the busy streets of downtown Seoul. We'd spend the day at the arcade, visit a cafe after school, I'd take her to dinner here and there. There were infinite possibilities that lie within the bustling city. Infinite possibilities that me and Joyce loved to explore. It wasn't long before on one of those many dates, I found myself beginning to fall for Joyce. I found my eyes glued to her perfect slim figure as she did even the simplest of tasks. I found myself reaching out to take the younger female's hand at every possible moment. I found myself watching her lips as she spoke, following them with every little movement. Those perfect pink lips. It surprised me at first, really, but it wasn't long before I'd accepted the fact that I had fallen in love with Joyce.
***I'd much rather be at the neighborhood playground, where I asked her to be mine, than where I am right now.***
I remember that evening at the park so clearly, like it was just yesterday. Unlike some of our more extravagant date nights, that day we'd decided on just a simple walk around the neighborhood park. Hand in hand we strolled around the sidewalk that looped between playgrounds, trees and grassy fields. It was peaceful and quiet, the breeze lightly blew my orangish hair from side to side. It was calm, perfect. I'd decided beforehand that was the day I'd ask Joyce to be mine, officially. I remember the happiness I felt swung our intertwined hands as I hummed lightly. "Joyce", I had asked gently as I led her to a swing, letting her sit as I stood in front of him. ''Yes Yoongi?" She asked, the same curiosity shining in her eye that had the first day I met her. "Joyce," I'd begun, kneeling down in front of the swing that the younger female sat on, as if he was proposing. "Would you do me the pleasure of allowing me to consider you my girlfriend?" I had asked her simply. And with a nod of her head, I'd pulled her into a kiss, the fist of many.
***And I so so much rather be at our beach house, where I proposed, than where I am right now.***
I could never forget that day. I had taken Joyce to my family's beach house for the weekend, just the two of us. It was a nice vacation from our everyday routines, countless late nights at work, further robbing the time we spent with each other. It had been 2 years since we'd graduated high school.. People say you grow apart after high school. But we didn't. Me and Joyce never grew apart. It was like we were made for each other, nothing could ever take us away from each other, not being busy with work, not other friendships. I wanted to make it official, finally. I wanted Joyce to officially be mine forever, there was just one little step before that. I had to propose. On that day, as we went for a stroll down the beach, I knew it was time.
"Joyce," I'd begun, slowing my steps to a stop before I faced Joyce, taking both of her hands in my own. "You are perfect, so perfect. You have those perfect dark eyes, this perfect little nose, " I said, gesturing to each part of her as I spoke, ''this perfect body, that perfect laugh, this perfect smile. You always know just the perfect things to say to me, you know just how to make me feel better when I'm upset, you are the perfect everything Joyce, you're perfect for me," I said, tone dripping with sincerity as I lowered myself down to my knee slowly. "And Joyce I don't know how someone as perfect as you ended up with someone like me, but God, I love you so much that I can't let you go," I continued, my voice as smooth as silk as I pull the small ring box out of my back pocket. "So baby, would you do the honor of making me the happiest man alive." I opened the box," and marry me?"
"Yes, Yoongi, I'll marry you."
You may be wondering where I am now, exactly.
I'm in heaven.
And I miss my fiancé Joyce so God damn much.
I accept the challenge @Zhyne06 This is my entry 😊 I hope you like it hehe.
This is a Fiction story for my readers, just enjoy my article. thank you very much 🥰
Lead Image Source: https://pin.it/45AhCCB
***My Previous Article:***
**Accepting Challenge: This Or That** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/accepting-challenge-this-or-that-1606104a
**What is the right mindset** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/what-is-the-right-mindset-49ae3440
**Never have i ever been in love** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/never-have-i-ever-been-in-love-ae6a09ea
**He was golden** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/he-was-golden-a2b2a140
**My first month in this Platform** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-first-month-in-this-platform-1c3eb0f6
**My happy moment in fantasy world** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-happy-moment-in-fantasy-world-8ded1e58
**Replaceable** https://read.cash/@Caroline17/replaceable-8bdd8249
Accepting Challenge: This or That
***Welcome to my new Article! Just comment which you prefer among the two things that I mentioned and make sure to have fun.. 🥰🥰***
**THIS OR THAT**
**Cakes or Cupcakes**
I pick cupcakes because if I don't Pinkamena will turn me into one! 🙀
Ok, the real reason is cupcakes are a lot easier to bring around because of it's tiny size. And you don't need a plate and a fork or a spoon to eat it! You just have to unwrap the cupcake liner and you're good to go!
**Books or E-books**
I don't know what to pick. I'll read anything, whether it's paper book or e-book, just as long as it interests me.
**Day or Night**
I pick night because of it's mysteriousness and peacefulness. It gives me a strange, happy feeling every time I look up and see the moon and the stars. Besides, I don't mind the dark. In fact, I LOVE THE DARK!!!! (I'm listening to 'moon rises' right now.)
**Paging or Scrolling**
I use the paging mode because it makes me feel like I'm turning the page from a real book. Also, it's more fun!
**Vampires or Werewolves**
I would pick vampires. I would love to sleep during the day and stay up at night (when the internet is fast). Plus, vampires look fabulous even if they are monsters unlike other creatures.
**Glasses or Contact Lenses**
I'll pick glasses because I think it's a cute accessory. It makes me feel smart. Plus, it's easier to put on/remove than contacts.
**Bracelets or Watches**
I prefer watches because I'm the type of person who always wants to know what time it is.
I love watches, you know? My outfit won't be complete without it.
**Halloween or Christmas**
I pick Christmas! It's the holiday where I can spend time with my family. It's also great to share and care during christmas season. I'm a pretty generous person 😁 (except when it comes to food.) And WE GET LOTS OF FOOD DURING CHRISTMAS TIME!
Yum!
Another reason why I pick christmas is because halloween is not really a big deal for me. We don't celebrate it that much.
**Hot Chocolate or Coffee**
I like both, although I prefer Coffee better. Especially if it has toasted bread or Mamon. It's even better when you add both.! Yiiee yum! 😍
**Summer or Winter**
I choose summer because there is no such thing as winter in my country. It never snows here!
I love summer! It's that time of the year when I am lazy because of the hot weather and that fact that I don't have school for a long period of time. Yay!!
**Earphones or Headphones**
I usually use earphones because it's easier to bring along. It's also easier to hide than earphones if those stuff aren't allowed in your school or work. (It's okay in mine, as long as we don't use it in.)
**Dark colors or Light colors**
I really like light and fun colors. Things in neon and pastel always catches my eyes. I think light colors are cute!
Sometimes, I like Dark colors too. Dark blue, dark red velvet, and black are some of my favorites.
**Be the leader or A member**
I would rather be a member of a group than being the leader. I stink at leading people. If you want to have a good group project, just make me be and let the leader be someone else.
**Blonde or brunette**
I choose brunette because I think it's better than blonde hair and It's closer to black (that's my hair color).
**Cotton candy or Candy apple**
Cotton Candy! (They should make a cotton candy emoji, just saying) I like the pastel colors and the texture of it. It looks so cute! Everytime I bite into the sweet, sugary goodness, I feel the soft cotton-like sugar dissolve in my mouth and I like how that feels. And Oh! It's really sweet and it taste really good.!
**Rain or Snow**
We don't have snow in the philippines so I'll choose Rain. It isn't that freezing when it rains (unlike when it snows). I don't like cold weathers that much.
I wish there is snow in there tho. I want to experience winter.😁
**Chocolate or Vanilla**
Vanilla. It's simple and plain, but delicious! I liked the vanilla ice cream better because the taste isn't too sweet.
**Sprinkles or Mini marshmallows**
I like marshmallows better than sprinkles because some sprinkles taste like medicine.
Besides, no one can resist the fluffiness and cuteness of the marshmallows. (Too bad there are no marshmallows emojis. THERE SHOULD BE ONE!!! I DEMAND FOR MARSHMALLOW EMOTICONS!!!😫)
**Message or Call**
I prefer messaging because it's quicker and more simple. And you don't have to worry if your voice sounds crappy.
**Science or Math**
Science, Obviously! math makes my head ache just thinking about it. (Although I kinda like geometry, teensy and calculus a little bit.)
**Romance or Comedy**
Rom-Com, I like both equally.
**Grapes or Cherries**
Grapes. I hate the taste of cherries
**Guitar or Drums**
Drums. I actually wanna learn how to play this instrument, but I don't know where I can take drum lessons.
**Nachos or Potato chips**
Nachos are awesome but potato chips are better.
**Popsicles or Ice creams**
Ice cream! And I like better with a cone than a cup.
**Castle or Cottage**
A cottage will be fine.
I would prefer a small house than a big castle where it'll take days for me to find something.
**Healthy foods or Junk foods**
Healthy foods, don't get me wrong, I like chips and all those stuff, but I eat healthy foods more often.
**Rainbow or Shooting star**
Shooting star, they somehow appear whenever I'm in a stressful part of my life. It always fills me with hopes and positivity when I see one.
**Truth or Dare**
I usually choose truth because I'm too lazy to stand up to do the dare.
**Peanut butter or Nutella**
I love peanut butter but I love nutella even more.
**Shy or Outgoing**
I'm really outgoing when I'm online, but in real life I'm actually super shy and awkward! I have social anxiety when I talk to someone face to face which is why I prefer messaging and social media stuff.
**Oreos or Chocolate chip cookies**
I don't know... I love them both... Choosing one is hard. Oh well.. I'll go with oreos😜
**Donuts or Cookies**
COOOOKIESSSS!!! 😍choco chips and oreos are the best.
**Sweet or Salty**
I usually prefer sweet treats. 😍❤ but it depends on my mood. 😁
**Reading or Writing**
Reading, I'm having writer's block right now.
**Childish or Mature**
I can be very childish sometimes, but there are also times when I'm wise and mature.
**Table tennis or Volleyball**
Tennis, because the ball isn't that big. I suck at volleyball and Tennis is the only sport that I actually enjoy playing.
Arm wrestling or Thumb wrestling
I love arm wrestling I don't know why haha. Because its kinda cool😎
I accept the Challenge @Zhyne06 This is my entry Mare hahaha. For those who want to join the challenge, start now 😊.
Sorry for tag @ExpertWritter @Eunoia @Jromana20 @Ruffa @OfficialGamboaLikeUs I challenge you to do this.
Thank you so much for always following my article. thanks for always upvoting and thanks to my Sponsors. Love you all
****Lead Image From Google.****
***My Previous Article:***
What is the right Mindset https://read.cash/@Caroline17/what-is-the-right-mindset-49ae3440
Inside their head. It' scary, I would know It's my mind https://read.cash/@Caroline17/inside-their-head-its-scary-i-would-know-its-my-mind-9b6bc431
Never have I ever been In love https://read.cash/@Caroline17/never-have-i-ever-been-in-love-ae6a09ea
He was golden https://read.cash/@Caroline17/he-was-golden-a2b2a140
My first month in this Platform https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-first-month-in-this-platform-1c3eb0f6
What is the right Mindset
The first thing to know about your mindset is that you control it. It's your mindset and there is no 'right' mindset. I've heard this excuse a lot "oh I'm not in the right mindset", then get in it.
Saying it like that makes it seem so easy but it really is and this is how you can be in such a mindset;
**STOP OVER WORRYING**
I have met so many people in my life who only worry, worry and worry, usually about things which should not be as important anyway. Stop over worrying about your kids, stop over worrying about your relationship, stop over worrying about your work, just stop worrying about what people think about you and really just collect your thoughts and seriously think about what is the exact thing which is bothering you. I'm not saying become a reckless idiot, not at all. All I want to say is that if you have a lot on your plate and things are seeming a little everywhere, do NOT worry but just take a break and do whatever make you happy. Whatever it is, watch a movie, go on a date, beat your friends in FIFA, read a book, spend time with those who matter and instantly, I promise, your head will be clear and you'll feel like an idiot for OVER worrying.
**PINPOINT THE NEGATIVITY**
Definitely easier said than done but it's actually not that hard to figure out what is good for you, and what isn't. Negativity can be fixed or removed and it all depends on how important you think the source could be for your future. For instance, you're in a relationship you know is going to fail or you're in touch with your ex who only makes you feel bad about yourself, END THIS NOW and stop responding in the most genuine, honest and cordial way and no do not sit and block and delete but stop responding! There's nothing stronger than knowing you can contact you and gaining that strength to ignore like this and all it will take you, is 21 days. 21 days of anything and it will become a habit. Go try it... Now!
**FOCUS ON THE INDISPENSABLES**
The indispensables are, as the name suggests, the ones which can not be dispensed. I've been home for 37 days because of Coronavirus and I've actually realized who matters to me.
Some people in my life I called my bestfriends turned out to be social friends and some friends I thought were just casual and kinda close, turned out to be the ones super concerned and calling and making sure I'm safe and everything and all this made me really reevaluate some equations in my life and even though I'm going to stay close and be friends with the ones who I thought were closer, I just know how our equation is going to stay from here onwards. In this lockdown I have learned to appreciate my family, those living with me and the ones who are not. Also, I am a big believer of ***"absence makes your heart grow fonder"*** and if you're not closer to your S.O then sorry but you need to work on it.
**180 MINUTES**
180 minutes or 3 hours is the perfect amount of time to spend everyday on things you love. People obviously cannot just devote 3 hours everyday for something they love but that's were they are wrong. 180 minutes amount for 12.5% of your day. If you cannot spend 12.5% of your day doing something you really love doing, you're doing something wrong. What you love to do can be something as tedious as running a marathon of as tiny as feeding your kid. That's for you to figure out and don't actually sit and put a timer for 180 minutes and make it scheduled thing but just naturally do whatever you want to do.
Thank you for your time to read my article. God bless you all 🥰
**Lead Image Source:** https://pin.it/2LO8SR3
**My Previous Article:**
Inside their head. It's scary i would know.. It's my mind https://read.cash/@Caroline17/inside-their-head-its-scary-i-would-know-its-my-mind-9b6bc431
Never have I ever been in love https://read.cash/@Caroline17/never-have-i-ever-been-in-love-ae6a09ea
He was golden https://read.cash/@Caroline17/he-was-golden-a2b2a140
My first month in this Platform https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-first-month-in-this-platform-1c3eb0f6
Inside their head? It's scary. I would know... It's my Mind
I sit in the window sill of my bedroom. My eyes droop at the sight of outside, It's cloudy and there's a little sun peaking through. Ew...Sun. Light. Happiness. Ugh. Everyone thinks I'm okay, just a bit down. ***WRONG***. I've felt "down" for years. You wouldn't know that because you wouldn't care enough to want to know at all, huh? Right. You can't hear me. I'm in my own head after all...
I hate this. I hate this so much, with a burning passion. But... I can't get out of it because... I just can't. The thought of being happy makes me more depressed because, I'll never achieve it. I guess... Everyone is happy with their lives and Going places, seeing people and doing things. I just sit here and rot away in the sill, or in the bathroom trying to drown myself or make my body stop all together. The pain no.....THIS pain is almost impossible to get rid of, it has stuck with me since...It's just been a long time.
I'm sick of it. I don't know how to make it stop! My mind keeps spinning as the days and weeks go by, my eyes are red from crying no tears, but I still find myself wiping them off my face. It's terrible, someone please make it stop.... ***MAKE IT STOP!*** I'm gonna end up dead if this doesn't go away, I'll be dead by my own hand! I don't want that! But, who cares? No one. It's seems like they want to, but no one wants to help and talk about me and my dumbass problems. I tell myself, ***SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP, IT ONLY GET WORSE***. And I know that thinking and feeling this way isn't good at all. ***I KNOW***. But, I've never had a freaking therapist or a psychologist! They do, I don't!
The typical, I have depression and anxiety. Yeah, I get it, we all get it. ***WE ALL HAVE TO HEAVILY SUFFER AT ONE POINT, I KNOW***. But do we if it's to the extent of wanting to end our own suffering when we are surrounded by people? There's only so many positive things your minds tells you, right? Having to deal with all of the shit of your self image that you hate so much, all the little things that prick your insecurities and sprinkle it with the weight of your past and BAM! You have a sad ass dish called, "depression and Suicidal Thoughts!***" HOW LOVELY*****.** I'm aware.
There's only so much a person can take. A lot of people think that they will never get depression or anxiety. OH HO HO! But when they get it, they act like they're the only fucking person to have it. Making a big deal, like ***EXCLAIMING "I AM DEPRESSED" *slow claps* HOLY CONGRATS.*** A person with depression won't go out and admit they have depression. They want to stay with themselves in a "comforting" place, curled up or laying down staring at nothing while their mind either thinks at either 1000000000000 MPH or 0.005 MPH. Not admitting you have depression is like not admitting you have a drinking problem. It's hard and takes effort to get out of. I just hope I'm brave enough to get out of this hellhole that is.... my mind.
Everytime you look in that mirror, you see a depressed person who should just die already. No. You are a warrior. A survivor. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I know you think that no one cares and that I'm just saying this. Yes, I'm saying this to get through to you. To reach out my hand and tell you it's gonna be okay. Maybe not today, but eventually. It does get better. It's worth it to live through the darkest days of your life, as a person who can relate heavily to this topic, you will leave through it. You have a strong enough soul and mind to get through this. I know that this seems like the hardest thing to do and you won't make it out alive but... By the end of the day. You are beautiful. You are loved. Even if no one acts like it. Please don't think about taking yourself off this planet, you are wanted and needed and loved to end of the Earth. Please know that... From one depressed person to another. I love you so much, don't ever change and keep moving. it's hard I know.
***Stay alive. Trust me, it's worth it.***
***This is another Fiction story I made. I hope you like it.***
***To those who always upvote my articles. thanks a lot.God bless you 🥰***
**Lead Image Source:** https://pin.it/fQzq9wt
***My Previous Article:***
Never have i ever been in love https://read.cash/@Caroline17/never-have-i-ever-been-in-love-ae6a09ea
He was golden https://read.cash/@Caroline17/he-was-golden-a2b2a140
First month in this Platform https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-first-month-in-this-platform-1c3eb0f6
Happy moment in fantasy world https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-happy-moment-in-fantasy-world-8ded1e58
Thank you mare @dzeifem for renewing Sponsorship 🥰 God bless you . More BCH to you .
Never Have I Ever Been In Love
***Never have I ever been in Love***
They say that when you look at a person's eyes and you felt affection. That is ***"Love at First Sight"***
The moment when you look at each others eyes and felt a warm feeling inside. The beat of your heart is getting louder and stronger. Your cheeks are blushing, and your muscles are paralyzed, you felt the euphoria.
But, you only realized that he was just looking at you because he just wanted to say 'hi' He waved at you, but it felt like everything slows down.
I would say, yes! I have been in love. I have fallen for someone that I think I can't possibly be with, or I'm having a one sided love. Even if I act cute in front of him and embarass myself, he would not care. Because he only thinks of me as a friend. You heard it right! Nothing more than that.
I guess, I will be living now in my fantasies. Hiding this feeling, and keeping it safe, that he would not find this out.
Well, do you relate to this? hmm... because not all people that you are in love with is not in love with you.
This is getting emotional! Okey!
Sometimes, we need to accept the fact and the reality that love won't be given away easily. Being in love with someone has a process.
You need to know the person first, sometime personality is what we prioritize, right?
But, it is not a sin to fall in love. You can't stop yourself from expressing it. Sometimes, doing your effort to make him/her fall in love is a good thing. I mean, making him/her happy, giving gifts, or making him/her feel important is a good thing to do.
But, they say that too much is bad. Sometimes, we give love too much that we forgot ourselves. We gave everything, but as soon as we gave our everything, some people that we love will eventually leave us, leaving us with with bitterness and heart aches.
And nothing will be left for you. You are waiting to be love back, assuming that they will return everything that you gave to them. I mean, not all people are like that. There are people who really cared for you and really love you. Those are your family,friends and yourself!
I mean love can be expressed into many things and interpretation.
I mean, I experienced being in love but not just to the person that I felt affectionate with. I'm also ***'in love with myself'.***
Yeah! That's right! Loving yourself is the first step. Because I believe that before you learn loving others, you need to learn how to love your self.
Because, if you accept who you are, and you don't hesitate to show yourself to other people. I will guarantee they will also love you.
So, back to my one sided love. Actually, I focused on myself after I woke up from the reality. I eventually forgot the feelings that I have for him. But, after a lot of changes, I show them who I really am. Eventually, the guy that I was in loved with is now making a move. I mean, he is now sweet to me!
*Deep inside*
***Me: I won't fall for him again! Other me: he's so sweet! I can't! I can't!***
***Before learning how to love other people, it starts by learning how to love yourself first.***
***Never have I ever Played with you***
A shell, that is very hard but can be so 'fragile', and can be easily cracked when forced by a sudden movement.
Feelings is like an egg, no matter strong the outer shell is, the inside is like as soft as the yolk.
We are easily tamed when somebody gave us importance, appreciation, and compliments. It is easy for us to fall for something that is very pleasing.
***LIKE HIM!***
There was a boy, that was getting closer to me during the school year. He was sweet, and kind, and easy to be with. I can rely on him, and I trusted him fully.
"Maine!" He shouted.
Hi! I'm Sharmaine Garcia. I'm in eleventh grade of senior high school, and attending Accounting Business And Management. I'm 17 years old. I think that's it for my introduction.
Well, I run towards that boy and stopped in front of him then smiled.
"What is it?", I replied to him and smiled again.
"Let's go home together.. I mean let's walk together.. ahmm you know what I mean". He replied
"Okey", then we walked together, talking about stuff, our studies, and making jokes.
Yes! That's only the happiest thing that I remembered with him. I can't even sleep that night because I don't understand what I felt. I think that I have a crush on that boy.
That continued for a week. Until...
........
"Hey, I need to tell you something," I said to him as we walked down the road.
"Yeah! What is it?", he asked.
"Why you're so kind this days, I mean, we walked together for a week, aren't you tired of it?", I asked.
"Well, to answer that question nope! I will never be tired of you", he smiled with a blush on his face.
I literally felt something, something that I never felt before. I felt like I was electrocuted, i was tickled and I just can't help but to smile. I was about to confess my feelings for him but I think that it was not the perfect time.
Or maybe, I was afraid.
I was afraid that my feelings for him is not mutual. I'm afraid that one day, he would avoid me and I was just assuming that he does felt the same as mine.
That continued for a month, and I was just waiting for him to confess. I'm like a ticking bomb, waiting to explode.
I'm really desperate for his confession, that it made me faked my smile for him on the inside of me, I'm really stressed out, I don't want to pick.
***"If I confess, everything Will be gone this moment, this scenario that we have. But what if he also have feelings for me? What if he felt the same?! I'm getting crazy!" I'm literally crazy because I kept talking to myself.***
*snap of a finger*
"Hey! Hey Maine? Are you okay?", I went back to my senses.
"Ah, ye-yes I'm okay" I utterly replied.
I'm going crazy on this.
.........
It continued for almost three months doing the same thing that we were doing.
"I can't do this!" I said to him, he was shock and stop walking.
He was a little bit confused of what I said.
"I don't want to play with you anymore! I want to ask something?" He was getting the scenario.
"Wha-what is it Maine?" He asked while being confused.
I'm still hesitating to do it, but..
"I want to tell you something, I want to tell you that... " I closed my eyes and shouted...
"I really like you!"
Everything became blur to me! All I can hear is my heartbeat, it's beating faster and louder, I'm about to explode.
"Wha-what??" He was still confused..
''I. said. I. Like. You." I said it again with a shy tone.
Everything was magical, there was slow mo and classical music around us, and I felt like I was talking to an angel, I think that we have the sparks. But, it all stopped when he said....
"NO!", my heart stopped by that simple word that I heard out of this mouth.
I felt betrayed and I felt a prick in my heart. Why no? What would that possibly mean? I'm the one who is confused right now.
He then, pulled me to the corner of the road and as I was looking to his eyes, he felt worried and not okay with what I have done . He grabbed and hold my both arms and looked around, if there are people passing by. He then whisper.
"Your getting the wrong idea..." He was like looking At me seriously.
"I'm a gay... ", he whispered to me.
I was shocked and could not explained what I felt that time. First, I think I was rejected and betrayed by my own mindset. I felt like everything was just a play. Two people laughing, making jokes with each other, and like a couple, doing it all the time.
"I'm a gay, okay? The reason why I always walk with you is because I have a crush on your brother... "
Okay, that went too far. No way! I was speechless when he said that. It's like repeating and it's echoing inside my head.
"I'm sorry if I let you felt the way, but I have strong affection or feeling with your brother. when he went to college I felt sad, because I could not see him again. So I searched that you were his younger sister, so I decided to come with you when going home so that I can see him." He explained.
I'm really speechless of everything he said. My muscles were paralyzed and all I can think was 'my crush is in love with my brother'
"I'm really sorry Maine, I don't want to go this far." He further explains himself.
Now, I realized that your feelings will really fool you. That if a person uses his flattering words, he can break your shell apart and will use your soft innocent heart. But, not all.
But, that's my past life story. That day was unforgettable. I still accept the fact that he is a gay, but I was hurt at the same time. I can't blame him for being inlove with my brother, and I can't blame him if he does not loved me back, I was just hurt because he broke my trust, my trust in him, he was dishonest of what he really is and he was just playing along. So, I decided to avoid him and to heal from the traumatizing event of my life.
I never thought, that I let my guard down. I let myself fall into a trap and let my shell be broken.
***"It's okay to fall in love, but it's not okay to fall off the trap.***
"I Accept the Challenge" @OfficialGamboaLikeUs @meitanteikudo Thank you for Tagging me 🥰
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My Previous Article:
He was Golden https://read.cash/@Caroline17/he-was-golden-a2b2a140
My first month in this Platform https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-first-month-in-this-platform-1c3eb0f6
My happy moment in fantasy world https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-happy-moment-in-fantasy-world-8ded1e58
He was Golden
The room was old and dusty, with wooden floors that creaked with every step, and peeling wallpaper which may have once been a cream colour. The afternoon light shone through the large window, basking the entire room in a warm light. A man stood across from the window in the doorway, one hand lightly place on the wooden frame, a familiar smile on his face. His hair glowed golden, illuminated by the setting sun. He stepped into the room, an echo reverberating around him with every step.
In the centre of the room lay a large object, completely obscured by a white sheet. The man carefully approached the object, reaching out a hand to touch it, hesitating only inches away. His brows furrowed as an internal debate took place. He promised himself he would try.
Taking a deep breath, he reached out and gripped onto the white sheet, and then in one swift move, pulled the sheet away entirely. His eyes widened in awe as dust motes swirled around him, disturbed by the sudden movement
For a moment he stood, stunned by the breathtaking sight before him. The black surfaces of the grand piano were lucent in the light from the window and it looked... exactly like he remembered it. Some part of him almost expected it to look different somehow, as if the events which had changed him, would also affect it. This fact surprisingly brought him comfort, rather than the horrible sadness that he expected to feel.
He lifted the lid of the piano and propped it up, before lifting the fallboard to reveal the black and ivory keys. Long, slender fingers gracefully moved over the keys of the grand piano, not playing... never playing. With a sigh, he walked slowly around the instrument, his hand never once leaving it, even as he walked around it entirely. A forlorn expression had settled over his features, his eyes growing sad, his steps heavy and slow.
He paused upon returning to where he started, in front of the piano. Sitting down at the piano bench, he straightened out his posture, positioned his feet in front of the pedals, and extended his hands out so that they were situated directly above the keys. He had given up hope long ago, but the yearning still remained. He closed his eyes, steeling himself for what he knew was to come if he dared to play.
Flashes of memories returned to him in that moment. He remembered the first time he had ever walked in here, a beautiful woman by his side. The room was newer then, the paint fresh on the walls, the wooden floors polished to a high standard, and no dust in sight. He remembered his fiancée's radiant smile as he wandered around the room, deciding immediately that this was to be their music room.
He remembered her eyes crinkled with laughter as they both attempted to push the heavy instrument into the room. He remembers her triumphant smile when they finally succeeded at the end of the day, as they lay in bed together in a room filled with unpacked boxes.
He remembered dancing by candlelight with his wife, their shadows dancing on the walls along side them in the flickering light. And every single night, his wife would lie on the chaise in this room, completely enraptured with whatever he was playing on the piano at the time.
Opening his eyes brought him back to the harsh reality. He never expected to have to say goodbye to his beloved so soon. She had died of cancer years ago now, and he had not plated since. His smooth hands, not yet wrinkled by age, remained steadily hovering over the keys, begging him to play. He knew he needed it to heal.
Fear held him back. He had waited too long.
His hands began to shake as his resolve started to diminish. A sudden surge of willpower coursed through him at the thought of leaving the room after getting this far, and he forced himself to play. Tears welled up in his eyes as he began to play, his fears confirmed; yet he continued regardless, years of practice and muscle memory pulling him through.
His elegant fingers glided across the keys, working perfectly in sync with his feet on the pedals. He did not notice his sister enter the room, a look of utter disbelief in her features. She stood in the doorway, watching her brother in shock. Her expression quickly softened into one of empathy as sorrow filled music echoed around the -until now- abandoned room.
Tears rolled silently down her brother's cheeks, and she ached for his loss. Upon finishing the piece, he sagged in his position, and she slowly approached the piano. A hand was gingerly placed on his shaking right shoulder; acquiring his attention and making him turn to look at her.
She looked questioningly at him, and in response he gestured to the piano, and shook his head silently. He choked back a sob at this, as if he had just fully realised the situation. She nodded at him in understanding. She briefly removed her hand from his shoulder and made sure she had his attention before using her hands to sign to him,
***"It's nice to hear you playing again."***
***This article is a fiction only. Hope you like it. Many thanks to all those who commented and upvoted my previous article. God bless you all.***
***thanks for your time to read my fiction story.***
Thank You @cxrxlxrts For upvoting me 😊🥰 God Bless You .
Lead Image Source: https://unsplash.com/photos/msN77mpnQDE
My Previous Article:
My first month in this Platform https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-first-month-in-this-platform-1c3eb0f6
My happy moment in Fantasy World https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-happy-moment-in-fantasy-world-8ded1e58
Replaceable https://read.cash/@Caroline17/replaceable-8bdd8249
The only man in my heart https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-only-man-in-my-heart-74fc6839
Don't give up to your dreams because the surrender is defeated https://read.cash/@Caroline17/dont-give-up-to-your-dreams-because-the-surrender-is-defeated-a5368e7b
Today is second of the month of july https://read.cash/@Caroline17/today-is-second-day-of-the-month-of-july-94646afc
My first month in this Platform
***First of all, i am thankful to the person who first helped, first supported, first i met here on Readcash because if i didn’t meet him i wouldn’t know readcash. he guided me on how to create an account and what to do here on the platform. So thank you so much*** @carisdaneym2 ***for inviting me here.***
**Everyone strives for success**
I know there is no easy way to achieve the desired success, Everything Starts at Zero,So I can learn a lot more from this Platform, But the most I want to learn is the "**Crypto Currency**", I want to enter the world of crypto but hard to know, so while I'm focusing on writing the article I'm reading about it, I already know about how to Buy and Sell. buy Bitcoins cash when its Value is low so that once it rises you can Sell it. I also discovered that there are other sources of income in BCH, This is Juunge.net here many people earn BCH by making arts and then mint to become NFT and then they will sell, there are those who will buy NFT then they will sell. https://www.juungle.net
That's one example of NFT that you can buy at Juungle's MarketPlace and then sell it. "Waifu, Rat, Ashwick" are the most frequently sold on the MarketPlace.
**My first week in Readcash**
I'm still having a hard time, I almost don't know what to do, I know we've all experienced it. So I did I read the articles first and studied their works and I read the rules here in readcash .
I said in my mind that I can't do this because it takes 600 words to make an article, because I'm used to just short words and just making a poem. but I still didn't lose hope to make a simple article, I tried to write until I came to the point where I couldn't continue because it blocked my mind, so what I did was I just read other people's articles and rested my mind first .
June 9 i finished my written article so i decided to Publish it, i didn't expect i did well because i'm not used to writing an article . "Absurd Person Singular" https://read.cash/@Caroline17/absurd-person-singular-cffe73a2
This is my first written article I don't expect that many will read my article because that was the first time and I don't have many friends here at readcash. After I published an article, I read other people's articles to get ideas for the next article I will write .
**My 2nd week**
I continued to write articles until the day of my 2nd week here at readcash. My Written article is about "Bullied" https://read.cash/@Caroline17/bullied-32272fa8
It’s about a female student being bullied at school. I thought because my best friend had already experienced this, In schools the arrogant, judgmental and hurt the person who has nothing against them. Many people experience this besides my friend, so there were rules at school that "No Bullying". Their rules are right to prevent people from being bullied.
**My First Notice from RandomRewarder**
I was surprised when I looked at my "**Notification**". When I think that RandomRewarder noticed me, this is the first time he noticed my article .
I'm very happy because even though it's hard for me to think to write an article, it's worth it when randomrewader suddenly noticed me, so I was especially motivated to write .
That day, someone encouraged me because I was already discouraged because I was having a hard time writing an article. @ExpertWritter She is a talkative and kind woman who helps the new ones here in readcash . He always encourages me and guides what I do here at readcash. I have worked hard on my writing because of the people who have always supported me From the beginning until now.
**My 3rd week**
I have met and interacted with many people, I am very happy because I am one of those who earn even a little. So I set my Goal to save "**BitcoinCash**" but it didn't work out because I had to spend my savings to pay for our house's electricity.It's okay with me because the important thing is that I help my parents from my BCH income in readcash. This is really my Main Goal because I don't have a job to help my parents so I thought of a way to help them.
**My 4th Week**
I tried to share my own story, because I read a lot that is pure love story then Sad ending, so I wrote an article about my Love story.
The title is **"The only man in my Heart"**
I don't think many people will like my written love story, because the first time I wrote my story I didn't expect them to like it, but it's true what others say **"Expected, Unexpected"** Because many people are interested in my article .RandomRewarder gave me 11$, This is the biggest I've got in 4 weeks, It's happy because I never thought of such a thing so I said to myself I'll work harder to write more for July so I can set a goal .
**During my first month here at readcash**
I already have **"48 Subscribers"**and I have **"10 Sponsors"** I really receive so many Blessings from you thank you so much. 😊
I have already reached **500viewers**. Thank you to those who always read my article
**My Current Sponsors**
@carisdaneym2 , @dziefem , @immaryandmerry , @Zhyne06 , @ExpertWritter , @Jane , @Eylz2021 , @Macronald , @Cineholic , @OfficialGamboaLikeUs s ..
Thank you so much for sponsoring me to appreciate what I am writing in my article. You are my Inspiration to write more good Articles and my Inspiration to achieve my Goal this month of July. God bless you all 🥰
**Top Tippers**
I don't expect to be able to **Top 62** right away, I'm so happy because I see what I'm sharing with others, they say "Share your blessings".
"The more give, The more you received".
**I earned this first week of July**
I set my Goal for this month of July, My Goal is to save 100 $ to give to my parents and I will give to my siblings, they just buy food.. I am the eldest so it is my duty to help my parents and my siblings .
Many thanks to all who have been my friends here. @Eunoia a from the beginning until now has been following my articles, He is a kind, smart person and funny friend. ate @Ruffa thank you for always upvoting my article even though I always write Fiction Story. To my other friends here, thank you very much and thank you for trusting me @renren16 , @Sequoia , @JRomana20 , @ThisisGrace21 . God Bless You all.🥰🥰
To those who always upvote my article, thank you so much and God Bless You 🥰🥰
****Lead Image From Google****
My Previous Article:
Massage failed to send https://read.cash/@Caroline17/massage-failed-to-send-9094d6d2
My happy moment in fantasy world https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-happy-moment-in-fantasy-world-8ded1e58
Replaceable https://read.cash/@Caroline17/replaceable-8bdd8249
The only man in my heart https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-only-man-in-my-heart-74fc6839
Don't give up to your dreams because the surrender is defeated https://read.cash/@Caroline17/dont-give-up-to-your-dreams-because-the-surrender-is-defeated-a5368e7b
Today is a second day of the month of July https://read.cash/@Caroline17/today-is-second-day-of-the-month-of-july-94646afc
How do you deal with Anxiety and Depression https://read.cash/@Caroline17/how-do-you-deal-with-anxiety-and-depression-13c1602e
Massage failed to Send
***'Message failed to send'*** I read the same 4 words over and over again my heart breaking more and more as I kept repeating those words in my head. I couldn't believe it and my heart broke I felt like I was burning from the inside out as a scream ripped through me I kept going until my voice was hoarse and broken.
***I*** should have done it,
I ***should*** have told him it was fine,
I should ***have begged*** him to stay.
I should have done it, but it was ***him*** who begged me ***to*** stay.
I should have taken the keys making him ***stay*** with me
I heard knocking on the door and I didn't look up not even when the door knob broke and people ran in I didn't respond to their questions I just stared at the god damned device as all slivers of hope and happiness drained from me until I was just numb and my heart was gone it wasn't beating the same way because I knew he was gone.
I killed him and ***he wasn't coming back***.
I sat in the chair and I didn't look up the device was taken from me and I hadn't given any response and I didn't want to
"Cartwright you have to talk eventually" one said and I just blocked them out as my world shattered around me and no one was here to pick up the pieces like he did, and I couldn't pick them up by myself.
"CARTWRIGHT!" Someone screamed I gasped like I hadn't breathed in a while, my mind was foggy and my senses were dull I wasn't aware I was being shook until I was knocked over I sat up, looking up my eyes hardening and my heart was gone but my senses weren't, they were sharp, I stood up looking at the person I had never seen before.
"Give me the phone" I said I didn't even recognize my own voice and I was scared of myself but I pushed that away and stood in front of the man.
"Give me the phone" I repeated he pulled out my cell and handed it to me I gripped it and walked out as the man quivered like a leaf in the wind.
I walked out and down the street to the place he used to take me and I looked out and then down at the drop.
I knew ***it was bad but I messaged him*** again.
I stood on his cliff the one we shared our first kiss, our first date and... It was our safe place that we shared with each other when one of us went missing for days or was not answering calls we went here to see each other again.
Now I was standing on this cliff my mind was racing a million miles and my hands were shaking I didn't know what was going to happen next, I gasped and fell to the floor I couldn't pick up the pieces alone tears streamed down my face.
He was gone ***and it's my fault.***
My tears didn't stop and my mind was racing and I felt sick as everything fully settled down as the dust cleared and there lay him,
My Future
My Happiness
My Other half
My Life
My Soul
He was gone and I couldn't stop the tears and cries I called out for him but he didn't show and it ached, my soul ached for him.
My heart stopped as I heard a "bink" everything slowed down as I sat up and looked at my phone to see the message icon,
It couldn't be him, ***he was gone***
I opened my phone and the message app and there was a text message from him. I looked at the screen not moving a muscle, not opening it and just staring out into the abyss of the cliff.
He was gone, he has been gone.
I opened it hesitantly and the message read:
'Hey, it's been a long time I know,
I'm sorry Baby, I failed and I hope you are okay,
Love-'
I couldn't read his name ***it hurt*** too much
"WHAT SICK JOKE IS THIS!" I screamed into the abyss it came back as a muffled echo of what I had said I looked at the screen to see the time the message had been sent and it stopped my brain as it was only a minute ago, I closed my phone and dropped it next to me my heart was hoping and I couldn't let it, my world had been shattered for so long and hoping was making it worse, making me feel was hurting even more.
I did it.
I got up and I looked down I looked at the black abyss below me and I looked back at my phone as it kept chiming I closed my eyes and fell my mind was at ease knowing it would be over soon.
No more pain
No more aching
***No more*** love
"CARTWRIGHT!" I heard someone scream as I was yanked up and into a warm chest my eyes were closed and I opened them
They didn't let me fall.
I looked up and I stepped back away from the cliff to see him I fell back my skin felt cold as my mind went on alert
"YOUR DEAD!" I screamed at him
"Cartwright stop" he said I didn't I screamed at him again the same three words 'how could you'
"Cartwright" he whispered he moved to touch me
"NO!, DON'T!" I said backing up and i fell back onto my back because my hand had slipped onto my phone I held it and opened it to see his messages and they all said 'don't do it'
"You died" I whispered my eyes watering
"You left" I said i kept going on
"Cartwright" he whispered my head pounded and I gasped and gaped as he walked towards me
"MICHEAL YOU'RE DEAD YOU HAVE BEEN FOR 10 YEARS!" I screamed closing my eyes and I kept them shut as my phone vibrated in my hand and the tears wouldn't fall anymore.
***I accepted it.***
He was gone and I was sat on the cliff edge staring out in the abyss "you're gone" I whispered "Micheal" I whispered it still hurt but I felt like everything felt real now.
I was able to keep living.
***This article is fictional story. Hope you like it, thank you very much."Sorry if I make you feel sad in this one but it needed to be done.If you read just the bold there's a little story."***
My New Sponsor, Thank you Ms. @Jane for sponsoring me 😊God bless You po, More BCH to you.
As for my Sponsors, thank you for always supporting me because that is why I am always motivated to write .. God bless you all
to those who always upvote my article, thank you very much.
Lead Image Source: https://unsplash.com/photos/QofjUnxy9LY
My Previous Article:
My happy moment in fantasy world https://read.cash/@Caroline17/my-happy-moment-in-fantasy-world-8ded1e58
Replaceable https://read.cash/@Caroline17/replaceable-8bdd8249
The only man in my heart https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-only-man-in-my-heart-74fc6839
Don't give up to your dreams because the surrender is defeated https://read.cash/@Caroline17/dont-give-up-to-your-dreams-because-the-surrender-is-defeated-a5368e7b
Today is second day of the month of July https://read.cash/@Caroline17/today-is-second-day-of-the-month-of-july-94646afc
My happy moment in Fantasy World
**Fantasy World**
*Called* ***"DisneyLand of the Philippines"*** *But it has been abandoned and not continued, Many people are ashamed because it did not continue but if it continues, it will be DisneyLand of the Philippines. So I will share with you my happy experience here in Fantasy World with my Boyfriend.*
**I want to share with you this my happy experience in Fantasy World.**
First of all let me first tell you how we got to the so -called Disneyland of the Philippines. From Laguna to Fantasy World located in Lemery Batangas it took us 3 hours to arrive hahaha . Because we didn't know how to go there, So Boyfriend and I did We took a car to SM Lipa Batangas. Then we took another car going to Lemery batangas, my boyfriend and I thought in Fantasy World that we would be dropped off because the fare was expensive 3 $ a person or 150 pesos. When we go out of the Van, we ride a "Tricycle" hahaha The tricycle is going to Fantasy World, we also paid fare of 250 pesos , I told my mind it was hard to get through before we arrived. But everything we spent was worth it when we arrived at the same place ,Because he's so nice to see. I feel like I'm in "Hong Kong DisneyLand" hahaha Lol.
That's it. We're here in Fantasy World. We went to the gate to enter. My boyfriend and I thought there was no entrance fee haha, then the Guard suddenly stopped us and we are asked if we have been able to pay at the counter of 100 pesos, I said no, the guard pointed out where we would pay so that we could enter the fantasy world.So we quickly walked to the counter to pay, after we paid we went back to the Guard to show him that we had paid to go inside, I'm excited because I've wanted to go him for a long time.
So much happy because my request to go to the **"Fantasy World"** was fulfilled. So when we went inside, the flowers I immediately saw how beautiful they were. We continued our walk. We toured the Inside of the Fantasy World.
As we walk we feel the cold breeze. I'm almost cold but **"Go"**
I'm still there because I've only experienced this once, We went to a big Tree house with a bridge at the top to cross to the other Tree house .
When we entered the tree house to climb to the top, we looked out the window, we saw a beautiful view. From the fantasy world you will see the **"Taal Volcano"** and the **"Taal Lake"**, super nice to see it and while we were watching we saw something on the chin, it was Plants that zigzag, similar of the **"Harry Potter"** show where they played their games in an area where they were blocked by plants.
After that we went down to go around again the Fantasy World.
While we were touring we went to beautiful places for my boyfriend and I to take selfies hahaha 😅.
So I did I gave boyfie my cellphone so he could take a picture of me in Fountain. We even wet because of the sudden force of the water haha, We both really enjoyed it.
I take a picture of him in front of the chappel after we prayed. I told him **"Grabe Feeling Pogi"** and then I said, the important **"I Love You"** He shuddered haha his camera hit me 😅 .
After we took a selfie we sat on the side to view the beautiful view while holding our hands and while spending time.
5pm We went home because the trip was difficult, we rode the tricycle again but we passed another, Going to **"Tagaytay"** because the trip was faster, I arrived home at 8pm haha. I hope I can go back to Fantasy World again.
*This idea I got from a Talkative and kind Friend of mine* @ExpertWritter *. I can't write this but because of you I can write a happy memories in Fantasy World hehe thank you.🥰*
*To all my sponsors 😊 thank you for always supporting me here. To those I met here, thank you for always upvoting my article. I hope you don't get tired of reading my article .*
****Lead Image Own Photo****
My Previous Article:
Replaceable https://read.cash/@Caroline17/replaceable-8bdd8249
The only man in my heart https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-only-man-in-my-heart-74fc6839
Don't give up to your dreams because the surrender is defeated https://read.cash/@Caroline17/dont-give-up-to-your-dreams-because-the-surrender-is-defeated-a5368e7b
Today is a second day of the month of July https://read.cash/@Caroline17/today-is-second-day-of-the-month-of-july-94646afc
How do you deal with Anxiety and Depression https://read.cash/@Caroline17/how-do-you-deal-with-anxiety-and-depression-13c1602e
Writing my future: Questions https://read.cash/@Caroline17/writing-my-future-questions-b05d92c9
The one who is in school https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-one-who-is-in-school-2f40f018
Replaceable
*Life is good, you might say. Or that's what I have been told. Questions are in my head, struggles that I face everyday. I wonder*, **"What would it be like to have no feelings?"** *in an attempt to leave a peaceful and normal existence. I ask,* **"Why is my life constantly a video on rewind?"** *The feeling of being worthless is perhaps not the worst feeling that can be felt. I believe that probably the worst feeling is the one that I experience daily - not being good enough - capable of being replaced or forgotten.*
Everyone likes to say that others are important, others are worth it, and others are the reason why they live. That can't be entirely true or even partially true. I have friends who when I think about them, they can bring a smile to my face. There are also other that I am acquainted with that, just by thinking of them, my mood can sour quickly. I used to say, "I admire and thank those people who had previously and still constantly make my life bad, because without them, I would be dead right now. I couldn't live with the feeling and the thought that with my death, I would be giving them a part of me- a sense of victory." I don't know why I don't still think like that. I believe that everyone is replaceable, at least, I clearly am.
Maybe all I want is to have someone in my life. Someone who tells me, daily, that I'm good enough, that I'm worth it, that I'm their reason to live. Someone who encourages me, someone who looks at my eyes and can see the truth and the pain behind the glassy and dark sea. Maybe someone who loved me, just as much as I loved them. I try to be that person for someone else. I tell them that they are talented, that they are hilarious, that they make my existence worth it. But no one tells me that back. Out of probably 5 or 6 people that I have attempted to be their reason for life, or simply just a shoulder to lean on, a ear to hear, a voice to echo, none of them have told me anything similar in return. Perhaps they haven't realized, that under this "nice" masquerade, I'm crying out for help. I'm not trying to be "nice", so others can be "nice" back.
I'm trying to send radar signals indicating that I need someone to be my nightingale (quoting Demi Lovato's Nightingale song), in a sense. I've been made fun of when I stated that I needed a nightingale. Even the closest of my friends, or maybe rather I should say "friend", had tortured me daily by making fun when I told her I needed a nightingale. I had meant that in a sense that I needed a hero, a "light to take me home", but rather, as she is and does not know about my past and thoughts, she interpreted it as that I was hungry for love. That I was **"desperate"** and **"clingy"**. But do you realize how important it is for someone like me to have a nightingale? Someone to follow, someone to look up to, someone to trust in.
I don't know what hurts more, not being able to find a reason to live, or rather, a friend that leaves you for someone better. Probably the second reason. I've had it happen at least two times, and the third case is pending. If my life is a video on replay, how come I can't find the fast-forward button?
I hate the fact that I'm so **"clingy"** and **"insecure"** and that I constantly compare myself to models or other people. I hate the fact that I am not impressed or content with my own body. I hate the way that I look myself yet I keep striving for perfection. I haven't done much and haven't accomplished much progress. I'm not sure what is more important, my weight or rather the amount of fat I can feel above or below my hips. Or how my thighs touch when I stand with my toes touching together. They say that it is due to genetics and the placement of your hips. I say it is due to fat and lack of exercise. I can't walk miles on weekends anymore - it's the end of the school year, I must **"finish strong"**. But when I have the time, what will I do? Will I try and run miles? Will I just continue walking 15 minutes miles on the treadmill, being absent-minded, and just simply listen to songs about love and heartbreak?
I would say that I'd like to join a track team in high school. But I know that I can't. Tryouts would be a disaster for me, or even worst is the fact that I have never done track - never seen a meet, never been to a practice, never run. I'd like to join, I mean, isn't it more incentive for me to reach perfection? If I've never been to track, never seen how it's done, how will I expect myself to go to tryouts. Wouldn't I just make a fool of myself?
How is it that I am never good enough? I don't have perfect grades, but I try my best as much as I can, at least. I'm terrible at friendships because everyone is too scared of me, there's too much history, too much bias, too much hate, directed against a single person. Why is it that they cannot forgive and move on? I've tried to, but what can I do? I'm not a skinny person, I'm not 5 feet tall and 80 pounds. Is that the reason why I cannot be like them? I'm not perfect and I'd like to say that I don't try to be, but truth be told, I admire perfection.
Something that kills me is that I don't even know my weight anymore. Sure, I have an estimated what, 105 pounds that the doctors told me? I'm not even sure if the scale is accurate or was that a "heavy" or "light" day for me. I look back on the days with nostalgia, the days in which I could control my weight, until I reached the high 80s or low 90s. Seems like forever ago, but it was only merely a year ago. Maybe I've gained muscle, you might reason. I don't think so. I can feel the flab and fat around my waste. I look at my too-large shoulders and sigh. My thighs are too big; I'm too short.
What would be easier? Ignoring the words and just try to move on? Or responding back with some words of my own? i would say the first option, but we all know that is a lie. Even if the other words stopped, the harshest words, hashest critic would be screaming at me, yelling me at me to try and reach perfection. Simply said, that is the voice inside of me that I fear the most. Why can't I be my own warrior, and my own hero?
Maybe I should strengthen myself up and look myself in the eye and announce to the world, show the world, that I am stronger than they think I am, I am a hero for myself. Everytime I try and love my body, my body-positive moments, they are always shattered within days, if not hours. Why is it that I am strong enough to seriously injure someone but I cannot stand up for myself and I cannot build a wall strong enough to keep my own voice out? How is it that I can pretend to be someone I'm not, yet slowly kill the remaining part of me inside?
*What is it that I must change? I'm hoping high school allows for me to cut away the words that people have labeled me for the past few years and hopefully I can make new friends without the bias of my history. I'll keep a handful of old friends, that's for sure, but maybe it's time to let a few them go. Maybe over the summer I'll run a mile every day or do some sort of sprinting exercise, so even if I don't have enough guts to try out for track, I'll be more fit and attractive, right? Being fit is being attractive, and being attractive gives you friends, and friends are a source of love?*
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**My Previous Article :**
The only man in my heart https://read.cash/@Caroline17/the-only-man-in-my-heart-74fc6839
Don't give up to your dreams because the surrender is defeated https://read.cash/@Caroline17/dont-give-up-to-your-dreams-because-the-surrender-is-defeated-a5368e7b
Today is a second day of the month of July https://read.cash/@Caroline17/today-is-second-day-of-the-month-of-july-94646afc
How do you deal with Anxiety and Depression https://read.cash/@Caroline17/how-do-you-deal-with-anxiety-and-depression-13c1602e
Writing my future: Questions https://read.cash/@Caroline17/writing-my-future-questions-b05d92c9
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