Inside their head? It's scary. I would know... It's my Mind

Avatar for Caroline17
3 years ago
Topics: Fiction, Story, Life, Feelings

I sit in the window sill of my bedroom. My eyes droop at the sight of outside, It's cloudy and there's a little sun peaking through. Ew...Sun. Light. Happiness. Ugh. Everyone thinks I'm okay, just a bit down. WRONG. I've felt "down" for years. You wouldn't know that because you wouldn't care enough to want to know at all, huh? Right. You can't hear me. I'm in my own head after all...

I hate this. I hate this so much, with a burning passion. But... I can't get out of it because... I just can't. The thought of being happy makes me more depressed because, I'll never achieve it. I guess... Everyone is happy with their lives and Going places, seeing people and doing things. I just sit here and rot away in the sill, or in the bathroom trying to drown myself or make my body stop all together. The pain no.....THIS pain is almost impossible to get rid of, it has stuck with me since...It's just been a long time.

I'm sick of it. I don't know how to make it stop! My mind keeps spinning as the days and weeks go by, my eyes are red from crying no tears, but I still find myself wiping them off my face. It's terrible, someone please make it stop.... MAKE IT STOP! I'm gonna end up dead if this doesn't go away, I'll be dead by my own hand! I don't want that! But, who cares? No one. It's seems like they want to, but no one wants to help and talk about me and my dumbass problems. I tell myself, SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP, IT ONLY GET WORSE. And I know that thinking and feeling this way isn't good at all. I KNOW. But, I've never had a freaking therapist or a psychologist! They do, I don't!

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The typical, I have depression and anxiety. Yeah, I get it, we all get it. WE ALL HAVE TO HEAVILY SUFFER AT ONE POINT, I KNOW. But do we if it's to the extent of wanting to end our own suffering when we are surrounded by people? There's only so many positive things your minds tells you, right? Having to deal with all of the shit of your self image that you hate so much, all the little things that prick your insecurities and sprinkle it with the weight of your past and BAM! You have a sad ass dish called, "depression and Suicidal Thoughts!" HOW LOVELY. I'm aware.

There's only so much a person can take. A lot of people think that they will never get depression or anxiety. OH HO HO! But when they get it, they act like they're the only fucking person to have it. Making a big deal, like EXCLAIMING "I AM DEPRESSED" *slow claps* HOLY CONGRATS. A person with depression won't go out and admit they have depression. They want to stay with themselves in a "comforting" place, curled up or laying down staring at nothing while their mind either thinks at either 1000000000000 MPH or 0.005 MPH. Not admitting you have depression is like not admitting you have a drinking problem. It's hard and takes effort to get out of. I just hope I'm brave enough to get out of this hellhole that is.... my mind.

Everytime you look in that mirror, you see a depressed person who should just die already. No. You are a warrior. A survivor. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I know you think that no one cares and that I'm just saying this. Yes, I'm saying this to get through to you. To reach out my hand and tell you it's gonna be okay. Maybe not today, but eventually. It does get better. It's worth it to live through the darkest days of your life, as a person who can relate heavily to this topic, you will leave through it. You have a strong enough soul and mind to get through this. I know that this seems like the hardest thing to do and you won't make it out alive but... By the end of the day. You are beautiful. You are loved. Even if no one acts like it. Please don't think about taking yourself off this planet, you are wanted and needed and loved to end of the Earth. Please know that... From one depressed person to another. I love you so much, don't ever change and keep moving. it's hard I know.

Stay alive. Trust me, it's worth it.


This is another Fiction story I made. I hope you like it.

To those who always upvote my articles. thanks a lot.God bless you πŸ₯°


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Avatar for Caroline17
3 years ago
Topics: Fiction, Story, Life, Feelings
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Comments

It's never easy to experience depression :(. People make fun of these people without realizing tge agony that depressed people really went through.

You don't have to hide it. I wouldn't say that it's okay, because we both know that it will take some time before you become okay. Just always remember that I am always willing to listen to you and your always worth it ❀

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Yah. Hiding your grief from others will make you more depressed so don't be ashamed to tell your parents and friends because they are there to help ... and just pray always.

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3 years ago

I understand your situation because we are the same. I have anxiety, I actually never knew I had one I just realized it not until recently. I have panic attacks, I feel like I am dying and my heart just wants to stop. Perhaps because I tried to be strong all my life. Seeking help, reaching out to trusted friends and family members, are great ways to conquer melancholy. Try meditation too, maybe your energy needs cleansing. Try to talk to yourself in the mirror, it is a way of healing. Trust me, I have been there and I am still sad from time to time because of postpartum but I acknowledge and I am aware of my emotions.

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Let us not let sorrow swallow us up. When we have time to talk to our parents, let's express our resentment to get rid of our sadness or bond with our friends.. Always be Happy and Always pray to our Lord 😊

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3 years ago

depression is not easy others choose to end their lives in a way that they think they have no one listen to them. Pinag daanan ko din ang depression and it's kills me do badly ang tanging ginawa ko lang is always pray to god and have a positive mindset 😊

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3 years ago

Very Good! Do not overcome depression make way so we do not get depressed.

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3 years ago

I like how you conveyed this message to fiction. Nakaka tats doon sa part na

By the end of the day. You are beautiful. You are loved. Even if no one acts like it. Please don't think about taking yourself off this planet, you are wanted and needed and loved to end of the Earth. Please know that...

Aww thank you mare πŸ₯²πŸ’š Isa ako sa nakaka experience ng depression eh. Pag nakakabasa ako ng ganto nakaka gaan sa pakiramdam

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Ahh Welcome mare😊 same tayo ganyan din ako kaya napapasulat ako ng ganyan para mailabas ko . Gumagaan pakiramdam ko.

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3 years ago

Same. Pero now hindi na ako nagsusulat ng mga nararamdaman ko sa ganyan.

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3 years ago

For those depressed and lonely. If no one is there for you, someone is watching us. Pray and let the wisdom of God conquer the battle in your mind right now. For that you will find the peace for rest. May all drunken mind be healed. Your a warrior and survivors. πŸ˜‡

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Grabee ang effort ng comment ah πŸ˜… kala ko tulog kana . Pero salamat . Pray lang always 😊

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3 years ago

Think positive po always,huwag nating hayaan na manalo ang mga negatibong bagay o ano man na makakatalo sayo☺️❀️(newbie lng Po)

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Oo naman hehe Always be Postive and always be happy . Lagi din mag pray sa diyos yan ang dapat huwag kalimutan 😊.. Nice to meet you . Welcome here at readcash. Enjoy lang sa pag susulat hehe

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3 years ago

Having depression and anxiety is never easy. But there are some people who cannot understand that. They think that people who has this depression or anxiety were just overacting. That's why they tend to hide it and fight it silently. For those people who are suffering from depression and anxiety, be strong. Think of your love ones. And most importantly, seek refuge to God.

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3 years ago

That is the most important thing to seek refuge in our lord and make our thoughts Positive and Strengthen our Will.

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3 years ago

Don't let yourself down sis. Always strong and keep fighting. Be a positive thinker. God is with us. Always pray. God is our savior. πŸ˜‡πŸ™

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3 years ago

Ayiee 😊 of course god is always by our side .. just always pray with him. God bless You Sis

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3 years ago

Yes sis. Prayer is powerful. God bless you too sis..πŸ™

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3 years ago

As much as possible, Think positive lang talaga sis. Huwag nating hahayaan na kainin tayo nang mga negative thoughts natin. Prayer is the best thing to do sissy!πŸ˜‡

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Yah! Yan talaga ang the bes sis 😊 dahil si lord lagi lang nandyan para tulungan tayo hehe .

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3 years ago

Totoo yan sis.. πŸ˜‡ Kaya maging positibo lang talaga tayo..😌

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3 years ago

Mental health is as important at physical health. Healthy body, healthy mind and vice versa. Always check on your friends and loved ones. Always be kind to others for you don't know what they are going through. In this time of pandemic, we should encourage each other and uplift each other.

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3 years ago

That's true . I like what you said, but the health of the body is also the health of the mind. so let's just always think positive and pray to our lord πŸ₯°

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Indeed! He never fails :)

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3 years ago

Stay alive πŸ‘Œ amazing story telling ❀️

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Thank you for always reading my article πŸ₯°

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3 years ago

My pleasure.. we all are here to support each other ❀️

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3 years ago