Restarting my Life Again
My decision to stop my medication means a lot of things. First, I have to admit to myself that the diagnosis of the psychiatrist is part of who I am now since the medication prescribed to me did work. Then, I have to be ready with the effects and discontinuation symptoms that I would experience because of my decision to stop a medication that is working.
Disclaimer: I am not telling that others should stop taking their psychiatric medication without the advice of a mental health professional. I am just sharing my experience with quetiapine. The information written in this article should not be taken as medical advice.
Why I decided to stop taking the medication (again)
The truth is that as much as feel grateful for quetiapine for helping me sleep at night, the side effects of it are making me feel as if I am losing myself. It is a difficult thin to describe because being stable means that it is good, right? It means the manic, and depressive episodes happen less frequently. Basically, my mind is slowly stabilizing into the "normal" function.
But for me stable means no more highs of the mania anymore. And as much as there are destructive things thst could happen in a manic episode, the emotions from those kinds of episodes really kept me feeling alive. Those short episodes of mania, made me believe in myself and my productivity is off the charts.
Moreover, despite massive lifestyle changes, I am having a hard time with the weight gain associated with taking antipsychotics.
As you know, face to face classes are approaching fast. I know this is coming which is why despite the heavy feeling I have, I still continuously worked on sestablishing a good routine. This include a lot of physical activities and a better diet.
Thanks to this, I was able to keep my BMI at the normal level instead of being overweight.
Unfortunately, despite feeling tired everyday from physical activities, I can only do so much to control the weight gain. Even though I became more active than I have been in the last 21 years of my life, my weight is increasing.
Add the fact that quetiapine makes me so hungry all the time, seeing the numbers on the scale go up is discouraging.
I will not be going into detail about my struggles as it might trigger those who are also struggling with their own condition.
But the summary of it is while quetiapine does wonder for my mood stability and sleep, the effects it physically has on my body just opened a new can of worms. I know that if I continue going down this path, bipolar disorder will not be the last thing that will put strain in my body anymore.
It is risky
I know the risks since I have been searching it and taking it to heart the first time I stopped taking quetiapine (which is months ago). Back then the discontinuation symptoms were too much for me and I came back to restart my medication which resulted to the higher dose that I have been taking for 2 months.
But for me, I think I can handle it now. I have better routine than before, and the therapy is working great for me.
The medication helped with sleep and mood stability which can also be done with having a good daily routine and great sleep schedule. It will take a bit but I am getting there.
Closing words
It has been nore than 24 hours since I took my last medication. I am waiting for a full week before I can freely say I am out of 'danger'. I am just observing myself for now.
Aside from the headache last night, I do not feel much concerning discontinuation symptoms. I feel lighter too.
I just hope this feeling continues so thatI will not regret my decision once again. But who knows, maybe if I relapsed again, then I will finally have to admit that I need the meds to live.
But for now, I am going to try just going to therapy and continuing my routine with physical activities and healthier diet. This is the start of a hopefully new chapter of my life ever since being diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Thank you for reading this article!
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
December 2021 Articles Summary
November 2021 Articles Summary
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