I experience a lot from my birth mother, from her iron like kind of hands. Her strictness that below the belt and is unfair, her slaps and and pinch from her long nail and her belt that I think leave mark on my back (or not). I know I'm at fault because seriously, I'm a hard headed brat and really love to mess around. What do you expect? I'm a kid and kids love to play for as long as they want.
She is working hard for my better future and all I did was to be a pain in the ass. Well, my hard headedness is not like of some other kids who turns into a black sheep, not like that. I'm the milder one and the cutest, lol. Growing up, I experience my Mom's strictness until College. I can't do anything what I really want because I have this huge fear to her and also in my mind, she's the reason why I'm still at school, studying and enjoying every bit of it.
I experience a lot of pain from being with my Mom, but I also experience a happiness that only become possible because of her. I didn't experience to work while studying while some had to do some part time job just to support their studies. I admire those people who will do anything because they want a better future for themselves. If it's me, I don't know if I will be able to do that.
I'm a spineless human being who doesn't have a mouth to say what's on my mind. I'm a weak hearted and always had a what ifs ony mind. I don't have a confidence and afraid of criticism, I'm a coward. So I don't think I can do it without my Mom. My real parent is not well off enough to make us go to school, even if they have this ability to earn more if they don't have enough knowledge on managing their finance, then...
I'm still thankful to my real Mom because they allowed Mom to get me to them. By the way, I'm not adopted or what in legal way. They just have agreement between them with their signature giving Mom a consent to take me. This is not a secret really because while growing up tho my height is still the same lol, Mom made me understand that if I want to go back to my real Mama I just have to tell it to her and she will allow me. She won't stop me because it will be my choice.
When I finally understand it, I can't help myself from feeling hurt because why won't she stop me? Am I not important to her? Because she is to me, even if she has this not so good characters, love her and she's important to me. I mean, I feel like she will easily give me back to my real Mama and she don't give a fvck about it, and that's hurt. It happens so many times and all I can do was to cry silently on my bed, while my tears was falling on my pillow. I have that time that I can really become sentimental.
Mom is like my savior to me, she made me experience lot. Even if some of them is very painful but still, I understand her and look I'm still with her. I can't leave her yet because I care for her and I'm afraid that she will be lonely if ever I leave her. I love her for whatever she is. She's my Mom, my superhero, everything and my Favorite Person. She's my everything and I will do everything in my power to make her happy and safe.
Off course my Mama is also special to me they both are. I will never exist in this world if it's not for her and my Papa. Tho my Mom is extra special lol. They will never know this but I'm sure they feel it. I just wish that both of them is still with me when I decided to settle down and have my own kids, but I still don't need a husband. Or maybe I need one π€, but whatever lol.
How about you guysuu? Do you have you favorite person? Who's your favorite person? And why?
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March 23, 2021
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Same. Mas close kami ng mama ko. May papa ako, pero parang wala akong tatay.π π