Guys, do you also have that hidden desire that you truly want to do in your life? I mean, when it comes to being a girl , yeah it's about girly thing. When they are used to you wearing T-shirt but the truth is you also love dresses. But you can't show it to them because you are afraid of what they may say and you don't want that, that is why you are showing to them what they want to see and not what you really wants to do. You are not showing them the real you because you're afraid that you will receive a criticism from your own family.
There is this one time, I am with my real Mom, we are looking for an Ukay Ukay Store. I am actually looking for a short, by the way my kind of short was those knee length short, I don't wear shorts short or "pekpek short" as what other called. I am really not comfortable with that kind of short, another reason is my legs is not that good, lol.
So we found a store of Ukay and I saw a lot of skirt, a denim skirts and they are all pretty. And they're still look in good shape like some of them is used for like a few times only. And the design is really to die for, I want to buy even just one and so I start looking more into it.
I was looking into it and then my gaze turn into my Mom. And her reaction was so funny, like her thick brow was raising like she's questioning me with her eyes saying "Unbelievable." I can't really blame her coz she's used to me seeing in my knee length short. I don't even fond on wearing pants, I hate pants coz my legs is arghhh not so cute.
She move closer to me with thks question, we talk in Pilipino language so I will translate it nalang.
"You're really buying that?" Her
"Yes, why?" Me
"You don't even wear a short in our home and you will buy that?" Her
"Yes, I will use it when we go to Calapan or when we go to church." Me
"I will bet my 100 here, you will never gonna use it, just like what happened to your other pants that is sleeping in your durabox!" Her
I didn't respond to what she said, I just continue looking at it, but I can't concentrate coz Mom was blabbing and blabbing and won't stop nagging. She can't still believe that I'm really buying it, it's like I'm planning to buy a swimsuit and then walk in our neighborhood with only that piece of clothes, with her looks yes.
And in the end, I didn't buy it. Even if I want to, I feel like it will be a big shock to them if ever I buy it, the impact would be huge and I'm sure they will make it a big deal out of it.
They think I am a "Tomboy" even though I am a woman, in and out from top to bottom and from hair to toe nail. That's why it is new to them if I wore a skirt. Even a dress, they are not used seeing me in dress, the last time I wore a dress was on my graduation in College.
They also thought I hate dress and skirt, well that was because that's what I told them. I'm in denial yeah, a hypocrite. Even if I don't wear then, it doesn't mean I hate them. It's just that I'm ashame to wear it.
Look how beautiful that outfit, who wouldn't love that kind of things right? It's perfect, it's gorgeous and I love it I will never hate it. I don't hate it, it's just that I'm ashame, I don't have the guts to wear it and I am not confident. 😒
But this is not all, I have a lots that I like and I want. I really can't do it all now but I'm hoping that someday,I will have that courage na to do what I really want and show them who I really am. And hopefully I can finally say this to them;
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When i honestly only have girly clothes and they never questioned how i mix and match them unless it's a really bad match