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Becoming A Mom (Happy Mother's Day!) Today is mother's day, there's a lot to tell about becoming a mother, if I were to tell every details probably I can make a book. But I'm not gonna write about it, I just remember I had poem composition way back that I publish in here.. because it's mother's day, until now the past is still vivid in my memory how I became a mom. Some of you never know I have a poetic side as well.

I'll let you read one of my composition that was intended for those parents who are not ready becoming a parent but chose to be responsible with their actions and how the child brings joy afterwards, that everything is worth it. ❤️You Are My Sunshine *I was perplexed,* *Seeing the two red lines of a tool* *Called "****Pregnancy Test****".* *Mixed emotions, covering my mouth* *And let the teardrops down.* *I wasn't ready to be a mom,* *I don't know how to be a mom,* *I am 24 but I'm still scared,* *Scared to become a parent,* *Hurriedly get my phone and capture that tool,* *Send it to your Father,* *Your father was puzzled too,* *He isn't ready too.* *I am confused, so confused about how I am going to raise you!* *I myself have a hard time to understand me,* *How am I supposed to be a parent?* *When I didn't get any parental guidance?* *How will I raise you, my child?* *Should I get rid of you?* *No! The inner me shouted!* *I am not stable, your father isn't stable* *We're not ready!* *Should I bring you to misery?* *Heaven, what should I do?* *I cried, I let it out.* *Worried a lot,* *Despite being unsure,* *I didn't harm you inside...* *Thinking out loud, talked to your father once and for all,* *We decided,...* *Decided to embrace you!* *Yes my child! We will raise you.* *We will take care of you....* *We will love you unconditionally,* *When you're still inside, I was scared* *Scared you will face this cruel world,* *So cruel enough to ruin you,* *I will protect you! We will protect you!* *Parental instincts shouted!* *Oh! My child do not be weary,* *I wasn't ready but will going to nail it.* *Finally, you are out!* *My heart, my heart is filled with joy...* *My heart is rejoicing!* *You are the joy, once I never had* *I never thought you will be my sunshine...* *My sunshine, who will ease my* *Melancholy heart.* Source: You Are My Sunshine https://read.cash/@Eybyoung/you-are-my-sunshine-03ec4154

The poem was really inspired by my experience, I'm not ready to be a mom back then. I was so broken, a broken soul that has a lot of extra baggages and I am so unsure if I can raise a child knowing I am emotionally not stable. As some of you knows, I grew up with so much emotional torture in my environment. I was bullied, I was hated by mom back then and all people surrounds me doesn't like me.. because of that I was so broken that I don't know where should I placed myself. I was in Manila before when I got pregnant, I am working in there and I am not sure if I can feed the baby well because her father that time was also jobless. I am just a minimum wage earner and I also give a little amount from my salary to support my siblings, that made me think “how can I raise a child? I don't want her to end up being miserable like me!” But despite all the uncertainties, I didn't think of harming or aborting her. I know how it feels to be unwanted, it broke my soul to the core.. even if it was only two weeks of pregnancy I can't dare to kill it, as it already has a heartbeat. I embraced the child, even if I'm so scared of becoming a mom because I know my life will turn upside down even more.. But you know, after I saw her.. my expectations that my life will turn upside down even more is the opposite. When she came, I experienced real joy in my heart. Even if life is really shitting us, everything is worth it because having her gives me directions in life.

*(You see, even if I am trying to pose she's in the background haha, maybe 5-10 years from now she'll be taller than me 🥺)* With her, I am not alone. Coz right now, wherever I go she's with me. Even if my freedom was lost, I found true happiness by becoming a mother.

Happy mother's day to all mommies out there! Please know you are awesome! To my mother: Ma, I know how hard our lives has been before, although I resent you a lot but as I grew up and become a mom myself I understand you better. That is why I always believe Rayleigh has been a blessings in disguise just so we can reconcile. I love you and still love you despite of everything.

Shout out to my sister's who visited to great us on mother's day, and bring some foods. They made the day a little special. Thank you so much! @Misz_BotipolJen_07 Thank you for reading!

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