Taking a break from writing
I never thought it would come to this moment again. When I stopped poetry blogging, I did not think much of it since I was in a relapse of a bad depressive episode.
Now the same thing could be said but it is also much more than that.
It is true that I am depressed but that alone does not contribute mainly to the reason why I am not active here. The truth of the matter is that blogging became the last thing on my priority list.
Isn't it sad? Adult life starts to make the thing that made life enjoyable as the least priority.
Despite that, I have to do it because I have responsibilities that can not be delayed. I wish I could postpone them but life waits for no one.
So here I am stuck with multiple responsibilities, basicalky like a mushroom popping in and out of the blogging world.
4th year student
As some of you may remember, I am already a 4th year college student which means my subjects are mostly major ones that I can not fail. Moreover, I also have to worry about our thesis.
On-the-Job Training
As part of our academic requirements, we have to render 300 hours of virtual OJT. Good thing is that the professors came up with a way to compress the 100 hours into 3 webinars series dedicated in helping us learn fundamentals that will help us when we graduate.
I still need to render 200 hours though. In all honesty, I can just choose the easy path which is taking the certification program. It is an alternative to rendering 200 hours in OJT.
But no, I do not want to make life that easy. So what I decided to do is to sign up for the certification program. THEN, I also looked for companies that offer virtual OJT.
I could not help but be greedy since the certification program is an international certificate for soft skills development so it is a good edge to have.
However, I did not want to miss out on the OJT experience so I am aslo looking for one. I am already accepted in a robotics and automation company but I am still waiting for our COE coordinator to approve my recommendation letter and to see if he will accept the job responsibilities that I will have as an intern in the company.
The university wanted us to take virtual OJT in line with out course and with the approval of the coordinator so I have to wait even though the company said we can start as soon as tomorrow.
Crochet business
One thing that is also taking up my time is my crochet business. I closed my shop in Shopee for a while by delisting my products but there are customers who are messaging me via Facebook.
I am too hesitant to let the opportunity go since if a stranger is messaging me on Facebook then that means that my audience reach is slowly increasing. So I decided to take the crochet orders I received. I might make a different article about these orders since there are a lot than I expected and I am so happy since the customers are happy with their purchase.
Depression
Last but definitely not the least is depression. Do I regret stopping my medication?
No. To be honest, despite the relapse of depression I feel better in a way.
I have started to lose the weight I gained which made my clothes fit me again without feeling like a suman (a rice cake wrapped tightly in banana leaves). Moreover, the sadness feel familiar.
Sure, it is a bit irritating to find myself crying at the littlest things but I also feel more like myself if that makes sense. I guess I am more used to being sad than being stable.
Although if I could find a anti-psychotic medication that will not make me gain weight like crazy and make me feel like I am dying every night, then I might consider being medicated again.
But for now, I am just stuck in this misery that I chose. Obviously, I can just take my medication again but I need my uniform to fit me well so nope, it is not gonna happen.
Closing words
I missed reading everyone's articles but there is this feeling in me that I am just a speck of dust here in this platform. My absence will not be noticed nor will it mean much since I am no one's closest writer here.
It used to bother me especially back when I really wanted to make new friends here but now, I don't really feel anything about it.
Maybe my absence made my heart grow colder instead of fonder.
Thank you for reading this article!
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
December 2021 Articles Summary
November 2021 Articles Summary
Glad you wrote sometimes writing is good therapy. I hope you feel better in doing so. Yes real life can smack us in the face. It all comes down to taking it and getting to a better place. Never lose hope as there are good days ahead