But I don't wanna do that!
It's already 4 PM and I haven't written anything yet. I am like this right now "type, type, type, delete! Type, type, type again and DELETE and so on!" My gosh, my mind is not functioning well today. I mean, I think it's not functioning well naman everyday, lol. But to be honest, my mind in the past few weeks is so full of thoughts about hmmm. I can't really understand myself. I'm still thankful coz I can still share something here even though my mind is bombarded of that nonsense thought that is not even worth mentioning. It's just about something that I decided to finally, ah you know forget. I will be like forget and move on now. No more thinking about things that is impossible to happen.
Here's a cool and meaningful music for y'allFor now I will just focus on getting back my peace of mind. Just like before that I don't think too much. I will work my mind into something else but "that thing" is not included. Seriously, why I'm bringing a lot of stress on myself. There's no one to blame but only myself. I think about 'it' too much that I'm already forgetting the real purpose of why I'm grinding here. You know when I'm starting here there's nothing on my brain but to save, save, save. And I thought it will never change, like no unnecessary things to be added on my thought but yep things can happen and it will happen to make you go insane. Good thing I have a strong mind, nope scratch that. I have a crazy mind to get over with this sh!t.
I'm good at making myself believe that I will achieve anything as long as I set my mind into doing it. My imaginative mind even help because I can create a crazy scenario to make the impossible be possible. In my head I am already ahead to where I'm currently at in real life and that can push me to do things even if I'm not so sure of what the result might be. Saying if I didn't do it then nothing will happen and blablablabla. Yeah nothing can happen but if I failed to get it all then another heartbreak will fall into me. I maybe love hurting myself because of my own thought but I don't want that as a hobby. I still want to feel happy that's why I'm doing it all. But yeah, not always things will go into what you planned.
There are really a lot of meaningful music out there, you can find some on FB storiesThere's still always a failure that is waiting and if you failed to grasp that and you just let it linger into your head. Not just your thought will be affected but also your eyes for too much of crying. And crying after straining my eyes because of the screentime I spent in grinding here is really bad. As in, I can already feel the result because of doing that. You know that there is really just a time that you'll want to emote emote. Just so we can release whatever on our mind. As for me, because I can't easily cry if I'm not thinking of any hurtful scenario. I will just create it on my head and hurt myself more and that's already proven for many times. After that, my tears will just freely fall and the heaviness on my breast, oops. Is it breast or chest?
Whichever, after that all if it will be all gone and I can again be crazy and do 'it' like I'm not hurt just a while ago. Seriously, mind can really be dominant than out heart sometimes. My mind wants to still believe that something may change if I continue doing 'it' but my heart, I really really want to stop but arghh. It's heard specially if my reason is not enough to move on and forget. Ah whatever. I never thought that I have this thought in my head right now. Good thing I release all of it tru writing. I'll just end it here for now guysuuuu. Just remember that, if it's not worth it anymore and it can only bring you so much pain then stop already pweaseeee. We're stronger that you think. So let's love ourself and poop later.
Eheee, I started writing at 4 PM and finish it at exactly at 4:30PM. Awesomeness!!! I'll just do some finishing touch and polish it and I can finally poop. Do you want to cum with me? Eheee.
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March 20, 2022
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I like to read this topic. Nice one 👍