Maybe I'm Having Cold Feet
Months are rolling fast than we could imagine, the more it rolls fast the more I'm feeling weird.. you might wonder why? It's because of the upcoming wedding preparation that'll happen once my partner sign off from the ship.
He said his contract will end by May or June, once he signed off we'll proceed on how our wedding to be done such getting documents for marriage contract and etc. The more it's getting near the more I am feeling weird, I mean.. I don't know what should I felt. When I was early 20's I dreamed to have a beautiful wedding, we were in a relationship with my partner for almost 11 years on April (next month).. due to many circumstances we didn't tie the knot as early as possible even if we already have a child.
But right now that I'm on my late 20's entering the early 30's stage, I felt cringe everytime I saw some cheesy moments from couples, especially on weddings..I added the wedding coordinator that we booked so I can follow his updates, whenever they have successful wedding events that they've cover, I can see it especially the mini films they made for the couple.
Seeing the video how the couple prepare for their upcoming wedding, giving short message for each other.. I always say to myself “Eyyy! Sana all!” but I felt cringe, like is this normal? Maybe it's because I don't want to imagine myself in the same situation, I don't know I find it weird.. I should be excited right?
But I'm a person who can suppress my excitement so I won't expect anything, maybe I'm just undenial that the one I wish before will happen in the near future. I'm becoming less romantic as well, I don't know if it's only because I am used that my partner is always away with us for like 9 months or even a year.
Before I used to tell my partner that it's fine with me to have civil wedding, only us and few witness but he doesn't like the idea, maybe he knows that I also dreamed to have a beautiful wedding and he's trying his best to give it to me.. I just realized as time goes by, when maturity hits us.. dreams and aspiration also changes especially if the one we aspire during our younger years isn't that necessary at all.
Or maybe because we've been together for many years that tying the knot was late.. but I believe nothing is late because we all have different time frame, what matters most is that we've built strong foundation together despite that we didn't have our vows yet.
Well I just can't imagine, I'll be married for real legally..or am I not ready after all? I don't know, or is this a bride to be syndrome? I really felt having cold feet towards it, but as I search for details to answer some of my questions and doubts, most results said it's perfectly normal.
Maybe because due to a lot of factors that there are a lot of broken marriage and etc, this somehow gives bride to be uncertainties since no one will ever know what the future holds. Or I'm just having thoughts that my single status will end soon, the real status you put in any documents you are signing lmao.
Well mostly said it's normal and it can be remedied, I'll just remember who I am and why I am getting married in the first place.
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Date Published: March 26, 2022