A lot of thought is running in my head in the last few days, I mean this one started since a few week ago pa my gosh until today. I don't know why I'm thinking those nonsense when in fact it's not that really important. I feel like a mad and crazy woman fighting with myself like I'm some kind of argh, I hate this seriously. I can't really understand myself this day. Sala sa init sa lamig ang peg and it's not cool anymore. I'm losing my focus and I can't think of a topic anymore.
If before It's easy for me to think of a topic like my experiences, now because of those thought that's making me crazy this day I am having a hard time na to think of a good one. Well, I know that my article is not that good and maybe the simplest one here in read.cash but writing them is just, hayhhh. I need to take a deep breath here because I'm losing my focus again. A lot of things is getting my attention and I am soooo distracted!
And seriously, this thought is not really about in so many things. It is actually just one thing and pabalik balik nalang sa utak ko yan. I'm fighting with myself it's actually my heart vs. my mind. And it's it's not easy to decide on this one especially if you have to fight with yourself. Ahh, I don't know anymore. It's not easy seriously, I'm crazy yeah. I did a lot of things just to remover this not so important thought in my head but, it's zero, nil, nada. As in nothing, it still here and it's getting in my nerves now.
I already tried listening to some cool music because this one is very effective to me when I have a headache so I thought it will too in this kind of thing, like you know thinking a lot but about for only one thing. So I listen to it, at first it's effective because I forget all of the things on my head but after some time. I'm back again on thinking about it. Ahh, this is hopeless. Pauli uli sya sa isip ko, I don't know what to do anymore. I have to do something about it but the I solution that I thought will resolve it is not very effective.
I just want a piece of mind and stop this madness because it's not healthy anymore, yeah it is that bad. I want to have an amnesia so that I can forget it all, completely. It's just hard to do it because no matter how hard I try to put it in my head, puso pa rin ang nanaig. My heart always win and I can't stop it even if I want to because in my mind I also want it. I enjoy doing those things I did for "It" and Even if I regret it later the thing is, I did it with open heart and soul.
But doing those crazy things for it is so exhausting. Aside from I can get a heartache doing it, it's ouch. It's annoying and I hate it. But what can I do, as if I can talk to it to stop doing what it's doing. I can't and I don't want to expose my real feeling and it's not so right, I hate myself yeah. It's crazy. I already said what I want to say. Now I think I can finally move on. Releasing it is actually good. I just hope that I can erase "It" on my system completely after this litanya.
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June 5, 2021
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Nalito ang puso at isip ko sayo kung anong uunahin ko..haaayyy baby gerl..haha