There are really times that I long for that "sad" feelings and and want to cry to my heart content. I don't know why I find the joy in feeling that sadness. Is it just me or you too? Or can you understand what I'm saying? I mean, I find happiness in my sadness and I sometimes miss it that is why I sometimes create a sad scenario or stories in my head where I am the leading lady and I will hurt myself freely. I will make it to the point that I will cry later because of it. I don't know what's with that, is it normal?
But you know, it's a great help to me too coz after hurting myself and making myself cry, I will go back again to my old self like nothing happened. I can breath again with happiness, I can laugh again and communicating with my virtual friends will never be boring again. I sound abnormal here and I feel like I'm the only one here who do that kind of things. I mean, who find happiness in sadness right? Or who find peace in his own misery right? Or are you too?
My abnormality sometimes is a top notch and I don't know if one can ever compete me to this, charowtttt ahahaha. But really making myself cry by doing that can lift up my mood from cry baby to a crazy woman later. I can again throw some jokes and all. But there are also times that doing that is just making my feelings get worse. And if that happens that's where a my the ever companion will make it's entry, my smartphone. Good songs, cool lyrics and my headphone. It's perfect!
And you know what's my favorite scenario that I love to create in my head? A love story, lol. I can make it a tragic one or a one sided love story. There's a cheating also and there's also a love that you will bring in your death bed and you will die alone because the love of your life doesn't love you. Ahh, that kind of plot that's my most favorite and can be very effective one to make myself cry. I cry because of the plot or what. That's the only reason and nothing more.
It's just my way of making myself cry. And I feel like I am always happy that is why I need a change of mood. You can all see naman how hyper I am that even me will be annoyed sometimes because if I'm in that state my confidence will go up into 69% and I can make a decision that I will surely regret later, talk about impulsiveness righty! Or did I really just need a change of mood or I'm just stress out? I don't know the answer myself.
There are really times that I just want to sulk in one corner of my bed. You know, if only I have eyeliner here I will put some on my eyes and I will listen to My Chemical Romance playlist all day and let my tears fall into my cheeks, chorrr lol. And, crying is the best when I want to remove this feelings I have inside my heart. We can't really help it sometimes right, feeling blue and not green huehue. Good thing is it's effective to me.
But what if not? I'll be like others who can't handle their self, their emotions. Who will just let negativity eat their whole system. I'll be the one who'll be more affected if I didn't do that and I'll be the one who'll suffer. And because I can handle it why not do something that can ease it right. It's just how we handle our own emotions. And that's how I do things. By making myself sad, so yeah in my sadness, I feel a little happiness.
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How about you guys? How weird can you get sometimes? Or is this normal? Am I no the only one who do this kind of things? Do you also feel happiness to your own sadness? Ciao.
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