Good evening all.
Yesterday, I shared how my husband entered into the world of drug addiction when he was a little younger. Today, I am going to share the last part of his drug addiction diaries and how he was able to escape from it.
And I quote:
A Suicide Brings Me Back To Drugs
"In 2004, someone close to me committed suicide. My world flipped upside down, I felt the worst guilt I have ever felt and gone on a severely strong path of self-destruction and punishment. At the time I was a taxi driver and selling anything you could ask for out of my cab (in Las Vegas this is not at all uncommon).
Well, I started doing what I was selling - Meth and cocaine, and drinking became my new security blankets. I got off work every night and went to the casino and played blackjack. I would drink about 20 Jack Daniels and Cokes a night to distract me from thinking of my friend's death. If I went home to sleep, I was having nightmares similar to the movie "The Butterfly Effect" where I kept trying to go back and save my friend and kept failing.
This is why the meth and coke came in. I will come home fall on my face and have to be awake again in an hour. I would shower, brush my teeth and at this time now was smoking the meth, because the visible effects were less, you weren't as twitchy and you sweat a lot less.
I managed to finally stop doing it and came to terms with the past. I later started working as a car salesman, great more druggies around me, and before you knew it, I was doing coke at work. It put a lot more hype into your sales pitch. Again, it did not last and I stopped doing it."
Relationship Issues, Low Self Worth, Feeling Defeated
"My Old Friend Meth Visited Me Once Again - I got into another relationship. It was hmm soo soo and unhealthy we will say. So much drama and head games and in the mix. And we started doing meth together. I got pretty deep into it, why? Because it blocked out the emotions I was feeling of helplessness in my relationship. It basically numbed me by making my head race so fast, and I didn't have time to feel. I wanted to stop, but it was too hard because she always had some on her, and she would do it in front of me. I would even ask her to not bring it, but she would anyway and then offer it to me. I was always weak and accepted."
No Longer A Prisoner
"Finally, something great happened. She left town for a month. I cleaned up and when she returned, I refused to see her, and that ended her... and the meth? I am happy to say I have been drug-free ever since.
I will end this with one phrase that everyone has heard:
"Say no to drugs"
If you start using the word "NO" becomes very very hard to say.
I am not proud of this, but I did learn from it. I replaced drugs with my wife, she is my drug now. That may seem odd, but for a bipolar, ADHD person with PTSD, well, she is my savior. Tonight we had talked about my drinking. I will not go into details but, I have my demons and that excuses NOTHING. This is today, and I have goals as well as responsibilities that are hard to reach here. I have my moments where I wish to God, my past can help me focus. I do not like feeling like I am failing my family and that is a HUGE issue for me.
This is the most embarrassing part of my life, but it is the one part of my life where I may be able to help someone else. I do not regret what I have done because in some strange way I may be able to help someone else.
As an adult if not treated it gets immensely worse, so does your psyche, now add to that drug? You are looking at one hot mess. The fact that I breathe today is a complete miracle, people can blast God all they want, but I don't.
I am alive for a reason. It may not be about me, I really think I am alive for others. I am a crazy-ass left field, off the hook today and tomorrow may be a different kinda guy. One thing you will always know- I will be real. That is it. Am I special? HELL NO! Just well networked and everything everyone goes through! Been there, done that! I will use my past to try and help you. I will never walk away from that which I feel is a personal responsibility."
"I just want to be a good person to make up for all the times in my life where I wasn't."
That ends my husband's drug confessions. Thank you all for reading.
It's almost 7 pm here and I'm going to go eat dinner now. A super typhoon just landed here in Northern Luzon, so I'll better hurry and I'll get back in a few. I hope everyone is having a manageable Friday.
One love
and I am a member of #ClubBrokeBCH
September 10, 2021
07: 02 pm
Philippines
(The photos are my own and taken by me)
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Imbag na lang ta ada ka nya? hehe.