My Suicidal Thoughts

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Avatar for dziefem
3 years ago

Hello! Don't worry, I'm not thinking about dying right now. I'm pretty fine, alive and kicking. XD Few days ago I was tagged by Ate @Eylz2021 on a prompt about darkness organized by Ms. @JonicaBradley. I didn't know what to write at that time, I had no idea what darkness meant to me. So after reading some articles about the darkness of some of my friends here who already joined in this event. Something came into my mind but not like theirs, this one seems like having fun in the dark.


I just want to share what are the suicidal thoughts sinking in my mind every time I'm feeling useless, worthless etc. I will make this fun to the best I can. Haha. Because sometimes I'm having fun in the darkness. Give your insights in the comment section.

Lezzgo.


Whenever someone told me that I'm USELESS. Nothing was done right.

  • I want to HANG myself.

Get a rope, enter the comfort room, bring some chairs so I can tie up the rope then lock the door so no one can disturb and stop me.  

But every time I want to do that, I can't imagine how I can take the pain. XD I mean, it will hurt me, I don't want it. Ah okay, nevermind. I want to die but there must be no pain. 

  • I want to be HIT by big vehicles.

I imagine my body rolling on the road because of the impact, something I flew after the car hitting me or pop off my head in within my body :D how fun is that, right?  

  • I want to STAB myself with the knife multiple times and SLICE my neck. 

While imagining this one I act like an actress that seems dying. XD It's like my blood won't stop flowing! I will run out of blood huhu. Charot. Like my blood coming from my neck is like a fountain. Wiiieee. 

I remember one of my professors told this short short story...

About knives which can't kill people no matter how you use it to stab yourself but are sharp enough to cut meat, vegetables, fruits etc. It is like an advertisement(obviously for fun, not true) for knives, would you buy one?. The end. This story made me laugh.

Sometimes I wish that I never existed, wasn't born and seen this world. I want to put an end to my life but thinking the process makes me stop. XD I can't think of the easiest ways to die, surely one. Do you know what, aside from sleeping and not waking up? Comment down below! Haha.

BONUS ONLY.

  • EATEN by other people. 

Don't be so green. Haha. I mean it's like a zombie who wants my flesh, cannibal. How does it feel when there are zombies eating your meat while you are alive? I was bitten by my siblings or friends and it hurts. So how much more if they are going to eat me? Yikes! Haha. I cannot.

I want to SLEEP and not WAKE UP anymore. (Once I have done my responsibilities in life). This is the only way I know that you will not get hurt and it is so easy.

Sorry, I know this is not a joke, I just want this one to be different. Don't take this one seriously. The way I think about how to get things done the way I'll die, made me laugh. On the other hand, I've been in darkness but thinking about funny moments. XD

I had fun with the darkness. :)

@JonicaBradley

Thank you for reading! :)

Lead Image Source: soundcloud.com


dziefem's note:

  • Stay away from those toxic people. Have a healthy life and heart.

  • If you have suicidal thoughts, talk to someone about your problems.


My previous articles:

0.4 BCH - 1 Month at read.cash

Special Day of Two out of Six Men in My Life

I hate My Father!

How do I Fight My Stage Fright?

Six Years With You and Counting

Someone made me Pregnant!

How do you Interpret Songs?

Different Types of People that I've Encountered

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Avatar for dziefem
3 years ago

Comments

I got here from @Sequoia's post :D Sorry but the "get eaten" just got me lolling :D Not the zombie part but the green part :D

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3 years ago

Loving the green part? Ilikeyou. 😂Hahahaha.

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3 years ago

🤦 HAHAHAHA.

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3 years ago

ahh do not waste your time by thinking this .. Just have a ticket from Elon Musk and move to mars for a sweet death 🤞🤣

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3 years ago

Hahahaa I like it. But the problem is, how can I get a ticket from Elon? He don't even know that I exist. 😂

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3 years ago

tweet in his every tweet in twitter 🤣🤣

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3 years ago

Nah. Nevermind. 😂

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3 years ago

😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

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3 years ago

Grabe imagination mo. Ateng. Pang-soap opera. HAHAHA 😆

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3 years ago

Pasensya na. Hahaha

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3 years ago

Naloka ako sis. Subra talaga grabe mag isip ang tao. Ako din ganyan ehh. Pero minsan lng kapag may problema, parang gusto ko tumakas pero naisip ko, wag na lng kasi baka mas lalo ako maghirap pag ginawa ko yun. 😅

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3 years ago

Yes sis, wala kasing limitation pag-iisip natin e. Sabagay nga.

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3 years ago

Kaya nga sis. Pero kailangan natin labanan yang mga ganyan na thoughts. Mahirap na eh 😅

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3 years ago

Yes yes mare. Hihi

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3 years ago

Grabe, may pagkaka pareha tayo. Hahaha ganyan din ako dati lalo na nung college. Buti naagapan ko at okay na. Katakot nga nung naalala ko pa eh.

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3 years ago

Siguro dahil college pa lang ako, sis? Hahaha. Mabuti naman at okay na you :)

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3 years ago

I seriously love the definition you brought out of darkness here. It made me realise that things we classify as darkness could come in any form or angle. Suicidal thought.

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3 years ago

Thanks for loving it, friend. I just realized it too few days ago.

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3 years ago

Noon ganyan din ako mag isip. As in, Halos ilang beses ko pinagtangkaan sarili ko. But, Hindi pala worth it ginagawa ko. Hindi ko pala kaya. 🤧 Ayokong madeads ng maaga kaya hangga't kaya ko pa lumaban, lalaban ako.

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3 years ago

Ako din ayaw ko ng maaga, gabi nalang sana. Charot haha. Kidding aside. Yeah, hindi worth it, in some point ang sarap mabuhay at tuparin ang pangarap, hindi lang talaga maiwasan kung minsan pag may naririnig na hindi kaaya-aya. Laban langs!

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3 years ago

Wait lang 😂, bakit pati cannibalism naisip mo aguy. Seryos kasi dapat ang topic femfem, bat naman ganon ahaha.

But anyway, ganyan din ako dati. Feeling ko wala ako g kwenta sa mundo at dapat di nalang pinanganak. Gusto ko na nga mamatay ee, kado diko kaya ahahaha. And yeah, dapat painless my goodness. Ganon kasi dati pinaparamdam sakin nina Mommy ee pero ngayon wala na. Di na sila ganon ka harsh sakin. Okay ka naman na ngayon ano?

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3 years ago

Hahaha napanuod ko lang din kasi dati ate 😂😂

Sa totoo lang ate, I will never feel it kung walang nagsabi sakin in the first place. Hahaha. I always wanted to die at kaso nga, tulad mo I hate the process 😂 Ewan, siguro nga pag may mali akong nagagawa, wala na akong kwenta haha. It's like my existence is just a sin.

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3 years ago

Hahahaha,

Sa isip mo lang yan, don't mind na and stop thinking too much. Think of Uchini nalang. Baka mamya makaisip kana naman ng ganyan. Isipin mo cute tayo para lang mapunta agad sa lupa.

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3 years ago

Haha thank you, ate. :)

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3 years ago

Pati zombie mode Meron 😂

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Parang ang saya kaya non. Charot 😂

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3 years ago

Anong masaya don 😂

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3 years ago

Ha, basta hahaha. Charot ngaaa ito naman 😂

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3 years ago

Oo na 😆

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3 years ago

Luh

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3 years ago

We have a one lil bit brutal imagination there be 🤣. Bsta ako gusto ko mamatay na natutulog lang.

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3 years ago

Haha yeah 🙈. Dibaaa, ang saya non, walang paghihirap haha.

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3 years ago

Alm mo yung dumb ways to die na laro?

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3 years ago

Oyy yeees haha. Download ko nga ulit yon 😂

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3 years ago

Relate ako dyan langga..😐 Ba't ba kasi may mga taong ganyan sa paligid?.. Puro lang dada, hindi man lang iniisip kung may masasaktan o wala sa sinasabi nila.. hayyst...

Pero, fight lang langga!💪 Hindi naman sa pagiging selfish, pero isipin mo lang kung ano ang magpapasaya sayo.😊 Pray ka lang kay God, surely, He will hear you out.😇

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3 years ago

Ewan ba ga, kasali siguro talaga yun sa buhay. Wala tayong magagawa don haaays.

Yes langgaaaa! Salamat! 😘💚

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3 years ago

I hope you're doing fine rn. I don't know what to advice or say because I haven't experience what you've been too.

Music is really effective to mend our mental health. I suggest the song Truce,Guns for hands and Migraine . I know many people having same experiences as yours impacted by this songs. Also dont bottled up your feelings, have something to vent out like crying.

I don't have any experiences of having thoughts to kill myself but some times I just want to disappear without a trace ot never existed at all. If anime isekai is real, I want to be hit by a truck and reincarnated into a world with magic HAHAHA.

Anyways,I like how you made this article with heavy and dark subject to be light.

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3 years ago

Thanks for suggesting those songs. I will listen to them. I always chose not to cry, I don't know why. But when I can't take it anymore, there you go.

Hahaha watching anime or any movies gives us these kinds of imagination. 😂

Again, thank you! :)

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3 years ago

Need mo ba kausap ate/Kuya? Sama ka na lng po samin nila ate carisdaneym, kli4d, ikaw at ako. Maging kabute tsyo sa bundok ng sama sama. Doon walang stress, nakatingin lang tayo sa kagandahan ng mga bundok at karagatan.

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3 years ago

Kasama ko na si carisdaneym, ate ako hahaha. Gusto ko yan, walang problema haha parang camping ng mga kabute lang 😂

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3 years ago

Medyo matagal kong naisip yung eaten by the other people. Ilang taon kana? Bakit ganyan hahahaha.

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User's avatar Yen
3 years ago

21 po ate hahaha. Sorry na 🙈😂

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3 years ago

Let me suggest another way to comment Suicide. Eat healthy food.🤣🤣🤣

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3 years ago

I'm eating healthy foods. 🤭 What else? 😂

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3 years ago

I have tried all those and survived with the help of friends. Suicide is a very sensitive topic. I myself been there so freakin times. It's dark and like inside a never-ending tunnel. If you feel suicidal, you might find help from someone else with suicidal feelings and someone to someone you trust. It's important to remember that you deserve support, you are not alone and there is support out there. Ask for help.

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3 years ago

Glad to know po that you've survived. Thanks for the advice, ate! Noted po. :)

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3 years ago

salamat din, sis :)

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3 years ago

Ang brutal mo naman pala 😂. Basta ako dati sa pedestrian lane ako tumatawid para pag nasagasaan ako, sasagutin nung driver yung hospital bills at pang lamay 😂

Suicidal pero praktikal 👌🏻😆

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3 years ago

Uyyy hahhahhawhw qaqiii same tayoo diyan🤣 "uy dito tayo tawid para in case, may magbabayad hahahhaha"

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3 years ago

Hahaha oh. Eto pa, confident kapag tricycle driver ang paparating kasi wala daw pambayad. 😆

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3 years ago

🤣🤣🤣

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3 years ago

Hahaha hindi naman masyado. I like that ideaaaa haha. Thanks for sharing, iwas gastos haha.

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3 years ago

Caugh off guard at the green minded...lol...nak anu to hahahahaha di mawala tawa ko dito...dami mo talaga pakulo...scam to hahahha

love you nak!

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3 years ago

Hahaha. Ma, ha! 😂 buti ma natawa ka, ayaw ko gawing seryoso tong article e. Love you too, Ma! 😘

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3 years ago

hahahaha ikaw na talaga...

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3 years ago

Hahaha ang para sa anak mo, ma? 😂

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3 years ago

hahahahahaah

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3 years ago