It is over
Over is a word she is infinirely familiar with. It has been attached to the many adjectives they have for her.
Overachiever.
Overbearing.
Overacting.
Overrated.
Over and over again they keep pushing her and dragging her at the same time. Her body is stretched too thin yet she can not do anything. She had to be someone like this to survive.
This was the only way she knew how to live. No one has ever shown her another life. It has always been "be the best, or do not try at all".
It used to not bother her at all. The words they whisper behind her backs meant nothing. However, hearing something over and over again is bound to have some effects on you and others.
Soon, she notices her friends joining in the whispers. Their chuckles at the mean jokes they threw at her broke her heart. And yet, she toughened up. She built up a wall so thick that not even her so-called friends could ever managed to glimpse what she is thinking of.
The fallout of that failed friendship was easier to deal with than she thought. For years, she kept the walls up never lowering them even for people who wants to be in her life.
She smiles, and still does everything right. The same kind of person she always was. And yet, the cracks are starting to form. She is overwhelmed bur has no support.
She felt like a dam so close to bursting. What would happen when the walls finally broke? How will she survive what follows after that?
For the first time in her life, she did not know. She is stuck in darkness with no hopes of ever finding light when she met him.
Him who gave her something to hold on to. A person so responsible that she had started to bring down her walls bit by bit.
She though she had finally found someone who will be able to see past what others have always described her as. She thought she will no longer have to feel as if her very existence is too much.
But she was wrong.
The person who gave her hope was also the one who crushed it. The person who showed her what it means to ask for help, is the one who turned away from her when she needed it. The one who made her think that maybe soulmates exist is the one who made her feel like a fool for believing it.
How could anyone ever believe such things?
She should know by now that the only way she will be accepted is if she cuts pieces of herself and hid it from the rest of the world. Take off the parts that are too much and maybe then she will be enough.
Maybe then, the people will stop whispering behind her as if she could not hear them. Maybe then someone will stay with her and not make her feel like she asks for too much. Maybe someone will be able to give her the bare minimum and not say a tbing about how difficult it is to understand her.
Maybe she will just believe it all someday. That she was nothing special, and all the hardwork she had been doing was for nothing. Her expectations are too much, so she should just accept what is given. She is not worth any extra effort afterall.
Who is she other than someone with exceptionally high standards?
And when she finally breaks free of the adjectives used to describe her over and over again, she will be nothing like her past self.
Her eyes will not shine like they used to. Her smiles will never reach her eyes. Her appreciation will be for all things given to her yet no one will ever know what she wants.
She will be stuck in the situation where she is unhappy but still has to smile. A life where she is loved but only if she is not herself.
And by the time they figure out something is wrong, her story will be long over.
Closing words
Today I was asking myself what to write but I could not decide so I just said whatever, let us just start writing what comes to mind. This is the result od that exercise.
It is a short story with no clear plot or anything. Just a vague sense of emotions that might be familiar to someone.
Also, let me just take this time to apologize about not interacting much. As you know, I am a student. And Manju who sometimes handles this account is also working.
So even with the two of us, it is hard to keep this account as active as it was back in the days where this was still my priority.
Anyway, I know you guys understand so thank you for your continued support!
Thank you for reading this article!
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
December 2021 Articles Summary
November 2021 Articles Summary
It is just so heartbreaking that the person who used to give us happiness is now the reason that causes our pain. Not their intention but it was just how it goes.