Don't waste your time on me, you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
-- Blink 182 (I Miss You)
I saw red and it's blinding me. I want to escape that's why I did what I have to do. I get any weapon that I can grab on my surroundings and start to swing it just trying to remove those blinding red light on my way. But Everytime that I will swing it more red light is coming into my way and it's really blinding me. I can't open my eyes because of it and that's why I continue swinging it even if I can feel that the weapon I am hodling was actually touching something. Something that hard but I didn't mind it and just continue swinging the tools.
It's actually pretty fun, swaying it like I am battling with my own demons who's trying to take over my whole being. I know I'm strong but their voices is just so commanding that I am so tempted to listen them. You know that voice of an angel, it's very calming that everyone who can hear it will bow down and accept their invitation for a drink. But what will happen is really not a drinking session where there's a lot of lively people with you. What will happen is unimaginable things that you might thought is impossible to happen.
I continue swinging the weapon I have in my hands until the red blinding light was all gone. It's like I run a miles after doing it. I'm all sweaty and I can finally feel my senses that I can't actually feel a while ago. I'm not really sure what happened but when I finally open my eyes that I thought was open I was greeted with silence and the red pain was scattered in the wall of my room. I don't know where it came from that's why I move my hands to do something but when I raise it I was greeted by my girlfriend's face. And she was looking at me with her terrified eyes.
And that's where it all started.....
I was so lost that time that I don't know what to do with her body. Her head, oh yes her head that look so terrified I tried to close her eyes and put her in the fridge. I'm so confuse on what's going on and how it ends like that but I can't really turn back time right? It already happened and I can't bring her back to life. I can't fix her body anymore and attach her head into it. All I can do is lie her on the fridge and pray that no one will barge in my house to arrest me. It's all my fault, I know I'm at fault. I don't have the recollection of what happened but I know it's my fault. I was drunk and wasted.
If only I can turn back time. It's been a week now and her body is still in the fridge. I had to cut her into pieces so she will fit in. While her head, I was able to make her eyes close and I can't really look at her if her eyes is wide open like I hated the look that she was giving to me. Fears, terrified amd helplessness - these are what I can see in her face and eyes. It's giving me an ugly feelings that affects my thinking. A lot of thought is coming into my head and I hate it. Why you have to die? I miss you. I'm sorry that you have to die that way, it's all my fault yes! I'm so so sorry. But my electric bill will also surge up and I have to do something about it.
I want to just dig a grave for her but I am having a second thought. Just the thought that she's just Right there in my fridge, still with me is enough to have a second thought. So I'd rather leave her in my fridge. "Right baby? I know you'll like that. Sorry for cutting you but you still beautiful to me don't worry." Her face is covered with ice but she's still beautiful. I even put a flowers in her hair to remember the thing that I always do to her. You know that, she will pretend like a high school girl and I will use her looking like that until we both wastes. That even if she begs to stop already I will still continue using her until i satiate my hunger for her.
Actually, that day that I beheaded her is a very special day. Coz she finally agreed to me to try this one thing that I really really want to do. She will pretend to be my mother who loves to beat me and lock me up on the closet. It's a long negotiation but she finally agreed and that happened. Ahh, what am I thinking that time that I used that thing until I get high. It's not a good decision I told to myself but this voice in my head is just so persistent that I give in to his suggestion saying it'll be a great help to get a lot of stamina. Who wouldn't want that right? Using my Mom to death, that's very tempting. I just want to get back to what she did to me when I was just a kid.
But things happened and I can't really help it right. It's not in the plan and....
"Baby, I miss you!"
"I thought we're gonna play?"
"But why'd you kill me?"
"I miss you so much but it hurts."
"I can't believe you can kill me."
"All I did was to love you."
"I did even if I'm against to what you love on doing to me."
"I just love you so why?"
"How can you smile right now like you did nothing to me?"
"But you know, even if you kill me the truth will still remain that your Mom didn't love you."
"She didn't love you coz you're a monster."
"You killed me!"
"But I love you!"
"You're a murderer!"
"I know where you put her body, I saw it. I was terrified that time but I saw it."
"You're a murderer!"
You're just in my head, just shut up!!! Leave me alone! Don't waste your time on me, you're already The voice inside my head! I look at the wall where a secret door was attached. I walk toward it and open it. And there I saw a big and log box lying on the ground. It was a big box where human can fit in. It was made by me or especially made for one special person. I had a hard time putting her in that box but it's all worth it. The pain that she gave to me is now gone. What's left is nothing but love. " You'll never be alone here now Mom, you will be with the woman I love from now on. Even if you hurt me so much before I still think of what can make you happy. Please be happy, and you'll meet my woman soon. I'll just get her a big a grand bed that will perfectly fit a queen."
OMG, kwuuuuuut ehe. I don't know if you'll like it but I hope so. I don't know too if you get what I'm trying to say here, am not really good in explaining things and it's better if you're the one who'll realize what the message I'm trying to say. But yeah, I hope you get it huehue. And I'm not sure if the line I get from the song I Miss You of Blink 182 is really connected to this, can you see any connection? Hahaha, I mean I sometimes write with a song line as my inspiration but in the end it will turn into something that I'm not sure anymore lol. Be the judge please, Thanks haha.
Happy Reading.
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November 18, 2021
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Safe ako mare kasi tanghali ko nabasa hahaha. Bet ko to, fan na talaga ako ng brutality haha