I know that I am living a reckless life after the death of my wife. She was belong to the operation back then, though that operation was successful but there's a lot of casualties. And tgat includes my wife. After she die I had the hard timr accepting it to myself. Even until today I can't still move on, she's my life, she's the reason that I choose to live again. To forget everything, I thought of a way to divert my attention and to stop myself from thinking about her. And this is the only way I know to forgot this loneliness I have inside my heart. To stop myself from thinking those good and sweet memories of us together.
I've been living in hell since then. I love her too much than when she's gone I can't find myself the courage to move from my dark room. I am just drowning myself in sadness and I missed her every second of my life. My life sucks, I feel like I don't have the purpose to live anymore. I'm trying to find a reason to live but it is just hard to find. And so I decided to try new things. I become adventurous and the more the dangerous is the mission, the more reason I have to take it. I'm not really afraid to die now. If I die then cool. I have no one anyway, no family and all and the only person that I have left me already in this cruel world.
It's hard when the person who's Always beside you leave and there is no other way for her to come back. It's impossible and will never ever happen. If only I know a witch who can resurrect the dead, I will pay a handsome amount just so I can have her back again in my arms. But aside from I don't believe in such things, I am sure she will just scold me if I do that. I miss her so damn much, I miss her presence, I miss her touch, I miss her kiss and I miss everything about her. If only I can go back time, I will shield myself to her. I will let the bullets pierce my body than to let the bullet hit her fragile body.
But I am not with her that time. I let her go on a mission alone because of the things I had to do. I let my guard down and didn't even bother checking on her. I didn't even think that it'll be a more serious case. It's not just a simple robbery - it is just a front to hide the killers identity. It is all just for show. But we're already too late, they already took my wife's life and here I am alone, full of misery and a lost soul. How I wish I can follow her already to heaven. This is also the reason why I am taking those dangerous mission, but I think the heaven doesn't want to let go of me yet. How cruel right.
Dawson was interrupted because of the knock of the door. Someone's head show at the door and just go inside. It was the chief of Police.
"Chief - "
"Dawson, go home and take a rest. I won't give you a mission for now. You're pushing yourself too much. Why not take a leave and give yourself a break. It's been a year since you last had it. Come on I will approve it immigration so grab this opportunity now. For sure Lina will like it too if you give yourself a little break. And don't even try to change my mind. You know you need it."
"Give your request paper now and you can start today."
"You won't really give me a choice do you."
"No! And that's final! See you in a week Dawson. And Enjoy it."
"Lina, your Dad forced me again to take a leave. I can't say no because if I didn't listen he might kick me out in the force. I don't really want to take this leave. I just want to take every mission that is available so that I can forget even a second this loneliness I have. I miss you so much I can't still go on. It's been a year already but the pain is still here. Can you give me a reason so that I can still continue living. Please -"
I was talking to myself when I was interrupted by a sound of - I'm not really sure if what is it but I think it is a cry of a cat? I stand up to where the tomb of my wife and look for that small sound. I walk and walk and walk and then I saw a basket when white cloth in it. I slowly walk into it and what I saw there almost pop out my eyeballs. It is a human and it is crying too loud now that I'm close to where the basket is. I didn't think much and get the basket to where the child is.
I'm not really sure if what to do that's why I just call out Chief. I need to know how I am going to handle this I am not sure of what to do. I dial my smartphone and just wait for him to answer it.
"Oh, Dawson? Are you enjoying your vacation so far?"
"Chief, I don't know what to I'm gonna do. I have a situation here." I just said it abruptly and the Chief didn't say anything.
"Where are you right now?"
While waiting for the chief I am just walking back and forth in front of the baby. When I check I discovered that he's a he. He ia still crying to loud that I thought my eardrums will gonna give up on me. But even if the sound is like that I still like it. It is like my house has move lively than it was before. And now that I think about it - my house is so empty and so quiet that anyone who will get in will get a sad vibe in ny house. "It only feel like that because the queen of this house is gone already."
"Dawson! What's going on? Are you okay? Where'd are you right now?" It was the chief who sound so afraid.
And when the chief is finally inside my room he notice the basket on my bed and the sound of cry of the baby. "Wh-what is that Dawson? What's going on?"
"I told you I have a situation, and this is my situation."
"Please don't tell me you gone mad and decided to steal a baby?"
"What? No! I saw him in the cemetery."
"What, in a cemetery? Who's crazy person will do that to a baby? Look he still has that thing in his - let's bring him to the hospital. Come one."
At the Hospital.
"Who's the parent of this baby?"
It's just a simple question but I don't what to answer. I don't know, how am I gonna answer that?
"Oh Yes, here here." But the chief already answer it and I just fall into silent.
"The baby is okay, he's in good health and you have nothing to worry about." It was the nurse who answer it. "By the way where is the mother? He really need a breastfeed now." I just look at the chief and let him answer the nurse.
"We don't really know where is the mother. We just saw him in the cemetery and seems like some youngster leave him in there."
I never thought that I will be in this situation. Yes, I was with Raizel. That's the name I gave to the child that I found in the cemetery. He's with me now and I am taking care if him. I also hire some nanny for him coz I don't really know what to do. But off course I'm still watching the Nanny on how she took care of my baby.
He's my baby now. After a long process of paper I am now officially a dad. Thanks to Raizel I finally accept that my wife will never go back in my hands again. Thanks to Raizel I have now the reason to live. I am a hands-on dad to him and I am enjoying every bit of it. And right now, he's in my arms sipping in his feeding bottle enjoying it with delight.
"Baby baby peek a boo, wahhh. Why you're a handsome young man baby. This is me your Dada." He doesn't really talk and can only just smile to me. And that smile is giving me a hundred thousand of strength to be strong and forget all of my worries. He's my life now.
If the yes of my wife is the first happiest word that I ever heard in my entire life. Now I have the second, and it is from my baby Raizel. "Did you hear that Manang? He call me Dada!"
I am still in daze while absorbing the word that my son say to me. I will never forget this day, this day is the happiest day of my life. I am really a father now.
Lead Image From Unsplash
October 14, 2021