The happy go lucky me when I was just a kid is already gone. What's left is only the boring me still unsure about the life that I want to take. Should I go left or right, should I go west or south? Or should I go with him even if there's no hope to have an "us" - maybe an ass is possible, hmm. Just kidding, lol. I don't know what's the right path really. My life is still the same, nothing really change. I am still that unemployed biatch still missing and still has that messy thought about my own future. Why it's hard to decide right? I mean it's my life so I should really think of something now but It's not as easy as picking a booger on my nose. If only it is that just easy, I enjoy picking my nose so much so for sure, hmmm hihi.
I have full of hopes and dream after I graduate from College but because of my damn insecurities, nothing works well in my end. All I have left is just negativities in my head ransacking my small brain. And you know how good that negative thoughts in messing our own brain. They will really destroy us if we are just weak and will let it vanquish our own thought. I'm just like that before, I mean even now nothing really change as I've said. But there's a little change, I'm not as insecure now as I am before. But it still here off course. There are still time that I just let my insecurities take over me. That's the only thing I can do for now. I don't have a choice coz I'm not really strong as you all thought I am.
But, when it comes to a fight in bed I can be as strong as a bull if you want, rawrrr. Lelelelel, donmayme donmayme lelelelel. Anyways, being a kid is still better if you will ask me. Because when you are a kid you are not required to give a damn about everything. You are not required to put up with everyone's sh!t. You don't have to try hard just to fit in with their fudging crazy idea of being "cool." I'm not sure what I'm saying but that's that. I mean, life fir a kid is just too pure, too innocent and too beautiful - if only I can go back in time I will do everything just so I can change something in my life now. Don't get me wrong, I love what I have now coz I have Bitcoincash and I learn about crypto but, a change is not bad too.
If I can go back in time I want to change something for a more better future.
Study Well.
I'm lazy af, you all know that and that includes studying. I can be excited at first and do some studying but once I got bored I will set aside that and do what I think is fun. I'm like that as a kid. That's also the reason why Mom give me a year to play that full year. I'm late for one year yes because of that. My classmate was already in grade 2 but I am still at grade 1. Mom just let me because all I do in the classroom was to fold and fold some paper like some origami expert but all I do was a paper plan and a box. I want to change this. I want to change some part of it like even if I'm more focus on doing fun things I still have a room for studying you know, read something to learn more.
If only....
Write a Diary.
I want to write every special moment in my life as kid. I want to read it whenever I'm bored in life and I can imagine going back in time where those importants moment in my life is the subject. I'm not sure if something will change in my future if I do this but I still want to include this. And the other reason why I want to do this is because this days I become so forgetful that even those happy memory when I was just a kid till I become in High School is too vague to me now. I can still remember some of them but I'm not sure of the other happenings. It's like I can remember this but I'm not sure what happens next. I don't know why I am so forgetful na huehue.
If Only....
Stay confident.
I have a thick face when I was just still a kid. I want to stay that thick face of mine if not of what happened before. I should have hodl it tight in my hand if only. I am confident with everything that I choose to do before but, tsk. I don't know where is that now. I lose it that even if I want to be confident in everything I do now I just can't. Blame my head for feeding such negativities if I do this or that. I only I can gather a strength to be confident again now I will, but it's not as easy as taking a dump. Wait, even is pooping you can also have a hard time right. Aigooo whatever. I need that to br able to do what I really want in life. If I don't have that I will be stuck here forever.
If only....
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December 23, 2021 / 11:38 AM
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Still, remain positive. By the way, Merry Christmas ate Ruffa.