If you will ask me if I like darkness, I will say YES without thinking much. Dark places and not darkness within my soul like I'm some kind of psychopath okay, not that. But actually I can be like that depends on my mood, like in bed and all with a blue eyed man on my side, and my eyes turns darker and chorrr lol. Kidding aside, I just love dark places because I can find peace in a dark place. I feel like I can be who I am without thinking that some might judge me or what, I have that thinking because of my insecurities - I just can't help myself feeling like that. Also I can do whatever I want without being notice and getting a question looks and in that dark places I am free.
You might say that it feel lonely but to me, it's really not. Imagine you are in a dark room or let say not really dark because the moon was shining so brightly and that was enough for me to see my way. Imagine you are just lying in your bed, and you can't hear anything but a soothing music to make the night perfect. Like those songs of Air Supply, how about that "Everything I Own" by Bread. For me, that is already enough to make myself at ease. No loneliness because I'm with music. And I really prefer being alone. Well, there are times maybe that I will feel lonely but - I have a lot of ways just to remove that feelings.
I actually felt that loneliness before and I can say that it is not a good feeling. That's actually my reason why I still choose to laugh at every problem I have because I know it won't do me good. If I just let loneliness eat my whole system, for sure I maybe living in a mental hospital now, lol. I mean, the intense feeling of being lonely is just - as in to the highest level. It's not good for my heart, it's not good for my mind and I feel like my body was being drown into the pit of loneliness. It hurts and you just feel like ending everything. You will feel empty inside and you are just like a dead person. This is exactly what I felt before.
It was base on my experience so I understand those who are experiencing this right now. If you have a weak mind who can easily affected by such emotions - you will really end up being crazy. You will end up like those other people who can't take the loneliness that they ended up in the road walking aimlessly who can't recognize their self anymore and the worst case scenario is when they decide to end their life. Their loneliness become a depression that they can't escape from it. It develop into a more serious one that everyone had a hard time on fighting. If you really want to survive you should have a strong will that can takeover that loneliness of yours.
Don't fight it alone and seek help to anyone if needed. If no one is ready to take your hand then ask Him. As for me, I really love being alone but I also hate being lonely. As I've said above, I hate feeling like that. You know, I'm still lucky coz I don't feel that often. Maybe because there's nothing on my mind except, foods, read.cash, noise.cash, Bitcoincash, what topic to write and foods again. What's on my mind is just that and nothing more like thinking negatively that may affect my thoughts. I'm just good in avoiding it I think. Because I know to myself too that I can become a different person when I'm sad.
How about you? Do you hate being alone or just like me you want that too? This I think is more applicable to those introvert people right? Me, I'm not really sure if I am introvert or what. But I love being alone, I hate crowded places, I easily get annoyed when I'm disturbed and I hate talking to anyone I don't know - I'm just shy to do it. But even if I love being alone - I also hate feeling lonely. That's the main dish here.
Lead Image from Unsplash
September 24, 2021