I always drink to fall asleep
Last 2 days ago, I wrote and publish an article about converting my Bitcoincash and how I was stressful because of our situation right now. It's hurts for me to decide because, all of my earnings that I saved for How many months will be gone but, I didn't do it. I mean, I didn't convert my earnings that time because I'm still deciding.
If you are in my position right now. I know that you will also think and spend your time to decide and that is what I did during that 2 days after I published my article about that, I focused myself to deciding about it. If what will be my plan, how can I find a solution about this matter, like that. I still read some articles little by little because my mind can't cooperate and even if I wanted to read, I don't understand what I am reading because my mind became blank and I am preoccuppied by this problem of mine.
You know that I just have a little patience. So yesterday, My Sister borrowed my $10 but she lost it. I am so very pissed because it's hard to earn that kind of amount yet she's not careful to hold the money that I worked hard. My emotions that time is not okay so I told her to find the money or if she can't find it, she should pay me back because I don't have money to use.
I told it to my Mom about that but her response makes me feel more depress
Translation:
Me: Older Sis lost my Php 500.00, She always puts everywhere
Mom: Lol, It's okay you are rich. Maybe if who picked the money is lucky. Okay, I'm busy cleaning. Share your blessings.
And because I can't give the favor that she like, she is being like that already. I'm not rich because I didn't brag about how I earned some BCH here.
It's hurts that she think of me like that even though, I have my reason why I can't convert our money yet. I don't know why they can't understand me even if I already explain to them our situation of holding our Bitcoincash a lot of times already. I thought she can understand me, i thought she is the only person who can take my side because she is my Mom.
Yes, I'm converting little amount to go out and experience to unwind but I have my rights right? But why they always say to me these words everytime that I convert an amount and buy small things that I need? That they always makes me feel as if I don't deserve to spend what I workhard for and the money that I am saving is only for them?
I can't hold my tears because of this. I can't stop ny tears from falling because it's hurts. You know, I'm just 21 years old Kid and why they are making me suffer like this now? Unlike to my former classmates and friends, their parents didn't make them feel problematic to the bills, and they are just wanted them to focus to their self and study. But to me? I'm just starting to save yet they are being like that.
They are just acting kind because they knew that I have money but when I can't give what they like, They always threat me as if I don't have feelings.
What's hurting me is, My Older Sister is okay to them not to give money or share here. Even if she is just eating, sitting, laying sleeping. My Mom even aware of it and she is older than me but she never recieved an feedback like this from them.
Because of this, I go to the kitchen last night and Grab the Tequilla that stock on the fridge and drank a one glass in just one go. I really don't like to think about this because It will just make me cry, I know that I can't sleep so, Drinking is just the only way for me to able to sleep instead of being eat of depression.
Thanks to my Virtual friends and became my older Sisters @Ruffa and @Zhyne06 because they are online that night. I don't know what to do that time. I just cried and let my thoughts all out to them because I want someoje to comfort me. If only they are just near to me, I will hug them because that is really what I need that time.
March 23, 2022
Today, this is the final decision that I decided after the days that I think and decide. I know that this decision will hurt me but to able to be free to this kind of problem and to their hurtful words, I decided to convert all my Bitcoincash that is in my Bitcoincom wallet.
I decided to convert it if the BCH price will reach to $450 or $500. Because last night, The BCH price pumped to $380 if I am not mistaken but as of now that I am typing this at 6:53 PHT, it decreased again and back to $363.
If that is what my Mom wants, Okay... I will do what she likes because, she is always like that. She never think about my situation and what I felt. She never asked me what I wanted eh. What I always thought is her Happiness. Besides, the Money that I will convert is for her room right? So, this is still can be used in a good thing.
Meanwhile, I decided that my own money will be what I will earned to my investments in SmartBCH. I just hope that i can win a lot of profits there so that, I can used it to bought my own land.
Conclusion...
To be honest, I'm not still okay right now but I'm trying my best. If you noticed that I am not active that much is because, I am still at the process of healing. I'm sorry if this article that I published today became a rant again. I don't know what to write so I decided to let all this problem out of my mind by writing.
Writing this one makes me feel a little better. Reading your comments, your concerns, your advises in to my previous article about this makes me smile because, there are a lot of people like you who can understand me here. Who cares about my life and they are always cheering me. Thank you for being with me despite that I always wrote about the rants of my life! Thank you for reading this one even if you are not learning any lessons here. It's just giving you an stress I know HAHA but still, thanks for that because I have someone who can I talk to even if I don't know you.
My Previous articles:
To be honest, I hate Studying!
Is this the last month that I will HODL my BCH?
All My First times are Memorable
Hayy parang sa bahay din. Ewan minsan talaga nkakaubos pasensiya din ang mga kasama sa bahay. Inhale exhale nalang at labas sa isang tenga din ang mga unwanted words.