When we say Kingdom, that is an exaggerated word to describe where we are. Upon reading the title, I know that you are curious about what is in this article. Do I have a Kingdom? And how did I say so?
I know that the first description that entered your mind when I said "Kingdom" is a castle. You imagined a fortress in the middle of high and concrete walls. What I am referring to is not the place, but it is more likely to describe the walls I have built for myself. I have a Kingdom within me, and I am the only Queen on the throne.
I worked hard for every piece that builds my Kingdom. It all started with nothing. I was just an ordinary girl who believes in fairytales, happy endings, and prince charmings. But as time goes by, a realization hit me. My eyes have covers. I have not seen reality back then until life made sure I'd taste every bitterness of life.
I once believed that life is all about love. I loved people and trusted them. But in the end, they disappointed me. I tried to do my best in everything but ends up not being enough. I did everything I can but ended up losing all over again. I sacrificed things but ended up left with nothing but myself.
As time passes by, every disappointment, rejection, and pain were inside my heart and mind. They never left bothering me every night. I experienced sleepless nights and questioning what's wrong. The cycle did not stop because I was a forgiving person. Until one day, I saw the reality that I have lacked knowledge. It was all a lie.
I picked up the pieces they broke. The pain that they threw on me, the disappointment I felt for them, and the rejection I got. I started picking them up and made them the foundation of my Kingdom. Every little thing that caused me to question my worth contributed to the building blocks. These things made it easier for me to decide and build a higher and stronger wall to protect me.
When a person felt too much pain, they become braver and wiser or weak and a loser. I chose a different path. Weakness and being a loser will not work on me, so I decided to be braver and wiser. The first lesson that I learned is that, do not be dependent on others. You have to learn how to stand alone. And then I realized that I do not want to feel the same pain again. I do not want to be disappointed too much again. And I do not want someone to break me into pieces again.
The foundation of my Kingdom was enough. I began building it by myself. I loved people more than myself before, but I learned and realized that I should prioritize myself first. The first step or block to build when making a Kingdom is to love yourself. You cannot make it protect you if you don't want to be guarded. I came from being so soft and then started thinking wisely before giving in.
I worked on setting boundaries for people who want to enter my life. I will not and never again let someone take control of my life. I have been through the worst moments when I let emotions get within my system. And I will not let it happen again.
I feel so safe because of the walls I built for myself. I am feeling more protected because I chose to change everything that caused me to get hurt before. The things that I changed for myself in the process of making walls around me were worth it. I can see the result. I can feel how more courageous and braver I have become. As I look in the mirror, I am always proud of the person I am today. I don't regret getting hurt before because they were the foundation of my Kingdom. Without experiencing them, I will still be the girl who believed in stories in fairytales. It was worth it feeling every pain back then because as I look at myself now, the pride always comes out.
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Date Published: May 11, 2021
Author: charmingcherry08
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"I loved people and trusted them. But in the end, they disappointed me." - This part!
True enough, no one can hurt us more than the people we trust and love. That's why we need to love ourselves as much as we love others :)