It was a starless night the first time I saw you. I remember watching you go away, feeling scared that it will be the last time. Yet my mind could not help but write a poem for you.
Back then, I was still too hesitant to admit it. I thought you knew, but somewhwre down the line it turns out you did not. But what's past is past for a reason, I am glad that is behind us.
You know, I never thought how our friendship could turn into something else. I did not expect myself to feel anything other than platonic bond with you. Still, without me fully realizing when it happened, you became an integral part of my routine.
Speaking of being part of one's life, as we passed the 1 year mark since we started flirting with one another, we also decided to introduce each other to the people that matter most to us.
I feel nervous honestly. The self doubts I have plague my mind. I also find myself getting cold feet sometimes but I stayed. I stayed because you are worth the risk.
In everything I do, I always weigh the consequences in my mind. The pros and cons and I set up back up plans/scenarios too. It has always been a part of myself to overthink every little thing.
In every passion I have, I always end up rejecting a great opportunity that comes my way because self doubts always get the better of me.
But not with you. With you, I find myself slowly unraveling the web of deception my self doubts encased me with. With you, I find the strength to think to myself, "what if I deserve this amazing thing?" instead of falling into the pattwrn of thinking that "I do not deserve this amazing thing".
It was a starless night again today. I find myself smiling softly when I noticed that.
I don't understand why but the feeling of wind caressing my face while I look up at the night sky makes me feel at peace. And the starless night seems brighter than it should have been.
Is this what it feels like to be truly in love?
I know what I am feeling but sometimes words seem so hard to say. Some of you may find it weird since I am a casual writer, but for the most important things, I find myself at loss for words.
In everything I do, my mind never seem to stop feeding me doubts and I will find myself paralyzed with uncertainties.
But this starless night, I find my mind strangely quiet. And my heart is beating at a natural pace.
I can think of some things to overthink about but it is not just a habit. I do not feel the overwhelming worry anymore.
That is not to say that I do not feel afraid of the future sometimes. I do feel scared about countless possibilities.
In everything I do, there is only one thing I used to promise to never do- to fall in love. Yet, even when I cannot utter "I love you" yet, I know just what it is.
There are countless doubts that circles my mind since I admitted this fact for myself but every little things you do just give me more reasons to stay.
I'd say sorry for all the articles about my thoughts on my partner but really, Iam just going to lie. I'm not really sorry for sharing just how much I adore him. I am sure that people who have someone they adore can also relate.
Although, I do want to apologize for not yet interacting with your replies and articles. As I told in a previous article, the semester is ending so I am wrapping up some things. I do not want to have a failing grade just because I failed to prioritize.
Thank you for reading this article!
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