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Under the Influence

"Male, 25, Philippines." "Female, 22, Philippines." We started as a strangers, we meet online and that's where our Love Story started. I meet him in one of the dating app that I saw in one of my social media account. No other information but just photos and just a few information from both of us. I was the happiest when we started to chat. We sent photos but bo video calls. I'm the one who's rejecting the offer of video call. I'm not ready yet, but we talk yes we talk but no to video call. I don't want him to see me. Although I sent some photos of mine still, I don't want do video call. I'm lucky you know, because even though I am against in video calling he's still okay with it. He didn't get mad and just let me be. That's what I like about him. And every day that like become love and that love become a strong one that even I can't stop it anymore. I know that only few relationship from online can last long, but I'm betting to this one I'm betting to us that we will make it through until I finally decided to met up with him. I really really want to meet with him, seriously but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of something that I did. I'm not true to him. I know that there's also things that he didn't tell me but mine is a big one that I'm not sure if he will accept. If he will still accept me once he discover what I'm hiding. I really really want to confess to him but I just don't know how. I want to be open to him, I want to start again with a clean slate to him. But I'm not sure if he will still accept me. I don't want him to get mad at me but I know that what I did is unforgivable. But I'm still hoping that he will forgive me after I confess what I did. I so love him that I'm afraid of what might happen. Why did I even thought of doing that. I should've just confess when I learned that it's him. But I got scared, yes it's my fault I'm scaredy cat and you can't really blame me for feeling that. I just love, I just fall in love and it's a great feelings after a long time. It is only that time that I allowed myself to feel it again. If he leave me I don't think I will accept it I will do anything so that he will stay with me. Death is the only thing that can separate us apart. Love is only beautiful if it's with him, but if not? Then I'd rather not love at all. And that's why, for us to start again I will introduce myself to him properly. I will accept his invitation to meet. This time, I want to start with him with only the truth and no more secret from him. And if he loves me he will accept me for who I am. I'm sure he loves me that much, he makes me feel it. "Let's meet Love." "Finally? Yes I can finally meet you Love" "Yes Love, I will introduce myself to you in proper manners. See you at 00-00-00. -- And here I am now waiting for him. It's not that bad that I'm so eager to meet him right? I love him and I am so excited to meet him. I decline his invitation before but even me really wants to meet with him. But now I'm not afraid anymore. To start a new and fairy tale like beginning. "This is what I'm wearing love, you can see the banner right? That's where I am rigjt now." I slid my phone in my bag ang waited for him patiently. I'm scared of his reaction but at the same time I'm super duper excited. I can't contain my excitement that I am walking back and forth in front of the restaurant. And when I finally saw him, I feel like my heart will jump out of my chest. This is also the day that I decided to confess to him. Yes, in this very day. I don't want to hide anymore so it's now or never. "Hey,...... Love?" "Yes, it's me Love. Your Love." And I look at him with a puppy like eyes. He's really handsome and we're perfect for each other. "Hey, come here." We hug each other in front of those hundred of people and I was the happiest coz finally. And now that we already face each other it's time for the real thing. "Can we talk in private Love?" "Sure." -- Now that we are here in the hotel I can't open my mouth and I'm sweating from all over. I don't know where to start. Fears is hindering me from talking and I feel like vomiting. Bur I have to say it or else..... "It's me!" I abruptly say it to him. And he has this questioned look like he doesn't have any idea od what I am blabbing... "What? It's you what? Love?" "I mean, it's me who kill your ex girlfriend." I just said it without even thinking. I just want to get over with it and start being lovey dovey." "Wait, What are you saying love?" "I said, It is me who killed your ex girlfriend years ago. I change some part of my face that's why you can't recognize me now. But it's me." "What the hell are you saying, I mean why would you kill someone?" "I have a big reason, she laugh at me. She's looking at me with her ugly eyes like she knows me. But she's not." "What? With that shallow reason? And how long? When did you know that it's me?" "Since day 1, when you send your photo to me." "You're sick! I'm outta here. How could you, you should be in the jail right now and not here you freak!" I saw it again, it's always in their eyes. When they know the truth about me they will look at me with their eyes full of contempt. It's always been like that, no one really care about me. No one will love me once they know the truth. I'm just being honest with them. But why can't they accept that? "I thought you love me? You will leave me too just like what they did? Where is the love in there?" "You think I will love you even if I know the real you? No, never! You're a murderer!!! I won't ever forgive you b!tch! Remember that!" He's walking out on me too, just like what they did. They are all the same. They are an a big fat a$$hole! They will do it again and again and I have to stop that. Oh yes, just like what I did when the others choose to leave me. I need to do something about it. So that no one will fall victim again to them. Good thing I brought that "thing" with me. This'll be a long night. I have important things to do. I follow him silently and when he reach the knob I pull the knife in my purse and put it into his neck. If a million times is possible I will really put that much of hole in his body. The pain that he feel is nothing to what I'm feeling right now. Why men are all the same? Why I have to love someone and will just get hurt again. I hate feeling this. You deserve this much Love. You put this to yourself. You're the one to blame why you have to gone through this. I love you but you hurt me. I only need acceptance from you but you can't give it to me. You said you love me but why? And while I'm crying like there's no Tomorrow I continue stabbing her body until I can't recognize him anymore. You have a lot of holes now. Look at your blood gushing in every hole. It's not a good sight but it's your blood and I love it. You know I love you, I love everything about you Love. And this Holes I put on you is my sign of love. I stop doing what I'm doing and put my knife beside him and then I just lie on top of his body. I started roaming my hands to his body and put my fingers in some of it's hole like I'm stopping his blood to flow. It's a sight to behold to be honest. It turns me on that's why when I can't stop myself anymore from feeling it I put my hands into his crotch area and unbutton his zipper. And there I put his shaft on mine and started dancing alone in my own rhythm and my own pace. I love you then I hate you but I love you too - I just need to feel your body to mine and you'll be forever here with me, inside...... I'm not sure where is this heading. I mean, I feel like it lack of something and a bit messy. Actually this story should be a boyxboy story. Like he didn't tell to the other guy that he's gay and the other guy can't accept it that's why they were separated. But then again, my mind and hands was so in sink yesterday that it decided to just change the flow of the story and now I have this hahaha. I bit of crazy plot but I like it in the end hihi. I hope you will like it too, UwU. And thanks to madam @Eylz2021 for the sponsorship renewal. Ayiehhhhh, keleg yarn. Thank You 😚😚😍💙. And to my new sponsor @mickey.med thank you so very munch 😚. 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