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It's With Those Little Things, II.

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Written by   641
3 months ago

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I read @HappyBoy 's post yesterday and I didn't comment yet because I would love to give a lengthy post about it. @Princessbusayo also shared the same thing with me via WhatsApp and I explained some things to her as well.

I understand the point HappyBoy and Princess were raising because let's face it, a parent can only do what they can do and other things influence a child daily which is out of the control of the parents. I shared an angle to this before now and you can read about it here: It's With Those Little Things. You can read his post here too: Cut the parents some slack. He made valid points there so I am not posting this to say his view is wrong, never... I am only saying that some parents need to pick up some slacks as we cut others some slacks.

I am never in the dark that there would always be a child that would turn out the way he or she wants to turn out, especially when they are outside the influence of the parents but what I am saying is this, it starts with the little thing that most parents overlook. It's not about being hard on the child because some children are naturally rebellious but it's about nicking certain things in the bud because those little things go a long way. We might not understand the importance of that lifestyle but it helps a little.

I remember when I was younger, my dad would always tell us never to come back late into the house. He enforced it so much that till today, you will never see me outside that late and that lifestyle helped me too because I don't even drink either. Why I said I understand HappyBoy and Princess' reservation about blaming the parents solely is because we are three guys and this worked for myself and my immediate elder brother but till today, it didn't work for our eldest brother because he just loves being out at night but still, it shouldn't stop any parent from doing what needed to be done.

I had a girlfriend back then and even though they were tough on her, I mean her parents, they were giving free hands to her younger sister. This younger sister was in school, doing her Industrial Training and I am not exaggerating, every week she would come home with new bags and shoes and they were not even paying her for the IT. She would always tell them that her "boss" liked her so much and he is always buying those things for her. The parents kept quiet about it and didn't criticize her or at least, talk to her in any way. I know because my girlfriend then told me. She had her reservations too and she saw a lot of chats on her phone. She was even using two androids phones which the price of one alone can buy her dad and mum's phones combined.

It starts with those little things we won't nick in the bud. Yes, we can't entirely blame parents because whichever child would turn out terrible would still turn out terrible but that doesn't mean we can't enforce certain things. Parents can only try and this is why having a solid relationship with your child helps so your words can at least caution them once in a while when you are not there. In my language, there is one adage that says, "Your child doesn't work in a drycleaning house yet he or she keeps coming home with different clothes. You have seen the face of a thief and yet you are not arresting him."

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Raising a child is not a child's play. It's not something we just do by bringing them to the world. This world is corrupt and in a terrible state, we are to guide them and do what we can do. The girl I cited in the first part of the link I shared about, I blamed the parents partially because I sent some videos to Princess so she could see the kind of chats and TikTok videos this girl they claimed is 10 was doing. She posted sultry videos and you want to tell me the parents have no right to restrict her from doing that? They would at least have an idea of how wild their daughter is and then help to reduce the damaging effect in the long run.

Close observation always helps. It doesn't mean you will change that child totally but at least, as a parent, you can see where you can come from to help that child. That's the argument I was putting forth because no one can truly change anyone but what we allow them on, goes a long way too, to determine how they would be shaped.

I also shared another video with Princess about some children, 5 of them - 2 girls and 3 boys that went to the hotel to ask for a room. They were turned away by the hotel admin for being a minor asking for a room. You can imagine what they wanted to do in that room. They even brought a Bluetooth speaker. They left home and no one asked where they went? Are they expected to be left all alone? It doesn't mean you can control their movements but when they are under your roof, there should be an oversight that should be provided.

I know a lot of parents are doing their best but trust me, we don't deserve a medal for doing our best because we know what we signed up for. It's okay to spoil them but it doesn't mean we have to always give them a free hand. Let's do our best and leave the rest to God but we don't have to overlook tiny details because they would soon become a habit in the long run.

Thank you for your time.

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Written by   641
3 months ago
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Comments

I picked a point of having relationship with your children, you cannot really correct someone you don't know well, having close relationship with your child will make you know them more, they will be free to tell you anything. It's good to be here, looking forward to reading more of your articles

$ 0.03
3 months ago

I totally agree with you. Having a relationship matters a lot. Children need a safe environment to be able to bare their hearts to their parents.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

You are saying nothing but the truth, I hope everyone will understand this view in the same way just like you do... Parents cannot be blamed all the time , no matter how strict you're on a child, the child that will listen will listen and vice versa.

Yeah, it's important for parents to caution their children when they notice an illicit attitude, but when parents are trying to teach us, it is meant for us to build ourselves more, parents caution us out of the love they have for us, but the whole talk lies within us.

It's true that my mother will always tell me to be very careful while in school, don't do this , don't do that, such a parent has done his best to make sure everything is well with me, but if i get to school i might decide to do otherwise, should that be blamed on parents? They can cannot follow us everywhere we go to, we are the one architect of ourselves , we build the best out from ourselves, parents are just trying their best.

$ 0.04
3 months ago

Parents are just trying their best, no doubt. They have to keep trying because no matter how things turn out, they would still be the one responsible. Prayer is also important and addressing issues early rather than overlooking them.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Well, that's true, there is nothing prayer cannot do.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Absolutely. I am all for it.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

What you allow would continue and as a parent, I know how hard to discipline a child. Even my son was still a toddler he already know how to disagree with me, he already know how to disobey my rules and if I would just allow him to disobeying me, i know somehow that in the future I can no longer discipline him. Discipline doesn't mean we were taking away their freedom. They can still do what they want to do but they should know their limits. As a parent it is one of our biggest job to our children. And being a parent we should also know our limits and so our children won't grow as our own puppet. Everything must be balanced. However nowadays there's already lot's of things that can influence our child's growth, app's and even adults behaviour towards our children's. And so we also need to monitor them, and don't allow those possible reasons that may bring negative impact to them.

$ 0.10
3 months ago

You spoke my mind here and you have hit the nail on the head. Thank you so much for this. You nailed it.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Yes sir, to be a parent is a very hard thing, some children just chose to be bad on their own, despite the grand efforts of their parents to give them sound moral lives. As you said mentioned up here, that "5 children went to a hotel and wanted to book, but were rejected", oh they wanted to get in and start sensual things. Imagine, children for that matter!!!! I wonder what this world is turning to.
This is a call to parents to double their efforts on child's training. It won't be bad if they enforce some strong laws on them that will help them live honourably. They need to be praying more for their children too, because Satan is really after the young minds, he wants to always catch them young.

$ 0.03
3 months ago

I believe so much in prayers too and we have to still make our efforts. Children are not easy to raise but we have to do our best.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Indeed it is the tiny details that will make big things in the future and if that tiny details entailing bad effects in the future it's the parents responsibility to tame it before it gets worse.. that's why parenting is really hard, coz I myself experiencing it now.

Some people blaming parents alone in their children's behavior are mostly those people who are not parents yet coz they don't understand how it feels to be a parent, they don't see yet the full perspective of being a parent, or some self proclaimed righteous parents.

And some parents as well are irresponsible so it's always depends on situation too.

$ 0.05
3 months ago

Exactly. It all depends on the situation. Being a parent is not easy and I know this too. My 2 year old is handful ...in a good way though but we need to pay close attention to them so they won't slip off. Just as we have those parents that give everything to make their children better, we have those ones too that overlook so much and become irresponsible in the process.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Wise words Sir, it all starts with the little things. I personally don't believe in being overly strict. A balance in equation is better and that way a bonding between the parent and the child is formed, the story of those five children is quite alarming, how did they even get the money to rent a room!. But also Sir, based on that story, it's quite possible that those kids might have lied to their parents as to where they were going to. I talking from experience, when I was quite younger, I actually did tell lies to my dad just so I'll be free to go out. I think bonding would really help and also praying helps, just like happyboy said in his article. Prayers can literally do all things, including changing the mind of a wannabe spoilt child

$ 0.04
3 months ago

I agree, they might have lied and based on the fact that they must be from the same school, it's a convenient lie for them to make the parents believe.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

This is the reality of being a parents, I always look of for my mom and dad how they face difficulties just for to have a good life and grow up as a better person. I knew but somethinge some parents can't handle their child well that those little things they did had effect on their childs growth.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Those little things matters...no doubt. Just do your best and pray.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

We know how hard it is raising a kid once we experience it ourselves. I just hope that when you decided to have kids, they won't do the same things that you have regretfully done when you were kids yourselves.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

That's why parents struggle because they knew how they were and what they have done before. That's why they can help guide with experience even though it's never easy.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I know how hard to discipline a child especially when the parents are also a teenage. Well, it's sounds pretty hard to own obligation especially when you're naive in introducing discipline to them

$ 0.02
3 months ago

It's never easy and we just have to watch out for the tiny details.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

The truth is that right now, parenting has become even more difficult than before because a lot of wayward youths are now parents and they don't have a single clue on how to be a good one. You will end up training your children to be morally upright but they will go out and meet other children who are wayward and the thing is children get easily influenced by their peers. Right now it takes the grace of God for a child to continue walking the path the parents carved out for them

$ 0.04
3 months ago

I love this!!! So true. A lot of wayward youths became parents which makes them allow the things they shouldn't allow. That's deep. I love that.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Believe me ,It's not easy training a female child wallahi, A parent can never be too careful . That's why after a disgracful act , you will hear a parent crying " God , what have I done wrong, what was my offence "....Just do your best and pray for the girl..... 🤦

$ 0.03
3 months ago

Do your best and pray for them. That's it because there are many influences out there that are ready to corrupt them.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Really, the little things matter a lot and the sooner it is nipped in the bud, the better

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Exactly. The earlier the better.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Some children once they reach adolescence feel that what they do is right, not necessary to listen to others, even the communication with parents reduce. Main reason being the increase in friends circle whom they depend more.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Yes, circle of friends would always influence the children.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Spoiling the kids isn't bad at all, however, a parent's should when is the right time to do so. Guard the kids at all cost, protect them and love them. Material things is not the bases of love

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Parents are responsible for the children and that's why they need to give their best even in some occasions, I know that best might still not produce the required result.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Some children still go astray even with their parents' constant reminders. The environment also plays a great role in influencing them.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

I absolutely agree with that. The world is messed up.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Hmmm, this is a very solid point. It's not easy to train a child but parent nowadays is just too careless about their children, they don't care what they have been up to or what they intend to do, they allow them to live their life like an adult which is very wrong. I pray God will show us a better way to train our child

$ 0.03
3 months ago

Yes, brother. Because of the movies we watch and how the world is changing, we allow them to act like an adult so early which is wrong. It's okay to treat them like an adult on certain things but not things that can affect their future.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I guess parents would feel rewarded when their kids grow up into kind, God fearing, and responsible individuals...that's when they could tell, they did great..

$ 0.03
3 months ago

Yes, Janeeeeeyyyyyy. That is a reward for good job done and until then, they have to keep trying and not relent.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I truly understand your point and you are right that there are some little things parents overlook because they feel it doesn't matter but it does and they need to thoroughly monitor their kids because those little things they overlooked may be their starting point of becoming wayward.

$ 0.03
3 months ago

Exactly, KP. That might be the starting point. I've seen some children that wanted to go wayward but when they caught it early, they gave that child all the attention and help she needed and she turned out at least better than she used to be. It's never easy that's why those who do weather for two need to think well if they are ready to bring a child into the world. The world is messed up.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Yes, parenting is not that simple. Though I'm not started yet but I can feel the pain & hard work as well as their care for us.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

It's a tough job...being responsible for the outcome of another human being is a huge responsibility

$ 0.00
3 months ago

True. Parenting plays an important role in the life of a child. From childhood to adulthood, discipline is the major key to what the becomes in the future. There are limit to what a parent can do once the child is grown.

$ 0.03
3 months ago

I agree...there is a little they can do which is why those early lessons would help at least.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I agree with you totally. I saw videos the girl uploaded on Likee and was shocked. If her parents were attentive they would have noticed or maybe they noticed but chose to ignore the signs. Parents need to pay attention to their kids more. In fact, this girl in question is what she is because of her parents. Seems they are even lying about the age to pish the "rape" allegations further. She's 14 or 15 from the conversation she had from one of her followers on Likee.

$ 0.04
3 months ago

Exactly. They said she is 10. Someone with that much developed boobs and experience with sex style. Ah. I was shocked. Yes, parents can't control everything but what they can see, they should at least nick it in the bud. Now, she has embarrassed both herself and her parents.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

A parent should be responsible in all area but they might not be able see everything their children are doing but they should always try and see to whatever their children are doing

$ 0.03
3 months ago

That's exactly my point. They can't see everything but they should try and see as much as they can. That tiny bit can make a difference.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Well said sir. There are some habits common to every child,but most parents overlook it as the child is still small. The fastest brain that assimilate every single thing in it environment is that of a little child. Have a wonderful day my friend.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Children learn so fast and pick things so easily. That's why they need the help and guidance of parents.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

You're right sir. Have a wonderful day.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

You too, brother.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

You make a good point, I also thought that parents can do so much but parents can observe and notice those little things rather than raise their children the way they were brought up.

$ 0.03
3 months ago

I love that. Most parents want to raise their children the way they were raised and some raise them opposite too because they want them to enjoy the things they didn't and it makes them overlook so many things they shouldn't.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

There's really no manual to this parenting thing

$ 0.00
3 months ago

None at all. Only God can help and we have to do our best.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I very much agree with you that parents shouldn't take things for granted. Minor things we overlook can have major effects in the future.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Yes, they can cause a lot of issues.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

A lot of parents I will say have given their children slack and a free hand, am not saying you are wrong too but my neighbours actually should I say allows their daughter to leave the house for weeks sometimes months she is staying with a man and when she comes back the won't say anything about it they will just be mute as if they are charmed by the girl and the daughter is just 17 years old with that kind of attitude I will say that they parents are they ones giving her that hand to do that

$ 0.04
3 months ago

That's exactly what I am saying. Some parents are trying but most parents are the ones allowing this decadence.

$ 0.01
3 months ago