Cold Feet It Is.

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Most people have cold feet when they want to make a major decision about their future. They question a lot of things and then project themselves into the future in their mind to be sure this is the life they have chosen rather than the life they have been forced to accept.

We are a reflection of the accumulation of things we have been exposed to. They play in our minds and this is the story of Hannah. She has been influenced by the life she got used to while growing up. A wise man once said that your exposure is your reality.

The things you see frequently would always have a way of playing in your head. We can either break away from it or allow ourselves to be broken by it but we can't dismiss the fact that they would always play at the back of our minds. They said that "Courage is not the absence of fear but the presence of fear, yet the will goes on." Not everyone is as courageous as they look and not everyone is as strong as we hoped.

Hannah always opens up her heart to love because that's her kind of person. She is loyal to a fault and would always give her heart to anything she can but it hasn't worked out for her the way she hoped, especially in the area of relationships. In her career, she is doing great and she is self-made too. She started her business from ground zero and she hoped to take it overseas.

She has only ever dated 4 guys in her life and they all broke her heart into pieces. The first one was not good because he cheated on her with her best friend back then. The second guy did the same thing as he found her cousin more attractive than she is and cheated on her with her cousin. The third is worse because he lied about his marital status. He always parades himself as a single guy until she caught him one day when he walked in on him making a video call to his family overseas. He is married with 4 kids and he is only around for contract jobs before he will go back. He only spends 4 months in the country and then spends the rest outside the country with his family. The truth came out a month before he was scheduled to travel back.

The fourth one looked promising and she felt she has found her soul mate. It was going well for them until one day, he told her that he needed to travel so he can discuss it with his family as it's the custom to seek permission from his parents before bringing her to them. Alas, he travelled to get married to another lady and as fate would have it, one of her old-time friends who has seen him on her status a few times sent the pictures to Hannah and that was how she got broken yet again.

She has been trying to be different from her parent's marriage. That's another one that constantly plays on her mind. Being the only girl, she didn't want to go through all the things her mother went through before they finally got divorced. The divorce was so messy and the children even took sides. All the three guys (her siblings) chose their dad ( and now live with him and their stepmother) and she, being the eldest, chose to stay with their mother.

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Her experience with marriage isn't something she looks forward to and she dreads having the same thing happen to her but she is trying her best to find a responsible guy that would change her orientation about it. She has been trying which is why she opened up her heart to love with those guys before she got her heart broken in the end.

Emmanuel came into her life and they hit it off. It looked too good to be true because it looked like they have known each other for a long time. He is a perfect gentleman, to her definition. He doesn't drink, or smoke and he is the indoor kind of person. This is the kind of person Hannah prefers and that's why they hit it off since they are the same. They started as friends and months down the line, he asked her to be his girlfriend which she agreed to. It took another three months before he proposed to her and she finally said yes after hesitating.

Everyone was happy for her because they knew her struggles. A lot of things kept going through her mind from the guys she has dated to the crashed marriage of her parents. The shocking one for her was how messy the marriage turned out to be, unprovoked. They cited irreconcilable differences but they didn't start that way.

Her parents loved each other that no one ever saw a day that they would go their separate ways. They were always together and even discussed the future when their children would finally leave the house. Both the father and the mother can't pinpoint where it all went wrong.

Her mother later told her that the same thing happened to her mother and also Hannah's father's parents too. It's now looked like both parents have a history of divorce without tangible reasons in their generation and this is what is a major source of concern for Hannah.

Wedding plans were already in place and everyone was excited for Hannah but not Hannah herself. The groom got to the venue ahead of the bride but Hannah never showed up for her wedding. She didn't discuss it with anyone until her maid of honour checked on her at the hotel she booked separately and found a note she left behind saying, "I am sorry, I can't do this." She also dropped a text for her husband to be but he was too excited to even check his phone but when he didn't see her on time, he tried to call her and that's when he saw the text. He held his emotions as he walked out of the hall without saying a word.

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why  I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈

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