Thank you, read.cash family!

Hello, everyone! I hope you're all doing great and having the best of Sunday.

I guess some of you here already knew what happened why I am away for how many days. I don't really want to let go of writing because I know, aside from expressing my feelings, I can earn at the same time which I really need right now.

For almost a year, I concealed the situation of me being pregnant. It was my choice and that's really my plan ever since. I just want my family, and some friends to know so I decided to live in my boyfriend's home which is away from our home. Not that far though but at least our neighbors and the Mariteses (yes, marami sila haha) won't be able to see me and stress me out. So what's the reason why I hide my pregnancy journey? It's because I want it that way and I want to make it as a surprise to my friends and relatives. And, I don't want to be questioned too I mean I don't want anyone to ask me why I decided to get pregnant with my boyfriend who I just met last November 2020. Well, it's God's will I guess because I had previous relationships that lasted for 2 years, and even 6 years but did not settle down. God chose this man for me and I think the time of being together doesn't matter at all times. It depends on the situation. I got more stories to tell about this tough but I need to limit the time I spent using my phone.

About my pregnancy

It was March when I decided to have am ultrasound because I felt like the pain in my lower abdomen is intolerable. At first I thought that the continuous pain was a sign that I will have my monthly period but a month has passed that it didn't come. I bought 3 pregnancy test kits and tried them early in the morning. The three kits gave me two lines which means positive but I doubt it still because I drank beer the day before I took the test. I again bought two pregnancy test kits that are expensive with high hopes of reliable results. Each of the kits gave me one visible line and one with almost erased line. I was confused of the result so I considered it as negative. I hastened to the nearest OB-GYNE clinic to have my ultrasound and I was also sure that it will be negative because of the pregnancy kits.

So I went there and found out that I was pregnant. At first, I cannot believe what I heard so I let the doctor repeat what she said. She said there's a flicker so it means that I am pregnant. At that moment, I was lost and almost cried at the clinic. Glad that I got a friend with, @Murakamii.7 who comforted me until we reached our boarding house. I admit I wasn't ready to be a mom that time but I never think of aborting the baby. Not even once. So I let my boyfriend knew and we decided that I should stay at their place so he can monitor me. He also allowed me to quit work because my abdomen kept on aching when I am working.

My boyfriend's family knew everything and I am happy they accepted me and the baby (of course they should lol).

Every month, we went for a monthly check-up and it's expected that the doctor will give me vitamins and other pills that the baby needs. However, I was told that I shouldn't buy those pills because they can only make the baby big and I would suffer in giving birth. Deep within me, I think that it should be my decision if I will buy or not since I'm using my own money. But still, they are so persistent in convincing me not to buy because they said, they have been there and they knew better than me. I don't want them to think of me as rude so I followed them though deep within my heart, I know I need those pills for my baby.

They even advised me to limit my food which is correct but you know when someone is pregnant, it's hard to control everything especially the kind of food you want to eat - your cravings. Since I am not at home, I felt like I am always guarded so I didn't eat what I want to eat and sometimes, I will just drink water because I don't want them to think of me as hard-headed.

During the delivery

My estimated due date was on November 22 but I gave birth this October 19. Some friends told me that it's normal since this is my first baby. Yes, I didn't suffer during the delivery. My baby came out quick and she did not let me suffer extreme pain. When I heard her cry, that's when I know I am ready to be a mother and I felt happiness when I saw her that I can't take my eyes off her. However, the doctor told me her weight is not normal since she's only 1.98 kg and the normal birth weight is 2.5 kg. Upon hearing that, everything came back. I should have eaten what I want to eat and I should have bought all the pills given by my doctor.

Yes, I didn't suffer in delivering my baby but she's the one suffering now because of my negligence.

My baby was not okay the day after she was born. She experienced seizure because of blood infection which affected her ability to latch. As a result, she wasn't able to get milk from me. Her sugar level decreased as well which is not good. I checked on her many times and I noticed that she won't cry I mean she's crying but there's no voice or sound coming out. Her color changed from pinking to greenish. Of course I panicked so I called the nurse and she was separated from us. She was brought to a room where she was alone and only one can be there to take care of her. At first, I thought the nurses will take care of everything since they know better than us but I was wrong. They just instructed us what to do and left us there with the baby. They don't even checked my baby's heartbeat and whenever I asked them for something, they responded irritatingly.

I, as a first time mother doesn't know everything about how to take care of a baby so I panicked because I and my baby were left there in the room and my baby's condition worsen.

I decided to transfer to a private hospital even though I am not yet allowed to be discharged since I just gave birth. I told them my baby needs immediate medicinal care which they can't give and I will sign a waiver that I was the one who decided to leave. The hospital gave us the waiver and everything needed to be discharged.

Now, we are already 3 days in the private hospital and I can say that my baby's condition gets better for the nurses and doctors here are very much concerned about my baby. They even talked to my baby whenever they checked her oxygen level, sugar level and temperature. Some nurses even gave their milk to my baby since my milk can't suffice baby's need. I need to eat food that will help in producing my milk.

My friend, @Zhyne06 after knowing the situation took the initiative to help in her own ways. I did not expect her to do that since I knew she has a lot of things to do too. I was shocked when I saw her message that she wrote an article about our situation and the earnings will be used for the medical expenses. How generous and kind heart she has. Because of her, many people here in read.cash have helped. I cannot mention you one by one since I haven't checked Telegram messages yet and haven't checked any article here. Guys, I am really grateful for your help. 🥺 My read.cash family, this is the family I never thought I would have. Thank you so much for all the help. My baby is indeed grateful too.

I know this article is not enough to express my gratitude so I planned to write another one tomorrow.

Sorry for the unread articles! I promise to keep up when everything's in the right place.

Thank you for all the prayers! My baby now is doing well and I hope she gets very very well and be able to latch again.

Thank you again, my read.cash family. ❤️