December 13, 2021
Some things make me believe that not everything happens for a reason but because of wrong decisions, and others are only consequences of our wrong actions. But when unexpected things happen, I just eat those words and believe that there are really things that are meant to happen. And that is to teach us lessons, to evaluate things, to acknowledge the situation, and face the reality, to value the undervalued ones, and most especially, to identify who is real, and who isn't.
A month ago, I wanted to run away. From this toxic job, the world, and people causing toxic thoughts in my mind. People that kept dragging the past to the present. Although some things in the past are worth bringing forward, some are just worth forgetting and leaving in the past.
Until things reached their peak and a vital aspect of my life called for more attention and wanted me to take a breather. But during those days, dark clouds started to form and I had no one to vent the heavy feelings out. Even if I did it here which I considered a wall of freedom, some only judged me.
If there is one thing I learned from these recent struggles, that is, "the more you admit your mistakes and reveal your true self, the more people would dig into it and they would judge you. The more you put effort and emotions into your work, the more people would doubt it." And I know that this is also a consequence of my wrong action in the past. However, we all have done mistakes as we are only human, so we should not be so judgemental. And even if I just ignore things, they still linger in my mind.
This might be the reason why many are afraid to grow, afraid to try new things, afraid to speak out, because of what people will say towards them. And so they opted to remain as is, not to grow, or opt to keep the heavy feeling inside. And just like what Emily once mentioned in one of her articles, not all stories are worth sharing. Not exact words, but the same meaning.
Some stories are better kept because we have our perceptions and judgment towards the matter, especially when it's a personal story. Even some heavy feelings are better kept because not all are willing to listen when you vent them out. Some would just judge you and would think that you only wanted some sympathy.
When I posted my article I want to run away on Hive, someone said,
"Even if I speak up and do not fear to confess my heavy sentiments to them, they would always say something against me."
That was exactly what I felt during my darkest days. And I felt like I didn't want to believe what other people were saying to me anymore, or the compliments I was receiving. Like what I have commented on one of Florie's articles, I don't want to be praised, because I don't even know if they are compliments or insults. Some here would show sarcasm and insults indirectly, and what they want to convey is the opposite meaning of their words.
Along with my health issues and the people who triggered my anxiety, a monster was formed in my mind. My battle with the monster in my head was quite tough and staying in my abode and venting out my feelings were not helpful.
As PVM said:
"When everything becomes hectic and too fast ... just slow down! Stop and take a step back, and watch everything from the outside. Scrap all the things that are not essential and then press play again and keep on being amazing!"
Then I tried to move forward as I didn't want the monster to win. And he is right, "scrap all the things that are not essential and then press play again."
Until a friend of mine knocked on my door and asked for help. That's when I saw real people who are willing to help a stranger.
Maybe it happened for a reason just so we could catch up with each other again and evaluate things up. Because it's been a long time since we last communicated with each other, as I am more active in these two platforms.
Until then, I found someone with whom I can vent my heavy feelings out and who is willing to listen, not to judge.
She Found A Helping Hand, and I Found A Shoulder To Cry On
As she said,
"You don't need to prove yourself to others. If you can't beat them, join them, but kill them with kindness."
And just like what Infinity on Hive said, "love yourself first and don't mind the world and the people around you."
This is not only a message to me but to all of us. We shouldn't think "we are not good enough" and prove everything to others and please everyone. We should love ourselves first and shrug off the negativity around us so the monster won't form in our minds.
Just show kindness to everyone even if others are not.
The recent battles only taught me to remain strong, to stay positive for myself and others, discard the things that are not essential, and don't mind the people that are not worth minding. Just focus on the positive, ignore the negatives, and value the real ones. That's all that matters the most.
And unexpectedly, through this recent event, I found out that she also dreamed of becoming a writer and writing articles, and she just found a perfect platform to pursue her dream. Not now, but sooner when she fully recovered.
And I would always be grateful to this community for showing help to people in need. And that's what I should be thinking of, not the negatives. Besides, there are still beautiful souls in this community that are worth keeping and are willing to listen to your stories and willing to lend a helping hand.
It's the Christmas season. Let's spread love not hate. Stay positive, shrug off the negative, and move forward from the past. Let bygones be bygones. Keep the lessons in mind and constantly remind yourself that, "you are good enough, you don't need to prove it to everyone, and you are exactly on the right track."
Thank you guys and Happy Monday.
©read.cash/@Jane (All Rights Reserved 2021)
Jane, I resonate with you. A gentle act of kindness is required on this planet. Empathy can change the world from worse to better. We should be compassionate to our fellow citizens. But, criminals must be punished.