This is for You, Brave Heart.
03/10/2022
It's okay to not be okay, sometimes. It's valid that we are not fine all the time. Aren't you getting tired of flashing that fake smile that looked more real as years went by, that people can't even now tell how you really feel?
However, you know eyes can't lie, at least to the people that genuinely love you. No loud laughter, nor biggest smile can hide the sadness in those eyes. They look tired, they look so exhausted, and they want to scream for help. But your eyes have no voice. Your eyes can only tell. Tell a silent story.
(Trigger warning: I am not sure, but let me say this, anyway. Some things talked about here may be upsetting or disturbing to people currently struggling emotionally and mentally. You can leave right away if you feel uncomfortable reading this one. Love you!)
You are not weak for asking some help. You are not weak for letting them know how messed up you feel. Stop invalidating your feelings, love. You may not know the exact reason you're so blue, but that does not change the fact that you need fixing. Something inside you is broken, and you need to have it healed. Please stop keeping the pain to yourself.
You might be crying right now, holding on to your chest, trying to dig the freakin' reason you're feeling miserable. You know you tried to open up, but the voices always tell you that they won't understand. Breathe, just let it all out, and know that you are loved. Your existence is a beautiful magic added in this world, so you can quit thinking otherwise.
You may always ask the same thing everyday, "When will this end?"
I want to ask that, too. Why are we here just to feel this way? Why can't we just live without drowning ourselves in tears every single night, when no one's around? Why can't we just sleep a peaceful night, without trying so hard to silence the persistent voices in our minds? Why do we always feel that we are not enough? Why can't we just love ourselves fully?
When did we even start feeling this way, anyway? Why would people make us feel like we don't matter? And if they don't, then where do we get that feeling? Where does that lingering feeling come from, and why does it seem to not fckin go away?
I could go all day, all night, asking these endless questions. Is it too much to ask for one day where I am not gonna struggle? You know, that feeling where the mental and emotional state are already suffering, but the reasons of it do not seem to get the memo.
"Leave me alone! I am begging you! Leave me alone, even just for a day. No, even just for a few hours, let me enjoy how it feels to breathe freely."
You are understood, darling. You may or may not know the reason why you feel that way, and that's okay. Don't despise yourself when there are times a good cry is uncontrollable, maybe your whole system needs some fresh air to let it all out. You can cry until tears get dry. You can complain every single issue, even the pettiest ones, until you get tired of cursing them all. And I hope, I genuinely hope that will make you feel better after.
Depression, along with other emotional and mental conditions, is scary. Over time, it has become so prevalent, that it is making me sad. It kills. It really does. And just thinking how many people have already succumbed to it breaks my heart.
I know it's far from possible, but I still want to wish thay depression and its friends will perish. I wonder how many people right now are suffering from it, more so the fact that they are so good at hiding their state. The worst thing is to discover it only when the person has given up the gift of life.
I know I am not one to tell you anything of some sort, but if you're currently having some mental or emotional struggle, please.. please just hold on. Things may really look dark, especially on certain days. Nothing seems to be working. But trust me, you are gonna be fine. We just don't know when, but you'll definitely be. We have different times and ways of healing, and I genuinely hope that you are progressing successfully.
Please always think that your life matters. It really does. Every single day, every minute of your existence, it really does matter. You matter. You may feel like you are all alone, but that is a big lie. You are worthy of love and attention. The good days are patiently waiting for you, so please don't get tired of living, until you see them coming your way. It would be a waste to not flash those sincere smile, nor just hear your own laugh coming from genuine happiness. It will absolutely come. Maybe not for now, but while waiting, please be strong. Please, don't give up. You are a warrior. You can do it, brave heart.
It would really be magical to see you smile for real, but it's also more than okay if you can't, yet.
"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.." - From the song "Yellow" by Coldplay
Happy Thursday!
Thank you for reading up to here. I have talked about a sensitive topic, and I actually had some second thoughts of publishing this one, but I can't help it. I want to hug myself, you, and everyone else who's fighting his/her battles despite all the scars these wars have brought us. Stop replaying those times some dumb head told you you're not enough. Because you are enough, more than enough, actually. And what I am saying is true. Facts. 100% facts.
I know it may take time to heal. Even a longer time to believe our worth. Accepting and embracing our flaws are also ones. Let me also mention, breaking free of the ugly past that keeps haunting us, making us feel scared, cynical, and drowned in despair.
But, until that time is not here yet, just live. You are doing well. Another day you lived through, is another mighty battle won. Because you are a warrior, the best one I know. Look at you still standing up even you're filled with scars. Thank you for fighting well. Thank you for living.
Keep going. You're doing well.
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To GOD be the glory.
Let us keep going! Sometimes we don't need fixing. We just have to be understood. We need to go through that phase in our lives.