11/25/2021
It's an attempt to write something out of an empty mind. I have shared some sides of me through my blogs all this time, and let me tell you about another one.
I have seen a meme in Instagram earlier this afternoon. This goes along the line of:
"I could post ten stories (referring to Facebook or IG stories feature) for a day, and then disappear for the next two months."
This one really made me laugh because of its accuracy. I can really relate with this meme because that's what I also do in real life. One day, you can see me active and wandering out and about all the social media accounts I have. Then the next day, (and most probably the next two to three months), my accounts will seem to be dead from all complete inactivity. I don't have a habit of deactivating my accounts, I just abandon them. Just like that. I looked at the last thing I posted on Instagram and it was last September. My current profile picture on Facebook is almost a year old now. I wonder about all the other social media applications I have since uninstalled and forgot about.
This is that one side of me. I have a certain period where I just like to shut down all forms of online communication, even face to face, in some occassions. I could go around not replying to messages, group chats, and posts or tags, for at least a week, and a year, at most, (that's the longest record I could remember).
You may ask, what do I do on those times then? I can't say a specific thing, because activities vary depending on my mood. In some situations, I could download two whole sets of series within one sitting (lucky when Internet is fast) and switch between two of them whenever I feel like doing it. I could spend lots of time reading a book, or designing something. Most of the times, sleeping. Yes, sleeping, that's life.
Right now, it maybe hard to admit, but I'll do it. I am in this state as of the moment. I have since left my socials, (except Instagram and Facebook on this matter), and even my other platforms, including read and noise. My, this sounds so lazy and irresponsible of me. I know. But this is the truth. I am actually so tempted to just leave this draft and close this site to do other things. I am fughting the urge to. I have not published anything for almost three days now, what's happening to me?
I also wonder how my noise.cash account is doing. Ever since the recent events, I have also lost some interest interacting there. Not the platform's fault, but mine. The problem's in me. I am in no mood to type, to interact, nor to share something. I will still try tonight, though. Wish me luck.
About Torum, yeah, this one. There's this weekly task where I have to log in straight for a week in order to get the mission rewards, which is 5 XTM, if I could remember it right. I have been so faithful in visiting that crypto social platform for 6 days straight. Yes, one day more to get that reward. I know you ate now guessing what happened to that 5 XTM. Lost. I failed to visit for the seventh day; therefore I lost the streak. Did it bother me? I feel like I should apologize when I say no. It's not bothersome at all. It did not matter to me, actually, at least NOW. Maybe when I am over this stage, regret will come sinking in.
Oh, and Telegram. How many days have it been since I last checked the other group chats? I will surely come by shortly after this blog's published.
I forgot about my Discord account now. Same with Whatsapp, my Viber (wait, do I have one?). It's funny, yet it's true.
I have already been thinking of something sensible to write while washing the dishes. I failed in making a draft in my head, so I tried doing things to awaken motivation to write.
I cleaned myself again, exercised, and watched TV, among others, hoping an idea mught come to mind. And.. I don't know if it's really a good thing, but this is the blog I came up with, from the remaining juices I could squeeze of my brain cells.
I have even made a nice TO-DO list of the things I should do, when I get free time, yet I saw only a few being accomplished. I remember some on the list being Metamask, my budget monitoring spreadsheet, re-organizing the cabinet, things to buy, and other various stuff. Now, I am just laughing while shaking my head because I barely see check marls beside them. Relate? Can you relate? Please tell me your similar experiences in the comment section.
Here comes the urge to leave thus draft again. My fingers wanna exit here and just stare on the roof, to think about my life decisions or whatever. It's really hard to understand myself sometimes. It would even be a miracle if I get to read more than ten articles after writing this one. Again, wish me luck. Or if not, please send me some will to write, or motivation to be productive.
What do you guys do when you are in a situation like mine? I am curious.
Because what I do is to go with the flow. I listen whenever I get the urge to shut doors from specific things, or everything. It's okay to disappear from the world, temporarily to just listen to myself. Or to just enjoy the silence, rather. That beautiful feeling of not minding anything, but just indulging in a blank state. Nothingness has its own beauty too, don't you think?
These are the days I enjoy emptiness. Where I could just stay under the blanket for hours, not thinking about a particular thing, or my mind wandering in the place called nothing. I also appreciate the times where I am just in a world I can call my own, without people minding my business, while I mind mine. You know that feeling, right? I may not be good in words, but I just hope I was able to send the thoughts I want to relay through this sharing I did.
The night's getting deeper, and the will to sleep, or just lie down and contemplate instead, gets stronger as time passes by. I am listening to a music without words right now, as it is where I found comfort as of this moment.
This blog is so full of randomness again, and for the third time, I will apologize that it may have bored some or most of you. Even it may come as nonsense to other readers here, it's my own means to share the thoughts I can't speak in real life. I mean, what's the use of words, if we're not gonna use it to express lots of things, right?
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I have all these Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and YouTube. Guess what I don't use them. Facebook does not interests me anymore. Sometimes it annoys me. I am active on YouTube as I love watching short videos. I learn a lot from it and of course from read.cash.