11/07/2021
It all started in college. I knew I was always at the top. I slept three hours at most, because what I just did was to study, and study. I want to just excel in it, and always get that number one. Until a rank stealer came.
I still felt okay when I forgot the answer to that one question in exams. Little did I know, the anxiety I had, really meant something. That's because you had the perfect score. I was fuming mad.
I never experienced being number two before. But ever since you came, I grew more anxious, more threatened, and I did not realize I am building up anger against you, secretly.
Until one day, I could not take it anymore. I heard you work part time in a cafe, so I went there for a coffee and a pancake. As I expected, I talked to you for the first time, and took all the courage to make a deal. That is, you're going to teach me the lessons I could not understand, and I'll help you with the books and other educational resources. You did not hesitate to agree. It made me relieved.
Weeks passed by, and I just saw myself getting used to our routine. Me coming to the cafe where you work at, us staying together in the library for hours, and a certain snack I somehow grew addicted to ever since you recommended it to me.
On days you were not in school, I was always wondering where you were. I always felt bad, especially when I discovered you are an orphan and self-supporting since you're young. It made me look at how lucky I am for being blessed with parents and in financial aspect.
We are nearing the graduation and it's the first time I cried so hard. You told me you could not continue studying anymore, because of the growing expenses. You strongly refused my offer to help. You did not know it was I who has benefited more than you did. Ever since I met you, I eventually did not care much about being the top one in the class. I even felt happy whenever you're number one, and so are you, when it's I. I appreciated studying more, and I started seeing things better outside than school. I learned many things I could not learn from books alone. It's all thanks to you, Paul.
Despite my weeks' attempt of convincing you, you're firm in your decision, so I gave up.
Graduation came, and I don't know if I was crying that time when I saw my diploma, or because you were there to attend with my parents, not as a graduate like me. It hurt me so bad that we did not get to finish together.
You helped me pass the board exam, while you're saving up for the remaining semester you'd enrolled months after. It was almost a year difference—I was already a 7-month old licensed Architect, while you were preparing for the graduation that time.
I took all the days off I had to, because I genuimely wanted to see you holding the license, too. I am happy that you finally accepted my help, along with my confession of love.
It was not so hard to love you. Just one day, I found myself feeling empty when you're not around. I have been so used to your presence, and I just began missing you badly, everytime we part. I wonder how you did that.
Almost seven months passed, and I could not believe I was already anxious for your licensure exams result. I was so nervous as if I were the one who took the exam. I am sure you did well, of course. But I wonder why you looked pale that night.
That night, in the park, our favorite place, I tried to cheer you up. Tomorrow's gonna be a good day. Tomorrow, we'll surely see your name on the list. Tomorrow, your dream is just a paper away.
You gave me a tight hug; it felt like the warmest embrace I had from you. It was full of comfort, and love, and I wonder why it brought me to tears. You were not talking about the results we'd see the next day, but you are apologizing to me, multiple times.
I was curious why, but you always answered my inquiries with a smile. I saw you reaching into your pocket and my eyes immediately caught the sparkle with that thing you held.
You carefully put the ring on my finger, while I just stared at it for God knows how long. The majestic view of the diamond ring was blurred by my teary eyes, and I just found myself crying nonstop, while looking at your face. I have really grown deep in this love. I don't know how to go back.
It seemed like a long night. We drove home when we noticed we are just the people remaining in the park, as it was almost closing time. You told me to sleep while on the way. It must have been the bucket of tears I cried that I grew really tired and eventually dozed off while you were driving.
I woke up to a splitting headache. It was such a bright place. I immediately tried to look around, and it turned out I was in an unfamiliar bed.
"She's awake! Rose is awake!" a voice said.
It took me a moment to recognize it was mom's voice. She sounded really distressed, so I asked her why.
I started to feel uneasiness creep inside me when she asked me if I really don't remember anything. It made me more confused to see a doctor and two nurses arriving to get my vitals or whatever.
Every single piece of the puzzle seemed coming together, but it felt like my world fell apart. It's hard for me to believe that I've been in a bad accident five days ago, and only woke up now. It seemed fake, all of this. It just seemed last night when I had the time of my life with—
"How about Paul? Is he here?" I asked.
I immediately understood it after the deafening silence that I heard, followed by mom's sobbing. She said what I had to hear, you were with me on that night of the accident. I remember it now. We went on an appointment five days before the important day.
I looked at my empty ring finger, and relived the dream-like memory I had of us last night. That's why you kept on saying sorry. That's why you looked sad. That was why it hurt to look at you last night. I hope I did not wake up from that beautiful dream. If I only knew that would be the last, I'd hug you so tight until the morning came. I'd have stayed awake in the car and looked at you the whole time, Love. It's all messed up now. How do you expect me to live now?
My dream is your dream. And your dream is my dream, too.
It was a sunny morning. I woke up early. Wore that outfit I prepared for this day. Drove my way to that familiar place. I already see lots of people crowding the bulletin board. Others are shouting in joy, I also saw others crying.
With a heavy heart, I walked closer to the piece of paper stuck on the board. Even my eyes are again blurred by sudden rage of tears, I was sure I saw your name.
"Paul Kim, Passed."
You did it, love. You did it.
I immediately went to the hospital to bring you the good news. I put the little paper on your immobile hands. You really look beautiful, my Paul. Have I told you I love you so much? Have I? Look, you are now a Licensed Architect, my love.
I guess I am the only one left to complete the future we planned now. The dream house we both designed, I think I'll be the one who'd finish it, after all. For now, take a good rest, and prepare our own kingdom in that place you'll go to. Make sure it's a good design, with lots of garden space for the flowers. I am letting you go now... Until we meet again.
Everyone has arrived in the room now. The doctors are ready. I stepped back to give way to my family, and other friends of us. It's the day we are ending his suffering. It's the day we are letting Paul go. It's a good thing too, right? He's gonna be with his parents now. I heard the goodbye messages and it broke my heart multiple times.
It was quite unfair for me. You're taken from me so early. What am I supposed to do now? How do you expect me to live now? Fate is so cruel. This love is so cruel.
The doctor handed me something he found from your clothes days ago. It's the ring. It's the second time I've seen it, but it still looked beautiful to me. At least in my dream, you got to put this ring on my finger. Oh, how my heart hurts so much!
I heard the longest and saddest high pitched beep ever, as I held on tighter on the ring. It's for real now. You passed, Paul. But you also passed away.
Monday Storytime!
Did you expect that? This was a revised version of a fictional story I wrote many years ago. Since I was so out of inspiration to write, I just decided to publish my fictions back then, and make a better version of it.
I hope you liked reading through this. Until next time!
Thanks a lot for reading! And also... ehem! Thanks in advance for considering to sponsor me. 😉 I will do my best to not disappoint you.
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