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Forgiveness ain't Easy, but...

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Avatar for Ellehcim
Written by   287
2 months ago

11/16/2021


It's indeed difficult to live life in anger. Some people come into our lives to hurt us, disrespect us, and we never receive our deserved apology. It's hard to look these people in the eye, and try to smile. It's almost impossible forgive someone who does not even acknowledge his/her mistake.

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I remember a recent story. Annie went to the house of Ricky, because he has not been paying his debt for weeks. No one expected things to escalate. It started when Ricky started saying words not necessarily needed. He even told Annie that he and his family are now too short on food, and other stuff that ultimately aimed to make Annie guilty, and appear to be the bad person.

Annie responded by saying she does not have anything to do with Ricky's sutuation and she has been letting him off the hook for weeks now. He has not been showing up to at least explain why he could not pay the debt. Annie would have understand better if he explained, but now, she had to visit Ricky. Instead of hearing an apology and a valid explanation, Ricky even guilt-tripped her, and said foul words towards her, when his ego was touched.

It was two or three weeks after the incident that Ricky sent someone to Annie's house to send the payment. It was nice to know that he at least paid, after a long period beyond the deadline. The thing is, he did not apologize for not paying on time without informing of the reasons, and for how he acted when Annie came to his home.

We may have different sides on this story. For me, it's clearly Ricky who's in the wrong. From the fact alone that he could not pay on the date he promised, he did wrong. Second, he did not come clean to explain the reasons why he could not pay on time, leaving Annie in the dark, worried about her money. Third, instead of humbling himself, he even raised his voice against the person he wronged, and shouted curse words. That is far beyond my imagination, for a person that does not even ask for forgiveness, yet has the nerve to show aggression towards the person he's indebted to. That's not a very ideal attitude of a person who should be apologizing. I see a strong victim mentality, which I absolutely abhor.

Imagine you were in the shoes of Annie. Isn't it infuriating? Just thinking about Ricky can trigger lots of emotions, like disappointment, sadness, and mostly anger. You may also ask, how can we forgive people who don't even ask for it?


The thing with forgiveness is, it usually just happens. It may be true that people "decide" whether to forgive someone, but that decision still comes from some instances we can't control right? So somehow, we still can't say forgiving a person is of our own accord.

If it's easy to forgive someone, then maybe things are not as complicated as now. I am actually amazed of the people who can forgive easily. Because I personally don't, though it depends on the situations. And forgetting is another thing. I am so good at remembering the bad things people did to me. I wonder if that's a good thing or not.

It would be nice if we could only easily heal from the damage so we can move on fast. But no, life ain't like that. It lets us suffer so we'd learn our lesson, and (un) fortunately, forgiveness is one of them.

Can you remember one of the worst things a person ever did to you? Have you forgiven that person already? Is the resentment still there?

I have my own share of hidden resentments. You know those feelings, words, I want to tell them, but I could not. I keep my anger to myself. Everyday, I try to smile and act like everything's fine, but then I remember that one thing I resent them for, and I feel negative emotions again. I felt like I have forgiven them, but I still can't forget the pain they indirectly caused me. I can't just let it all go, it's difficult to move forward, and this struggle was just known to me, because they have no clue what I resent them for. Until now, that feeling still stays. Everytime I remember that day, I still feel mad. I still sometimes look at them with piercing gaze, and mouth the word "unfair". Secretly.

This is what happens when we don't open ourselves to forgiveness. It is indeed hard to understand the usual saying that forgiveness frees and heals, because we can even think that forgiving such a despicable person is unfair. I mean that person does not deserve forgiveness, why ae we supposed to give that?

Then I tried. Little by little, simple to complicated situations, I started forgiving people who did me wrong. I relived in my head those things I suffered due to them, and how it kept me imprisoned for lots of years, imagining revenge scenarios on my head, or my previous tendencies of telling them foul words secretly.

It actually worked. I realized that forgiving other people helped in letting go of those burdens I carry. I realized it helped me to not think about of those ugly experiences anymore. I just left it to Karma to work, and it felt good. It felt nice to sleep at night knowing I am not thinking of those things anymore.

I know forgiving may be hard. Especially when the wound it caused came to be a permanent one, more so if it caused a trauma, or some incredible damage. However, we can trust ourselves that it's diffucult, but it's worth it. Karma really works, everyone. What a wrong thing the person did will come back to him the same way, or even worse.


Thanks for being here!

This is an article of last night, only published early this morning. I hope you don't mind.

Why did I suddenly blabbered about forgiveness here? Depending on cases, forgiveness may be a small thing, or can be a sensitive topic. I understand if we can have different views about this one. I, for one, still am in the process of resolving some resentment issues that I could not let go.

I hope that I was able to give some insights to ponder on, even just in small means. I would also appreciate if you'd share me your thoughts about forgiveness.

Until then, let me end this one through cheering you on for the day. I know today's gonna be a happy day. Let's be strong enough to handle situations and we'll see how stronger we are than we actually know. You are doing well, keep going!

Thanks a lot for reading! And also... ehem! Thanks in advance for considering to sponsor me. 😉 I will do my best to not disappoint you.

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2 months ago
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Comments

Forgiveness Takes Time to heal. Don't forced because it will flow timely.

$ 0.01
2 months ago

Correct! Nailed it, my friend. 🤗

$ 0.00
2 months ago

I don't easily forgive person especially to those person who caused so much pain to me. Though we can forgive mistake but it depends on the situation.

Im newbie here :) Glad to meet you

$ 0.02
2 months ago

Oh, hello there! Nice to meet ya! ❤️ Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :)

$ 0.00
2 months ago

My pleasure 😇

$ 0.01
2 months ago

I don't even know if I already forgive those who hurt us way back then. Yah it's been a long time but I still feel the same pain. Maybe I did but the pain remains. It's not just easy to forgive when they also hurt the persons (family) I love the most .

$ 0.01
2 months ago

I can agree with what you said. Forgiving ain't supposed to be forced.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

Forgiveness is hard though but we do not have a choice than to forgive so we can have peace of mind.

If I were Annie, I would have been infuriated too by Ricky's attitude. This is one of the reasons I don't lend money to people because once it gets to them, they become untouchable 😁

$ 0.01
2 months ago

Very true! If we wanna keep friendships, we should avoid lending each other money, as it's one of the main reasons for brokem friendships.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

Forgiveness has a perfect time. It should be a real and came truly from your heart. Forgiveness is depend also of the situation, or the mistakes done.

Forgiveness is really important since it will give you a freedom to yourself from anger and pains but it should be step by step. I know time will come that it will truly heals.

$ 0.01
2 months ago

I agree with what you said. Can't be more true.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

Thank you Elleh. Good evening. ❤️

$ 0.00
2 months ago

Well, good morming from here!

$ 0.00
2 months ago

everyone has almost the same problem with this subject. I also feel the same. Forgiving people is not easy but always try to remain a wise person. forgive that I can do but to go back to the same thing as before. it may take some time and keep your distance. Heart wounds are indeed very difficult to treat, maybe even death can still make an impression. be wise to judge everything.

$ 0.01
2 months ago

A perfect definition of forgive but don't forget. 👌

$ 0.00
2 months ago

I believe time will heal the wounds through acceptance that the person done something painful and hurtful.

$ 0.01
2 months ago

Nicely said, Maryel. ❤️

$ 0.00
2 months ago

If it's me, same reaction to her. I mean, mano manlang ba na sabihing ay sorry madedelay ang bayad blablabla. Hindi ung waka na ngang painform wala oang paramdam. Yong parang maamong tupa na nanghirap tapos pag bayadan na tch. Beri beri wrung. Ako naman, madali kasi ako makalimot ng nagawa sakin ng tao hahahaha. Malilimutin ako ee di ako sanay magalit pero pag nagalit naman sasabog talaga ako peri one time lang mangyayari yan basta mailabas ko lang lahat ba.

$ 0.01
2 months ago

Sa totoo lang. Kahit manlang dumaan sa bahay ni girl at magpaalam para din naiiwan na kinakabahan si Annie. Tapos pag pinuntahan sa bahay, sya pa galit.

Ako din matagal mag express ng galit. Hanggat maaari timpi lang talaga. Kaya nakakatakot pag napuno, di rin healthy sa atin.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

I don't easily forgive someone who caused too much pain in me. But I just let the time heal the wounds.

$ 0.03
2 months ago

Exactly. Let the Time heal the wound and you also should try to forget gradually till it is gone.

$ 0.01
2 months ago

Same here. Thanks for reading! ❤️

$ 0.00
2 months ago

Yes, I did experience that. I experienced going through a hard time forgiving a person who hurt my feelings so bad. It takes a lot of time before I finally let go of my anger. I choose to forgive the person for me to be freed. But but but, I will never ever forget what (s)he did to me.

$ 0.01
2 months ago

Yes, some say forgive and forget. That does not sit right with me. Let's forgive but not forget.

$ 0.00
2 months ago