It's indeed difficult to live life in anger. Some people come into our lives to hurt us, disrespect us, and we never receive our deserved apology. It's hard to look these people in the eye, and try to smile. It's almost impossible forgive someone who does not even acknowledge his/her mistake.
I remember a recent story. Annie went to the house of Ricky, because he has not been paying his debt for weeks. No one expected things to escalate. It started when Ricky started saying words not necessarily needed. He even told Annie that he and his family are now too short on food, and other stuff that ultimately aimed to make Annie guilty, and appear to be the bad person.
Annie responded by saying she does not have anything to do with Ricky's sutuation and she has been letting him off the hook for weeks now. He has not been showing up to at least explain why he could not pay the debt. Annie would have understand better if he explained, but now, she had to visit Ricky. Instead of hearing an apology and a valid explanation, Ricky even guilt-tripped her, and said foul words towards her, when his ego was touched.
It was two or three weeks after the incident that Ricky sent someone to Annie's house to send the payment. It was nice to know that he at least paid, after a long period beyond the deadline. The thing is, he did not apologize for not paying on time without informing of the reasons, and for how he acted when Annie came to his home.
We may have different sides on this story. For me, it's clearly Ricky who's in the wrong. From the fact alone that he could not pay on the date he promised, he did wrong. Second, he did not come clean to explain the reasons why he could not pay on time, leaving Annie in the dark, worried about her money. Third, instead of humbling himself, he even raised his voice against the person he wronged, and shouted curse words. That is far beyond my imagination, for a person that does not even ask for forgiveness, yet has the nerve to show aggression towards the person he's indebted to. That's not a very ideal attitude of a person who should be apologizing. I see a strong victim mentality, which I absolutely abhor.
Imagine you were in the shoes of Annie. Isn't it infuriating? Just thinking about Ricky can trigger lots of emotions, like disappointment, sadness, and mostly anger. You may also ask, how can we forgive people who don't even ask for it?
The thing with forgiveness is, it usually just happens. It may be true that people "decide" whether to forgive someone, but that decision still comes from some instances we can't control right? So somehow, we still can't say forgiving a person is of our own accord.
If it's easy to forgive someone, then maybe things are not as complicated as now. I am actually amazed of the people who can forgive easily. Because I personally don't, though it depends on the situations. And forgetting is another thing. I am so good at remembering the bad things people did to me. I wonder if that's a good thing or not.
It would be nice if we could only easily heal from the damage so we can move on fast. But no, life ain't like that. It lets us suffer so we'd learn our lesson, and (un) fortunately, forgiveness is one of them.
Can you remember one of the worst things a person ever did to you? Have you forgiven that person already? Is the resentment still there?
I have my own share of hidden resentments. You know those feelings, words, I want to tell them, but I could not. I keep my anger to myself. Everyday, I try to smile and act like everything's fine, but then I remember that one thing I resent them for, and I feel negative emotions again. I felt like I have forgiven them, but I still can't forget the pain they indirectly caused me. I can't just let it all go, it's difficult to move forward, and this struggle was just known to me, because they have no clue what I resent them for. Until now, that feeling still stays. Everytime I remember that day, I still feel mad. I still sometimes look at them with piercing gaze, and mouth the word "unfair". Secretly.
This is what happens when we don't open ourselves to forgiveness. It is indeed hard to understand the usual saying that forgiveness frees and heals, because we can even think that forgiving such a despicable person is unfair. I mean that person does not deserve forgiveness, why ae we supposed to give that?
Then I tried. Little by little, simple to complicated situations, I started forgiving people who did me wrong. I relived in my head those things I suffered due to them, and how it kept me imprisoned for lots of years, imagining revenge scenarios on my head, or my previous tendencies of telling them foul words secretly.
It actually worked. I realized that forgiving other people helped in letting go of those burdens I carry. I realized it helped me to not think about of those ugly experiences anymore. I just left it to Karma to work, and it felt good. It felt nice to sleep at night knowing I am not thinking of those things anymore.
I know forgiving may be hard. Especially when the wound it caused came to be a permanent one, more so if it caused a trauma, or some incredible damage. However, we can trust ourselves that it's diffucult, but it's worth it. Karma really works, everyone. What a wrong thing the person did will come back to him the same way, or even worse.
Thanks for being here!
This is an article of last night, only published early this morning. I hope you don't mind.
Why did I suddenly blabbered about forgiveness here? Depending on cases, forgiveness may be a small thing, or can be a sensitive topic. I understand if we can have different views about this one. I, for one, still am in the process of resolving some resentment issues that I could not let go.
I hope that I was able to give some insights to ponder on, even just in small means. I would also appreciate if you'd share me your thoughts about forgiveness.
Until then, let me end this one through cheering you on for the day. I know today's gonna be a happy day. Let's be strong enough to handle situations and we'll see how stronger we are than we actually know. You are doing well, keep going!
Thanks a lot for reading! And also... ehem! Thanks in advance for considering to sponsor me. 😉 I will do my best to not disappoint you.
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Forgiveness Takes Time to heal. Don't forced because it will flow timely.