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@bmjc98 more from that month

First Day Without My Leg When I was younger, I used to have weird dreams about myself in an unknown place without my crutches. In those dreams, I had no one to help me and my only option to go back home was either to hop or crawl.

It's really odd to see me in that situation, knowing that people were constantly staring at me. Good thing those were not real, though. But today, I kind of experienced the same thing, except that I am not alone this time. I'm not sure if I had mentioned this one on one of my previous noise posts but let me give you a quick overview. So most of you know that I used a prosthetic leg as I was born with 1 leg. Then recently, I noticed that walking was a bit no longer the same as before. The reason behind it is that there is a big crack in the socket. I mean the part where I put on my knee. The leg, by the way, is probably 5-6 years old and already started showing signs for a replacement. We even had to put duct tape around it so it won't do further damage. Before this crack, it had already gone through its repair that it needed to be added an aluminum thingy just to secure the crack. It worked pretty well until just recently.

The recent crack is much bigger than before. I couldn't walk properly coz I was so scared that the crack might split the socket into 2. Good thing my sister's boyfriend was needed to go back to Cebu so I took the opportunity to ask him to bring the leg with him. So yesterday, he and my nephew left and after that, I had to use a monobloc chair just so I can at least go out in my room. It was not easy coz the chair is quite heavy and hard to walk with that, especially when going to the bathroom. Later that afternoon, I told mom to buy me crutches so I can easily do my thing at ease. Luckily for us, there was 1 last stock left, which is worth $18. When I saw it, I got excited but, at the same time, worried that I might be having a hard time adjusting myself to this. I had not used crutches for more than a decade now so I know it would feel like torture to me, and yes, it does!

The crutches were too high for me so we had to maneuver. Still a little high, however, I can manage this time. My only problem now is that it hurts my armpit big time. Every step feels like torture to me. I'd rather use something else than this but what can I do, I've got no other options for now. The first day without my leg was not good but hopefully, I can do better today. It's my second day, by the way.

*Closing thoughts* This will be my new normal for a week I guess since making a new leg takes a bit of time. I just hope it won't take too long though. I also hope the new one will be good and won't hurt my knee that much for my first few weeks of try. `Entry 7: February 12, 2022`

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