Finally present
As an overthinker, I usually change my mind a few minutes after I made a decision. Sometimes, I would say the change of decision outloud but most times, I stay quiet and suck it up. My mindset is that I already agreed to something so backing out at the last second is rude.
This logic gave way to some uncomfortable situations where I think to myself that I really should have just told no. Rarely did I experience something great by forcing myself to push through to an already agreed upon event.
But lately, I got a random thought that maybe I rarely enjoyed those events because I never tried to. I was so stuck on the fact that I wanted to do something else that I barely pay attention to what is happening around me. Everyone usually looked happy after all, so maybe it was just me and my wandering mind that is the problem.
Since then, I decided to try and enjoy those events that I can no longer back out off. This means that I put aside my hesitations and focus on the present. Lo and behold, that tiny change made the big difference.
By paying attention to the present, I was able to enjoy more events and other people's company. When I stopped thinking about where I would rather be of what I would rather be doing, I was able to recognize the merit of what is happening at the moment.
It really blows my mind that such a simple thing managed to affect my life for the better. Now, I find myself being more mindful of the present and enjoying life as it goes by.
No more do I feel the need to rush past life, I take notice of every step I take and the flowers that bloom out of nowhere in the city.
Being more mindful of the present made me feel more alive. Gone are the days where I would tell my friends that I just feel like I am floating through life. Now, I am walking and I am aware of the path I am taking.
I no longer feel like an audience to what is happening in my life. I finally stepped into my role instead of feeling like a puppet who has no control of my own actions.
I was once too focused on the past. Its darkness clinging to me wherever I go. Not even my mind could give me a safe haven from the demons I tried to ignore.
I used to over-focused on what could happen in the future. Perhaps it is to make up for the fact that I am ignoring the past. So I try to stare rihht ahead, never looking back and never stopping.
Both did not work for me. Both made me feel like life is uncontrollable. Both held me back from truly living my life.
But living in the present is different. It made me much more aware about how lucky I am to be alive at this moment. It made me realize that I have many things to live for.
When I live in the present, I realized that I am now doing things that I want to do so I will not have regrets in the past. And I am doing things that make me happy so that I have a good foundation into doing my passion in the future.
I realized that by living in the present, I am finally living my life.
Closing words
This is actually not the topic that I wanted to write tonight but when I started writing these words just wrote themselves I don't know why or how.
Anyway, I was going through a mental of topics that I wanted to write today but yeah this is an unexpected topic, hopefully it makes sense though.
I feel super sleepy now even though it is only 9:19 PM. I am probably getting older, not that there is something wrong with that but I feel like I am still 19 years old haha. I sometimes get confused that it is not 2022 and not 2019, how weird is that?
It is January 11 now, and soon classes will start. I actually have our schedule for this semester. I liked the schedule since all classes are from the afternoon onwards. I would probably take back this sentiment when I feel tired but I still have to attend the class that runs from 6:00PM to 9:00PM. Oh well, that is for future me to deal with.
Thank you for reading this article!
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
December 2021 Articles Summary
November 2021 Articles Summary
September 2021 Articles Summary
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Indeed, we should really live the present, leave the past and stop worrying about the future. What ia important is now.