Second, third, and hundredth chances
Balancin' on breaking branches
Those eyes add insult to injury-Exile, Taylor Swift
There comes a day when you just want to listen to sad songs even if you do not want to be sad. It is exactly what is happening to me right now.
As I listen to Taylor Swift's album for the thousandth time, I find myself mesmerized again. I could not help but be one with the song as it plays.
The reason for this article will be because of the lyrics I shared that I could not get put of my head.
Lately I have felt that I am balancing on breaking branches. With all the responsibilities I have, despite the sacrifices I made with my other commitments, I find myself feeling so close to falling apart.
Oftentimes I found myself wondering if it is truly worth it. Will I even have enough of myself once I graduated? Or will I just be a husk of the person I used to be?
Of course, I know just how important education is. But with a system that values being busy more than learning and productivity, should I still continue? Well, I have no choice in the matter which is why I am doing my best to balance myself despite the times I almost fell down.
I can say that being constantly bombarded with decisions after decision really made me feel so tired. Imagine that when I wake up, I am already contemplating whether I should eat breakfast or not eat and just do some assignments. Other times I will have to decide whether to catch up on sleep or do some recreational acticities like reading.
My mental health is not in a good state right now if I am being completely honest. Between all my responsibilities as a student, student leader, daughter, friend, and partner, I barely have the time for myself.
What I found that worked best for me in hadling situations like these is to allocate 10 minutes of everyday just doing nothing. Not sleeping or thinking of what to do next, just absolutely nothing of importance. I gave 10 minutes to myself so that I can feel more like a person.
This is the reason why I managed to last so long despite how many times I have close to breaking down.
One more thing is probably the presence of my sisters. I have been sleeping at my sister's place along with our other sisters. And while the limited space gets on my nerves sometimes, I still like the feeling of having someone near me.
Moshi is also a big help in stabilizing my mental health. Every time I feel close to breaking down, I would just go to where Moshi is and hug her. She seems to always understand that I need it for she cuddles with me and even lick my face to show her support.
My friends are also amazing. They are there to let me know I am not alone and even try their best to offer their help.
My partner is also someone important to my mental health. He somehow always knows what to do or say at the right moment. He does not take it personally when I could not reply to him immediately or if I left him on read sometimes. He is so understanding and just so wonderful that I know I can tell him anything.
So while I still feel like I am on the edge of falling, there are many things helping me keep my balance. And that, more than anything, is enough to keep me going.
Thank you for reading this article!
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
September 2021 Articles Summary
To show my appreciation for the support that I have been receiving, please accept a small gift I prepared for the first reader.
Don't stress out yourself, its better to take some rest sometimes. It'd good that there are people surrounds you that willing to help you avoid having a breakdown, I refer to watch cartoons if your stress so that you can feel happiness while watching those funny clips, it's effective.